Has this ever happend to you?.....
By jpetruzzelli
@jpetruzzelli (40)
United States
June 25, 2008 4:06pm CST
Have you ever had a really good friend that always calls you when they are having a bad day or something bad happens to them just to unload because they know you will always be there to listen?.....but when you need to unload on them or tell them about your bad day they change the subject back to themselves? How did you or do you deal with this?
1 person likes this
20 responses
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
25 Jun 08
Yes, I sure do! I've had this friend for about 30 years now. She calls me whenever she's the least bit upset because she knows I'll make her feel better. She's an excellent cook and I just work that into the conversation each time she calls and it works like magic! She's instantly cheered up.
I have tried in the past to unload some of my problems to her ear, but she always changed the subject and it became "all about her", just exactly like your subject. But, last year I went through something that was so devastating and stressful that I would not allow her to change the subject. I stopped calling her and I stopped answering the phone when she called. I emailed her and told her that I simply couldn't handle any more stress and needed to be by myself for awhile. My problem was affecting my heart and I had to have several tests done on my heart. It was that serious.
It actually changed her attitude! Now, the first thing she says when she calls me is "How are you feeling?" It's amazing, but it's also sad that I had to go through such a traumatic episode before she figured out that it really isn't 'all about her'.
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
25 Jun 08
Yes, I'm taking care of myself; better than ever, actually. My scare with my heart taught me the value of eating well and getting proper exercise. Also, keeping stress away as much as possible! Thank you for your concern.
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
25 Jun 08
Oh, I didn't even notice until now... Welcome to myLot! I hope you enjoy it here as much as the rest of us do!
@jpetruzzelli (40)
• United States
25 Jun 08
Well I hope everything is okay for you now...it is a shame it took a serious health issue for her to snap out of it...but it seemed to all work out in end. I'm sorry to hear about your heart and I hope you are well and taking care of yourself.
@MrsFairWells (921)
• Turkey
26 Jun 08
Yeah, on occasion this has happened to me. What can you do? People like that don't get it if you tell them what you feel is going on. I just let it go usually and go unload on my spouse or someone else ;-P
@jpetruzzelli (40)
• United States
26 Jun 08
Yeah that's what I've come to learn....and I call those that will let me talk sometimes too :o)
1 person likes this
@fifileigh (3615)
• United States
26 Jun 08
yeah, that has always happened to me since i was a kid. i just do it back to them. next time they need me, i tell them i am busy or i just dont take them seriously. treat the situation lightheartedly, like oh well, whatever...and move on..
@jpetruzzelli (40)
• United States
26 Jun 08
Yeah there are days I just let my calls go to voicemail...if I'm having a bad day I won't listen to my messages until the next day.
@zhoushuzhen (284)
• China
26 Jun 08
i have a best friend,we don't call each other often.but i trust her,she is the only one i can trust in the world.when i have a bad day or something bad happens to me.i will call her and tell her what's my feeling at the moment.she always comfort and encourage me.and we can share our secret to each other.hehe,i love her.
if a person is really your friend, she/he should care for you,when your hurt on the outside,or on the inside.a real friend should stand up for you when someone is saying bad things about you, help you.whenever you have a problem that's troubling you.share things with you,and never be selfish.cooperate when playing and working with you,get along with each other.sometimes friends have little fights,but they forgive and soon friends again.that's what a person who is really your friend should do.
if your friends can't do this for you,then they just be your common friend,not the good one.
@jpetruzzelli (40)
• United States
26 Jun 08
Your right!!!! I can't really say that I have a best friend like that. I friends that I call and talk to and the friends that call very now and then and the ones that call to unload, all together I guess they would make a best friend...lol
@jpetruzzelli (40)
• United States
25 Jun 08
Wow... that sounds exactly like my situation. Sometimes I just don't have the energy to take on someone else's problems.
@krissy32 (205)
• United States
26 Jun 08
Yes, this has happened with just one friend though. When it was my turn to speak, she would always interrupt me in the middle of what I was saying. Annoying. Needless to say we have not spoken again since. It's been at least 4 years since I last talked to her, it just wasn't worth the effort to keep the lines of communication and friendship going after that. Not only that, I went to her house once a few years ago to take her to lunch, my treat, and her boyfriend threw me out of the house saying she never wanted to speak to me again. Still to this day, I don't know what his problem is nor hers. The only thing that I can remember is saying to her one time that I would like to talk about something without it going back to herself and that conversation is a two way street. Perhaps that is it. If it is, then it is rather petty to throw someone out of your house when they are trying to take you lunch to salvage what is left of a 15 year friendship. I have been hurt by her boyfriend's behavior, but I realize now that he was simply a jerk and that if she wanted to talk me again, then she could get my address and write me a letter from my mom, after all they live in the same town still.
@Etharon (217)
• Malaysia
26 Jun 08
Yes I have friends who share their bad days with me and I share mine with them too. But they do listen to me when I share my experiences with them, it would be very selfish if they didn't don't you think.
Being a friend is a two way relationship not one way, we need to share and listen otherwise it won't be a very strong relationship.
@jpetruzzelli (40)
• United States
26 Jun 08
Your absolutly right!!! I have other friends that I know I can call and they will listen to me. So I call them when I need to vent and I've come to realize that when other friends call I have to just listen.
@Swaana (1205)
• India
26 Jun 08
It happens to me almost all the times. I just dont get a shoulder to weep upon when I am in need of. So to vent off myself, I have created the habit of writing my thoughts and that is helping me lot. But still though they dont lend me a shoulder I always lend them mine whenever they ask for.
@jpetruzzelli (40)
• United States
26 Jun 08
It's sad to say cause most of the people who have a friend like this seem to have stopped speaking to them, but it is nice to know that I'm not the only one who goes through this. It's also nice that know that you can come onto mylot to get things off your chest and have great people to talk to. I'll be here if you ever need to vent!!!
@keke22 (10)
• Trinidad And Tobago
28 Jun 08
well at first i was kinda too naieve to not address it and always let them have their way... but i learned to put my foot down! u can tell that person how u feel and if it doesn't change...then do like i did and cut them off!!! u'll find better FRIENDS who will listen to u and give as much meaningful advice as you yourself will give them.That's what a friend is all about a mutual give and take on things
@_Honey_ (780)
• Philippines
29 Jun 08
Yes. I have those friends who call me or ask to meet up with me to have some talk when they're down. I know they just want to vent and I am happy that they feel a bit better after airing things out with me. At the same time, they made themselves always available when I need someone to keep me company. I have this very close friend who stayed and waited for five hours while I was in the operation room. She didn't leave, she just stayed in the waiting room for five hours. I really love her. She's my best friend.
@Linyi118100 (36)
• China
26 Jun 08
I just wonder can a person like you said be entitled as" a really good friend"?
If I were you,I would smile in a sad mood and change the topic and leave as soon as I could.
@jpetruzzelli (40)
• United States
26 Jun 08
You've got point there...sometimes my day is so crazy she'll hear the kids screaming in the background and that is usually my way to end the conversation.
@mommy7 (84)
• United States
26 Jun 08
Oh yesssss! I have had friends like that, and it took me a while but I was able to distance myself from them. I had to. They never called just to say "hey" or just because they were thinking of me. It was always drama....and not even different drama. It was always the same thing. Once I noticed that they were starting to bring me down and depress me, not to mention drain all of the energy from me, I had to let them go. Can't keep people like that in my life.
@jpetruzzelli (40)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I know exactly how you feel...sometimes I just don't feel up to hearing the same story over and over...so there are times I just don't answer and let it go to voicemail. Then when I'm in a better mood I'll call that person back. Most of the time they vent on voicemail and that makes them feel better so when I return their call they're ok again. I see your new like me...how do you like mylot so far?
@ladymontague (14)
• United States
25 Jun 08
Yes, I have a friend like this. She calls to tell me what seems like the same story (everytime) about how her useless man-friend (he won't call himself her boyfriend. We only guess what he calls her to his pals) has once again pissed her off. And she can talk a mile a minute for hours on end. But if I have an issue, she will listen, tho not contribute and just go right back to her problems. How do I deal? I am a good friend so I know that when I see her number on the caller ID I am to listen and make her feel better (I've given up trying to convince her he's using her) and then I call one of my other girlfriends that will do the same for me. :)
@jpetruzzelli (40)
• United States
25 Jun 08
lol.....yeah I've come to realize I am the listener. I have a couple of friends who call me just to vent.
@jmahinay (2)
•
30 Jun 08
I cant remember to any of my good friends did it...it had happened but not on my real friends. Maybe that could happen due to wrong timing...maybe that friend happened to be having bad day also...we all have ou share of bad moments but being mature its really hard to handle. You just have to listen...
@kaleegirl45 (1515)
• United States
26 Jun 08
This has happen to me, I still have a friend and we talk once in a while, we would talk about everything and than things changed and she talk about only her stuff, and when I wanted to talk about my stuff it never happen. But it always the same topic with her, So what I did is talk to her once in a while and keep the conversation short. I started talking to someelse that would listen to me. Keep her as a friend, but when she talks aboout ME, ME, ME cut it short and leave.
@fifileigh (3615)
• United States
26 Jun 08
and like 2 years ago, when i switched phone companies to cox, at&t has been harassing to switch back...they keep calling me with their stupid sales rep. i just continue to hang up in their face or do something rude. i think it has been going on for 2 or 3 years now...they need a f****** life.
@petiksmode (2983)
• Philippines
26 Jun 08
this happen with me and my bestfriend what i do usually is tell her to stop for a while and listen to me first...we are bestfriend fro so many years that we dont fine it offensive...we do care a lot for each other and hope to continue until we grow old...
@lamester01 (104)
• Singapore
26 Jun 08
I am in this sort of situation now..
all of my friends turn to me when they are feeling moody or perhaps lonely which they need a listening ear or a companion. but when the time i need them most, they aren't really there for me. instead they just trying to keep the topics i was ranting of or even post inside their blogs that they hate people who make complains of their school life.
@socrates101 (14)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I can so identify with you. I have this one friend who is exactly like this. She acts as though she is the only one with problems. I usally listen and give her advise but when she finds herself is same situation repeatedly, I would sternly ask her whether I am wasting my time dispensing valuable info to her. On more than one occasion, I had to inform her very nicely that she was draining me since she never seemed to listen to good advice. In addition, I no longer take her calls at unconventional hours. Chances are I will be on the phone at 1 am. True frienship is not selfishness...and remember friendship is a two way street.
@nut_nut (251)
•
26 Jun 08
i hate that! everybody always offloads onto me but when i go to even attemp to tell them my problems they just either hardly say anything or slowly carry off into another conversation. either that or make out its not even that important yet when people come to me i drop everything to listen and advice if i know how...even if i dont, i look it up
