The unanswered cell phone call....
By cream97
@cream97 (29086)
United States
July 11, 2008 7:33am CST
My husband tends to have his cell phone on it around most of the times. But lately, when I am around him, and if his cell phone rings he will look at the caller-Id. And he will close his phone back up. This usually happens when I am in the same room with him in the house, or it can be when we are in the car together. I know that when we are out and using the car, his dad will call to see if we are done shopping or what not. Well, I try not to ask my husband whom is that calling him, but, I don't want to be looked as a controlling wife.. Sometimes, it bothers me when he does this. It is like he does not want to talk to this person on the phone when he is around me... One thing I can say, is this...If my husband was to ever cheat on me, I will never know. Because he has a very slick way about him. Although, he tells me that I am the only woman that he loves, sometimes, I wonder if I really am. I can never quite know if he is always telling me the truth. He is good at hiding things from me. I can feel this.. I don't know if the person whom is calling, is his sister or brother, or not. If it is, I can understand why he does not want to answer the phone when we are together or not. On the other hand, I don't know whom could be on the other end.. This is a mystery... And checking his phone to see whom is calling him, will never do any good. Because he may just erase the number. Yes, there are times that he will leave his phone out in the open,but then there are times, my mind is telling me other wise.. I don't know what else to think. Mind you, we have argued over this issue before.. I never know whom is calling him.. What should I say to him without causing a fight?
11 people like this
53 responses
@jaredlp (418)
• United States
11 Jul 08
you all need to start seeing a couples counseler. the lack of trust in this relationship is the reason for no openness. This tells me the relationship is in serious trouble. something as petty as not answering the phone shouldnt be causeing u to be this insecure unless u thought there was something else going on, otherwise known as lack of trust. you both need to come together and work on the reason that u dont trust him. in the end the truth will come out..
side rant... i dont get why people get married when they dont trust their partner
@jaredlp (418)
• United States
11 Jul 08
please dont take offense to this but as i read a lot of ur comments back there is untone of someone that carries a burden and is down. like i said i think some counseling woudl be good and help build the trust back if its misplaced. if not help get it out inopen
2 people like this
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
11 Jul 08
I have been married for six years to my husband. Our seven year anniversary is this coming Saturday, which is tomorrow. When I first met him, I trusted him. But now, I hardly do.. Just my reasons.. So, this happened later on in our marriage. He assures me that he is not cheating.. But, I just can never be to sure of this.
2 people like this
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
11 Jul 08
What service do you have? If you have Sprint or Verizon you can go online and pull a phone log. That will tell you who he is talking to. You can't erase numbers from there - Believe me I know! I would check into it if you are having these feelings there is a reason. You don't just get that 'off' feeling for no reason.
Go through the phone contacts and look to see if the phone numbers match the names. Like the contact that says his brother or friend 'Joe' is that really 'Joes' number?
If you have open communication then I would just say some thing. When some one calls say some thing like you can answer that you know. See what his response is. If is is some thing like oh its just my brother I can talk to him later, maybe thats really all it is.
There is no reason to argue about this. If he isn't doing anything wrong and you two have a good marriage there shouldn't be any argument. If there is maybe there is more of an issue then you think.
2 people like this
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
11 Jul 08
I am not famiular with that provider. You don't have to call them go online and register to see your bill online as well. Most cell phone providers have a wed site where you can track activities see you bill and such. Its not hard to do. Your husband doesn't even need to know you looked.
I go online and check my own and his often. For various reasons - not the same as you but to check my bill, minutes and such.
I wouldn't even have to ask my husband for informtaion. I know every thing. What ever question they asked for me to look at his account online I would know the answer. So inless the company he works for provideds and pay for the phone I don't see why you couldn't check it out!
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
12 Jul 08
Im sorry but i would just have to fight.I would NOT tolerate that behavior..He would not like it if you did it,and he should not do it to you..I would ask everytime who it was.I can tell you that those feelings that you are having is real.Women have a keen sense and when it feels wrong,usually it is wrong.Dig deeper and find out whats going on.Check the cell phone bill ,look at the incoming calls,and out going calls.I found out a lot by checking numbers....
2 people like this
@kiran1978 (4134)
• Australia
12 Jul 08
I agree with you women usually do have gut instincts with these things. Best to trust your gut instincts and not ignore them.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
12 Jul 08
Since you don't know for certain, I wouldn't assume something bad unless there was some evidence to back up your suspicions. However, have you considered looking up the incoming and outgoing phone numbers to and from your cell phones? If there is a number you don't recognize, you could enter it into one of the phone number lookup sites and see if you get a hit. It might be companies or organizations calling him, it might be a family member or a friend who just calls all the time. Maybe there's nothing, he just wants to focus on you instead of having the distraction of the phone. I would maybe phrase a question along those lines to see if he was putting off the calls in respect to you.
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
11 Jul 08
You could very well be making a big deal out of nothing. I would never have any qualms about asking my husband "Who was that?" in a non-chalant way. I don't view it as being controlling, but as being interested. Perhaps he feels this person just isn't important enough to talk to while he is spending time with his wife.
2 people like this
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Yes, for my own sake, I hope that it is someone whom isn't at all important. And yes, my husband has called me insecure many times as well. So, if I ask him this every time he does not answer his phone, it would make me look as if I am insecure. So, I will not ask him. I hope that it is someone not that important.
2 people like this
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
11 Jul 08
You are his wife. As his wife you have the right to ask the question and receive an answer. My ex did the same thing often. I resorted to snooping. By checking his call log - incoming and outgoing I learned alot. His email and desk was also a good place to look. Didn't take me more than a couple of days to learn he was cheating on me. When I confronted him he asked me to forget it and stay together. Since that was our 2nd time with the issue and we had other problems too I said no and went thru with the divorce. I know some people can just "ignore" this type of thing, but I am not one of them. Good luck.
2 people like this
@wooitsmolly (3613)
• United States
11 Jul 08
What's wrong with causing a fight? I would just be like, "Hey, how come you never answer your phone around me?" but actually I would take his phone and look through it because I am a snoop. But that's just me.
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
12 Jul 08
Most importantly, you need to ask yourself this question.
"Do I really want to know if he is cheating on me?"
If the answer is yes, then make it your
business to find out.
Snoop around. Do some detective work.
Hire someone to follow him to see if he
rendezvous with a mistress.
If you don't really want to know the answer
don't pry.
Cause once you know, you'll either have
to live with the truth or leave him!
1 person likes this
@shamsta19 (3224)
• United States
12 Jul 08
I read a lot of the responses here and I have to agree that you should approach him. You guys are married and there should BE NOTHING HIDDEN IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP!!! Not trying to be mean or anything, but you shouldn't even have any second thought about asking him. My girl asks me all the time. Even speaking as a man if I was doing this it would probably be something I was trying to hide. I've done that move before. Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's everything. I hope things have worked out for you...
1 person likes this
@shamsta19 (3224)
• United States
12 Jul 08
And I a not trying to make you paranoid because maybe it is nothing. Maybe it's a work related call, or someone he just didn't want to talk to. I don't want you to take what I say as the truth but ask him. If he does it again ask him. See what he says and if the is nothing to hide there would be nothing to fight about.
1 person likes this
@misty99 (736)
•
11 Jul 08
Hello cream....been there and until now.Mine is sometimes he would answer the phone and go far from me/us.I never snoop or
wonder who might be the caller or who my husband is talking to over the phone before.But since the start of cheating...so martyr of me.....i've become an evil snooper both on calls and messages and even the emails.Since then if there are calls that he turns down i would unsuspectingly ask him immediately who its was,why he's avoiding it.Accept the answer as though it was really nothing.But if your instinct say something....for a whole play safe.Keep yourself busy with anything else (like mylot) but keep track of things,earn as much evidence as you can and when you're finally convinced that there is something BAD going on then you can confront him and lay what you have to prove his cheating.Please accept my friend request.Good luck!
@relundad (2310)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Does he use his cell phone for work too? Its possible that if he uses his cell phone for work as I do, I will often allow calls that I can't identify as being someone that is family or friends to go to the voicemail if I am doing something on a personal level. For instance if I am in the mall with my boyfriend and my cell phone rings I will check the ID and if its someone I don't have programmed into my phone I know it must be business related. Rather than interrupt the time that I am spending with him explain to a business call that I am in the mall, I will just return that call later. Even sometimes when I am in the car alone I will allow the call to go to voicemail as I am not in a position to take down the information that I will need from the call. It just doesnt make a lot of sense to answer just to say I have to call you back when I can pull over and get your information. Then I have to figure out who matches what number etc. For all intense purposes even though I have a home phone I only use it for my alarm system and DSL. So needless to say my phone is always ringing off the hook! And sometimes I just dont want to talk, so I exercise the wonderful voicemail.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Yes, actually this cell phone is his business phone.. 100% ALL the way! But, in the meantime, I don't want to be so naive into thinking that he is being absolutely harmless. I want to keep my eyes and ears open.. You may be just right, and for my sake and his, I hope so.
1 person likes this
@Barbietre (1438)
• United States
12 Jul 08
I am in Real estate and my phone is my lifeline. Sometimes I get useless calls or calls from people that I do not want to answer at that moment.
I am sorry, but I think you are making to big a deal out of this. I have been married for 40 years and if you constantly monitor your husbands activities then you are very insecure, and you will drive him away. As others said with the caller ids, we know if the calls are important or not.
My DIL has my son under such tight reigns he cannot even call his family without permission. Do you want to be like that? Besides, my personal feeling is that when a spouse is always accusing you of doing something you have nothing to lose by doing it, you have already been accused. And do not be so niave to think if a spouse was going to cheat they would not find another way to do it. To stay married you both have to trust each other, that is a really BIG requirement to stay married forever.
@cdeanda2 (84)
• United States
12 Jul 08
Hello,
Well I have been in your shoes. My ex would do the same thing. It started causing an extreme strain on our relationship. I started to think wait if I hid my cell phone and hid who was calling then he would surely ask me who is that honey? Well one day I finally see him do it at dinner and asked him who is that calling and why do you never answer there phone call. Cause I knew he had been answering there call because on the phone bill. He told me it was a client calling to nag. Well the client was calling past the evening time which I found odd seeing he got off work at 4 or 5pm. Well one day he left his phone in his jacket pocket on his way to the store and sure enough the phone must have rang three times back to back. It was a unknown woman and all she said was hello and hung up on me. He got home and I told him I knkew what was going on. He broke down. This is just my story I pray that this possibly couldnt be happening to you.
@kuailexiaohuo (42)
• China
12 Jul 08
It's hard to say.In my opinion,you should have a talk with him.There is nothing you can't say.As a matter of fact,i like talking with others when nobody is near me.
2 people like this
@Marley76 (109)
• United States
11 Jul 08
It sounds as though you don't trust him period. I don't think this is about a phone call. If you trusted him I don't think it would matter if he answered the phone or not. You said yourself that he could cheat and you would never know. You need to talk to him about the fact that you just don't trust him. Just let him know that you don't want to keep nagging him so if you could just talk to him about it. Some simple changes might set your mind at ease. The longer you let it go the worse you are going to feel about it.
1 person likes this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
11 Jul 08
You say that he uses his phone for 100% business but you also say his family calls on this same phone. If that is the case then he is not using it for 100% business. I won't tell you what to do or how to feel but I will tell you what I think of the situation of course you are welcome to totally diregard my opinion :)
In your situation my instincts would be going crazy. I would feel that he is a cheat and that he is living a double life. I would not trust him. If he gets a call he doesn't want to take thats fine but he can tell you who the caller is. If it were just every once in a bluemoon that he did this it would be one thing but from the sounds of it it is a pretty regular occurance.
Like I said it is just my opinion take it or leave it. I just would not trust him.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Yes, I agree. It does happen a good bit.. This is not the first time, I have seen him do this... When we were watching a movie together, he would do this then. and when we are in the car? Yes, it makes me feel that he is hiding something..
1 person likes this
@Ohara_1983 (4117)
• Kuwait
12 Jul 08
Hello Cream, it happen to me already that situation, that it bothered me if my hubby dont answer his phone if im beside him, like you said you think bad of him maybe he got another girl, but all that thing that i feel it become true,what i did is sit with him and talk about it.till my hubby change yes it make a litlle bit trouble for how many weeks but now im a happy wife & happy mom, so you need to sit & talk what you feel he will understand you my dear.
Good luck
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Hi cream,
He assured you that he loves you and he is with you all the time..He come home on time from work and during weekend, he is spending time with you and your family..I guess that would be enough reason for you to just believe in him. And do now worry too much about the calls...it will just destroy your relationship! Although, there is no harm if you ask him but it will be great if you ask him right after that time that he received the call, like, why you're not answering that? who is that? I am like that to my husband...But there are times, that after he talks to the phone, he will not say anything, and I will check it sometimes, it's from the work..LOL! I know it's not good to be checking their phone but I made it always that I will not be caught..LOL!
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
Hi cream97! I think if your husband is not hiding anything from you, it will be no big deal if you will know who the person on the other line is. Or maybe he thinks that you will get angry or upset of the person on the other line that is why he is not telling you who the caller is. But if I were you dear, don't say nothing at all. Let him say who the caller is in his own time. Because if you ask him, he will be on the defense and will just get upset. But maybe, if you know someone from the phone service provider he is using, you may ask for a copy of all his calls; that is if you really know someone working in that company because those records are very confidential.
Take care and God Bless!
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
11 Jul 08
This is a difficult one and more so because you have already had arguements over this issue in the past. Other than the phone has he given you any reason not to trust? Also is it your gut feeling that is telling you he is up to something or is it just the fact that he doesn't say who it is? I would ask directly next time and see what he says, it could be he is planning a surprise birthday event for you or something so cannot speak about it when you are around, it could be a cold call number wanting to sell double glazing so if he doesn't recognise ignores. If he gets angry at being asked explain calmly how it makes you feel. Hope all turns out well. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
11 Jul 08
I'm probably not a good one to ask about this, since my husband was cheating - at least by phone and internet. Never did prove that he had an up close and personal meetings, but I'm sure he did that too.
Normal behavior would seem to be to look at the caller ID and grimace if it's someone you don't want to be bothered with at the moment. Normal behavior, I would think, would then be to say, "That was so and so. I'll call him/her back." Or normal behavior might be to take the call and say, "Hi, Whoever, I'm a bit busy at the moment. Can I call you back?"
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Yes, I see what you very mean. And my husband will not do this. He will just look at his caller ID. and if it is someone that he wishes to talk to he will. If not, then he will close his phone back down.. The person whom he wishes to not talk to, is s mystery.
1 person likes this
