Popularity or Honesty
By greysfreak
@greysfreak (1384)
United States
July 5, 2008 10:03am CST
So, I was thinking about something. I have been very honest the whole time I have been here on mylot, but I think the longer I'm here the more I feel like I can be a little more honest. I have felt like this is a safe place to share opinions.
That being said, I pretty quickly made it to a star rating of 9, and that was really a nice feeling, it's not everything, but it kind of is, because it means I am liked.
Well, I just noticed that my star rating went down, and I appreciate we don't all agree with one another, but I am trying to figure out what I could have done to get downrated. I am only honest with my feelings. When I rate people I either give out positive ratings or don't rate at all. I even find myself giving positive ratings to people who are completely opposite from what I believe, because I believe in people speaking their minds, and if someone does it in a good way, I am going to give them my support 100%.
Anyway, the thing I want to know is, would you choose to be popular and silent, or agreeable to everyone OR do you choose honesty and stand up for your beliefs and your heart even if it means you won't be liked, or you will lose your rating?
This could apply to real life or mylot. For me, I am very outspoken here, actually, at times I do find myself holding back, but for the most part I do share my opinions. But in real life I am very quiet most the time, I am afraid to say what I think, sometimes I do, especially if I am talking to someone who shares my viewpoints, but I am very careful.
Anyway, I hope I don't come off as complaining, because I'm not, I am enjoying making friends, and I just hope that this is a place where we can all feel free to be open and honest, while still respectful. That is how I felt it was, now I worry, was I wrong? This is just something I thought I'd get some input on, especially from people who have been on here for a while.
7 people like this
17 responses
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
5 Jul 08
I am for being honest. But, when you are honest and share your opinions against those of others, you have to be kind and take into consideration their right to their opinion. I know some will just flat out tell you what they think without giving feelings a thought. I've been on discussions here where we didn't believe alike, yet we had a very nice and intelligent discussion with no feathers ruffled. That's how it should be.
I have no idea how you could lose your rating unless someone put in a minus for you. I guess mylot could enlighten you on that concern.
@greysfreak (1384)
• United States
5 Jul 08
Oh, definitely. We do need to be respectful and disagree in a way that doesn't hurt others, and I know that I never purposely disrespected anyone. I am kinda supersensitive, and if I write something that I think might come off sounding rude, I will either change the wording or I will state that I didn't mean it to be offensive or disrespectful in any way.
Oh, I know about the minus thing, and I'm guessing I've made some enemies. I am just curious as to what other people think. I wondered if I'm just too nice with giving out plusses, or if there is someone around who maybe read something I wrote and didn't agree so they decided that I didn't have a right to my view.
It doesn't really bother me that much, I am very familiar with the rating system, I read the FAQ's and stuff. I was more just looking to see what other people thought, and whether others believed in being honest.
1 person likes this
@greysfreak (1384)
• United States
5 Jul 08
Oh, I don't have any referrals, not yet anyway. LOL I haven't lost any earnings and I haven't lost any rating as far a posting goes. I just went from a 9 to an 8 in star rating. I'm really not worrying too much about it, since it doesn't hurt my earnings, but I do care what my friends here think of me, and that's why I was so proud when my star rating went up. I am guessing that it's a normal thing to fluctuate, based on there are some people who negative rate. It won't really bug me unless I go down extremely low in star rating.
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
5 Jul 08
I hope you haven't made any enemies. But perhaps it could be a referral that dropped out? Do you have referrals that perhaps have decided to quit or have been banned? There could probably be 100's of reasons your rating went down. I often wonder if I'll look up one day and mine will have gone down, or the money amount has went down. Is the rating all that changed for you?
2 people like this
@msedge (4011)
• United States
5 Jul 08
I always stand on whatever i think is right.I always voice my opinion in a nice way i can.If it contradicts to the others i still respect whatever they have.Anyway, each of us here is entitled to our own opinion.Respecting each other idea is necessary to avoid conflict and thats what i am trying to do.I want to make friends here not an enemy,lol!
2 people like this
@greysfreak (1384)
• United States
5 Jul 08
I feel the same way. Thank you for responding with what you think about this. And I am glad you are another person who feels that voicing your opinion in a nice way is important.
There is just too few opportunities in daily life where we get to share opinions, and this is an excellent place to do that. I know I respect others' views, all I expect is the same respect from others.
1 person likes this
@oliverdt (1958)
• Philippines
5 Jul 08
I'll go for honesty, I believe doing so is not going to ruin my rating here. I still believe that real friends understand bestfriends problem and understanding. So go ahead, it is the reson why we write discussion this way to express what we feel. Have a nice day and I promise you that your rating will go more higher than before, just keep on posting.
2 people like this
@greysfreak (1384)
• United States
5 Jul 08
I agree, honesty is always the better way to go. Thank you for being so understanding. I think that most people feel the way you feel. I am definitely not jumping to conclusions. I love being here on mylot and reading people's discussions, and sharing my views, so I think that you are right, if I stick it out, things will even out, and even if there are a few people who don't like me, at least I can know there are more that do! 
2 people like this
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
5 Jul 08
Hi there greysfreak! I do not think that one should try to please everyone here. Besides, people who try to please everyone ends up pleasing no one. It is more important for us to be able to stand our ground when it comes to certain opinions or ideas that we share here.
2 people like this
@greysfreak (1384)
• United States
5 Jul 08
I completely agree with you! I mean, I could easily go through the "safe" topics and agree with everyone, but I would be unhappy and I probably wouldn't make very good quality responses because I would be writing about things that really didn't matter.
Thank you for your input. I really am thinking that most of us here feel the way you said, but I think there are some people that just love to bring others down, just like in real life. So when it comes down to it, we only need to please ourselves, and be true to ourselves.
1 person likes this
@pixiedustforyou2008 (2422)
• United States
5 Jul 08
I would prefer to be honest than have popilarity.. I just a really honest person i would never tell someone something that wasn't true.. People would come to me in high School and talking their friends behind their back and i would have to tell the other person what the oher person had said cause i was to honest i could look at the person is i new someone had been talking about them so i would just tell them what the other person had said.. I know that seems bad and i was a drama started i hate it but that what people would call me a drama starter.
2 people like this
@greysfreak (1384)
• United States
5 Jul 08
I agree with that, honesty is better and more important than popularity. Although, I'm thinking that honesty is the harder of the two to deal with. Because if someone is popular they have less people dissing on them, but when you are honest there are always people who just want to diss you because they don't want to hear other opinions.
I think it is a good thing that you told people when someone came talking about them behind their backs. People deserve to know who their true friends are. So I definitely don't think you are a drama starter, drama may have started, but it was the fault of the people who came to you and talked about their supposed friends behind their backs! Honesty is a good thing, and it takes a lot of strength.
1 person likes this
@idowrite72 (2213)
• United States
13 Jul 08
My outlook on here is the same as yours. I am always open and quite outspoken and I am usually not so outspoken in the "real life". I feel comfortable being able to say what I think and give my opinion here, but I don't worry about what someone else thinks and I don't ever pay attention to the number that I have. I think that we should all be allowed to voice our opinions whether they are agreeable with the majority or the discussion starter or whomever. That is the beauty of being on mylot and having our freedom of speech used to its fullest. I haven't been here for a while, either, but I do totally agree with you. I want people to be honest, especially to themselves and not just go along with what they think everyone else is saying or what they think someone wants to hear. I also think that sometimes what someone has to say might be a little negative, and that is just the way it sometimes works out according to what the discussion is.
1 person likes this
@applefreak (3130)
• Singapore
13 Jul 08
hello there, i feel some kind of familiarity with you as our nicks both ends with freak. ;p
i definitely go for honesty and stand up for my beliefs. i will speak my mind even if it means i won't be liked. it doesn't mean anything to be popular. yes maybe it makes one feel good, but is that all it is to life? to abandon your beliefs and principle for a good rating is just so 'wrong'. it'll make me feel miserable and all the star rating in the world won't make it 'right'. go on and speak your mind. i'm sure there are like-minded people here at mylot. way to go 
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Jul 08
greysfreak hi I think you should be your self and not worry about being popular,just give your honest opinion respecting
your right to your opinion and others rights to their opinions too. It would be really boring if we allagreed on everthing here and a discussion should be just that, talking back and forth, I give you my opinion,you give me your, I counter and you counter back, we respect each other and we do not insult each other but just have a friendly give and take.You are not wrong at all.
1 person likes this
@greysfreak (1384)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Oh, I definitely agree with you. So far since I have been here I definitely have been myself and said what I thought in the most respectful way. I was just wondering what other people thought about this, I figured that most people probably chose being themselves and honesty over being popular, but I thought there might be a few people who might like to be safe. I definitely agree, if we were all the same there would be nothing to talk about, but I just wish if people were going to negatively rate that they would say why, it's only fair, otherwise they are taking the other person's ability to defend their opinion. This applies to any respectful poster of course, I understand if someone says something that is offensive or against the rules, but since the point is to share different view points, that's how it should be.
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Always be honest, honesty will last a lifetime, popularity will not..I have always said what I believed while responding on Mylot and have not had any trouble until a couple of days ago and after I posted a discussion.. I am not sure who I offended and really do not care, but my star, which was always a 10, went down to a 9.. Like you, I speak my piece and say what I believe in, but so does everyone else, we all have this right.. This is a site which gives everyone of us the right to speak our opinions without fear of retaliation.. We will never all agree completely on any one topic, but that is what makes it so unique, we can agree to disagree.. But some do not see it that way and they want to cause harm to some people for speaking about something they disagree with, so they will give you a - and your rating will go down.. But as someone told me in my last discussion, keep on doing what you are doing and in time, it will come up again.. so keep up the good work and always be honest with yourself.. Good job..
1 person likes this
@greysfreak (1384)
• United States
6 Jul 08
I agree with you. I would never be dishonest about my feelings or where I stand on something just to be safe, especially on this site, I admit, in real life I tend to keep those thoughts to myself to be safe. But that is the great thing about this site, it's an outlet for everyone, even people who in real life feel like they don't have a voice.
Oh wow, so your star went down as well, either there is a serial downrater going around or several. I just don't get how people can be so close-minded, I mean, if someone doesn't agree with something I say, by all means, they should respond if they feel that strongly about it, but to go around minusing people for that reason, it's just silly. Because I try to be as honest, but also as nice about it as I can be. And I have not given a minus yet! Have I disagreed with people? Definitely, but even then I have given some plusses, and the ones I didn't do that for, I just didn't give any rating.
Thank you for your response, and it's great to see that most users are so very supportive!
I just don't get how people can be so close-minded, I mean, if someone doesn't agree with something I say, by all means, they should respond if they feel that strongly about it, but to go around minusing people for that reason, it's just silly. Because I try to be as honest, but also as nice about it as I can be. And I have not given a minus yet! Have I disagreed with people? Definitely, but even then I have given some plusses, and the ones I didn't do that for, I just didn't give any rating.
Thank you for your response, and it's great to see that most users are so very supportive! 
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
10 Jul 08
im all over the place on this one.. i can see a lot of things from all different sides and so i may not stand up for my opinion due to i understand some one elses is good too.. but im not gonna lie and say or do something i dont want to either.. i just kind of go about my ways and some times im shy and others im not depending on how i feel etc and i seem to still make friends *shrug* i hope people dont feel like its one or the other.. but you cant make everyone happy nor should you.. just be yourself since at the end of the day you have to deal with what you did and were like not them..
1 person likes this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
16 Jul 08
thanks for the br!! i need to go through all of mine and figure out theirs
@dongsting (190)
• China
13 Jul 08
it is a big problem,greyfreak.
for me,if I do not like the discussion,I won't respond.if I do not like the comment,I will just write several words as to be polite.
It is hard to be popular everytime,so my decision is choose my friend carefully,make those who i like :) make friends with those willing to be tolerant and polite to opposed opinions.
and you are right,greyfreak!i love you because you r a honest girl,I will support you,and do not mind,we can't be loved by everyone,all of us are not perfect.
@fxcash (105)
• Canada
11 Jul 08
Hey greysfreak, I think the star feature here is a little bit over rated, just as rating features are with other communities online, personally I feel that a community should not have a rating system because it opens the door to people feeling sad like you are now when your rating goes down through possibly no fault of your own, I know from first hand experience that some people just like to cause misery for others either through words or when jealous of your rating working to bring it down. It leads to a lot of school yard garbage and in a place full of adults we should not have room for that sort of thing, why not simply have a rating system by the community based on actual legit posts that you make which are worthwhile and not only about the money and then see really who the best members are, not just what a few jealous people may want to make others think or even sadly feel about themselves.
1 person likes this
@hindichinese (748)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
For me. I do much more on honesty more than that popularity. Because for me as much as i can relate on the topic ill do my own opinion.
@gitfiddleplayer (10362)
• United States
6 Jul 08
I'm the same on myLot as I am in real life. I say what I feel and if I have to back it up I don't get defensive. If someone doesn't disagree with me then I try to find out why they think the way they do, it gives me a better understanding. I never attack people, that shows I have character and won't compromise my position by shutting down someone's opinion. I like to debate and since I took it in college I have a fair rule I go by, some people don't know the rules. I give respect to everyone and sometimes I find people who I could hang out with in real life if they just didn't live so far away.
1 person likes this
