When you feel the boot
By dreemsofdark
@dreemsofdark (714)
United States
June 26, 2008 1:35pm CST
So I am going out of town to go to a wedding this weekend and tonight I have to bake a cake for my grandmother for her birthday. Well so I decided that I would spend the night with my boyfriend. Everything's going fine and then suddenly unannounced 5 of his friends stroll over with 20 packs of beer and decide it's time to hang out.
I told Matt that I was tired, I had to get up at 6, and that he said that he'd hang out with me tonight and I'm leaving for the weekend.
Matt said that him and I spend so much time together already, and he's not going to hang out for a long time and he has this friend from out of town over.
I said that he had already made plans to hang out with me and that he was blowing me off.
Of course it led to an argument, and he started ignoring me and went to hang out with his friends and left me inside his house to try to sleep with his loud friends getting drunk! So I had to go home (I live 30 minutes away) and he didn't even care!
So what's the advice on this? He completely disregarded my feelings to hang out with a bunch of unmotivated 25 year olds that still live with their parents and have NO jobs! Do I need to cut him some grace or save myself the trouble and just leave him? because I am NOT a lapdog! He said he was going to hang out with ME and then blew me off like I was nothing. I need some advice.
1 person likes this
2 responses
@montedj (8)
• United States
26 Jun 08
Darlin, you need to get a real boyfriend, ask yourself is this guy going anywhere with his life, and if he is, is it in the same direction I am going? My guess is NO, actually Hell no would be more appropriate, I am guessing your in the Mid 20 something part of your life and if you even have to ask the question "should I dump this guy" the answer is YES, Move on and get someone with a future.
Later
2 people like this
@dreemsofdark (714)
• United States
26 Jun 08
The only problem is that I left the guy with the big future that I wanted to be with the guy I am with now. The reason I left the man with the future is because I saw it ending in divorce. And with the guy I am with now I thought that maybe something could happen with us. So that's also a huge dillema in my decision making.
1 person likes this
@dreemsofdark (714)
• United States
26 Jun 08
actually I'd love to know what your book is called! Maybe message me or something and I can look it up! Thank you for all your advice, because you're RIGHT! I deserve a lot better than what this guy is offering me. We'er definetaly going to have a talk!
@montedj (8)
• United States
26 Jun 08
We are talking about your future, not his, not mine, YOURS, so think ahead not in the past, look forward. Most men don't pull there head out of there butt until the late 20's and some never do. How he is today is how he is going to be tomorrow and the rest of his life, It's time to move on, get someone else, you seem attractive, smart, educated, there are men lined up for you to get with, men with a future. I would plug my book here but it just isn't appropriate, but you need to read it.
later
1 person likes this
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
26 Jun 08
Well, first off I would ask how long have you two been together? More importantly, how often do you have arguments and serious disagreements? Does he often disregard your feelings? I think these are some questions you need to think over and evaluate your relationship as a whole, whether it's more good than bad or worth sticking it out.
@dreemsofdark (714)
• United States
26 Jun 08
We've been together for a year, taking breaks inbetween.
We argue a LOT, actually. My therapist says it can be a way of growing closer together but really, i hate it. He's constantly disregarding my feelings and he can be controlling sometimes. When he gets controlling I really lay my foot down and he can run like a scared dog. We've had a really crazy path in our relationship and some would say it's definetally worth sticking it out. But I am not going to stand for being blown off all the time!!
1 person likes this
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
26 Jun 08
Arguing can certainly be good, but when you feel a bit hopeless and he is constantly disregarding your feeling sand you are CONSTANTLY arguing, that's NOT healthy. Also, arguing can go to certain levels/degrees, if the fights are intense and hurtful rather than an expression of your feelings, sometimes resulting in childish behavior such as throwing items, slamming doors, calling names, etc, I would say that is unhealthy type of fighting.
Resolving differences with a healthy argument might include a bit of yelling and disagreeing, but in the end you two still feel close and love each other and there were no low-blows, so to speak, and even if the situation wasn't totally resolved, as long as you both expressed your feeling sin a somewhat mature manner, that is healthy.
You should evaluate which types of fighting you two do most often. I was in a very unhealthy relationship years ago. We fought and screamed more than 2-3 times daily and that was way too much in my opinion!
@dreemsofdark (714)
• United States
26 Jun 08
Well we don't fight that much, but he calls me childish almost everyday because instead of yelling or saying something hurtful to him, I usually leave the room and lay down or sit by myself. He always follows saying things like "Here we go again" or something and I just want to scream!
of course neither of us have EVER hit eachother out of anger. Goodness that would definetally be the end of it. But it's just like things just seem so hard to keep it together sometimes!
