How to know if you're ready for kids!!!!!

United States
June 28, 2008 10:19pm CST
At sometime in our lives we all say that there should be a test for people to have kids well here you go!!! MESS TEST Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. TOY TEST Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night. GROCERY STORE TEST Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage. DRESSING TEST Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside. FEEDING TEST Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor. NIGHT TEST Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m., begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set alarm for 5:00a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful. INGENUITY TEST Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. AUTOMOBILE TEST Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect. PHYSICAL TEST (Women) Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while. PHYSICAL TEST (Men) Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time. FINAL ASSIGNMENT Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers. So Now that I have listed this test how many of you thought this was funny but accurate? Did you see anyway on how to improve this test? I do hope you enjoyed my humore of the day.
1 person likes this
4 responses
@tessah (6617)
• United States
29 Jun 08
lawds yer gonna frighten anyone thinking about having a kid!! its not THAT bad! lol and ive never known ANYONE to immediately be HUGE upon conception so the beanbag chair thingy is just silly LOL (sides.. i was back into prebaby clothing by my 6 week check both times ) yes, the legos can be rather painful.. thts what nightlights are for!! ;laughs;
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jun 08
I have to commend you for being able to go back to prebaby weight within 6 weeks. I was never able to accomplish that in that short amount of time. LOL!!! But some poeple don't like nightlights. My other half hates them LOL!!! So there are none in this house. Nope not trying to scare them off just wheedle them down Hehe.
@tessah (6617)
• United States
29 Jun 08
i gained 26 pounds with the first and 50 with the second.. both times i dropped 20-25 in the delivery room.. and nursed both my kids which really does melt the weight off really really fast. im hoping to keep the weight gain to a minimum this time around ;crosses fingers the damned stick turns pink when i pee on it; and continue the record for regaining pre-baby body afterwards
1 person likes this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
29 Jun 08
thankie thankies.. we will know soon nuff.. coincidentally we mightve hit the marker on the solstice.. which is also the same day both my other girls were conceived as well LOL dunno if we will get that lucky to succeed first time out of the gate, but we shall see. the solstice is also the day we got married, and the day allof our animals wee born.. big day around here
1 person likes this
@nupats (3564)
• India
29 Jun 08
Very Funny if i would have thought of all tht i wud have never had a kid..the day u feel tht u have enjoyed and had a total blast in your life and u see some dull moments in your and your partners life so tht is the right time to plan a kid..and it is truely called a Bundle of Joy...my son drives me mad at times but at the nd of it i cant thank God enough to have given me a kid..
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jun 08
i wouldn't trade my kids for anything in the world. LOL!!!
@nupats (3564)
• India
30 Jun 08
same here dear he is my lifeline and i cant imagine my life without him around
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
1 Jul 08
I found it VERY accurate and very amusing! I would suggest a patience test that involves playing a tape for 20 hours a day that just continuously demands the answer to thousands of unanswerable questions and when you have answered those immediately comes up with more - no matter what you are trying to do or where you are - in fact they will ask the very last question you would ever want to be asked in public very loudly at every possible opportunity! Hugs and thanks for the smile! xxx
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jul 08
I thought it to be cute and amusing plus accurate glad I could put a smile to your face. Have a lovely day and next time I will include your idea of the patience test of a million and one questions. LOL!!!
@gemini_rose (16264)
29 Jun 08
That is so funny, I could not stop laughing, and it is all so true! I wish that this test had been around when I was at school, if we would have had to do that as part of school learning I bet half of the girls in my school would never have had children! Me included LOL. Thanks Bella I enjoyed reading this, it made a good start to my day.x
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jun 08
I'm glad you enjoyed it and thought it would be one way to brighten everyone's day. lol!!!