Married vs Happily Married

Here's what I've learned after being married almost twenty-one years; there's no such thing as being happily married all the time because people are happy all the time. The other things I've learned is not to expect my spouse to make me happy. That's my job, not his. I think that marriage is work and sometimes it's more work than anything else. I've learned to enjoy the good times more and ride out the bad times better than I did when I was only newly married. When people decide to get married they should be asking themselves if this person will still be their friend in twenty years, not will I still want to sleep with this person. We get our priorities mixed up some times and I guess that's why so many marriages fail.

Thats a hard one, because it can vary with everyone. For me I learned I didn't need a pretty prison or warden controlling every aspect of my life. I didn't need a bigot or an abuser or someone with obsessive compulsive disorder. What I learned I DID need, was someone who was kind, caring, loving and had a good sense of humor. Someone who understood me and didn't feel the need to control me. Someone who didn't make me cringe every time I heard them coming home. Someone who liked doing the same things I do and doesn't mind helping with things I can handle.

I got married the first time when I was 16 and knew absolutely nothing about being married. It was unhappy, abusive and probably a huge learning block for me. My Hubby was married in his early 20's, it was unhappy, mentally unhealthy and a learning block for him I'm sure. When we met each other, we weren't looking for anyone. I'd been single for about 16 years and we became close friends first. We talked about EVERYTHING, our hopes, goals, likes, dislikes, dreams, you name it. We were engaged 6 years before I was ready to take the plunge again and get married. We are going on 2 years of being married and for the most part are very happy. No one is happy all the time...including us. We have our up and down days but we've never gotten into knock down, drag out, screaming fights either. In fact, we rarely argue. I think if more ppl took time to get to know each other and really took time to make sure of what their doing, including waiting to have kids, the marriages might last alot longer. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~

I feel like I am in an unhappy marriage. I read a few posts, where people are saying make sure you love each other before you get married. You can still love someone and not be happy in the marriage. There are many factors other than love. It could be, I love my spouse, but I am so unhappy with our finanaces, or I love my spouse, but he works too much and I never get to see him. This is my 2nd marriage my husband's 3rd. He feels like he finally got it right, but I am not that happy in our marriage. That does not mean I love him less.

My husband and I have been married for 15 years. This is my 2nd and his 1st. I made a lot of mistakes with my 1st and don't want to repeat them with my 2nd. However, some of the things I gleaned from my first marriage that were negative are things that may negatively affect my 2nd marriage. One thing is that I hung on to the marriage for 7 years thinking my cheating husband would come back. Now, even though we have been married 15 years (2nd husband), I tend to want to "escape" or "leave" if we are arguing or not getting along. In many ways my husband and I are opposites. Sometimes that causes problems. Overall I am grateful that my husband has put up with me and my cats all these years but as far as being happily married, I think he thinks he has compromised more than me and I would not classify our marriage as being "happily married". I enjoy his company and can say I love him but I do not think that we can ever be "happily married" because of my unwillingness to trust him completely, especially in light of the bad first marriage.

In our case, we are both on our first marriage and can still manage to keep our relationship on smooth flow. Not that we don't argue, but that's natural. Both of us came from a very different world. But I still feel that we are both happy with what we have accomplished for 5 married years now. Though sometimes, my mind still ask if this will last... and I answer that this relationship will be my hardest project that my teacher would give my "highest grade" in the entire school year. Just keep on believing that nobody can solve your own problem except you.

I have been happily married for 18 years and this was my first marriage, so I have no idea what it would be like to be unhappily married! A nightmare, I suppose, so I am glad I am not one of them!

my parents married according to their parent's advice.. but they fight like anything mostly and fortunatley i fell in love with a person and now im commited to him even we have fights mostly but everytime we fight we get reconciled before the dawn .We have lots of misunderstanding but we both cant imagine about moving out in life.Actual cause for misunderstanding is he is far away and we cannot meet each other even once in a year . His morning is my night time and we are not able to spend much time together that is the main drawback so we have decided to marry soon hopefully our marriage would be so much blessed and we will be leading a happy married life in a couple of years... For Marriage main thing is understanding and spending much time together even if one is down you cannt lead a good life...All the best guys!!

Well, I'd say I'm almost happily married. I wish I would have known ahead of time that I would be battling my mother in law for my husband. it isn't an outright battle, we get along face to face. but she is always trying to get him to come do stuff for them without us coming along. she doesn't seem to care that she is taking him away from his family. it wouldn't be that bad if he wasn't already way from us 6 days a week. And I might have chosen someone with better communication skills. with it being said that communication is key in a marriage i sometimes wonder how long it will take for the almost lack of communication to destroy ours.

marriage is a sacred thing for me. one should get to know the other person well before committing his or her life to the other person. i am born and raised catholic and my parents has stayed together, and happy for more than 20 years. when i get married, i want to make sure that my boyfriend really loves me and that i love him without question so that i can be happy with him as well. my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 3 years. i can honestly imagine my life with him. whenever i look at him, makes me think, he is the guy i want to spend my forever with. my point i believe is, one should be certain about their feelings before marrying so that they'll end up happy. marriage should always be happy.

Being married myself and the 1st, I am a firm believer of chemistry. I do not know what yours might be but I can tell you that if this is found lacking then I do not think even a relationship can work out. Yes, there is the mutual aspects i.e. feel, understanding, faith, trust, commitment and etc., but if the both of you do not have the chemistry to ever want to work out in the relationship then it will be a very vain attempt. As an old adage use to say: "Courtship does not end at marriage, rather it is the beginning." However, let us not forget that troubles and challenges is ever present and close by too. A lot of times relationships tend to breakdown with the test of times and it is really a sad and harsh reality. So, I firmly believe that we need to keep maintaining that chemistry that we have since the beginning of a relationship and keep working on it to improve ourselves and our better half.

We are both on our second marriage and definitely learned what we didn't want this time! There's nothing worse than the feeling that you lost years of your life with the wrong person. I think anyone can be happy for a few years or look that way to the outside world. The real test is getting through the unhappy times together and coming out stronger and closer and committed.

Well, being unhappily married for most of 19 years, I can say that communication is the most important contribution to happiness. When a husband comes home and the wife asks how the day went, he shouldn't say "same old sh.., different day". Perhaps if I'd phrased the question a different way? So many mistakes. I know exactly what your husband means, you learn a lot from an unhappy marriage if you're wise. Those that I have seen happily married allow each other space and yet are happy to share anything they have. The most important thing to share is your heart and your feelings. If you're at all defensive, stay single! That was one of my faults as well as his. I love to see happily married couples! I wish all marriages were truly made in heaven.

Well, like you, this is my first marriage and my husband's second. And he also says that he was not happy in his first marriage and now happy with me. I think marriage is like any other lesson in life. You can learn from it, and if you don't get it right the first time, you'll know what you are and are not looking for in a mate the next time. I was in a relationship before I met my husband, and although we were not married, it was a serious relationship and I was completely unhappy and miserable so when I met my husband, I knew what I did and didn't want from my experience before. So I can say now, that I am happily ever after married.