They are my Friend but.....

if they were open & honest w/me right from the start even tho i wouldn't agree with what they had done if they have paid for there wrong doing & were living as they should now i would try to be their friend.most everyone deserves a 2nd chance but there are so many bad things happening owadays i would have to give it alot of thought especially if they had abused children. it's a pretty hard question to answer but until we are in that kind of situation, i think we'd just have to wait & see what we'd do & if we could be friends. there are some things that are just not forgivable .

You do pose some difficult questions. I really don't know. The rapist may have been a one off and the person may have been young so that would have to be taken into account. Same with the person who did the hold up. I don't think child abusers can reform so I would be very wary in that case. People can change and I would need to know more background before making my mind up.

I think it would depend on what they had done and why. I do think that people can change but some people can't and there are certain things in a person which I don't think can be changed. If I had been friends with someone for a long time and felt that they were a good, honest, decent person, then I don't think I would have any reason to feel differently if they told me something horrible they had done in the past in most cases. There are certain things I wouldn't forgive but I am more inclined to listen to why they had done whatever it was that they did rather then judge them for doing it. I would, I suspect, feel at least a little differently about them, naturally. The relationship may change but, again, it will depend mainly on the actual crime and the reasons behind it.

Hi p1ke'-to be honest unless faced with the situation I don't really know what my reaction would be but I do tend to forgive people a lot...your friend littleowl

Lord no,if they had done summat awful then they would be no mates of mine,the worlds a funny kind of place as it is,never mind knocking about with those whove done time for nasty crime.Its hard for someone to change that much and im not sure thsat I would be very keen to trust them

This very much depends. I think the relationship would definitely change with the new knowledge - how could it not? I'm not sure paedophilia is something you can be 'cured' of - I couldn't let bygones be bygones in that instance. However, maybe the bank robbery went wrong and the person hadn't meant to kill anyone - and was now truly remorseful and sorry and had done their time. This is a very difficult question to answer, and I hope none of my friends have that sort of secret. You do say 'evil', though. That indicates the person is evil in their heart, and I think I would feel that about them and wouldn't have them as a friend anyway.

I suppose it would depend on who they were and exactly what they'd done. Some things I think are just unforgivable, others can be just forgiven and forgotten. It would also depend on whether what they did was done as an accident or if it was on purpose, there are lots of different reasons why someone should or shouldn't have something to do with online people.

I'm thinking it would change my opinion of the person if I was to find out such a thing. If I'd made friends with them knowing it would be different. If they confided the truth to me hoping to remain friends I might be ok with it but it;s hard to say. Can you be friends with someone who has done such a thing...even if they have true remorse. A lot of people have done things they are ashamed of and don't tell their good friends about but even still, I would find it hard to see them in a good light I think.

hi p1kef1sh! wow. that's a very tough question. i don't think i can be friends with someone who raped someone or abused a child. its a crime i can never forgive. whenever i hear a news about a rape or a child abuse, i always wish that the ones who committed it would die and go to hell. i can never feel safe with a rapist or a child molester. i would always remember that he'd done that, i would feel disgusted towards him, i wouldn't continue being friends with him because there's just no excuse for what he had done. as for someone who had killed a person, and if it was an accident and he/she is totally, sincerely sorry for it, i guess i can still be friends with him/her. only if its really accident, not intentional and he/she immediately surrendered to the cops and not run away from it. and that he/she is totally bothered by his/her conscience and that he is willing to pay for it.

well, it was in the 'past' wasn't it? i don't think we should judge people based on what they have done. afterall, they have already paid for their crime. most importantly, they have realised the mistake and are unlikely to do it again. i have been a naughty child when i was young. but i still have friends as they don't really care about my past. as friends, what we share is the 'now' and 'future'. there is no 'past' in friendships and certainly it shouldn't matter. cheers ;p

WE are all not perfect but if the person told me from the start the truth then I would think about it and come to the conclusion it took a lot of courage for them to tell me what they have done in the past. As long as the person is honest and is telling the truth I think to a point I can over look their past. But I couldn't honestly say until I was in that situation. I would love to say that I could forgive anyone of anything if they were honest and seriously put their life back together But I can't say for sure how my reaction would be unless faced with that situation.

hi pikey great discussion makes me think lol If Ihad been a really good friend I would have to think long and hard, as 'everyone deserves a second chance but I would always have that past in my mind too,but would try to work around it if this person really was reformed. I would not forget what he or she had done but would try hard to forgive as he has paid the price and he seems to have been reformed. but the first time he does something really dishonest I will have a hard time with'this friendship. to me you can only stretch friendship so far then somethings going to break.

I'm a day late and a dollar short. I think it depends on the crime. I don't really believe that child molesters, for example, CAN reform. It also depends on where I met the person. Like if I met them in church (not that I go to church lol) and they were the most devout and dedicated person there and did all kinds of charity work and such, I might be more willing to forgive some things. Hard to say as I've never really had to face such a situation.

that is a really hard call. If it were something like rape or murder, I don't know that I oculd comfortably still be around that person. I know that sounds horrible to say, but rape is such a violent and personal offense that I am not wholly convinced that people totally "reform". and cold-blooded murder? Well, I feel like once certain lines are crossed, it is easier to cross them the 2nd time, so ...??? I guess I would just have to follow my gut instinct but I would definitely be more cautious around the person.

Great discussion! I really think that this is a difficult question. I have a brother that has a very ugly past and I no longer talk to him since he still believes that he did nothing wrong. On the other hand, if that person is willing to get help, go through the system and admit that they have a problem then they most definitely have some redeeming qualities. I have to admit that this is easier said than done.

There are times when a person feels it better to be quiet about their follies in the past, for fear of losing on a good friendship. Some things are best left unsaid. Your friendship has grown and you trust each other. So now, even if you do co me to know of their past offences for which they have done time, I would not bring it up. To err is human, to forgive divine. You must not hold it up against them, for they may have repented for their past deeds and need a second chance. I suppose you should turn a blind eye to their past and keep the friendship going. However if you feel that they are back to square one, run.

This is a tough one for me because I am a firm believer in the old saying "a leopard can't change it's spots". Once a child molester or whatever always a child molester or whatever. Prison doesn't make anyone a better person, just makes them better criminals because while incarcerated they learn about everyones screw ups and learn how not to get caught. I wouldn't be able to keep my friendship with them going.

OMG please tell me your next post isn't going to be a true confession...... and here's why: Trust is a fragile thing. Even between people who have known each other long and well. There are certain lines society forbids us to cross that are ingrained in our genes. Rape, murder, child abuse top the list. And no matter how civilized, how tolerant, how forgiving we believe ourselves to be, our relationships with people are forever changed in terms of our perspective of them, should we discover something like this about them. There's no getting around that. What I would hope, would be that my own relationship with such a person, if it had been good, would be strong enough for me to maintain the relationship if the person was truly reformed, but I can't deny that my trust level would be a little skewed and my guard would be up from the moment I learned of the 'past'. Even though we really have no business knowing (and let's face it, judging) the events in someone's past, when we do find out, there is always a certain sense of betrayal, valid or not. And THAT'S what affects our perspective more than anything. If we truly are civilized, and the person truly reformed, then we must let bygones be bygones. Not many people can do that though. I would try, I know I would. But my heart would be forever changed, and that is sad.

Definitely,I will let bygones be bygones.Everyone has at least a fault in the past. Whyo ever lost themselves should be given a chance to look out the true.We can change our space with them if we are confused weather we continue our relationship.

I knew someone who had a record. I did not know this for about the first year that we were friends. Then he told us one night at dinner. It didn't really change our relationship any. He was mixed up with someone as a kid, and got into trouble, which he paid for for 15 years. He did what he did, paid for his crime. It was over and done with. He was a nice guy, really.