Divorce and guilt

To answer your direct question about guilt_ let it go. I do the same things you do, rethinking over and over what happened and why didn't I see it coming? Nothing positive comes from it. I have to learn to accept what happened and stop asking the same questions over and over again. The thing is, I did the best I could and gave the my best to the relatiohship. I followed the course of actions that felt right at the time. Hindsight is unfair and it changes nothing. Divorce is one of the most traumatic life events to recover from, especially when children are involved. This is a wild guess, but I wonder if you felt positive about the change in your life, would your kids find it easier to adjust? Do you know for certain they are upset by the divorce? I'm so sorry you're facing all this turmoil. You're also dealing with the issue of cheating. Cheating is the burden of the guilty party and you are not that person. No loving or respectful partner would cheat on someone they truly loved. If you accept the deception was not your failing (it was not) then you can move on. You didn't choose to violate the trust in the marriage and nothing you could have done would have prevented it. Remorse is a difficult emotion to conquer. Accept who you are today, and that means forgetting who you were yesterday. I think divorce is more prevalent in our society and I know you wanted to stop the cycle and you couldn't. It's okay. You tried and that's enough. How can I explain my thinking? If the marriage was going to work, it would have worked. Carrying guilt wherever you go hurts everyone you encounter. You act on your life from a basis of lacking. I'm working on everything you are experiencing and even though I believe my words, its still not easy to adjust.

once a cheater always a cheater so they always say.. I understand how you feel my husband too came from a broken home and doesn't want that same thing to happen to us, we've been trying to keep things together for a child.. If one day it comes to where we can't stand each other or something happens, Yes i am sure we will end up that way as well.. You have no reason to feel guilt if anyone should it should be your ex-wife for even cheating on you in the first place.. I am sure your children will adjust soon enough and know there are two people there you and your girl who will love them dearly and take care of them.. Don't be so hard on yourself ok things will work out for the best!

Hi golfproo, There is no point in feeling guilty about the divorce, especially since it was your wife who cheated, not you. I realize that you are thinking about the children, since you had a similar experience, but do everything you can to help them adjust, and above all make sure they know that you love them. Blessings.

Since you tried everything, you did your best. No one can do better than their best. You should not feel guilty! This was your ex-wife's doing, not yours. If anyone should feel guilty, it should be her. If marriages are not working out, I mean to the point of becoming unbearable, then a separation should be considered... NOT cheating!!! What you ex did was wrong in more ways than one! It sounds like you are much happier now, with your girlfriend. Your children can sense that. I'm sure they don't like the idea of mom and dad not living together, but your emotional state plays a bigger role in their well-being. Since you are happy, they will be, too. They will get used to the new arrangement, if they aren't already, and they'll see that it is a much better arrangement than what they had before. Hang in there! Take a deep breath, let it out and say, "Yep, this is good!"