Suffering in silence
By gemini_rose
@gemini_rose (16264)
July 13, 2008 6:38am CST
Nearly ten years ago my Grandad died of cancer, he left behind my Grandma who was devastated and she has never got over it at all. She was not working when he died as she was caring for him though his illness and he had to take early retirement.
When he died my grandma, who I call Nan, was left his pension which was not a great deal and was told she was entitled to nothing else, so for the last ten years she has had this measly pension and has been paying full whack for everything. Now I did not know any of this until towards the end of last year when she told me how she was struggling and told me she was having to pay full amounts on all her bills and that she had nothing and she was really upset, I mean she is a woman of 72 and she has to scrape for pennies? She went a week without food once, she told me on the phone by accident and I was horrified, I immediately phoned my Mum and asked was it true and even my Mum had no clue and she gave her money to help her out.
My family have always been ones to keep things like this away from me, they have never talked to me about their finances or anything but I was now really concerned about my Nan and started to ask questions about what exactly she was getting money wise, she lives a long way from me and so I cannot get to see her to help her. I found out that she was paying more than my hubby and I in her taxes and was getting no help with anything. I was fuming, because people who do not work, young people are getting money given to them, they dont have to pay rent, medicine bills, or taxes and yet a woman of 72 was paying everything on a pension!
After pushing a bit more my Mum eventually went to my Nans and together they started to apply for the things that I told them to apply for and it has taken a few weeks but the other week she was told that she will get extra money on top of her pension and they cut her council tax bill down from £84 per month to £27! This means that she will be now better off by £70 per month. YIPPEE I was so pleased, I just cannot believe that she has struggled for ten years and did not know that she was entitled to this help until I told them. She phoned me up so excited because now she can afford to get a set of dentures, she was not going to have them because she could not afford them, but now she can.
Have you ever helped an elderly person out because you know that they are struggling to get through life?
Do you think that elderly people get pushed to the back of the queue when it comes to benefits and help, while people who are quite capable of working seem to get it all handed to them on a plate?
4 people like this
11 responses
@mummymo (23706)
•
15 Jul 08
How awful for your Grandma sweetheart - I really feel for her and am glad she is now getting some money in! I do think that the elderly and those who do not know their way around the system are very neglected in our system sweetheart yet those who have never did a days work or paid into the system in any way live life very comfortably indeed! Well done you for making sure she got what she was due and is now more comfortable! xxx
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
15 Jul 08
Thank you, I am rather pleased with myself but the system is all wrong.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
13 Jul 08
I really hate it when this happens as you say all the People that could work and won't get everything, I had this Problem when I was classed as Disabled, the Fights I had and I still do not get what I am entitled to really
Your Nan wants to look into getting Discount on her Gas and Electric to I am sure she is entitled to that to
Phone Citizen Advice and see what she is entitled to
Hugs
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
It is true they do get everything, I will look into what you say about the gas and electric, thanx gabs xx
@heavenschild (4777)
• Canada
13 Jul 08
This is really sad but not shocking to me as I know it is happening and it shouldn't be!
My Husband's Step Mom is only in her fifties but because of her mobility and other health issues is unable to work....She was widowed by my son's Dad at the age of 42 and had a small toddler to raise on her own as well as three teenage boys that my husbands Mom wanted nothing to do with at the time! She lives on a small pension left by my Husbands Dad and not much else....My Sister in law had to get a job last year at the age of of sixteen and worked it during the school year also...it is so sad and there are times when they wonder what they will eat and she is behind on her bills...Financially I do what I can but....She should be eligible for a disability but in the past doctors have denied her and here a doctor has to fill out the forms for you! There's really nothing we can do!
~Heavens~
@heavenschild (4777)
• Canada
13 Jul 08
Just want to add that I am glad that you were able to help out your Grandmother!
No one should have to live like that in such financial strain!!!
~Heavens~
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
It is frustrating, I know people that are getting so much government help that they live like they are rich, yet our old people are pushed to one side with nothing. People who are disabled or unable to work because of genuine health problems have to fight for every penny they get, while others are claiming fraudently and going out to work as well.
I find it shameful that people suffer because they cannot get the help they need or are entitled too.
1 person likes this
@heavenschild (4777)
• Canada
13 Jul 08
You are so right!
No one should be starving or have the stress of wondering how they are going to pay their bills!!!
~Heavens~
@forsan (28)
•
14 Jul 08
It's such a shame this kind of thing happens. I think it is getting worse too because of the number of benefits that you have to apply for online or by using an automated telephone system. Unless some-one helps, it is difficult for an older person who has difficulty with the phone and wouldn't know how to use a computer. Some of the forms are very complicated to complete as well. The Citizens Advice Bureau or Age Concern will help but you have to know to approach them.
Well done for following it through to help your gran and congratulations on such a successful result.
@forsan (28)
•
14 Jul 08
Just a thought, if she was cutting down on food she may have done so on heating too. I think she will be entitled to help from Warmfront, Staywarm or Magic Boiler whichever is of most benefit. You might like to look them up to see if you think they would be useful to her.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
14 Jul 08
You are right all the forms they have to do are too much and they will not ask for help and so they just do not bother because they do not want to bother anyone, it is awful to think that she was that bad she did not have enough money for a weeks food when there is only her. I was horrified and my Mum had no clue either.
She lives such a long way from us it is hard to keep track of her.
@roanne05 (1290)
• Oman
14 Jul 08
i think we should really know the benefits we have and maximize it. it is just sad that your grandma has to struggle for a year just because when she applied for pension no one informed her. not all people know about the tax discount and others benefits they can have. but it is the job of the goverment to let everyone know their rights. when she applied for the pension, they should have told her all the benefits she can have to lessen her financial burden. she should not suffer at all. thinking that she even went a week without food for srying out loud. but never the less, at least she is already enjoying and maximizing the previlage she has, thank to you.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
14 Jul 08
But no one from the government ever tell these people they are entitled to it, they say nothing and give it to everyone else. When she was on the phone she was upset and thats when she said that she had no money and it was another week til she got her pension as she gets it monthly. It was just before christmas last year, I phoned my Mum and asked her if she knew that nan had no money. She did not and phoned her and then my Nan told her and my Mum sent her some to help her out.
I gave her some money at christmas time and saved some food stamps for her and then found out she was getting no help and told my Mum that it was wrong and told her which ones to go for , so I started the ball rolling my Mum did the middle bit and my Nan stood there with her hand out!!! She is so happy now its ace!!
@TheCarter (369)
• United States
13 Jul 08
Wow and I thought the grass was greener in Britain. LOL. I have a seniors program that is connected with my lawn care business where I do what I can to help seniors. Many of them cannot even afford lawn care at just $50 per month. We offer them a discounted plan that allows them to have thier lawn cut at least once per month for well under that. It looks like euthanasia sometimes the way I see some families just lay their older loved ones out to dry. I also see younger people living on Section 8 driving big body cars with rims and not paying for their food and health care or nothing and they live like kings! Meanwhile there are older people like your Nan who suffer silently. No one offers them any help and they probably feel sooo alone in the matter. God for you prying until she told you, that is an incredible burden for her to bear all alone. :-)
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
You and everyone else, that is why everyone tries to come here LOL. Yes she has suffered, in more than ways than one, she is so stubborn and proud though, she would not ask for help. She always covered it up so well.
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
13 Jul 08
Wow, that is very sad gemini,,I can tell how strong and tough your Nan is for not seeking any help from the family for that long year!
Great work and I admire your sympathy for your family..I know some person in real life who will not be paying attention to their relatives!
My aunt in Australia is the one whom MY grandma is depending, but, I she has changed..it will be a lucky year is she will remember to send money for her..So, my sister and I will just buy her milk and cereals every month! and My parents help her for her medicines!
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
It is nice to hear of families pulling together to help each other out, it is how it should be really, but things have changed from what they used to be like hundreds of years ago.
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I agree due to self-interest and greediness for some..But, for others, as much as they want to help, they are also in need!
@enola1692 (3323)
• United States
24 Jul 08
yes I took care of my hubby's granny for six years feeding her bathing her an so on basiclly put my life on hold for her cause noone else wanted to deal with it my hubby's family all had there reason why they couldn't help but i believe she took care of my hubby so we needed to help her now sadly she passed about a year ago and the only reget i have is i didn't take care of her sooner
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
24 Jul 08
That is really good of you, it is a special kind of person that takes on full time care of a relative.
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
13 Jul 08
I have noticed the unfairness in the system.. It is so out in the open.. I remember a neighbor of mine a long time ago was getting $10.00 in Food Stamps.. She was retired and had worked all of her life and received a small retirement check, but when I found out that she only got this small amount in Food Stamps, it made me so mad.. How can our government let the elderly live in this type of poverty, do they not care at all.. I don't believe they do or it would not be happening to any of our elderly, after all, they wre the ones who worked all of their lives and for what, nothing, nothing at all.. Ten dollars a month in Food Stamps is a joke, no one can get by on that even if it is one person.. I think that it is a shame and I do hope you can find someway to help your grandmother, because if you don't just go ahead and do things for her, she will probably not ask again.. I think that is so sad and it should be that way.. God Bless her and you guys take good care of her..
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
They are so proud though, the elderly today never whinge or complain about nothing they just get on with it and accept their lot in life. OK some of them do complain but not about money, or lack of it.
Half of them have no idea what they are entitled too because no one tells them, the other half get no clear help when they do ask. They are given a form to fill in that is 20 pages long that they do not understand and so they put it to one side. The help that they do get is pitiful and then you get those that have no intention of working even though they are able too claiming benefits and help for everything. Now, I had to claim benefits because I was in a mess in the earlier years of my life, but as soon as I could I got a full time job, Ihated being on benefits.
My gran will not take money off me, I sent her some money at christmas under the disguise of it being her christmas present and told her to spend it on whatever she wanted, she was so grateful it broke my heart. She knew why I had done it, but I had not dinted her pride by making it obvious.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
13 Jul 08
This is a sad story, but I am glad your Nan is working it out now. I wish she could have said something sooner so she would not have been made to struggle all those years.
@blackmantra_x (2732)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
good day.. It's a sad story but with a happy ending because of your help. Old people must have the support of everyone. Government and family, I mean if they won't who will. With their age and limitations they would surely suffer, if they should depend solely on pension at least make it sustainable or else they would come shorthanded. Good thing that you're their to help her.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
14 Jul 08
It does have a happy ending, but it could have been a bad ending. It also makes me think about all the other thousands of people of her age in exactly the same position with no one there to care for them or about them.
