You left her..Now, you want her Back!..
By Odamashin
@Odamashin (434)
Philippines
July 1, 2008 9:49pm CST
What if your sister was abandoned by her boyfriend during her pregnancy?..for 9 long years no communication with him..no financial support from him for his growing daughter...he doesn't even care to show up..just to say "hi i'm here..i'm still alive!"as in he's gone..disappeared like a popped soap bubble..until you found out that he has his own family..wife and kids...and other girls in his life..he also had kids to them...
i mean he's really unfair!..
And now he came from nowhere..called your sister..that he had separated his wife..and ask her that he wants her back..from then on he never been a father to your niece!..but now he gives hints that he want to get his daughter from your family...
Your sister really loves him..she's gullible..she believes in every sweet words that comes in his mouth easily..What will you do or say to her that she would never misunderstood your intentions?Is it ok to just keep quiet and let her be hurt again to the same guy?besides, she's old enough to decide for herself..it's up to her if she really wants to risk her heart again..
3 people like this
18 responses
@jammyt (2818)
• Philippines
2 Jul 08
Sheesh, classic case. If he and his wife aren't together, what about the other girls? I think you should talk to your sister. She has lived without him for 9 years. What proof does she have that he won't leave her again. Not only will she get hurt but her daughter as well. Specially now that she is old enough to understand what is going on.
Also, if he has so many kids from different women, that means he has to support all of them. If he hasn't sent anything for your neice, what guarantee do you guys have that he will support his daughter with your sister now?
I hope your sister uses her head and thinks of the trouble she'll be in before giving in to what he wants.
@Odamashin (434)
• Philippines
2 Jul 08
yeah..i do also hope that she uses her head over her heart...i do hope also that she'll realize how stupid she is if she let herself be hurt by that guy..for the second time..hopefully she can make a best decision for her and for her daughter..thank you!
@xXxMikesWifeyxXx (3072)
• United States
2 Jul 08
If i were you, i would tell her your opinnions on it. point out things like he has a fmaily now and kids hes takling care of them but never thought twice to come and take care of the first one. why does he want her now?.and that the fac tthat he left her pregnant. what fi he did it again?. what if he trys to get custody,, just help her understand the risk she would be taking.... and then after that you just have to let her make her own dicisions.
and if it turns out bad for her. just be there to comfurt her and help her in anyway possible...
@Odamashin (434)
• Philippines
2 Jul 08
you know i really appreciate your advice..but you know it's so hard to say something or anything to her when it comes to love..because she always says that she really really love that guy..and maybe she doesn't even care of what this guy did to her before...and maybe she never stop loving this stupid guy..i do want to comment or give her advice but at the same time i'm afraid that she might misunderstood me..i really don't know how to express myself in a nice and perfect way..thank you all..
@cripfemme (7698)
• United States
3 Jul 08
First off, I must say that you're a very sweet person for being concerned about your sisters welfare. Many people would just keep silent rather than risk angering their sibling. I don't know your sister, but I must say I know the type. Some women just believe whatever men tell them regardless of previous actions on the part of these same men. I think you should tell your sister clearly that you think it's a bad idea. Don't be subtle about it. Be very obvious because, frankly, we both know what's going to happen. My mother always said that leopards don't change their spots. In my opinion, cheaters and dogs don't change their spots either. I'm sorry to say this as I am related to men who could be considered both (much to my embarrassment). But, in the end, you're right. It is her decision and she can make it even though you think it's foolhardy. You're job is to be there as her sibling for the fallout.
@jhonymax2cool (424)
• India
2 Jul 08
i would say she should give him a chance but be sure of a backup plan in case he drops her again.she should then request for help from law.she sould drag him to the court and make him pay for his doings.although she is old enough to take care of herself but she is lonely and everybody needs help , no matter how old v grow and how smart v are v still need help at times from our loved ones their support is very important.so u should support ur sis.and in case he messes up ur sis life u should help ur sis take on him.protect ur child .thats wht i think.
@magojordan (3252)
• Philippines
3 Jul 08
Well if you're really concerned about her then go tell her what you personally think of the situation. Just don't force her on what you think for she might get the wrong message that you are actually dictating her things.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
2 Jul 08
It is very sad. If your sister has already made up her mind cherishing fond hopes about the man's love for her then no words of yours would change her. She would only see signals that suit her frame of mind because she is biased and has wishful thinking. If she asks you for advice tell her; otherwise sister or no sister do not forget that everyone is an adult and everyone does things with the sane mind. How long can you keep protecting her?
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
2 Jul 08
Unbelievable! So the grass wasn't necessarily greener on the other side and now that he has realized this and is alone again; he comes crawling back?? It is ultimately your sisters decision of course; but somehow you need to get your feelings across without being seen as disruptive. I just hope that your sister has enough self esteem to tell this guy to stick it where the sun doesn't shine! A leopard never changes its spots. If your sister DID take him back; what's to stop exactly the same thing happening all over again? This guy is just afraid to be on his own is all.
@youless (112588)
• Guangzhou, China
2 Jul 08
In my opinion, any man who left his girlfriend or wife when she was pregnant was a terrible bad behavior. And he continuously made mistakes. He left your sister and he was not responsible at all. No responses from him for such a long time. And meanwhile he married someone else and had his own family. I don't understand why he is back. And I don't think he loves your sister. Otherwise he wouldn't disappeared for such a long time. If I were you, I would tell your sister this man doesn't deserve her love.
I love China
@anex08 (868)
• Philippines
2 Jul 08
You should tell her your opinion and the possibility that you are afraid to happen. Have a talk and assure your sister that you do not want her to get hurt again and that because you love her. State your reason why you disagree and ofcourse that you will respect her decision on this matter because it is still her who will decide in the end.
Your sitution is tough but you love your sister and you are in the right position to protect her or atleast give her advice....
@blackmantra_x (2732)
• Philippines
2 Jul 08
good day..Give your advise but don't expect it would be taken in by your sister. It seemed that she's going to believe that man no matter what others might say. I think she thinks she's doing the right thing not just for her but for her daughter and if you're not mistaken she's driving herself once again into a cliff. I don't want to say this but woman who are in love is blind and impervious to clear warnings and that they are bound to learn their lesson the hard way. You just be there and help her, support her when that time comes. Understand her, she has a forgiving heart and she's in love that's not her mistake, it's just the man and the circumstances isn't for her. I hope she'll have a good life but if not, just be there for her and I promise if it does happened she'll be smarter than before. good luck
@latriciajones (846)
• United States
2 Jul 08
you are intitled to your own opinion but your sister i going to do what she wants regardless of what you say. i know you love your sister but if the guy is no good for her then she has to find that out on her own. everybody has to learn their own lessons.and as for him taking the girl from where she has been for most of her life i would take him to court and make sure he never gets her. he cant just disappear for almost 10 years and then try and come back like nothing ever happened.good luck with everything.
@Muelitz (1592)
• Canada
2 Jul 08
That is a very normal way of how we would feel if our relatives are in that same situation. She loves and believes him and She is old enough to decide for herself. The only thing I could suggest is for you to tell your sister to think hard before making a decision and let her know that no matter what she decides you are supporting her. :)
@funnyguy123 (13)
• India
2 Jul 08
I don't let it happen in any case. Not only in my sister's case but I don't support it in anyone's case. Whatever his intentions are, he doesn't deserve to have the woman. I try to convince her in every possible way and since I have a better reason, I think I will definitely succeed in convincing her.
@phillygirl606 (1112)
• United States
2 Jul 08
All you can do is give an opinion and be there for her when she needs you, because she will need you. I had kind of a similar situation but with fewer years in between. Your sister is not gone to listen to no one until she wises up and see for herself that he is just not worth it.
@fiona08 (454)
• United States
2 Jul 08
I agree with Mikeswifey. You have a responsibility to your sister to at least tell her some of the reasons you are nervous about her taking this guy back. Tell her, and then let her decide which way to handle it. If she gets her heart broken, or worse, you and the rest of the family will have to just be there to support her, and comfort her. Maybe she should talk to some of the other women he has fathered children with, to see what their versions of him may be.
@ieeko89 (1054)
• Malaysia
2 Jul 08
I would remind her what he did to her before. And it's not worth it to give him a 2nd chance altho people do deserver a 2nd chance. But it's depends on the cases! And i think for this case, there's no 2nd chance. Just tell her your opinion and ask people to give her some support and strength to make a better decision.
