they say time can cure all the hurts. Why can't mine?

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it's a bit long. he^^ i have a nice boy friend. and i can feel he really loves me very much. i believe i will never fall across a man who can love me so much like him. That's good. i can always feel warm because of some words he say and some things he do. But i cannot forget the boy i love secretly for a lot of years, from my childhood. Don't laugh me. it's real. i can remember clearly when i was a child i always dressed up like him, whose style always wore a shirt longer than the coat outside. and i always get to school very early. because i know he always come to school when it is very early. and one day when i chat with my mom, i told her i love this guy. i can remember my mom's face being strange. i belive i do not know what does the word 'love' means then. but i'm sure he is different to me comparing with other children. and i keep this nice secret love in my heart and record the feeling in my diary when we are in middle school. i rarely said to him since we are not in the same class. and in our school we spent all of time in studying for the dream of college. i write the words that i want to tell him in the diaries. and now i have at least three diaries. then we were in two different colleges, but fortunatly,in the same city. i think i can tell him all the story he did not know completely. but this is an afflictive experience. he refused me without circumstance and ruthlessly. and i think i am not so stronge. at this period, i am in a really bad mood. i was even to be another man who i don't know, crapulous, ignoring my friends, no smiling. it is my boy friend ruscue me from the disaster. and i am be myself again, even better. now i always have my sweet big smile on my face. and everyone around me tells me my face looks good than ever. I think i'm so fortunate. i doubt i will kill myself one day if it is not for my boy friend. and now we are together for 27 months. but i cannot forget that guy who is in my heart so many years. when i thought i had forgotton him, the dream always brings me back to the feeling. and i will miss him and want to see him and want to do something for him. and i'm entangled in the feeling in the following days. sometimes i will see that dad-burned guy impetuously like before and when i ask him,'do you think i am strange?',he said 'yes' but i will never let my boyfriend know this. i will tell him 'today i do an evildoing to you, sorry.' but i never tell him what is it. i felt guilty to my boy friend. he believe me so much. but sometimes i cannot help to missing him. and i cannot control the dream. yesterday i read some of my diaries. i thought i was so silly and pity. time cures all things. but why cannot cure me?