Stepson got a job...and is looking for an apartment
By foxyfire33
@foxyfire33 (10005)
United States
July 16, 2008 1:53pm CST
S/o lectured him on Monday about being more responsible and needing to contribute to the household expenses. He also put down some rules...gosh, that sounds so polite, but it really was an intense discussion. Well yesterday he got a full time night shift job...and later his girlfriend asked to borrow my newspaper to look for apartments.
I'm glad he got a job. The idea of not having them in the house all the time sounds great...but stepson is smart but has almost no 'life skills'. His girlfriend is sweet (usually) but is not the brightest crayon in the box. I don't think they are ready for the 'real world'. But a crash course in it won't hurt them too badly I hope!
How do you all feel about 18 year olds setting off on their own? Do you think that most are unprepared? I know some have the maturity at a young age...some people are much older and still don't have it. To those who have also "been there", what advice do you wish you'd been given?
7 people like this
16 responses
@Trace86 (5030)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Foxy that is so strange! My stepson just started a job on Monday night. He is working 10p-4a at UPS. He is 21 though.
I will cross my fingers that all works out well and they leave the house and give you some much needed peace and quiet.
I feel that mine is fairly smart at times too, but awfully stupid in the ways of the world. I wish them both, all three of them, success in their new endeavors so that we can reclaim our space.
I honestly didn't move out until I was engaged at 23. I did have a full-time job, my chores at home and rules. I knew that I had to follow them or else. My rent was minimal since I did have chores. I could have paid more if I didn't want to do the chores though.
@Trace86 (5030)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Dealing with this child is the reason I never had one of my own. I feared for the safety of my potential child. My stepson's moods fluctuate so often and fast that sometimes I haven't felt safe with him. Other times he seems protective of me. He just confuses the heck out of me.
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Oh that is strange! Mine is working for a trucking company that delivers things...not mail items but stuff for stores. He'll be packing the pallets. But still...
We had such a rough start...7 years ago, I couldn't wait for the day he left. Now I'm worried that him leaving will just create more trouble..ahh, parenthood is great isn't it!
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
16 Jul 08
Hi foxy,
I have no life hand experienced as this since when I was 18, I was studying and dependent to my Parents but was able to manage a summer job!
In this case, in my simple point of view, it will be the best time for them to live life with their own..Maturity will come after they will be able to experienced life without the presence of a parent or guardian...I know that once they will start their own life, they will begin to understand the world and their role to each other and think about their future, and this mind setting will urge them to work hard and find ways how to uplift their condition..
So, don't worry...I believed you've been a great Stepmom and for sure, they will be learning a lot soon!
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Yes,, life is a lot of risk most of the time and taking it will help us learn and grow more! So, let's hope for the best for this young couple!
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Aww...thanks so much! I think I'm still loking at this from my own experience. I got married and moved out when I was 18 and I know it did not end well. But they will learn fast once they're out there so it's not all bad.
@Ithink (9980)
• United States
17 Jul 08
I dont know if anyone is ever "really" ready but noone can get ready just staying home either. I have been thru 3 moving out to their own places and Im not saying it has been easy all the time. I havent gone thru the I want you back blues then again I still have 5 in my home now.. lol It isnt easy but if you are there for them it works I think. Be thankful he got a job first! lol
I think the worse is the money wake up call, it is expensive and people dont care if you wont have nothing left out of a check, they want the bills paid and that is that. I think that is the hardest part to learn.
Good luck!
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
16 Jul 08
you are not the only one that has to do this. we have friends who have been sponging off the girls parents for about a year and a half. of course, mom wants them out! but they seem to have no initiative to do things on their own!.
i agree with you, there is nothing like the real word that makes you learn quicker!
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
17 Jul 08
It will be interesting to say the least! I'm just hoping that a one bedroom is all they need for a LONG time!
@thebeaddoodler (4262)
• Lubbock, Texas
16 Jul 08
Well, of course they're unprepared! But you're not throwing them out with a "don't ever set foot back in my house". They aren't moving to the other end of the continent. Let them try their wings. Been there 5 times. They all survived! They're all happy, well adjusted, capable adults, and I don't think they have too many scars from the "fall". :) It's very hard to let go, but if you don't they will depend on you the rest of your life. Then when you're gone what will they do?
I'm not just being glib. Please know that I feel for you and that I know this is a nail biter, but if you keep a good line of communication open now they will be ok. They will make mistakes! They will learn from them just like you did.
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Oh they definitely aren't welcome to stay here forever anyway lol! I'm just worried that they are rushing things financially. He hasn't even started this job, they don't understand how much utilities are...she is supposed to have another year of high school left. I guess it's up to her parents to worry about her but still...
@fwidman (11514)
• United States
16 Jul 08
While they may be unprepared, living at home with Mom and Dad won't prepare them either. there is just no better way than to actually get out and try. I raised four stepsons and the whole time they were growing up I told them that when they turned 18 they'd have to go. And, they did get out. Three of the four joined the Navy LOL The eldest stayed and I kept tossing him out and he would just beg Mom and she'd let him back in for a "couple 
of days". When I finally did get home out he found a job, an apartment and suddenly figured things out and liked being on his own The biggest problem with having older kids at home is that they are too comfortable. But, I made them stick to the same rules as when they were under 18 and that pretty much made them want to go out into the world LOL
Kids get very little actual "life skills" at home. I'm sure he and his girlfriend will be okay Just let them know you are always available with advice.
of days". When I finally did get home out he found a job, an apartment and suddenly figured things out and liked being on his own The biggest problem with having older kids at home is that they are too comfortable. But, I made them stick to the same rules as when they were under 18 and that pretty much made them want to go out into the world LOL
Kids get very little actual "life skills" at home. I'm sure he and his girlfriend will be okay Just let them know you are always available with advice. @foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
17 Jul 08
I hope you are right! They just seem so unstable and immature. I know we won't be bailing them out if they get in trouble though...I mean we won't let them starve lol but we won't pay a utility just because they spent their money at rentway for a playstation 3 or something equally stupid...yes, I seriously believe they would do something like that!
I can see bailing them out if they are desperate, but, not if they blow their utility money or rent on something they could actually live without like a game 
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
17 Jul 08
i am glad that he has gotten a job. I do feel that if they move in together that the girlfriend is going to have to get a job too in order for them to make it. I moved out 3 months before my 18th birthday many moons ago lol. I had a roommate and we both worked full time. Then I got a second full time job. It took a lot of effort to keep afloat even back then but we managed. We lived in that apartment for about 9 months then I moved out when I got engaged and got my own place. it is hard to juggle bills when you are young cause it is hard to put yourself in the mind frame of taking the money and applying it to rent and bills before fun. Plus they are going to have to save for deposits on the apartment and the utilities and all that costs a lot. It would be better if he just worked and added to the household finances and gained more respect for the others in the house.
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
17 Jul 08
Well I guess its already about time they also get the space they need. I think we should also allow our sons to really have the taste of how real life is so that they can become independent already. I think you have to let him have that chance so they learn early in life. Just be there for him whenever the need arises. That is the only role we can do to them.
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
16 Jul 08
I think these two need a real world slap in the face, it will do them some good and teach them in a way that you could not do. Now move into that bigger bedroom and enjoy the break.
I am sure they will be back, and hopefully with an attitude adjustment.
@guss2000 (2232)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Im one of those people taht believe you gotta start somewhere. They are 18, that's adult "age". I know you have been having direspect issues at your house, so honestly I think that this will force him to grow up AND see what it is like in the real world. If he has a desire to take care of his self, then he will work, and learn the life skills needed to survive. They may completely surprise you and do well.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Jul 08
hi foxyfire Wish I had known then at 18 what I know now
and thus saved myself much heartache. I was not yet grown up
enough at 18 to handle going into nurses training and thus I
'goofed up badly, got kicked out and went on to work for many
years as a nurses aid. If I had worked first and got some life experience then started nurses training say at twenty or twentyone I would have been able to carry on and graduate with the others. I do regret my early mistakes but I am elderly now and pretty content right here mylotting like crazy.I think a lot of kids at 18 are not yet prepared, ,now my son at 18 was awhole
different story. he was so much more mature then than iwas and was able to latch onto some really good jobs at his age, and he self taught himself a lot of computer language so now he works as a computer programmer.
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
16 Jul 08
Hello foxyfire33,
Well lets hope it will all go for them and get themselves a place to live,that will teach them, it will do them good, I left home when I was 18,back in the sixtys and life was pretty hard.Today is not so bad so that why I think some youngsters don't to work and expect the parents to foot their bills. Lets hope you wull have some peace and quiet soon.
Tamara
@xsquid (111)
• Indonesia
16 Jul 08
ready or not, it's their choice but you should be prepared if he comes back one day because he cannot stand the hardship of real world out there.
For me, 18 years if old enough, but lack some maturity, so giving him a chance to tryout in the real world could helps him grow. But you don't just throw him away did ya? still consider him as part of family, guide him if needed after all blood is thicker than water.
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
16 Jul 08
It's great that your s/o finally talked to his son and told him how it was going to be. As for being ready at 18, no one is really ready no matter how ready some of think we are! lol However, after raising two daughters, I had to let them go and start their own lives, no matter what that meant. They have both learned some very hard life lessons, but I can say that I have two daughters that I am proud of and they learn from their mistakes. They will no doubt still have rough times ahead, that is just part of life. However, I did make them stick to their decisions, I was always there to listen, and give advice when asked, but I never gave them an easy out.
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
16 Jul 08
I went to college when I was 18, so my path has been different than the one that they are about to embark on.
Having said that, here are some things that I have learnt either firsthand or by observation:
1) Make sure they get into a place that they can more than afford even when all other costs are factored in. There are few things worse than spending almost everything on rent and worrying about how the other bills are going to get paid.
2) They shouldn't buy a bunch of new furnishings. Freecycle, friends, relatives, yard sales and thrift shops are all great ways to get free or inexpensive furnishings.
3) Make sure that at least one of them can cook. Otherwise, they will be living off of expensive convenience foods and/or take-out.
4) Help them set up a budget.
5) Give them a copy of "The Tightwad's Gazette."
6) Keep your fingers crossed.
