How do I get along with my husband?
By coolchic101
@coolchic101 (848)
United States
July 11, 2008 12:36am CST
I think I have a passive aggressive husband but correct me if I'm wrong.
When I confront him with a problem that I want resolved, he makes it seem like it's my fault. I know I am not perfect but we created that problem together most of the time. Then he quarrels with me which makes me raise my voice and his voice and he ends up not talking with me and acts like everything is fine and he goes about his day while I sit there feeling sad and angry he didn't resolve these issues with me.
He also doesn't want to resolve issues with me before we go to bed and then I hold resentment towards him which affected my sleeping habits. He acts like nothing is wrong and he sleeps like a baby while I can't sleep and I go to bed really late. And I already know that you have to resolve problems before going to bed with your partner, otherwise, it continues the next day but he refuses to work on us.
When I talk to him, he doesn't respond right away. I have to call his name several times before he finally responds and I am even in the same room with him talking in a normal voice!
He often is focused on the computer (he brings home his work often) and spaces out while I talk to him and when he watches tv he space out too and I can't even hold a conversation or get a response from him. I have to turn off the tv so I can get a response from him. However, I can't turn off his computer for a second because he's busy doing his work and it would be rude to turn off his computer while he is working.
After awhile, when I give him his space, and when I confront him again, he still doesn't want to resolve issues. He resents me that I started the confrontation and he resists not holding and hugging me. And because he acts like this, it's hard to eat with him so we don't our meals together.
Any advice or tips on how I can get along with my husband? I even looked for tips on the net but it still isn't good enough.
And please don't tell me that we need to see a marriage counselor, I already know that. Just looking for advice here first. Thanks in advance for your opinions.
4 responses
@elshaddai123 (3981)
• Kottayam, India
20 Jul 08
nobody us perfect so you take the decision(good one)and let him feel he has taken the decision.you have to be very very diplomatic.
@nikkihys (1)
•
14 Jan 11
i have no idea why women have to let me think they have answered all the questions and sorted out all the problems and we should be greateful that they have taken time away from there busy schedules to listen to what us wifes want. its always let him have the final say, let him make the final decision. i have took a step today, after constant bickering and asking my husband to take instead of dropping it... i am now planning a trial seperation based on me realising that if hes not willing to help us i cant carry us alone. the same arguments come up on a weekly, monthly basis and i am fed up of feeling down about it. good luck everyone, my words on here seem so much more assertive than real life but i feel strong enough and the hurt isnt hurting so much anymore, ive kinda got past the sad stage already. im sad for my son and im sad for my husband and me. i feel mire sorry for him because all his relationships will end up like this, he has no communication skills and is like a grumpy old man before his time, living 20-30 yrs behind of changing times
@Ambitiouz (200)
• United States
11 Jul 08
I have the same problem as you do with my husband. I find it very disturbing that he doesn't bother to resolve an issue we have recently had an argument over, whether major or minor. I hold that resentment all day long, and then he'll ask what's wrong like everything is all peachy keen. Plus I get bothered very easily, to the point where I can't even sleep next to him. And he falls to sleep fast, so that makes me real angry. Try to remember why you married him. I had to sit down with my husband and ask him what it is we could both do to get along better. I wish I could help more but I really have the same issue as well.
@coolchic101 (848)
• United States
11 Jul 08
It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this situation. I invested years into this relationship and thats why I'm still with him and still love him and that we have a child together.
He even asks me if we could get along?! When he is the one who is incompetent of resolving problems with me. I do not mind resolving problems with my spouse but I can not resolve problems on my own and neither does it go away on its own. Unresolved issues snowball and gets worse if it doesn't get taken care of immediately.
He even tells me that I need to let it go like he does! Grrrr. And it's hard not to be sensitive when he acts like this. I could go on and on LOL. This sucks.
@Ambitiouz (200)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Love is stronger than any problem in the relationship. And you're right, it takes two to make it work. It can't be one sided. If you're both doing everything you can to make it work then it'll survive. I think it's important to know what each others triggers are and avoiding them. I hate it when he does something that hits below the belt, so to speak, and then to feel better I react the same. I was asking my husband the other day, why is it that we can barely go one day without problems, and he basically has the 'get over it' attitude. Very frustrating.
@hellcowboy (7374)
• United States
13 Jul 08
I am not sure if that would be passive aggressive but it is possible, and I do not see how he can act like it is all your fault or go about his day like nothing happened,while you are angry and upset at,him and I can understand that it affects your ability to sleep,and it is not fair that you have to call his name several times before he finally responds to you,and it is not right that he lets his computer and the television come before you,and that he will space out while you are trying to hold a conversation with him,and I can kind of understand him not wanting you to turn off his computer for a few moments,but he should be willing to do so himself,and he should not resent you for confronting him,and trying to resolve the issues between the two of you,and I am sorry to hear that this causes you to not be able to eat your meals together,I am not sure what to tell you,except maybe the two of you should go on a vacation,where ya'll can be alone,and maybe that will help the two of you work out your issues without having to see a marriage counselor,and being a guy myself I do not condone his actions,and I would never be that way towards my fiance because I love her too much,to do anything that might cause me to lose her,and I hope that things improve for you and your husband.
@nutthouse3 (63)
• United States
19 Jul 08
I had to read this twice. Your husband could be my husbands twin! I am not sure how old you both are,or how long you have been married, but you have got to get him to communicate.Tell him that you need to speak with him with no interruptions for only 30 mins.max. and could he please turn the computer off for that time. That it is very important. Or plan a day off make a picnic and call his boss and let him know if know that your husband won't be in. He is obviously dealing with something and doesn't know how to tell you about it. I don't think that marriage counsling is what you need right not, I think that individual counsling is what you both need. Especially him.
Thats the way I would go .
Hope it helps.
Good Luck!
