Why do the worst parents insist on giving parenting advice?

I have a friend that gives advice that annoys me. She is the type of mom that isn't right next to her kids where as if we are at the park I need to be able to see my daughter at all times. I am always looking to make sure she is right where I can see her. My friend will say just let her go or shes fine. Then there is food. I don't let my daughter eat any thing with peanuts yet. The doctor said to wait till she was at least one years old but others have told me two years old. Whats one more year? So I make my daughter jelly sandwiches or skip trail mix. The friend will say my kids were eating peanutbutter before one. Its no big deal. My response is its no big deal if you don't have an allergy to it. Also there is soda. My daughter doesn't drink soda. She has a sip here and there but thats about it. Her kids drink more soda then I as an adult do! Same with candy. Candy is a treat its limited. Every one in a while I will give her a piece but thats it. The friend says I'm mean! Anyway I just do what I think is best for my child - she does what is easier. When we are out in public my daugher 19 months and her daughters 3 and 4 are SOOO different. My daughter is well behaived and when I say no she understands and listens to it. Her kids run wild and repeatedly ask for every thing in the store even if she said no. All I know is I do what I think is the best. It may not be right but when people compliment my daughter for being so good it makes me think I am doing some thing right.

Yes. I do in fact know somebody just like that. She is a very odd person. I will fill you in a little on the details =) This mom has four children, but she has stated repeatedly to more than a few people that she never really wanted to be a mom. She has also stated repeatedly that she never wanted to be a STAY AT HOME mom, which is what she was. When she is not around kids, she seems almost normal. When she is in the presence of kids - and not just her own, it's like she's a pressure cooker with the lid about to pop off. I don't know how else to describe her. She tends to be very loud, and the stuff that comes out of her when she's being loud is not nice. She berates her kids in public, loudly, meanly. She also spanks. In public. Her great advice to other moms? You should spank your children. You should also yell at your children. And you should make them call you ma'am. Heh. I don't want anybody calling me ma'am. I'm not old. I don't think she would leave her children home alone, but she certainly doesn't mind if they are in a different room in a public place (maybe because then she doesn't have to look at them?). I know I'm not willing to leave my four year old in a separate room from me in a public place! What the heck?? The way things are these days, I don't even think it would be okay if she was EIGHT! Anyway, it just seems like she believes corporal authorative 'punishment' is the only form of discipline that works and that if you don't use it, there's something wrong with you and you're letting your kids get away with murder. Her kids are scared of her! I don't think I'd want my kids hiding under their beds discussing how to 'appease mom today'. Ugh.

I hope you reported her to child protective services. She will be the same mom who will put her daughter on the pill at 11, just in case, and she is just totally arrogant. She probably has advice on all subjects, not just child rearing. You are right to get away from having her in your life, she would only bring headaches.

I try to avoid giving unsolicited parenting advice too much because I know there are things as a parent that I do that are wrong. I try to stick to only giving advice about what worked for my child, and not what I know I SHOULD try to do, but don't. I work hard to do what is best for my child, and I have no problem sharing what those things are. But I don't ever say things like "Don't give your child even a sip of soda until they are at least 5," since my 2.5 year old gets a couple of sips about 2 times a week. Same thing with candy and other treats. While I don't think it's appropriate to let them have all the cookies and candy that they want, I'm definitely not going to say not to give them any, because my toddler does get some. One thing that really bothers me is when someone says something like "Don't make the same mistake I did..." and follow with something like "I let my child sleep with me every night until she was 3, and now I can't get her out of my bed. Don't ever let your child sleep with you, or he will be the same way." Or "Don't let your kid drink juice until he's at least 1, or he will be just like my daughter, and not drink formula anymore because juice tastes better." I think generalizations like this are silly. My son had his first drink of juice at 6 months old, and continued to drink formula until he was 13 months old, and still drinks at least 2 cups of milk a day, and only half a cup of juice every other day. He sleeps with me from time to time, but still has no problems falling asleep on his own.

My mother does this. She only had me and my grandmother raised me. I have three kids and she's an expert on what I'm doing wrong with them. We have long conversations where I just say Um hmmm alot then do what I feel my kids need. I hate it! My mother-in-law did raise three and even though I don't always agree with everything, I welcome any tips she gives me. People like that drive me crazy! My neighbor is a 30 years old, never been married, and hardly dates because of his job. Yet, he's full of marriage advice. He even has a blog about it on his myspace. I don't give advice unless asked and even then I make sure to tell it's my OPINION from my experiences.

You are right beautyqueen. We should teach by example, actions teach. Words often impart only information, like for example, we teach our children to be respectful and speak the truth always but sometimes there are parents who tell lies to excuse themselves from inconvenient obligations, they teach that this is how adults should behave. Most children copy their parents. We are all imperfect, so the best thing to do is to strive to be a good examples. If we, parents makes mistakes, let's admit it and apologize. This will taught the children that parents too make mistakes and we all need to work to improve our conduct.

I must one of those worst parents you talk about my dear beautyqueen, I lived to see a lezzezfair parent ruin the lives of all his kids by taking the no advice option-kids would go to school if they wanted, they sleep in dirty rooms and epect mads to lay their beds, they wouldnt care to appear responsible, and they never helped their father in his business-the business collapsed and what wa their own livelihood just disappeared-they became rogues

That is devil reciting scriptures.. When she is not perfect.. leaving her baby alone.. and getting drunk.. how could she exercise care on her family.. in real terms.. In such a case i would just ignore her words..

Yes, unfortunately I know people like that. I don't really enjoy spending time around them, and I rarely talk to them about my son or about children in general because I know they are going to give horrible advice or tell me that I'm wrong for doing things the way I do. These people also like to blame other people for the problems their children have, when their own children get into trouble. These people are just so self-centered that they can't see that the things they are doing are causing the problems.

Even worse are the ones who have no kids.

I would not ever trust a woman who got falling down drunk to parent a child no. I knew a couple like that and could only wonder why they had not lost their kids to the childrens protective services. she was a total goof ball and he was the drunkest of drunks allthe time, she had not a clue about child rearing but gave advice that was totally useless. oh she went to church every sunday but smoked like a fiend, and never changed a wet diaper until the kidwas howling in pain from diaper rash. her house stank, and she had bo too, just not good parents, and they had three kids too. she sure did dish out advice which I did not bother to listen too.

It happens with people who make comments on all sorts of things, not just parenting. Now, to be fair, some of them genuinely believe they're doing the right thing; on the other hand, though, there are people who are very self-conscious about their abilities (or lack thereof) regarding a certain subject, and try to justify what they're doing to everyone else.

Do not be yoked with such a advices concerning parenting and does not live by, avoid her companionship because she will end up selling you to a wrong direction without you knowing. Look for the right people who are expert in introducing food to the children, a mechanicar knows his work unless he is a conman. Look also for variety of the books and do the comparison. And remember you are a dear mum to you child, be gentle to you child and provide the best from your skills. Nobody should compromise you be yourself and present the best to your kid mum.

Its like back seat driving. I guess people do it not knowing it annoys you.

That really would annoy me not to mention that you should have called Children's Aid on her for admitting to leaving her child alone! You can't go out day or night with out your child...she should be getting a baby sitter if she wants to go out! That is really ridiculous!!! I'm with you, stuff like that really bothers me and I feel so bad for the children! I certainly would not be taking any advice from her! ~Heavens~

I think it is because deep down they know that they are being unsucessful parents in some ways and they would like to live vicariously through you and have the 'perfect' parenting role. I like to take peoples advice with a grain of salt and see behind its true meaning. In cases like this I think it means that they are actually calling out for support - so that is why they are trying to support you in their own way so that you might give them some support back. It is all in the interpretation my dear - bring on that positivity! Your reward to good parenting is the smiles on your childrens faces when they look at you - I am sure that you have happy children

Personally I think the worst parents give the best advice, you always know that it is going to bad, so you know to do the complete opposite.

thats why if i know you are not a good parent i dont ask for your advice and if you just give it to me i really just ignore it. But maybe no one has told them that arent good parents yet. or maybe everyone around them even if it is a lie tell them that they are good parents.

LOL, I agree with you, there is only one thing worse than a parent who has no clue trying to force their views on you, but worse than that is a person who has no children telling you what you should do with your kids. That really bugs me the most.

In my small experience that i have had with my 6 month daughter, i have indeed encountered plenty of people who have given me advice and gave me alot of information on what they did or do but each idividual mother always (well not always) chose what they found to be the best option for the child at the time.. from newborn to adolescent. Everyone has a different opinion on the image they hold as being a great parent everyone lived a different life therefore we shouldnt´t automatically judge them to have bad parenting although i don´t agree in her leaving her baby alone. One only follows the advice that fits the best for one.. because family members and friends will all give you advice and expect you to do it but don´t always follow what they say because it would be impossible to keep everyone happy what your heart tells you.