Rat them out

I have 4 kids that are very, very close in age. They do tattle and sometimes it is only when they annoy each other but they know if some dangerous or bad has happened they need to come tell me even if it means that someone might be in trouble for it. I try not to discourage it but there have been times that I have told them that just because they like something and the others don't doesn't mean you need to come and tell me everytime...everybody likes different things and that is just how it is. I try and say it so it doesn't sound negative because I wouldn't want them to come and not tell me something that could be harmful. I think this is pretty similiar to kids telling little lies because they are afraid they are going to get in trouble. I have told my kids that they need to tell because I would rather be a little upset and have everyone safe. I always follow through with to and thank them for telling me when something is going on.. Sorry for rambling but to me, personally, this is a very important subject for parents. Your childrens' safety can actually depend on whether or not they "tell". Thanks for the great discussion!!

One of my main gripes with my children is the fact that they tell tales on each other. I tell them that something serious is fair enough if they are telling to keep them out of danger or out of trouble outside of the house. But inside they should not be tattling on each other, and they do it for everything. I was brought up not to be a tattle and also it was not tolerated by friends to be a tattle growing up, there were nasty consequences for tell tales when I was growing up. There are times and places to tattle and between families is not one, not for stupid little things anyway.

mine don't really do that yet. they are only 5 and 3 though. the 5 year old will sometimes do it. or she will say "yea hailey did it" but hadn't actually seen her do it. i'm dreading them being older and fighting more and telling more lol. Or probably their baby brother will be the one telling on them all the time. he'll be mommy's little spy

You have posted a very interesting discussion here, which is sure to bring you lots of differing viewpoints. In my household, tattling was discouraged. I was an only child, so I had no siblings to deal with, and my parents taught me early that tattling on my friends was not acceptible behavior except under very particular circumstances. I tended to be a very observant child, and I noticed that lots of my peers tattled on each other and on their siblings. Usually they tattled on each other in order to get themselves out of trouble and they tattled on siblings out of jealousy or the need for attention rather than a real sense of right or wrong. It seemed as if some parents became less observant of their children's activities and instead, encouraged them to "police" each other. After raising three children of my own, I came to understand that by discouraging tattling, my parents were actually encouraging me to learn important life-lessons about strength of character, honor and loyalty. I too discouraged tattling among my children. The exceptions to this rule were simple to remember; Tell me if- a person or animal could or did come to harm. property was damaged. laws were broken. When my children got into mischeif, I never accepted excuses like, "so-and-so did it too", or "so-and-so made me do it". Allowing children to involve others when they misbehave is just teaching them to deflect blame for their own wrong choices. Don't get me wrong. I was never the perfect child. I went through all the difficult stages and made a lot of the typical mistakes kids make-- as did my own children. What made the difference was that I/we learned that even if others were involved, it was less about the actual infraction and more about our individual choice to do something we knew to be wrong. I never tattled on my friends. To this day, I have old friends who learned indirectly from my parents rather than their own- what honor and loyalty is. To me, and to my children and now my grandchildren, honor is having the courage and strength of character to stand alone either in the defense of a right cause or to face responsibility for wrong choices. Loyalty is about being true to an individual or ideal even when it's not convenient to do so. I know it seems like a complex ideology to teach small children, but please believe me- in the short term it makes a parent's job easier because the rules of "tattling" are few and simple, (so, fewer "degrees of guilt" for a parent to sort out). Over the long term, we can be more confident that the children we raised will make fewer wrong choices as adults because they know that they alone will ultimately face what consequences might result. Tattling might seem like a small childhood phase, but my parents believed that it was an opportunity to teach responsibility. I'm so glad they did. I wish more parents saw it that way too. It's a big, bad world out there, and it's up to us to see that our kids aren't thrown into it unprepared. I wrote this little poem for them years ago- "My child's mind is a garden, full of fertile earth, My job is to tend to it's needs. If I want that garden to grow things of worth, Then I must plant the best seeds." (Constance Lessard) Sorry, that's a long reply to a short question, but I feel very strongly about this. Thanks for posting on the subject. Oh, and btw, is the 1213 following your user name your birthday? I only ask because I was born on December 13th. smiles, ink

My 8 year old is constantly telling on his baby sister for the things that she does. She will also sometimes come in and get me and point to him and start complaining about him although you can't really understand what she is saying when she does it. She is learning to tattle already.

No they do not tattle on each other. I have one that tells on himself. He can never keep his mouth shut. He alaways lets it slip. He is my youngest boy. My older boy would not tell for nothing. Their sister is to young to tattle on them yet!

You know the old saying, be careful what you wish for? I have had friends that had kids that constantly tattled on each other, to the point it will drive you crazy. My daughters were 6 years apart, so they really didn't tattle on each other, I think their age difference had something to do with that. They probably would have if they had been closer in age.

hey katsmeow1213, i dont have kids but my siblings def ratted each other out all the time as well as me!!! i think it's just a little kids nature to do that. i think that instead of ratting each other out all the time, they should talk it out themselves and the reason why they rat is bc they know it's wrong and so why don't they just tell them that this is wrong instead of ratting and giving them a punishment?? know what i mean