having kids....a curse or a blessing?

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I was a party girl before...at that time never did cross my mind that i will soon become a mom but fate really is very playful and to cut the story short im a mom now... actually got 2 kids already. a 2 and a half daughter and 5 month old baby boy. my husband works as a seaman and just boarded the ship last march. I worked as a call center agent. So i work by night. and believe me i hate this job! but what makes me stay here... yeah you're right! THE PAY. And why can't I afford to lose this job? yes... you're right again... MY KIDS. before when i was still single, i don't care if i lose my job and become penniless... i have my mom to give me shelter and provide nourishment. but now it's a different story. i can't take a break from work because I can't lose one day without a job since my children are depending on me, despite of the fact that I hate every essence of working in a call center. you might be asking how about my husband. for now i really can't depend on him. cause he just started to work there as an apprentice. if you have ideas on how a person who works in the ship just started well it really doesn't pay well until the time you became an official or have a rank which ususally takes years. so for now i have to support my kids. eversince i had kids, I started to lost track the last time i bought a shoe, dress for myself, the last time that I went out and had a good time. really i lost track. yes sometimes i feel pity for myself but that thought just passed on me in seconds and just soon realize that i'm happy with what i am doing. i may forgotten my own welfare but at the end of the day im happy. and that puzzle me why despite of those, i still find fulfillment. especially when i see my babies, how empowering i am feeling. Is this the beauty of being a mother? yeah maybe it is