Wedding invite, but I don't wanna go!!!
By gemini_rose
@gemini_rose (16264)
July 13, 2008 8:55am CST
SO here is the situation, my hubby and I have been invited to a wedding in about 2 weeks time, its the evening reception. The people who are getting married, I do not know very well, but all the people they have invited I do know and I know that I dont like any of them. Why? Well I will tell you as briefly as I can.
When I first moved to my town 16 years ago I was a single parent of 19 and I came from a rough area that was well known for drugs and gun crime. People of the area I moved to are a funny bunch and do not like outsiders, if you are not born and bred here then you are never accepted. I found this out within a very short time. I was not liked because a) I was a single parent, b) Because of where I was from c) because my parents ran the local pub and would not tolerate rif raff and barred them all, these folks took it out on me d) the girls were all jealous because a lot of the boys fancied me LOL
Basically I spent all my times in fights and being called all the names under the sun. Also when the lads would try to get their wicked ways with me and I said "no" they would say I had anyway and so I was viewed as dirty. So not really a good life but I stuck it out and I made my way through it all and I am still here to tell the tale. Anyway the years have passed and I have not had anything to do with any of these people for a long time, but now I am going to have to spend an evening in a lot of their company and I dont wanna go!! Unfortunately my hubby does and he wants me to go with him so I feel guilty and I am torn! But it could end up a mess. Or I could be worrying about nothing and I could have a really good time!
If this was you, would you go to please hubby or would you flat out refuse?
What can I do to get out of this? How can I convince hubby that we don't really want to go?
8 people like this
27 responses
@JanetBRudman (158)
• United States
13 Jul 08
On the one hand, why not go, a free mail. Only you'd have to buy a gift and maybe a new dress.
On the other hand, if I don't like the people or I know they don't like me, I wouldn't go. No reason my husband can't go, however.
3 people like this
@JanetBRudman (158)
• United States
13 Jul 08
I mean a free meal. (I didn't proofread.)
3 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
13 Jul 08
I would just tell him that you don't want to go, but that he may feel free to. Sometimes you gotta put your foot down, and if you feel so strongly, then this would be one of those times. He can make an excuse for you when people there ask where you are. Say you fell sick or one of the children did, so you stayed home.
3 people like this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
You are right, it is way past time for me to put my foot down.
3 people like this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
13 Jul 08
Hi gemini,
I understand how you feel and I was going through the same experienced, I will not love to see those people and be near with them...Plus the fact that you don't know a lot of the people who are getting married!
Anyway, it's good opportunity also to prove to them that you have a good life now very happy and satisfied Mother and wife despite of how they criticize you before!
If I am in your situation since my husband would like to go, I will consider that and just attend! We are not sure that you will have fun and this time, these people have grown up already! LOL!
2 people like this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
13 Jul 08
Wow, But, I know there are people like that mentally immature! ANyway, talk to your husband about how you feel...I know it's not a good time to spend when you're around that type of people!
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
Unfortunately although they may be older, they have not grown up. None of them will ever forget, they never do around here. One of the many reasons I wish I could move, but never mind looks like I shall just have to go and get on with it!!! Thanx for your help though.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
13 Jul 08
A lot of years and a lot of water under the bridge since then and you will probably find that these people have matured and learnt over the years and it may not be so bad at all. You must know the people that have invited you and husband well enough to be invited or are they more his friends which is why he wants to go. I personally would go and you may even find you enjoy it. I know you wanted to know how to convince you husband that you didn't want to go but at the same time he may want to try to convince you to go. I have recently been to weddings myself in my old home town where there were people there also that I couldn't stand as a teenager but in fact had a really pleasant conversation with one of them and they had actually been so nasty then due to the crowd they hung with then but had moved on from all that and were now very successful in business. Hope you resolve it somehow though. Ellie :D
2 people like this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
He does not actually know that I feel so badly about this, he knows that I am a bit reluctant but he does not know how reluctant LOL. It will be fine, it will all come out in the wash!
2 people like this
@Abby123 (261)
•
13 Jul 08
Hers a tip from an old pro,you are getting ready to go out and you are dreading it,so you need a little dutch courage,so you open a bottle of what ever tipple is your choice and take a gigantic swig.Within seconds you feel calmer,and in a minute or so you are ready to go and enjoy it,and just say well to hell with what everyone else thinks ,its my night out and just grab that bull by his horns and go for it with gusto.Be the life and soul of the party and that way you will conquer your fears of inadequecy.
3 people like this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
HA HA HA HA thanx for that, the best advice one could ever get xx
3 people like this
@Winter08 (441)
• Canada
13 Jul 08
You could always go, just of a short time, and use it as an opportunity to show these same people that you have matured into a pretty darn good adult despite what they thought about you.
Have you asked your hubby why he wants to go? How would not going impact on your child/children if they are going to stay in the same area?
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
Thats not a bad idea, hubby wants to go because he it is his workmate, me not going would not impact my kids at all, it is nothing to do with them.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Jul 08
gemini rose, would your husband be really put out if you did
not go, and does he know how you feel about these snobbish
people? I feel for you and if I were you I would explain to
my husband why I feel this why, and justplain refuse to go.
now perhaps they may have changed a bit, and maybe you would
have a good time. I think it sortof depends on how your husband feels about it, yet it is you who suffered from these people.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
I dont think he would, if he knew what I really felt like he would be OK, he just wants me to meet his workmates and their wives as it would be a good chance for us to gain a little social life. They are OK, it is just the town rubble that bothers me.
1 person likes this
@dizzblnd (3073)
• United States
13 Jul 08
I wouldn't go. Why spend an evening where you will be miserable, possibly talked about and made to feel uncomfortable to the point you would have to leave. On the other hand *uck it... don't give the satisfaction to the idiots that don't like you for the person you are and have always been. Go with your head held high, say congrats.. and don't go to the reception.
That is a rock in a hard place you are in... But I think ultimately, I would tell your husband to go. He doesn't even have to make any excuses for you (he probably will anyway) just tell everyone flat out that you didn't want to come. Then, go shopping 
I feel for you.. I wish I had the "right" answer
Good luck and let us know what you decide
I feel for you.. I wish I had the "right" answer
Good luck and let us know what you decide 1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
Thanx for that! It is on the 26th July so I have a little time to come up with something I guess!
1 person likes this
@ruby222 (4847)
•
13 Jul 08
If I was as upset by this wedding invitation as you are then there is nothing on earth that would make me go!!I would be honest and tell my hubby that I was sorry but it wasnt even negotiable,there was not a hope in hell that I would be going!We have a wedding invitation that is sitting on the side in the kitchen,and im not going to that one!!I dont know the people ,and im not at all keen on the venue!!I said to hubby that if he wanted to go with a friend of his then he was more than welcome to go,but that I wouldnt be going.I shall buy them a nice card and as they have requested some money instead of presents!!I shall pop a penny or two in the card,then thats my job done and finished!
2 people like this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
Usually he is really good and if I dont want to go he wont make me. But for some reason he really wants to go to this one. We dont go out very often and his workmates are going with their wives so I think he wants me to meet THEM. I dont mind that it is just the other folks that I know are going. I have about 2 weeks to decide!
1 person likes this
@dlm6171 (60)
• Trinidad And Tobago
13 Jul 08
Hello and greetings from a rainy Caribbean, hope all is wel.Funny we are so far away and I as well in a similar situation , invited to a wedding reception this afternoon and do not really want to go. Is only because the groom`s sister and I were best friends at leastgrowing up so my hubby feels that I owe that much, to show my face. The good part is the reception is about a stone away. In all respects people would talk regardless of what good you do. My advice to you is wear something you look beautiful in, as well as your hubby and go and have a ball. Maybe if you still feel uncomfortable then by all means leave early. In that way you would of made your hubby happy to have made the effort. Hope you have a great weekend.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
It is hard to imagine rain in the caribbean somehow! yes similar situations but I am beginning to think that I am making a fuss about nothing now! So maybe I will go and just see what happens.
1 person likes this
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
13 Jul 08
That is a tough one, sometimes, it is damned if you do damned if you don't.
My husband's son did not speak to me, if he called and I answered the phone, he would say is xxxx there, not even is my dad there.
Never say how are you or anything, and I actually allowed to let him live with me after he got out of prison.
well, anyway, he was giving his daughter a one year old birthday party. My husband was aware of how I felt about his son, he often said how disappointed he was in his son about the way he treated me.
I had told my husband that I did not want to go to the party, he insisted on calling me this little girl's grandmother, which I am NOT.
The day of the party, when he told me to get ready and I said I was not going, all hell broke loose. He told me, I made a big mistake, and slammed out of the house.
Later, when I went to the bathroom, there on the floor I see his wedding ring, which he took off and threw on the floor.
We did not speak to each other for over a month, I was sure that was going to be the end of my marriage. I certainly didn't expect him to react like that, since he knew how I felt about his son.
So, I say to you, think about the repercussions this may cause if you do not go.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
Wow, thats bad. You are right there are always going to be repercussions no matter what I decide.
1 person likes this
@krayzietam (832)
• United States
13 Jul 08
You know, at first I wouldn't want to go either because I wouldn't be excited to be around a bunch of people who treated me badly. If you wanted to stay home your husband should understand. Shoot, he should even stay home with you. Then, after thinking about it, I would probably just go for a little bit. I wouldn't stay the whole time because 1) I don't like the people and 2) I wouldn't care to be at their wedding. Sometimes you just have to kill people with kindness. Show your face and let those people see how well you are doing and how good you look. Sometimes that gets to people more that you are mature enough to face the situation no matter how bad it is. And if you looked really great while doing it, that wouldn't hurt either lol..
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
I keep going through stages, one minute I think I will go, then I wont and it is just driving me nuts. Maybe I will go shopping and have some new clothes, that might help me decide.
1 person likes this
@lilibetha49 (15)
• United States
13 Jul 08
I would go, since it means a lot to your husband, but I would ask him to be aware this is a tough situation for you, and please give you support and stay by your side. Also, just by your presence you will show these horrible people that you are living a good life, despite their previous behavior towards you.
I lived in a small town for many years, and people can be really cruel--the gossips are horrible.
Hold your head up high and show them you are living well!
Good luck, and please let us know what you decided, and how it all went.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jul 08
Yes small towns are cruel, it is because they all band together and stick together and the gossip is awful! I will let everyone know what I do, it is not until the 26th July so there is a couple of weeks yet. You just reminded me that I want to look on some shops for something to wear (just in case)
2 people like this
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
13 Jul 08
Go with your husband but set down some rules. If at a certain time you are uncomfortable you will both leave...say 2 hours and maybe he has to dance a number of dances with you. Make sure there are some slow ones in there. Show these people how happy you and your husband are and make them jealous.
Then just leave with a wink and a smile. Make them envious of how well you life has turned out. Give them something new to talk about.
You might actually enjoy yourself!
On the other hand, you may find that many of these people have grown up and changed and will be nice now. But make your husband dance with you anyhow.
1 person likes this
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
Since you do not know very well the couple getting married I suggest don't go. But let your husband go if he wants to. Married couples don't always have to attend social gatherings together. Just let him make some excuse for you like you're not feeling well or you have to stay home with the kids.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
15 Jul 08
Oh sweetheart what an awful time you must have had! In do understand how you must have felt and why you don't really want to go but you know it has been a long time and maybe you would actually enjoy it? Maybe you and your hubby could compromise and you could agree to give it a go on the understanding that if you give it a fair go and still feel uncomfortable you don't have to stay long! Good Luck xxx
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
15 Jul 08
Ha ha I do not need to compromise, I sorted it!!
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I am going to be honest in say that if I were put in this situation I would not want to go either. However, I think that you should go and show them that you a bigger better person and that their perception of you is wrong. If it's been years since you moved and they are still unhappy then let them stay that way. It's not about where you from so much as it is where you've been. Have a Wonderfully Lovely Day!
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
13 Jul 08
Hi gemini,
What a predicament your in, now if I were you, I'll grit my teeth and go and it will make your hubby happy, and if I were you I behave very aloof and have my nose up in the air and ignore them untill they come crawling after you, that will be something eh? good luck.
Tamara
1 person likes this
