Conflicted about Pregnancy...
By skinnychick
@skinnychick (6905)
United States
June 25, 2008 11:23am CST
No, I'm not pregnant but I have a good story about a lady who is.
I'm a bartender and I was working last night. The night was fine until a very pregnant, we're talking more than 7 months, woman came up to the bar and ordered a drink. She ordered a glass of white wine which is no big deal. Her body, her baby and if she feels that it is the right thing to do, then so be it.
The problem was that I didn't want to serve her. I tried to walk away from the situation. My boss was at the other end of the bar and he said it would be discriminatory if we didn't. My beef is that I have the right to refuse service to anyone I want. He tells me to pour the drink. So I do it. Her hubby just sits idly by not caring.
The kicker was that we pour 6 ounces of wine in each glass. It wasn't enough for her. She says the restaurant down the street fills their glasses up. Her husband tells me to fill her up. They are 12 ounces glasses. So I charge him double. No big deal. She orders 3 more of those. At this point, I'm just really feeling bad. She wasn't drunk so I couldn't cut her off.
How do you guys feel about this? I still feel horrible but I had no choice but to pour her these drinks. I honestly don't feel she needed to be drinking while pregnant. I thought about that little baby sloshing around in there and that fact that she had no regard for the life inside her. Not to mention what if that drink I poured screwed this baby up in some way. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome comes to mind.
What would you guys have done in my situation? Thoughts please on this subject...
Thanks for reading.
14 people like this
32 responses
@k1tten (2318)
• United States
25 Jun 08
I'd feel the same way about that as you did. I would want to refuse but the saying goes, the customer is always right. Which sadly is wrong. In that case it is. YOU didn't do this to that poor child. The thoughtless mother and father did. I really feel bad for the child too. If parents do that before they're born how are they going to deal with a new born child?
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I know that you couldn't very well walk out on your job because you need it. However, I feel that there should have been a law passed, if not a law, a moral. Your bar, and every bar should have this set moral : No serving Pregnant women. What if she turns around and sues the bar? It won't look bad on you because you approached your boss, but what will the boss look like? I am sorry you had to do this, and I wish that a officer or someone of the law was there to stop this. The guy she's with? How could he do that? Oh well, to each their own. I hope that the baby will be fine. Have a Great day.
1 person likes this
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I think it looks worse for her to be sitting at a bar drinking in her state. But there is nothing legally I could have done about it which makes things much harder.
I'm laying it down in a meeting today.
Thanks!
1 person likes this
@bieke81 (1067)
• Belgium
26 Jun 08
I would not want to serve her either. I bet she never heard about the risks it could cause for her child, or maybe she has, but she just doesn't care. It's possible she only drinks once in a while when she goes out and she thinks that is's not that bad if she isn't drinking every day, who knows. But I do think it's your right to not serve the drink.
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I can see an occasional social drink though I wouldn't do it while pregnant. But it seemed like she was hard core drinking. I bet she just doesn't care.
Thanks!
@Bluepatch (2476)
• Trinidad And Tobago
25 Jun 08
Basically, if you're providing a service and somebody wants it you've got to provide.
Unless the person is trying to kill themselves or somebody else.
You should warn the person, though, and if they react badly just say you're trying to help and give them a double dose.
It does happen. I've seen it.
In one bar where a friend of mine used to overdrink every day the bargirl told us after he was too drunk to know the difference she would pour about one third of the shot of scotch into each drink
He was drinking mostly soda after that.
1 person likes this
@SwtJenlove (1090)
• United States
25 Jun 08
Oh my! Well if you had to do it then you had to do it. I would have felt guilty also so dont feel bad. I think they should have some kind of law to where that isnt allowed. You can do it in the privacy of your own home but i dont believe you should be able to do that in a public bar. You did a great job not wanting to serve it and really had no choice. I feel bad for that baby also. Does your boss not care about stuff like that? Im glad you atleast cared and worried about it.
1 person likes this
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
26 Jun 08
Thanks so much.
He is male and doesn't have kids so I guess he didn't care as much. But he should have stood behind me. Bartenders should do that for each other.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
26 Jun 08
You had very noble intentions and you were thinking about the welfare of that woman. But your situation was such that you were supposed to serve her drinks. Even if you served her drinks against your wishes, you did no wrong, you just did your duty. Had I been in your place, I would have simply served her drinks, because, it would have been part of my duty and while performing duty, I would have forgotten about her pregancy etc.
Very good post!
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
27 Jun 08
I would again repeat - Your intentions per se were really very noble and genuine, I appreciate you for it.
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I tried to forget but her baby belly practically slapped me in the face.
Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
@jazgottt (1180)
• Poland
26 Jun 08
hi skinnychick. I think that it is awful that your boss somehow forced you to do it. He could do it himself, if he was there, to give you 'good' example how to serve everybody... I think that the lady and her husband are irresponsible people and it is wrong what they did. There is no fault by your site in this situation, but I understand that you feel bad. It is sad that you think more about the baby than his own mother:(.
I am sure I would refuse to serve this lady in such situation. I'd probably tell my boss that he could do it instead of me, because I can't. I know that there is a possibility that my boss would find another worker instead of me, but I don't care. I don't recommend you beeing like me because it is risky. I am created this way I think, that I really can't do something, that I feel is bad. Even at work. I think I'll often change my job because of my character. I generally start thinking about leaving my job when I find that it is not for me.
I don't know any mother who drinks while pregnancy. It is obvious that it could harm herr baby. I wonder how will this mother treat her child in the future. I am afraid that she would be still irresponsible.
Take care, jazgottt.
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
30 Jun 08
First of all I do not believe [/i]your[i] drink was the one to screw up the baby. I think she was drinking way to much before she got pregnant and has not regard for herself and the baby.
I understand how you feel. I would feel the same way, but what are you going to do? If you refuse to sever her you can lose your job. Is she really worth losing your job. She knows exactly what she is doing so saying something to her would have done no good. Your boss said it when he said "It would be discrimination" if you did not sever her. I also believe if you did not sever her she would have gone elsewhere.
I feel you are a good person and you are trying to watch out for the fetus, but she probably has gotten the little one drunk so many times it is not funny.
I am so sorry she was such a jerk and could not stop drinking for a precious life.
I feel you are a good person and you are trying to watch out for the fetus, but she probably has gotten the little one drunk so many times it is not funny.
I am so sorry she was such a jerk and could not stop drinking for a precious life.@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
3 Jul 08
You are welcome. I was only speaking my mind. I have been a nurse to long not to see that woman does not care for herself or the life of her unborn baby.
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
1 Jul 08
Thanks for that response. It was a good one. :)
1 person likes this
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
25 Jun 08
Wow. Your right that is a good story.
As a complete stranger I wouldnt feel its my place to tell someone what they can and cant do to their body. I am very pro-choice for abortion so it would be wrong of me to say it ok for a woman to abort her baby, but not drink while shes pregnant.
I also have a strong sense of responsibilty that often over rules my personal feelings. If I am a bartender, it is my job to serve people drinks. I think your boss was right - it would be discriminatory to refuse.
HOWEVER, I do share your sadness. I knew a girl with FAS and it was just tragic. You wonder what these people would have been like if they had had responsible, careing parents.
I would have served her a drink, but nothing would stop me from shooting her dirty looks all night.
@mmiller26 (1930)
• Canada
25 Jun 08
I'm pro-choice too, Tee. I feel a woman has the right to choose what she wants to do with her body. But once she's made that decision, she needs to follow through. If she didn't want the baby she could abort and happily swig herself into unconsciousness. But she chose to keep the baby, as evidenced by her being extremely pregnant. And from the tiem she makes that decision to keep the baby, she needs to take responsibility and do her best to protect that child.
@Latrivia (2878)
• United States
25 Jun 08
"I get your point about having a job to do, but why should you have to compromise your beliefs for a job? "
Unfortunately, it's not that easy. If you get a reputation for discriminatory service, the next time you apply for a service job you'll find it harder to get it. Discrimination is an offense one can get fired for, and some of us just can't afford that.
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
25 Jun 08
I agree with mmiller. The choice is hers to make, but once made she needs to take responsibility, which means caring for her unborn baby.
I get your point about having a job to do, but why should you have to compromise your beliefs for a job?
@irishidid (8687)
• United States
25 Jun 08
There's really no telling how the baby will turn out. I drank some with my first one, although not as much as the lady and my morning sickness (all frigging day long) was so bad with my third I resorted to "herbal remedy" just to be able to eat. Both of those babies were born healthy and besides some things not related to anything I had done when pregnant, are still healthy.
My second pregnancy I didn't drink, smoke, or anything like that. She is autistic, ADHD, OCD, anxiety disorder, dysgraphia, etc.
You just don't know what the outcome is going to be.
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
26 Jun 08
Wow that is crazy and I guess you really don't know. Maybe age was a factor?
Thanks for your response.
@irishidid (8687)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I doubt age was a factor. I was only 30 when she was born. Things happened during her delivery that could have caused it or it was just the way God intended her to be.
1 person likes this
@cortney09 (1345)
• United States
29 Jun 08
I feel like this. I mean regardless of how you fee it's not our place to judge someone, whether you or I agree with what that person is doing. I mean no she shouldn't have been drinking while pregnant, but the bottom line is it's her choice.
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
1 Jul 08
That's true even though it is a poor one.
Thanks so much for the response.
@cortney09 (1345)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I agree that it is a very bad decision and I would not want to serve her as well. I hope that you didn't take my comment as rude because I didn't mean for it to be.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
26 Jun 08
I know what you are saying, and if I had been in your shoes I would have felt slightly disgusted at the amount she drunk myself. I mean if it had just been one glass then fair enough it is not too bad as I had a tipple in my last pregnancy. I had a shot of baileys on the christmas day, I was 5 days over.
I guess though with it being your job it is a bit hard. I would not have minded serving her as that is what I am paid for, and what she chooses to do with her body is not my business, I would probably just have come home after work and sounded off to my hubby about it!
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I came home and sounded off to you guys here on the lot. I had to keep reminding myself it wasn't my business. But I felt so strongly about it that it was hard to keep quiet to her.
Thanks for the response.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
26 Jun 08
That is what we are here for. When you feel really strongly about something, it is almost impossible to keep your feelings to yourself! x
@metschica25 (5399)
• United States
25 Jun 08
It makes me crazy to hear about things like that . Why on earth would that woman take a risk like that with her unborn child .I wish you had the right to not serve that woman. It is not far that you had to do something that most people know is wrong .
Wonder if she thinks it wont happen to her , because you just never know with smoking or drinking .
My finace had an almost to be step mom who drank where she was carrying her baby. And the baby was not so lucky she had to have open heart surgery when she was one years old . Yes, she is doing fine now the child , but will always have to be under doctors care . She is to the age now where she is wondring about the scare on her chest .
I am just sick about what some people do !!
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
26 Jun 08
All the points brought up here were great!
Thanks so much!
Abuse is abuse to a child whether or not, the child is born or in utero.
I look at my 2 healthy children and think what the he11 are these people thinking.
When I was pregnant I quit smoking and drinking and it wasn't even a thought after I found out I was pregnant. My baby was far too important to even think about that stuff.
I even had a case of the guilts having a cup of coffee or a coke every once in awhile.
I can't imagine what is in the heads of these women other than selfishness.
@SViswan (12051)
• India
27 Jun 08
hmmm...I wouldn't want to pour her the drink either....but if my boss ordered me to do it, I would have no other choice. I'll just convince myself later that it's her baby and if anything happens, it's their (the husband was there too) fault and they'll have to bear the consequences along with the innocent baby.
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
29 Jun 08
Thanks for the response. I just have to wonder what those consequences will be.
@histechnoangel (356)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I honestly would have flat out REFUSED to serve her. If I lost my job so be it. I just would not take part in that.
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
1 Jul 08
I really wouldn't know what to do if I were in your situation. Would explaining to your boss help?
If worse comes to worst, go take a leak. Have a toilet break or something to see if you can avoid being the one serving the woman.
If not, you would want to try and get the woman's particulars on the account of checking her legal age. In the event anything goes wrong, you know that she is the one consenting to it and with that particulars, you can push it back to her saying that she insisted on the drinks as she is of the legal age.
Poor baby. I do hope it will come out fine!
@snowy22315 (182415)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I would have told my boss i had a serious issue with this woman drinking so much and if he thought it was the right thing to do he could serve her. I also would have contacted
CPS and given them as much info as I could about the woman and her husband. I think that is criminal.
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I did and apparently he wasn't hearing me. He's an a$$hole anyway.
It definitely is criminal there should be some laws regarding it.
Thanks!
@frankiecesca (2489)
•
28 Jun 08
Hmmm... difficult one as like you say unless you feel she is drunk you can't really stop serving her but maybe you should have asked your boss to serve her instead as you could have explained you felt a bit wrong about it?
I t is horrible when pregnant people have no regard for their unborn children and drink - I mean if it can make a grown adult feel off how bad must it make the baby that is only tiny feel? x
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
29 Jun 08
My boss wouldn't do it. He was being an ars! :(
I can't imagine how sloshed that baby was. Sad!
Thanks for the response.
@piperk (3)
• United States
1 Jul 08
It would have been discriminatory for your establishment to refuse to serve her... not you. I would have told my boss if he wants her money then he can serve her. He could not legally MAKE you serve her, and if he fired you for your refusal, he would have brought upon himself a different type of lawsuit.
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
1 Jul 08
Very true. Except I think this is a fire at will state. Where they can fire you for anything without too much of a reason. I could be wrong though. You brought up a great point. Thanks!
