I'm going to be a 30 year old still living with my parents!!!!!
By gtgirl6643
@gtgirl6643 (36)
July 7, 2008 4:16pm CST
I'm 19, in my second year of college, been dating a guy for exactly one year, and my dad won't let me go! My mom is all ready for it! She has bought me plates and towels and all that new homeowner must haves, but my dad just walks away when I start talking about moving out. I'm not going to jump into anything, I told him summer of 2009! We made a deal before I started college that I would live at home for the 1st year and then I could move out, but now I'm almost done with my 2nd year and he still won't consider it. I know he is just being protective and doesn't want his one and only child go, but seriously I think it's time. I'm good with my finances, and have a lot of money saved up for a down payment. I'm secure with my boyfriend and we are talking about engagement. I'm more mature this year and I know I will be more next year too, but he doesn't care. My grades are great in school, and nothing will cause them to drop. I'm not moving to another state or even town, just a few neighborhoods away. He even likes my boyfriend, and my boyfriend isn't even going to be moving in with me for a while. I plan on buying the house and gradually moving him in, but it just doesn't matter to dad! I know he doesn't want me to fail at it and have to move back in, but no one will know how it goes until I try! Has this happened to any of you, and what did you do?
2 people like this
7 responses
@lightningd (1039)
• United States
8 Jul 08
Well, you are an adult and it is your choice. I mean, you haven't mentioned anything regarding how he "won't consider it". What do you mean. Will he cut your funding for college? Disown you? Take you out of the will? OR is he just blowing smoke because he doesn't want you to move out?
Honnestly, you are an adult. If you want to move out, that is your decision. He's going to have to accept it sooner or later so I suggest you go on about your business and do what YOU need to do. He'll come around eventually.
1 person likes this
@ci_svufan223 (24)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I would wonder about this too. Will he make things harder for you, or is his heart just breaking that his baby is leaving the nest?
Maybe you need to sit an have a heart to heart with him. Take him to lunch and ask him what is going on. Let him know that your leaving home doesn't mean your leaving him. And lean on your mother for needed support. Trust me, its much harder when both are opposed to your leaving.
@stagewhisper (901)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I think that you should just let your father know that you're going to be moving out soon, and quietly arrange to do just that. If you're 19, you should be able to move out without any problems. Just coordinate a date with your fiance (or roommates, or however you plan to live) and do it. At this rate it sounds like it's the only way you'll get out of there.
1 person likes this
@cassidy22 (2974)
• United States
8 Jul 08
What do you mean he won't consider it. YOu are a legal adult.
Go sign a lease at an apartment complex, pack up your stuff and GO.
It's really that easy. He may not want you to leave, but YOU ARE THE ONE KEEPING YOU THERE. Go.
@cassidy22 (2974)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Well, your father sounds controlling and irrational. As long as you want to "respect" that , then you will be 30 years old and living at home. And 40. And 50. Until he passes on. It's still up to you. Your father needs to learn to let go and YOU need to learn to grow up and stand up for yourself.
Or stay at home forever. It's up to YOU. not HIM.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
28 Jul 08
This has not happened to me. My first thought in reading this is wondering what exactly is stopping you? I went and got married at 18 right after I graduated high school. Dumb move on my part, i'll admit but the point is that I did what I wanted at that point. I was 18 and I got a really good job and was financially sufficient so there was no way that they were going to stop me. They were right...I was making a poor choice but I don't regret it one bit. The marriage ended after 5 yrs but I learned so much living independently from them. They were angry at first. My mom barely spoke to me for 2 years she was so angry. She got over it when my daughter was born 3 years into the marriage. Is dad paying for your education? If so, then he does have a little pull there. I don't really agree with him but if he is paying for it then I guess he has the right to call the shots. If not, then you should just tell dad you love him, give him a big hug and tell him not to worry and go for it. He may be upset at first but it is only cuz he loves you and wants the best for you. He'll get over it and get used to it. You sound much more level headed than I was at that age and I'm 52 and still going strong. I'm sure you'll do just fine.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Jul 08
gtgirl6643 I moved out when I was your age and went to work as
a nurses aid so it can be done, my dad was worried but my mom
was not and I soon madefriends at work and moved into the boarding house where all my friends from work lived. I did not get married unfortuneatly until I was thirty and had moved to Arizona where I met my husband to be and fell for him at first sightl we were married six weeks later. I only wished IU had met him when I was twenty lol we were married for
@phoenix25 (1541)
• United States
10 Jul 08
Well, why do you need your dad to "let" you move out. It sounds like you are ready to be out on your own and have been making financial and logistical arrangements to do so. How is your dad exactly going to stop you from moving out? My parents tried to stop me from moving out, of course I did it under undesirable circumstances, but I still did it. The fact is, if you want to move out your parents can't stop you. Your dad will get over it. From the sound of it, your dad doesn't want you to move either because he will miss you or he's worried about you. I don't think it's because you will fail and have to move back in. I don't think he would have a problem with you moving back in. In fact, I think the opposite would be true. It sounds more likely that he WANTS you to fail so you'll have to move back in and he can be around you again.
@gtgirl6643 (36)
•
11 Jul 08
I respect him and my mom and he comes first before anything, so I could never hurt him. I saw what he had to go through with my brother moving out and it was bad, so I don't want to hurt him. I think I'm just going to stay until he thinks I'm ready, he's smarter than me and has way more experience in life, I know I'm not going to be so happy now, but in the long run, I will probably thank him.
