My son wants to be a girl

I have a 4 year old girl that wants to be a boy. We have constant discussions where she argues that she is a boy. I'm sure this is easier than having a boy who wants to be a girl since she can wear boyish clothes and still get by with it. Dresses are out of the question since I had to recently force one on her (I felt horrible) to attend my grandparent-in-laws anniversary dinner. She's been this way ever since she was old enough to have an opinion. Her latest is taking her cotton shorts and wearing them with no panties so they will be like the boxers her dad wears. I worry sometimes about her being transgendered because she isn't exposed to boys much. She has two older sisters who are very girly and I've never had a problem with. I don't actually hide it either. I will love her no matter who she chooses to be and always be here for her. Yet, my husbands family is very judgemental and like to "keep up apperances." I worry that they may be a problem when she gets older if it's not a phase. They tried to get me to make my oldest write with her right hand when she was little because they didn't want a lefty. They'll flip over this. Your not alone.....Vickie's daughter want to be a boy!

Well, I say good for him! I think that it is actually a good thing that he knows at such a young age what other spend their whole lives struggling to deal with. I think that in the long run he will be a very well adjusted person. Having a family that is willing to accept that this is who he is and this is what he wants is going to be really helpful for him. Better for him to get it out now then to hate himself for years because he thinks he is weird or not understanding himself.

well i have never encountered that with my own kids, but have known others who have encountered this and their kids turned out to be transgendered, and eventually had surgery to become a girl.anyway just love him as he is, boy or girl, and wait for time to tell if he will just become an ordinary boy or will want to become a girl. no shame either way.

I really admire you for being so accepting - I would be the same, although my husband would struggle with it but still accept it. I think you are doing the right thing in not pushing him either way. I hope that as he gets older he doesn't get bullied and picked on...but having you as such great support will certainly help. More parents need to follow your lead & be more accepting - you are a champion!

I am with you i love my kids no matter what!

All you can do is love him and accept him any which way. He may still be going through a phase. If he continues as he gets older, sit down with him and ask him how he feels about himself. If this is not a phase, don't see it as something wrong or bad. Lots of love and acceptance. He'll always be your child.

At times it is really difficult to cope with the situation, then the only thing I would have done was to take my friends help. Here I would have asked my friends to give very good compliments when he is wearing boys clothes, as when children feel that they are more appreciated in some dress they have inclination to repeat the same. Do not force him to wear those but at times just coax him and tell him how smart he looks when he wears the boys clothes.

I still think he is in a phase you said...simply because boys cant be girls.He might love pretty girls so he wants to act like them. once he is grown up he will realize everything about you know the boy-girl attraction etc. and how to workout things...

Good for you for having this type of attitude! Yes it may be a phase; and for all you know; six months from now he may wish to be Superman or a Policeman! And if this DOES turn into something more than just a current behaviour; then at least he will have a very supportive parent behind him. I am honestly not sure what I would do if I were in the same situation. As a Father I guess I would at first discourage it if it became too out of hand (whatever THAT is! But I guess playing with dolls etc is one thing and wishing to constantly dress like a girl etc is another if I were to give an example); but I would like to think that if it did not change over time, that I too could be as understanding. What I find interesting though is your statement that there are no other girls in the family. This is certainly a strong behaviour to exhibit in this area when there is not a considerable female influence around him other than yourself. Once again he is lucky to have a parent that loves him for who he is and always will!

Foxy, I applaud you for the way you are handling this. I know there are a lot of parents that would totally "freak" if their son wanted to dress as a girl. Your son is truly blessed for having you as a mother. That being said, I don't think I would really worry about it too much. He is after all, only five years old. He may wake up tomorrow and be totally different. Then again, it may be something he will stick with for the rest of his life. Whatever choice he makes, I know it will work out because he has such a wonderful, caring, open-minded mother.

I think you must brainstorm the child and expose him to real life outside. Make him fit in group of boys in order to understand the behaviors and attitudes of other boys. Try explain him that he is a male- make him realize this. I am sure little by little brainstorming will resolve everything.

It sounds like you have a unique little boy. I never understood why everyone has to say pink is for girls, blue for boys. My mother loved to dress me (her little tom boy) in pink frilly dresses and bows. Man did I hate it. I think my favorite picture of myself is when I was two, in my jeans and boys tshirt, all covered with dirt, shaking my fist at the camera. LOL My only concern for your cutie would be the other children. They can be so cruel in school. Hopefully they won't be to your little angel.

My nephew is now in his late 20's and was the same way as a child. Many of us, other than his own mother noticed things about his behavior that lead us to think he might grow up being ? . Well, he did but that does not matter to us, we love him any way. There are signs of these things and it might be helpful to talk to his pediatrician about this. I wish you the best and am relieved by your writing. You seem to be the type to be able to handle it, no matter what the out-come is! Bravo! That's being a great mother!

this is only outwardly attraction.don't hasten to conclude.don't be indifferent by saying that it is no matter to you what your children like or dislike though it is a serious matter you are bound to perform your parental responsibility carefully.it is a very difficult situation for you.

I think its good to recognise things. if it isn't just a phase at least you may be able to help him grow up and become comfortable with who he is, whatever that path may take. Lots of people go thrugh such heartache because no one will help. However you son decides to grow up, I believe you will support and understand.

When I was a little boy, I also did so.But when I grew up, I take it out.So, just don't worry,your son can become normal when he grow up.

this is something that has started early, it may be a phase as they say but, going strong for 3 years i would say not.... be proud of him no matter what and he will be the happiest kid going....

Hi there, came across you on a search- My son has been like yours since he was 2 yrs old. Heartbreaking to the point of crying and begging "what's wrong with me?" and "Mom can't you have a magic potion to make me real small so I can go back in your tummy and try to come out a girl?... I learned alot from a french movie- "Mie Vie en Rose" not sure on the spelling! it means "my life in pink" about a boy like ours and the issues the family has to deal with. GREAT MOVIE! Grab a box of tissues! My son is nine now, he still has the same personality or what ever you can call "it" I took the route of not saying girl toys are only for girls because that only taught him that he should be a girl so he can play like them. Or be like them. He has learned in time where and where not to show his true colors. I just make sure he knows he can be himself at home, and loved at home for who he is. He is a boy who prefers girl stuff. I do want to get more help with this, especially before puberty. Any good stuff throw it my way! Julie juliedanking@sbcglobal.net

Clothes, things and hobbies do not make us what we are. There is a difference between wanting to do what girls do, and wanting to actually 'be' a girl. When I was little I liked doing boy things, I dressed like one, I played like one and I hung out with them. As I got older I gres this desire to 'be' a boy, as in experience life as a boy, have a boy's body, pee standing up (woo!) and dare I say it often thought it would be cool to have a "little buddy" down there. I admit that most, maybe all, of my wants have stemmed from my negative experiences as a girl; puberty, periods ( to this day I don't wear tampons because of their difficulty to get in and the fact that they hurt like hell to get out), pregnancy, the aftermath of pregnancy (your body), menopause, the fact that it take more work and effort and a lot longer to please a woman in bed while most men don't even bother trying (excuse me for that one), and over all the things that we've had to go through since the beginning of time and still today. I often told my mom, "How come boys don't go through anything and we do?". It is just draining and a lot of times depressing. I am fine though, I have accepted the fact that I am a girl and try to focus on the good things of being one. My point is, that there is a possibility that he just has a mind of his own and likes what he likes; despite what the world says he should like. It doesn't mean he will end up gay, transgendered, or anything of that sort. You just keep reminding him that he doesn't have to 'be' a girl, to like what girls like.

Clothes, accessories, hobbies, do not make us what we are. There's a difference between wanting to wear girl's clothes, act like a girl and do things that girls normally do; and wanting to actually 'be' a girl. Growing up I was a tomboy through and through, I dressed like one, I played rough like one and I mostly had boy friends. As I got older I grew a desire to actually 'be' a boy, as in experience life as a boy, have a boy's body, pee standing up (woo!) and dare I say it often think it would be cool to have a "little buddy" down there. I admit most of my wants have stemmed from my negative experiences of being a girl; periods, to this day I still don't wear tampons because of the difficulty of getting them in and the fact that it hurts like hell to get them out; the fear of marrying someone on the chauvinistic side who will dump the responsibility of family onto me and leave me in the dust in bed (excuse me on that one); getting pregnant and going through torture for 9 months, the pain of giving birth and the aftermath of my body along with the worries that he won't find me attractive anymore and leave me; menopause; finished off with all the things that women have gone through since the beginning of time and still go through. I always told my mother, "How come boys don't have to go through anything, while we go through a lot." No, I do not have a psychological disorder, other-wise labeled as "Gender Identity Dysphoria". I swear, scientists and doctors make up names for everything that they think isn't normal and shouldn't be. I am fine though, no surgery transformations, no hormone injections. If I were to be a boy I would want to be born as one naturally, I have accepted that, that is never going to happen and I try to focus on the positives of being a girl as much as I can. All in all, it just seems like boys have it easier, more simple and are more fun to be. Sorry for the long paragraph, my point is that there is a possibility that he just has a mind of his own and likes what he likes; despite what the world says he should like. It doesn't mean that he will end up gay, transgendered, or anything of that sort. He may get teased and bullied, but you just keep reminding him that you don't have to 'be' a girl, to like girl things.