Managing the ex-wife?

You definitely need to say something and you need to start answering the telephone (or get caller ID). This won't get better on it's own.

I would let hubby know that you are not entirely comfortable with how much ex is calling and popping into your life. Tell him that you are not jealous per se but you wonder why she has to be calling all the time. You are probably wrong to thing he has no feelings. He may love you, but you really cant turn feelings off and on like a faucet, especially when there is a child involved.

I am my first husband's FOURTH wife, and oh girl, I know what you're going through. What you do is you tell him that it is disrespecul to you when he doesn't stand up to your marriage. It is not his or your place as individuals or as a couple, to be her friend. My husband's one ex-wife has used their 16 year old son against him for years, but now the boy is "growing claws" so to speak, and standing up to his mother, refusing to be a pawn in their stupid game. HIs mother is a nice enough person, but like water and electricity, she shouldn't be involved with our family. I gave my husband all unholy h3ll one day when ex-wife said to take the phone off speaker because she felt I'd disrespected her, or a member of her family, or something, and MY HUSBAND OBEYED!!!! I'm still pissed off at him deep down for that, even though we resolved it. Wha I'm pissed at now is not the insedent itssel (like I said, we resolved it) but the fact that it happened at all!!!! My husband loves me more than anyone has ever loved me before, but he is way too passive when it comes to his ex-wives, most of the time. He's gotten A LOT BETTER, but I still don't trust him worth a $hit when they call, not because I think he has feelings for them (they are EXES and there is a reason) but because the exes know how to manipulate heir little sucker, and he falls for it. I suggest you enroll his daughter in councelling, so that she can understand any tricks that a divorced parent might pull, what her mother might do if her father annoys her, something like that, so the girl doesn't grow up as the pawn that my step-son did. She needs to learn how to handle the situation, so that her mother can't use her against you, WHEN you and your husband assert yourselves.

I am my husband's second wife. First marriage for me. We have been together for 18 years. I dealt with my husbands ex for many years. For her, it wasn't that she wanted him back, but that she didn't want anyone else to have him so that he would be at her beck and call. My suggestion to you is sit down with the ex(just you and the ex in a neutral setting)and find out what she wants. Ask her point blank why she calls so much, why she thinks YOUR husband should be at her service when she needs him and why she thinks she can just pop over anytime she wants. Ask nicely. She may have "underlying" intentions or she just may think all of ya'll can be friends. If you play "the game" with her, then she will feel like she is getting the upper hand and will continue. Show her up front that you are watching her and you are not going to avoid her. She will either wise up or she may try to get sneakier about it. Either way, she will know you aren't afraid too call her on it and she will probably get bored with it. My guess she is lonely and doesn't have anything better too do.