Help when a tragedy strikes your kids
By redkathy
@redkathy (3374)
United States
July 9, 2008 10:15am CST
My youngest son is in college about 2 hours away. He and his girlfriend, who is also now is school, live together. They struggle to make the bills. I know they don't always have groceries and do without a lot of things, yet they never ask for anything. They came down to celebrate July 4th with us. They told me all their pay from this week was needed to pay the electric bill. So when they left I gave them some groceries. They get upset with me when I do that, so I told them it was a gift. Low and behold on Tuesday night, late I get this phone call...
Mom, I have bad news. My friend was is a four wheeler accident. Her brain is swollen. They operated on her frontal lobe and left a piece of the skull out to ease the swelling. We are coming down, she going to die. Of course, I was shocked, said yes they should come down. (This brought back memories of friends that I had lost when I was young and the anguish I felt then) Meanwhile I waited and prayed for them.
I know they are missing work and won't be able to pay the electric bill. Our income has been cut by over 50% due to the slow down in construction here. Even though I am wondering if we will make it, I am inclined to pay their electric bill on my credit card. Now for my question, given the situation should I pay it? How would you help?
4 people like this
14 responses
@NuclearRabbit (650)
• United States
9 Jul 08
That's really sad. I'm sorry.
Electric bills are usually not that high and you can miss a payment--it will just rollover into the next months bill with a late fee of course. I would pay for it or at least some of it.
2 people like this
@NuclearRabbit (650)
• United States
9 Jul 08
Electric companies are required by law to tell you in advance if they are going to cut the power, they can't just turn it off, at least in the states.
If their power was to be cut they would know well in advance.
So yeah the electric company will roll it over. Personal experiance.
1 person likes this
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I have to say do what you can do. Even if its paying half the bill just to keep it on. My kids are not of age yet to worry about this but I know that my mom did it for me many times and I was very thankful to have her.
I know your son and his girlfriend would be very thankful for your helping them out. I also know that they would be upset that you did it because they know your situation too.
I have to say that when my kid is of that age to ask or need for money I don't know how I could say no even if it ment my going with out some thing. I guess it would depend on how often and if she is really trying. I feel like if kids are putting forth there best effort and still need some help we as parents should help every bit we can.
@enola1692 (3323)
• United States
9 Jul 08
My heart gose out to your family right now an I know if it was me I would pay the bill an tell my son I just wanted to give you one less thing to worry about you have enough on your mind your son is lucky to have a mom like you
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Jul 08
redkathy I would pay what I could on the electric bill and
go from there as you have your own family expenses to
also think about. I am wondering if given the situation
they are in they should miss so much work even tho their friend is hurt. they have to think of their own circumstances
also.
1 person likes this
@honeydew82174 (1720)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I would call the electric company and pay it and then they can not refuse your help. I am so sorry to hear this has happened. Your son is very lucky to have you. You seem to be very supportive. Sometimes when kids are out on there own they need to prove to themselves they can do it on there own.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
10 Jul 08
Being the Mom I am and having an easy heart when it comes to helping my kids (only my daughter has needed it), I know I'd pay the bill. My daughter was left with 4 kids 8 1/2 years ago by divorce (he ran around and remarried within 63 days), and has had to struggle to make ends meet ever since. I got her bank number and I sometimes just go deposit $100 or more in her account if I find out she's short. I haven't been able to do that in awhile, though, since things have gotten tight around here. But we do slip them food money or give the kids money to eat on or buy little things. And, I occasionally buy her a blouse or shirt or uniform. I just tell her not to say anything and I don't want anything from it. I just thank the Lord I can help.IF I hadn't given her money at Christmas, I knew her kids were going without a gift at all from her because she didn't have the money. She's changed jobs this year, nearer home and less gas money going out, so maybe she's going to be doing better.
@angelface23 (2494)
• United States
14 Jul 08
This is a tough one. Given the situation that their friend is going to die and they want to visit them that is extreme circumstances but at the same time life is tough and you can't just take off work if you have bills to pay. I would tell them they need to stay home. You said they have trouble paying bills and buying groceries. Can't they apply for food stamps? Being that they're not married they can probably get them. One of course would have to apply but it could work.
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
10 Jul 08
In this particular situation, I would definitely help out. Your son is obviously a very responsible young man and just needs a little help right now while he completes his education. Helping him out so he can still attend school and lower his stress level is perfectly acceptable.
There are situations where I wouldn't help out. If my kid was just lazy or irresponsible, then I certainly wouldn't help out as it would just make him more dependent on me.
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
10 Jul 08
It's great that they don't ask for help or expect it like so many kids do these days. But, if they are struggling that much to pay the bills, then why don't they opt for on-campus living, it is so cheap, and most include at least some meals. Then they could save up their money until they can afford to live off campus. As for their electric bill, as one of your responders said, the electric company will not just all of a sudden shut off your electricity, they will send a notice of shut off and when, normally 10 days after they send the notice. I think you should talk to them, and tell them it's great that they are trying to do all of this on their own, but sometimes you need a little help. See how much they are short and offer to pay that, if it makes them feel better, tell them it is a loan that can be paid back after they are through with school and have better jobs. Also, they may need a little guidance in budgeting. I'm not sure where they live, but I do know that even rent for a small apartment isn't cheap, how do they afford that?
@redkathy (3374)
• United States
12 Jul 08
We found that campus living was actually more expensive, my son tried that first. His school doesn't have "on site" dorms so they arrange for apartments around the school. They did speak to the electric company and will ask for the extension if needed. I decided to offer my credit card but leave the decision up to them. The apartment they live in is really cheap. Not a great neighborhood though.
@allen0187 (58582)
• Philippines
10 Jul 08
first, real sad story about the friend of your son. my prayers go to the friend and the love ones she will leave behind.
now, to the situation at hand. if i were you, i'll definitely ask my son first if he needs help in paying the electric bill. the company will definitely notify your son first before they disconnect the electricity so i think your son has more time in his hands in paying the bill. think long term in helping. i know your intentions are good but i think your son and his girlfriend are striving to live independently. maybe, you can help one of them or both of them find a job that they can work on their free time. that will help in paying the bills and both wouldn't think that they're receiving hand-outs from you. i understand how your son feels. i have a family of my own but my mother goes out of her way to help me out with groceries and in my finances. i usually turn down her offers but sometimes i know she feels hurt if i do that so i accept it on the condition that i will pay for it later on. so far, that has worked and i've managed to pay off my debts to my mother. its reassuring to know that when push comes to shove, a parent will be there to help out. however, as a child, i know i need to learn to stand on my own and i know your son is stirving to do just that.
