A Satire On Poverty With Some Reality Thrown In

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Dear Welfare Recipient, It has come to our attention that you may be working. Our sources show that you have been seen picking up aluminum cans along the road and turning them in for cash at a local recycling center. Since you have been seen doing this more than once a week it is considered work. Evidence also shows that your son found a nickel in front of the apartment complex where you live. You failed to report this income. In addition your daughter has spend three separate occasions at a friend's house. Because she was not in your house at these times you have been overpaid in your assistant. We will be taking the over payment out of future assistance checks. You may request a payment plan in lieu of a single payment. From this time on you will be required to contact this office if your children will be out of the home for more than five hours. School attendance will be excluded from this requirement. Field trips, however, do count as time away from home. Please note that the laws of the state have changed concerning welfare recipients and their families. You are no longer permitted to shop at retail stores and must use only thrift stores. Groceries may still be purchased at regular grocers, but you must fill out a form showing your intended use for each item. To help you make good food choices you can pick up a booklet that has many low cost recipes. The booklet can be obtained at our office or local food banks. Ask for 101 Ways To Serve Powdered Eggs and Dried No-Fat Milk. Copies of the Joys Of Cooking Beans And Rice are still available. To help you comply with the department of social services here are a list of items that are disallowed for welfare recipients. We consider these to be luxury items. Two ply toilet paper, razors (see enclosed pamphlet "Hairy Legs Keep You Warm"), shampoo (bar soap can be used in place of shampoo), toothpaste (do not use baking soda if you have listed it on your grocery form for cooking) and dish washing liquid (again, bar soap can be used for this purpose). Buying or using these items could result in your losing your benefits and being banned from the program for up to five years. We understand that holidays may lead you to make purchases that are not necessary. We have included a copies of Dumpster Diving For the Holidays and A Junkyard Christmas. If you have any questions you may call this office 9-5 Monday through Friday. We are closed on holidays. We will do our best to address your concerns. The Office Of Living Restrictions For The Poor