My life is so unfair....

Wonder how old you are voodoo? If you are 18 and above, you need to grow up in your attitude and let your mom know this without fear or favour! When you were young, it was ok for her to protect you, now I think, if you are above 18, you must tell them you have grown and can handle your decisions-otherwise if you dont change your approach, you will remain in heart ache all your life and me, I will blame you instead!

quit feeling sorry for yourself and seeing things in black and white. If you think your life is hell I hope you get abducted and held hostage and maybe a little torture in the third world or a little light famine - then you'll have some idea what hell is like. This - this that you seem to suffer, it is just a fairly normal feature of life.

I wish I could be there to take you in my arms and tell you everything will be all right. I checked your profile and it looks like you Mom is trying to keep you as a little girl rather than let you be an adult. I never was a "Lady". I was my mom's only girl and I am more of a tom boy than a lady. I do plumbing, carpentry, mechanics, cement work, repair and you name it I can do it. I saved my Mom thousands of dollars on auto repairs, home repairs and from people trying to take advantage of a widow. I wouldn't change myself for anyone. First, stop being ashamed of yourself. Just because you are FINALLY having a meaningful relationship in private doesn't mean that you are an awful person. It means that you are recognizing that you are a young woman and need to seek your own life and your own state of being. It almost sounds like she may have had some disastrous relationships with men and is trying to keep you from the same hurt. Are you able to obtain work? It might be time for you to consider finding a job and removing yourself from an atmosphere that is causing you so much pain and sorrow. You need to be able to spread your wings and fly and grow as a mature individual and experience the trials, tribulations and successes that come with becoming an adult. Don't look at yourself as the worst daughter she ever had. It is her loss not to see you as you truly are. I lived my growing up years in a similar kind of hell with my dad always telling me that I was fat, ugly and stupid. He also wanted me to be like another girl I knew who was thin, blond, pretty and broke more guys hearts than I could imagine! It took me years to come to grips with who I really am, and I finally all these years later am happy with the person that I turned out to be. It was a tough road to travel, but when I got to the point I am at now, it was worth the trip. If you need someone to converse with one on one, you are more than welcome to email me. I feel your pain, it brings back the pain of loosing a man that I was crazy in love with, my dad did his damnedest to break us up, including offering the man a $10,000 bribe to leave me. The man didn't take the bribe, but we broke up and I was devastated. I never really got over it and I have never forgiven my dad for that and other things he did. But, I did find that talking or emailing someone one to one about the problems and pain did help. There are people out here that care, and don't be ashamed of who you are or what you're doing. You are doing what is right for you. Life is made up of learning experiences and you need to live and learn from these experiences-if you don't have them, you can't live or learn.

Some Mums expect too much from their children, way too much. So it is not that you are a bad daughter it is just that she has set her expectations to what she wants and not considered that you will be your own person. My Mum was the same and as she found out, it does not work that way, children have to be allowed to develop into their own person. Guided yeah sure but not controlled.

Your life really doesn't sound that bad. All parents have expectation of their children, just some parents take it to the next level and try and live through their children. She made mistakes in her life and she does not want you making the same ... it is quite caring when you look at it that way. My Mam was like that for a while, but as I got older, it got better, she realised that I had to grow up and I am now allowed boyfriends and stuff rather than dating people in secret. All I can say is stay strong and as you get older, she is most likely going to realise that you have to grow at some point.

Hello,voodoodoll,I wonder whether you are a student or not. If you are a student, I think your mother do it for your own good. Though she can't get a better way. You should know her , as a mother, she loves her daughter and wants to protect her.So,you should go on well with your mother, let her know that you didn't a child anymore,and she would agree with you!

Well I think what is needed at this point in time is a time for you to be happy and not depend on your mother's approval or anything. If you are mature enough to love someone and they do not want to know then fine let it be but do not put your happiness by waiting for something that will not happen in your life. Be happy where you are right now. The factors that you are withholding from your life depends on you solely if you free yourself from holding back you happiness then its your loss not theirs. So from where you are what are the things that make you happy and focused on that and everything will just come to follow. Don't focus too much on what you don't have right now because that will just make your frame of mind defocus on something that yo do not have and feel unfair all your life.

You reminded me of my days when I was in my teens until I got married. My father has a conservative outlook in life, this makes him over protective of his daughters. I was not allowed to go on dates and even if he happens to like the man that I am going out with he made sure that we don't go out in pair but my little sibling will become my body guard. I have no choice but to go according to his command. I was never even able to go to parties or socialise. In the end I married my husband out of frustration and just wanted to escape this kind of tyranny he imposed on me. I really understand how you feel girl.

you are 21? I don't know about the philippines but here in the states at 21 you are free to be your own person. It sounds to me like what bothers you most is your mom's lack of acceptance. My mom was like that. I couldn't please her for the life of me. I gave up trying. I have 4 daughters and they all know they can come to me with anything. I may not like it but I do not love them any less. I know they will learn in their own way. I think you owe it to yourself to just live your life as you see fit and in doing so you may have to deal with your mom's anger. I did. It was my life and I only get to live it once was how I saw it. Looking back...she was right some of the time...maybe most of the time but still I have no regrets...I learned lots and I learned it my way. -Had I done it her way...I'd not have learned a thing but I'd still be trying to move out from under her wing.

It seems that you are not happy with the life that you have and that is sad. If this is the case it means that you need to start having responsibility for your own feelings. I guess you have come to the conclusion of all of these things and it seems that you are not happy with what you have found. Before you can make some changes in your life to make it more of the life you would like to lead you firstly need to be happy with what you have already got. It seems like what is lacking here is communication, with others, but mostly with yourself. Your purpose is to make you happy with this lifetime and not your mother or your siblings - this is your life! You really need to sit down and organise what would make you feel happy and then talk about this with your mum - she may have some really valid reasons for you to not be involved in a relationship right now - find out what they are. You can learn quite a lot from your mother and you can teach your mother a thing or two as well. Work on your friendship with your mother before you develop other relationships in your life further.

voodoodoll, mother's knows best. I am not agreeing with her or something. When you grow up and end up as a mother you will realize that you're mother was just protecting you. Don't rush for love. It will come to you. That more you do that secret thing, the more you're mother will not approved for it. I think you are young, just enjoy life and obey your parents.

Well, maybe they have big plans for your future and to engage in a relationship could hamper their desire for you to succeed. Most parents want the best for their children without realizing sometimes that they are hurting them. I understand how you feel. I jut hope your parents would realize that before it is too late for them to give allowance. Have a good day.

tell you mom,you have you own desteny.you have your own life.

I think you should communicate with your mom and tell her what you think,please believe famliy is your home where you can relax yourself and cry for something,try to chat with each other with your famliy

well from what I read I don't think your life is unfair...Life is not always about relationships...and also its those secrets and private life that makes our life interesting...Feel the fun in it...Then you might change your view.....also if you think you really want them to know about your relation with that guy....just speak it out... and face whatever they are telling you boldly....things will change then.....Have a good day

I am very sorry to know about that. However, it is your duty to inform your mom about the affair. What your mother suggested is absolutely correct. It is not required to have some realationship with some one to get mature, as your age goes on, one day you will become mature enough , your mother is bothered because she dont want you to fall down and commit any thing wrongly, I suggest you to share with your mom about this and I sure she will guide you further and let you know whether you are doing right or wrong,according to me what you did is wrong, you should have informed your parents about this but if you feel the person is right for you, keep in prayers and go forward , inform your parents first.

Hi voodoodoll, First of all I would like to welcome you to myLot. This is a good site where you can make friends and money. I hope that you make both. You are still very young, so remember you have plenty of time to find happiness. Do not feel ashamed, it only adds to your problems. Not knowing the whole story, it is very difficult to give you advice. Do you know someone who you can trust and to whom you can talk? That would be best, but if it's not possible, as I said earlier, get rid of the guilt and try to think things out for yourself. I hope you are able to find happiness. Blessings.

I have six kids that learned at a very young age what they hear when they whine that life is "no fair". So I will pass on some pearls of wisdom to you. Nobody promised life would be fair, life sucks and you have two choises, sit there and whine or change it. Your profile says your 21 if you are in fact 21 then move out of your mothers house and take care of yourself. See how fair the bill collectors are when they want their money, or the boss is when you don't feel well. Life has rules whether it's your parents, you boss or the government, at least the rules you must follow now are from someone who loves you and wants only for you to do better in your life.

Are you still studying? My parents were strict when my sister and i were still young. She would always tell us to be serious in our studies and to stay away from boyfriends. She would give examples of people who didn't listen to what their parents' advised them and so they ended up unsuccessful. But after i had earned a degree, they slowly allowed me to be with friends. I would go out with them on picnics, movies and other stuffs that young people normally do. I had my suitors and they allowed me to go on dates. I later learned that my mom's sisters never earned a degree because they married very early and that totally disappointed my grandparents. I learned later that my mom strived hard to earn a degree and she wanted the same for us. It's really hard to understand our parents when we are young but eventually we learn to understand them once we become parents ourselves. But parents who are very strict even though their children are of age is a different matter. I sometimes also think that if the generation gap between our parents and us is too wide, we also end up with disagreements on many aspects.

i think u forgot to state ur age