We'll Pay You To Leave
By p1kef1sh
@p1kef1sh (45681)
July 13, 2008 5:59pm CST
Here in the UK there has been much press coverage in the past week about the breakdown in law and order, lack of respect by our young people and as elsewhere, a continuing concern about the economy. Today the Government announced new proposals to dissuade perpetrators of knife crime to re-offend and, in a somewhat quieter piece, announced the re-introduction of steps to be taken to re-populate the Commonwealth. Any British citizen resident in the UK on 31 December 2008 will be entitled to a free passage to the Commonwealth country of their choice. Once there, that country will support them financially for 24 months and fast track citizenship papers for them. This offer is only open to those that have no criminal record. The Government hopes that within 12 months, the majority of Britons will have emigrated leaving the British Isles to be properly fortified and turned into one huge gaol to contain all our delinquents. Our borders will be closed and barbed wire erected around our coasts. Any non delinquent residents left, save for the very elderly or infirm, will be taxed at punitive rates to encourage them to leave too. This is a bold and extremely radical step. But it might just work. Clearly our Commonwealth cousins will welcome us with open arms. Personally I shall be heading to Queensland to start with. Should we not congratulate the British Government on this bright and extremely imaginative proposal to ease our nation's ills? Get the innocent out and leave the wicked to it.
7 people like this
17 responses
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
14 Jul 08
Wow that is radical and gutsy but a great idea, I think. Unless you can't leave for some reason, then you might be screwed. That Wacky British Government...
1 person likes this
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I don't live in Detroit- though it's only 5 hours from me. I'm in Chicago my dear. Is that on your list?? If not, what places are??
@twallace (2675)
• United States
14 Jul 08
That is some move from the government. I didn't know that it was that bad there. Well things happen all over the world. But the way that you have spoke of it sounds really rough. If people had the chance to move I think alot of them would take the offer. I guess you really don't know how things are somewhere else unless they tell you. When will this really take place? Cause I see you will be moving.
1 person likes this
Spoof!
@mummymo (23706)
•
16 Jul 08
Who told about my record collection? Nothing wrong with Aqua and the St winifreds School Choir!
Anyway as we said you can be Goodies maid, I will be her companion, Niall can gather and count the eggs, Niamh can be Goodies entertainer, The Boss can chaperone her and your lovely daughter can mentor her! Fantastic all sorted! Do you thing Goodie will mind? Oh we almost forgot - David can be the Bird man of Queensland! xxx
@littleowl (7157)
•
15 Jul 08
Hi p1kef1sh maybe for once the government made the best move ever...it would be nice to leave all the hooligans to battle it out amongst themselves 
1 person likes this
@littleowl (7157)
•
18 Jul 08
Maybe I'd better keep on dreaming then-they sometimes come true!!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jul 08
hi pikefish oh myg for a moment you had me going there, okay thats one way to look at it, get rid of all the good guys and let
delinquets have at each other. I sure would not want to be with the elderly and as I have a bad leg, I guess I am infirm too so
guessits great to here in the US of A after all. lol
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
21 Jul 08
Wow! Sorry just now getting to this but I am so far behind but I am going to try to answer all 300 Mylot mails I have it will just take awhile. Are they seriously going to be doing this? Do people actually want to leave their homes and maybe have less then they have now by going somewhere else to begin again even with help? Are they paying for the land they will take to make this jail island? I wouldn't want to be booted out of my home unless it would mean somehting better for me and my family. We have the same kind of riftraft here that is doing bad things and I am sure it is like that allover the world so no matter where they go they will always be criminals around.
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
21 Jul 08
Sorry I walked into that one with both eyes open 
I should have seen that it was one of your fabulas writing fantasies
. I guess I can blame it on a tired brain..lol yep that is what I will do.
. I am seriously gulliable today..
I should have seen that it was one of your fabulas writing fantasies. I guess I can blame it on a tired brain..lol yep that is what I will do.. I am seriously gulliable today..
@us2owls (1681)
• United States
14 Jul 08
Well it will show us who the idiots are in the UK government. I can't see Gordon Brown heading out of the country and giving up his cushy lifestyle. My husband is a UK citizen and I am American - wish old Gordon would get off his tush and get an agreement with the USA so that my hubby can get free passage over here and draw a decent pension from the UK - not the poverty row one he gets now. The British Government are 100% pathetic.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
14 Jul 08
I think that the pension thing is incredible. Some places you can have it as per the UK. Other places without the index link and others not at all! I really don't understand why. The British Government are more sinister that the old Soviet one. Now that's seriously frightening.
Anyway....it's a total story mates.
@ruby222 (4847)
•
14 Jul 08
I was dunking my rich teas into my cuppa this morning when Eamon Holmes announced the introduction of this new proposed legislation.The rich tea swerved down my trachea at an awkward angle,and Mr Ruby was forced to come to the rescue by performing the Heimlich manoeuvre on me.At first I thought I was the receiver of ardent attention,but then the rich tea flew across the duvet at the speed of light,and my dreams were shattered.I hear that a massive printing firm by the name of Chuckemout and sons have been chosen to print the tickets,which is good for the Derbyshire economy ,given that they are based North of Derby city.The barbed wire is also to come from the north of the country,and the contract has been given to a firm based in Sheffield.The manager representing the firm in Sheffield said this morning that hisfirm which usually produced among some of the finest cutlery in the country would be delighted to move ahead producing the barbed wire,as the demand for cutlery would decline,as the population redistributed themselves within the commonwealth. A bold and radical step it may be ,but our praises should be heaped upon the British governments shoulders.Indeed..who else could come up with such a masterplan???...is there room for two in your case please??
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
14 Jul 08
Glad to hear that so much work will be going to Derbyshire. presumably the workforce will dwindle as people move away. But they will be replaced by the criminal fraternity who will be delighted to learn how to make steel products from master cutlers.
Of course I have room. I'm going to be Goodie's new house maid. I'll do for you too if needs be. I'll work for biscuits! Hope that Mr Ruby has recovered now. Must have been a shock seeing a biscuit exiting from his beloved instead of the other way!!
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
14 Jul 08
Courtesy of Warwick University:
Spoof is a game of chance often played in a pub to establish who buys the next round. It has the quirky character that it is a game without a winner, just a loser. Basically it is a guessing game involving coins. Each player draws some number of coins between zero and three from their pocket and holds them concealed within a clenched hand. If more than three are held this is deemed to count as three. The denomination of the coin is irrelevant, its just the number that counts. The idea is then to take turns to guess the combined total number contained in all the players hands. Its that easy ! One player starts by making a guess ('call' or 'shout') and then the guesses proceed clockwise until all have guessed a number that hasn't previously been taken. This is a single 'round' of the game. All players then reveal their coins, a total is calculated (and checked !) and someone may be 'out' if they chose the exact number (there are no prizes for nearly !). If this happens the not-loser will sit out the remaining rounds of this particular game and the others will play more rounds in the same way until only two players are left. This is 'the final'. The player who loses this buys the drinks. If nobody guessed the correct number in any given round then the round is played again. Every time a round is played the first person to call rotates clockwise to the next available player.
@ruby222 (4847)
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14 Jul 08
If we are all going to move in with dear Goodie then I wont worry too much about whats going on behind me in the UK anymore.Im pretty good with the laundry so maybe I could be the laundress for us all..is this going to be a kind of commune?or a threesome?..but re the tag that was used...spoof..Do you ever remember playing the game of Spoof?hubby used to play it in a little pub in Upton lovell,called The Prince Leopold..it was a game using coins..I cant quite remember how it goes,but it was an extremely popular game around there...alongside skittles...
@vanities (11395)
• Davao, Philippines
14 Jul 08
then what will the govt., do with the wicked? punished..well i dont know what to think on that..it sounds ridiculous to me..what will happen to the country then without the citizen? or it seems you mean the wicked will be contained into an island
@blackmantra_x (2732)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
good day..that's a bold move.. Is that how dangerous the streets of UK become? I mean we never heard anuthing like that on the international news.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
14 Jul 08
It can be hell here. People chewing gum in public. Not crossing the road at the crossing patrol. Wearing open necked shirts during the week. Not indicating when turning left or right in their cars. The list of crimes is endless. Drastic measures were needed. So, those of us without criminal convictions are to be encouraged to leave. Many will go the Zimbabwe. Life is more peaceful there! (The whole thing is a spoof. Just a figment of my crazed imagination).
@Vladilyich1 (1454)
• Canada
14 Jul 08
That worked when you foiunded Australia...one large prison island.
