Should i let her go?
By melo_828
@melo_828 (427)
Philippines
June 27, 2008 9:15pm CST
to love is very difficult and a lot of sacrifice in some ways. in my part, i have an officemate whom i feel this what they called love. she is older than me by 6 years. shes 33 years old and i'm 27. at first i'm afraid to tell her how i feel coz we are different in some ways other than our age gap. she's a law graduate and reviewing for bar exam right now while i'm just a pol. sci. graduate. she's taller than me a little bit and have a richer family than me. i tried to hide this feeling until we go to a party and i got drunk. i tell her how i really love her. but she told me that i takes a strong man to love her. she said that i should improve my life so that i have something to show with her parents and siblings. that she can be proud of me if we get together. i feel self pity. is that what really am i? what more if she becomes a lawyer? should i still continue to court her eventhough i cannot match her accomplishment in life? is our age gap really a big factor in a relationship? should i kill this feeling i feel for her? what should i do? love has really a lot of mystery that i fall for someone who shouldn't be.
3 people like this
23 responses
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
29 Jun 08
If I were you I would do all that, improve my life, become successful, then find a DIFFERENT girl to give my love to. The things that she said to you are a red flag. This is a woman who doesn't look at the heart. She looks at the wallet.
1 person likes this
@tigertang (1749)
• Singapore
28 Jun 08
The last woman I really loved was also 6-years older and it didn't work because I suspect I was like you, so in awe of her that I didn't have the courage to be the man I know I can be when I was around her. Telling her how you feel about her when you are drunk only makes your worst fears come true.
So, you must be more confident in yourself and not be in awe of her. Self-pity is only for people who want to be defeated before the game has already began. Her family is richer than yours - so what -it's her family not her. If she's a bit taller, its only luck of genetics. Concentrate on the things that you are good at, improve on them until people notice you for them. Also improve on the things that you are weak at so that they do not become a burden to you.
You should also challenge your feelings of self-pity into inspiration to make you into a better man. "Upgrading" is not an easy task and having inspiration that will drive you forward is an exceptionally good thing to have. Even if you don't get the girl in the end, you will find yourself feeling much happier as you become more successful.
Finally learn to accept that certain things are meant to be. If it is meant to be that you are to be together with her then you will be. If, after all the changes you make in your life and she does not want to be with you, move on and accept that certain things in life are meant to be.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
28 Jun 08
Office affairs are never good. You can get yourself into a lot of trouble, and possibly get fired. Of course no one listens to that, and as well you shouldn't. I don't think that you should date someone that you constantly have to look up to, a woman that you have to strive to be good for. It seems as if you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. You know the saying, if you love someone let them go, if they love you they'll come back, if not it wasn't meant to be? I can't say that this goes for your situation, but you might want to adopt it for it. Have a Great day.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
28 Jun 08
You should try to see about how she feels for you. If these things are not a big deal to her, then they shouldn't be a big deal to you. You cannot control who you fall in love with, and you may not always love the people you think you're supposed to.
Besides that, differences are good, it keeps things interesting.
1 person likes this
@mansfield2008 (15)
• South Africa
29 Jun 08
My dear friend,firstly I would say it over and over - 'LET IT GO'.If she cannot accept you for who you are then she's definitly not the one for you.You are so blinded by your love for her that you forget about hte rest of your surroundings and cannot think of anything else but her which is creating a weakness that only you can stop.Thats where the self pity comes in dude.Age is also nothing but a number.Did you ever think further as to what sort of life you would have lead had the two of you been married.She would have probably belittled you all the time and you would have done everything to satisfy her whereas she always wanted better.Wake up and smell the coffee dude.Just go ahead and dump her,you will feel ten times better.Thats all part of life pal - they say love is blind.
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
28 Jun 08
Like someone had already said, office romances are not always a positive thing. If something bad were to happen it could make everything awkward and tense. But on the bright side..these "difference" you are talking about arent really significan at all. 6 years these days dont seem like much, and who cares if shes taller? You see alot of guys these days with taller women. For example, tom cruise and katie holmes. Are you really going to let something that stupid get in t he way of love. And as for the her being richer then you, that shouldnt matter, love isnt based on income. Your only 27, you have PLENTY of time to grow and accomplish more.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Jun 08
I am sorry you fell for her as she is really rather mercenary.
If she had the same feelings of love, your job and your money
should not really matter so she is just trying to let you down
rather cruelly in my way of thinking.No dont court her unless you intend to be a lawyer and even then shes way ahead of you, and she would flaunt that at you forever.No look around you are still young and let yourself know you melo are somebody.some girl out there is going to think you are the best and when you
meet her you will know it is right for both ofyou. she will not
ask you to be somebody you arent, she will love yoy for you.
@fluffysue (1482)
• United States
28 Jun 08
Office relationships are difficult and risky under the best of circumstances. If she does not love you, you should probably let it go. You do not want to be known as the "office stalker". If she says you need to "improve your life" so she can be proud of you, she is asking you to change and does not love you as you are. This does not mean there is anything wrong with you by any means, but you should be with someone who does not ask you to change. You are better off that you found this out early on.
An age gap itself is not a bad thing. But it is possible you are at different stages of your life, where you want different things. This is not a bad thing, but it does make people less compatible.
I know it is hard, but you might think about backing off from persuing a relationship with this woman. I wish you luck in meeting someone who can love you as you are. (I am single too so I know it is not easy!)
@chej18 (915)
• United States
28 Jun 08
Ohhh dear dont feel bad about your self,dont self pity.For me your just doing right.
In love you dont need to be succesful in career and nor w/ your life.Love can see also age gap, or family situation,rich or poor, or any accomplisment.You dont need to show her family your accomplishment in life,becouse you are not gonna be w/ them, you gonna be w/ her.That is up to her if she is can see all these thing.But i guess she is not that kind of person.I think she is the person who follow love w/ his accomplishment.Show her how much you love her,and tell her everyday how much you care.And let her know that you got more to offer not only accomplisment.And if she dont see that i guess she dont deserve you.You got to let her go now.But if you love her that much,and you willing to show it to her, do what she said and improve yourself and show it to her family.But are you gonna be happy of the person who you come to be?I guess not...Think wisely brother..have a nice day!!Take care your self..And be happy from who you are.And feel good of what you are....
Greetings from Che!
@lazeebee (5461)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 08
Hi Melo_828, ask yourself, is she worth your time and effort? If so, work and study hard. Build your character, enhance your life, advance your career, so that she can be proud of you. Feeling self-pity will only demotivate you...so decide what you want. Else just let her go, and socialise more. For all you know, you might meet someone else, who will accept you as you are, and grow together with you. Good Luck!
@onlinemoneymatters (117)
•
28 Jun 08
I hope you know the saying LOVE IS BLIND, YOU ARE MINE, DARK OR FAIR, I DON'T MIND. Well, when you love someone, you do not see the age gap, the colour, caste or creed nor the wealth and beauty. There's nothing you look beyond true love from the person you love. You love someone just because the second person loves you. And when you have this reason for loving, I think the relationship lasts much longer. But in your case, I think, the girl does not love you, the way she should. In my opinion, you should drop the idea of loving her anymore, coz, you do not seem to be a match, as she values material things more to true love. You did a very good job, by letting her know, that you love, so that in the future you do not have your heart repeating every now and then, that had I told her, she would have been mine today. Now, you know she does not love you, so things are quite clear. Anyways, wish you good luck for a better female and a loving wife.
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 08
Dude, this is a really difficult situation. The issue here is not how much your age gap is with her but rather your willingness to meet her demands. Believe me, lawyers are very strong characters. They are people who chase after what they want and I am afraid that you will have to meet her requirements because I think she rather be single than marrying a guy not up to what she wants because she is not the type of lady who needs a man to provide for her since she makes her own money. It all comes down to your willingness. I suggest you not to worry about it and just see if things will work out.
@Cindycrocker (209)
• United States
28 Jun 08
My husband is 8 years younger than me so I don't think age is that much of a factor. However, her telling you that you need to improve before you get together is a big red flag. I think that was rude of her to say that.
Please understand that I am not trying to hurt your feelings. It doesn't seem to me that she's interested, I would think that if she was , she would stand beside you as you better yourself, career, and education.
My advice is to look elsewhere for love, for someone who is going to see you and not just your accomplishments.
Good Luck, and don't sell yourself short, there are plenty of women out there who can love unconditionally.
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
28 Jun 08
Firstly I think, you took the wrong state of mind to tell her that you love her (being drunk).
There is no need to feel self pity. She has achieved what she wahted to and that is great for her. But these achievements should not come in the way of a relationship. If she truly cares for you all that you said above should not really matter. Even if you do accomplish more in life you will still have that inferiority complex in you.
So first get rid of that complex. You will know yourself what is best for you.
@AshleyHasan (1024)
• India
28 Jun 08
I think age will defenitely create some problem, it is better if u can just forget abt her. You will surely get a right person in ur life at the right time.
@jesus777 (662)
• Bermuda
28 Jun 08
ni melo_828 i dont know whether your a christian or not but the bible says man looks on the outwards appearance and god looks on the heart. if someone truly loves you you shouldnt have too change anything too live up too there expectactions you are who you are this is the way god made you you should not have too strive too meet peoples approval if they dont accept you for who you are love should not be based on on materialistic things it should just be based on whether you love the person and whether the person loves you from the heart its a heart issue!!!!!!!!!!! and if she cant love you for you then it is her lost!!!!!!!! age has nothing too do with it love in a heart matter and nothing else!!!!!!!!!!! i hope you find true love soon this girl is not the one for you!!!!!! if someone cant love you for you are and not for what they can get out of you then it is not love at all!!!! be blessed in jesu8 name have a blessed day!!!!
@eliren (91)
• Philippines
28 Jun 08
you know wat.. its nice to know that u already told her that u love her... and she also did her part saying that she needs u to improve urself.
this is not about the age gap or about ur status in life.
if the girl is very interested to u, u dont need to change anything.
she will like u just the way u are.
maybe she is not interested to u and just made a segue or other reasons for u to give up.
u also know in the first place that u need to stop this feelings for her.
but, if u think the negative side is more than the positive side, u better think about it, u better stop.
i think at the end, u dont like to be the man whose pride is alwys hurt everytime ur partner beat u at all times in everything she do.
@nyce_chique (44)
• Philippines
28 Jun 08
hi melo,,you should prove her that she deserve someone like you by trying to do your best to let her see what she'll gonna lose if she let you go..
