do you think cheaters can change?

Well I may get slammed for my opinion, but no I don't believe they will change. I've known so much cheating in my life I just don't think good of anyone who does cheat. My Dad cheated on Mom. And while I adore my Dad, what he did was wrong! We discovered late in life that Grandpa cheated on Grandma. Then my husband cheated on me, not once but twice. The first time I forgave, the second I walked. My daughter in law cheated on my son four months ago. Son is now going thru a nasty divorce. My current partner's ex wife cheated on him. Too many instances, too much cheating. So no, I don't think people change.

I can't count the number of times that I've been cheated on, that I know about or the number of times that married or attached men have cheated on their partner that I know about. My ex b/f and I were together 9 years. In the beginning I never dreamed he would cheat on me. After 2-3 years, the warning lights started flashing...late phone calls, staying out late, sly grins around women, the normal signs. I chose to ignore them b/c I didn't want to believe it. A few years later, my Mom told me that he exposed himself to her and propositioned her...I convinced myself she was exaggerating b/c she didn't like him. Towards the end, friends started dropping hints about him, little comments, trying to tell me without actually telling me. It took him walking in one night and announcing that he had met someone before I'd let myself believe it. I just didn't want to believe he would hurt me like that. After we split up, I learned more truth. Alot of my female friends had slept with him over the years, some repeatedly. They had a variety of reasons why they didn't tell me but it didn't matter. They got cut out of my life the same way he did. I know that even after we split up, he cheated on his new g/f who then became his wife. I know he tried to cheat on her with me and did cheat on her with other girls I knew. In honesty, I don't believe they can ever change. I don't even know if they really want to. I'd rather have someone that's only for me and not for everyone. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~

i think they can depending on the situation. i think if you are in a good relationship but you cheat more than once then you are never going to change. but there are some that cheat that it was just a one time thing. or sometimes a bad situation. i fall into that third category. although i'm not sure if cheating in highschool really would count for much in the adult world. lol. anyways, i was with my highschool boyfriend for 3 years. about 1 year or so into the relationship it got bad. and then he cheated on me. i somehow forgave him and we stayed together. but it had done more damage than i realized. i ended up cheating on him. but he forgave me and stupidly we stayed together. after so long together i think we both were afraid to move on so we stayed together even though it was bad. atleast for me it was. every time i tried to break up with him he talked about killing himself. so anyway, i ended up cheating on him twice more. the third time though it wasn't intentional and i ended up falling in love. i ended up marrying that third one and monday will be our 7 year wedding anniversary.

Change is the only thing that is constant in this world - this includes humanity. I was once a cheater. I cheated with someone I gave my commitment to. I had a difficult time hating myself, crying, being unable to work. I am always stunned and I just dont like to move. It was the toughest for me. I know I was wrong, but I don't want to do it again coz I experienced not being with someone I love. I havent gotten the person back... but slowly working towards that. I have been proving myself for 4 months now... tough.. but at least I can spend time with the person. And everytime I feel like or there is someone who pushes me to cheat again, I always go back to the toughest times that I am alone... and I would never go back to that again. I am still happy. And, still fighting temptations. Always guards up... we are only human, afterall. Good day!

I am with you on that. I am not so sure which way to lean. I do know that people have the ability to change if they are serious about it and really try. You can't necessarily fully judge someone off of what they have done in the past and at the same time you can't just disregard it. I think this is just one of those things that deal with the individual. You cant just put cheaters into one category. Most of the time we like to generalize things to make it easier, when in truth we have to deal with it on a personal level. I have seen both sides of the coin so I cant say one way or the other. Some people change and some people dont. Its just the way the cookie crumbles.

I think it's all depend.If he/she is only a child then I think we can change him/her by telling him/her it is false to cheat others.If he/she is already an adult,I think maybe it will be a tough task to change him/her.Maybe he/she can get benefits by cheating others and it is hard for him/her to change this habit because he/she can live better through it.

No, in my opinion cheaters cannot change. It seems like it is an addiction like any other addiction. It takes a lot of hard work, effort and willingness on the part of a person. Most people seems to want to be the way they are no matter what the consequences. A person who smokes and knows it causes lung cancer will still smoke. I have a friend who says she knows she will eventually get lung cancer so why not smoke. People are the way they are and only they can change if they want to but most people don't.

I believe that we are who we think we are. If we like and enjoy being cheaters, then we will be. I have met numerous people, both women and men, that have been cheaters but changed their ways. There are some people that I have met that cheat and cheat and never give up or care about the ones they hurt. I feel for these people who love them no matter what and can't give up on them no matter what. Nice discussion to start.

Hello jhl930, Nice to meet you, i am a positive thinker. For me everything that had happen has its own cause. Like cheater they have their own cause why they do cheat. Everyone deserve to give a second chance in his life. Just like prisoner that give their parole, that can be include as second chance please do tell me if i'm wrong. thank you for sharing with me.

Once a cheater always a Cheater and it has been prooven...Unless the Cheater seks help.I was married for 30 years and then I divorce because my x cheated on me...he denide it then I caught him in my bed with her...HAHAHAHA! well the last laugh was on him...he promosed he would get help but never did,he promised it would never happen again,broken promises...so on my side of the story once a cheater always a cheater.I have heard that cheaters get help and then do well with like...some say it is insecurities,others blame the other,some just think they can get away with it.I guess you have to decide...But no mater what,if you love someone never cheat on each other.

Yes once a cheater always a cheater, even if that certain someone comes back after the affair. You always seem to be keeping your guard up and worrying about if they will do this again. In my experience with a cheater I forgave but will never forget. My heart still hurts, it has been a year and still feel the pain. But with the grace of God and medication I get through it fine. The feeling of someone cheating on you is very hurtful, and will make you want to have one yourself, but knowing what you went through will quickly change your mind.

[b]Most of the cheaters doesn't change. They are connected to their old ways. And no matter how hard they try, their old selves would prevail always. Maybe deep inside they might think that they get away from it the next time they will do it.[/b]

I feel that there are many different reasons which drive people to cheat. In fact I believe there is actually a biological, subconscious, animalistic drive for us, men especially to have many different partners. That said I also believe that if you are in a monogamous relationship then cheating is wrong, because you have made a commitment to that person, you have agreed to fight your urges and be faithful to that one person. Now back to the original question, I do not believe chronic cheaters can change, they either do not have the will, desire, or some other important factor that allows others to remain true to their commitment. Isolated instances of cheating could simply be a "mistake" or perhaps the other partner "drives" the other to it, these are less likely to reoccur. In fact cheating is similar to other "crimes" as you really need to look and see if a pattern has been established, the motive, circumstances, etc. before making a determination as to the likelihood of a repeat offense.

Yes they can if they want to, but the thing is do they want to? I commend you for not ever cheating on your wife. I think it is the thrill of getting away with it that both men and women are attracted to... but I know of a man that did cheat on his wife and they worked through it and he never cheated again. For a long time he had to prove where he was with her, but now she trusts him again and it isn't a problem.

When I was younger and dating I cheated on most of my boyfriends. But when I met someone I seriously cared about I didn't. I don't know what makes cheaters cheat, maybe they don't have the level of commitment expected of them, or maybe its a compulsion. That isn't an answer to your question, and I really don't have one. I think a person that is in a committed relationship and cheats early in the relationship and cheats more than once will most like continue to cheat. If someone has been in a relationship for a long time and it happened once, I think its likely that they will regret it and not do it again. I think it depends on the person and their morals. Some think if no one else knows they aren't hurting anyone and the risk is half the fun. There's just a lot of angles to consider on this.

it depends upon the person if his policy is "honesty is the best policy".hehe

It depends on the reasons someone cheated, there can be lots of reasons for it happening. People can change but they have to really want too, if they like to go out and see other people as well as their partner then it would be hard to stop them and I guess that their loved ones are the ones that have to take the risk on giving them another chance to see if they change or walking away. But then if they do not change then they have to decide whether they can cope with the infidelities. But we all make mistakes and so I always think that second chances should be given, depending on the size of the mistake or cheating of course.

Hi jhl930. It's true that once a cheater always a cheater but we should give those cheater a chance..But the chance I am saying here is actually depends on the gravity done by that person.If it's worht forgiving..then give that person a chance.But it's an attitude..it's a characteristics that needs to be change. We forgive people because we are just human but sometimes it's really hard to forgive someone if we are badly hurt.Have a great night.

I did not cheat awoman. Woman cheated me. Now I revenge,I cheated woamn now. You can blame me,I did not do wrong to them. Why they always cheated me?

i dont think they will change. im married for 12 years and separated for 9 years now. my ex cheated on me twice. the second he got it pregnant. he's so irresponsible and immature. i dont think we have to stick on a cheaters. there are still a lot of guys the right guy for us.