children
children
family
family get together
having company over
having friends over
inconsiderate
kids
people
How rude!
By Jess
@JJ4Ever (4693)
United States
July 21, 2008 4:10pm CST
A coworker of mine came into my office this past Friday, and we got onto the subject of the weekend. I asked her what she’d be doing during that time, assuming that she’d probably be lying out in her pool relaxing and working on her tan the majority of the time. (LOL) She said Friday after work and all day Saturday she’d be cleaning house. I know for a fact she’s a person who keeps her house spotless at all times, so I was curious as to how her house got so dirty all of a sudden.
She proceeded to tell me that her niece had brought her kids over early last week to swim in the pool and spend time with the family. However, while they were inside the house, the kids spilled milk down my coworker’s beautiful marble fireplace. The kids were also given cookies to eat, and when they were finished with what they wanted to eat of them they’d drop them on the carpeted floor. They wouldn’t even try to throw them away or at least put them in the kitchen! A couple minutes later, you probably already know what happened. The cookies got stepped on, and cookie crumbs were smashed into the carpet. On top of that, when my coworker’s niece was done changing her kid’s diapers she left the disgusting dirty diapers on the floor without even bothering to throw them away!
My coworker isn’t much of a person for confrontation, and neither am I so I can completely understand where she’s coming from when she told me that she didn't have the heart to talk to her niece about the visit. However, if my family members let their children go this far in my house, I think I would’ve done something about it. I know these may seem like small things, but the visitors made a complete mess of the house. It wasn’t the children's fault necessarily since they were still pretty young and were just doing what they’d been allowed to do at their own house.
Have you ever experienced a similar situation? How would you have handled everything? Do you think there’s a permanent solution? If so, please explain.
10 people like this
24 responses
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
22 Jul 08
Hi JJ,
I Have a different story about this..But, I also understand your officemate since I also don't have a guts to confront my relatives especially if it is older than I am in my case!
One fiesta in our place, My dad invited his brother to be with us, it's his only sibling close to us so, I know Dad will be very happy if he can make it...So, he really came with his daughter( not my aunt's child)...So, they spent the night in our house...My mom noticed that this kid, 13 years old loves to stay upstairs alone..Every after meal, she will go up and will not even help up in cleaning the table or whatsoever or socialize with us!
One time, My mom checked her out and she was sleeping..Mom was amazed since her closet was disarranged..So, she was digging all our things there..Mom told us to kept all our valuable things!
When they left, my brother in law noticed that he lost some money in his wallet...My Dad was pissed off a LOT and wanted to txt to my Uncle, I also don't like them to be on conflict since we all know that my uncle will favor the kid..He does one time!
4 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Wow! I guess I'd rather have intidy family visit than people who steal things! That's really sad, but I appreciate you sharing that with me because just about anything can happen when people have company over to visit. That's really scary that your uncle's daughter didn't know any better than to go around and take people's stuff. If I were your dad, I would've had a long talk with my brother, but who knows what actually would've come of it. Great response - thanks!
@jonesy123 (3948)
• United States
21 Jul 08
If they are like this on a visit to another person's house, it worries me what their home looks like. That behavior is not something that is just done at other people's homes, that's behavior they learned at home. Seems like the mom doesn't know how to clean up. Leaving a dirty diaper laying around like that, yuck! What if the kids would have started playing with it? I'm worried for the safety of those kids.
And yes, I would have said something, politely. To the kids that the rules in your house are different from what they are used to at home. If you are done, you throw the rest in the garbage. I would have shown them exactly, what to do. I also would have pointed out to my niece how dangerous her behavior is. And if I would have gotten the feeling that she doesn't understand, I would have explained to her that if a stranger would see her house in a disarray like that, they may actually call social services on her. Dirty and filthy conditions are not a save and healthy living environment for children of any age.
Either the niece doesn't know better and needs some help even in her own home environment, or she is just lazy and ignorant towards the situation. Either your co-worker puts up with this, or just doesn't invite her over anymore.
3 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Excellent response, Jones! Thank you for telling it like it is. I'm not sure what the case is, if the niece is lazy or doesn't know any better, but you're right about social services stepping in if this kind of thing continues. It'd be a shame, but she's got to learn somehow. If she's lazy, it'd certainly be a good wake up call for her. The way she lives is disgusting, and I'd hate to see what her home looks like...unless she lives at her mom's house still...with her kids...making messes like that. I cringe at the thought. If she does, my assumption would be that either her mom doesn't care, didn't teach her daughter right, and doesn't mind putting up with it because she's the same way. I don't like to assume, but everything that happens has a reason behind it. Thanks for your awesome insight. You really described the outcome of a situation like this very well. Take care, friend.
@Polly1 (12645)
• United States
21 Jul 08
She needs to be more accertive with things. When the kids get cookies or something to drink, she needs to say that stuff stays in the kitchen or at the table. She also needs to ask that things get thrown in the trash, etc. I don't like confrontation neither but that is beyond rude and crude to let your kids act like that in someones home.
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
23 Jul 08
I think something like this would push you and me over the edge for us not being very confrontational of people! (LOL) I know this situation would not be allowed in my house no matter how I felt about bringing things up to people. Sure I'd be kind about it, but I wouldn't let them walk all over me. That makes people think you've got no backbone, which definitely isn't the case. I'm glad you and I are agreed on this one! Thanks, Polly.
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
22 Jul 08
That was totally rude. I don't care how they keep their own house when you go to someone's house you respect that it is their house and not your own. I am the kind of person that I would have said something to the niece. Not only is it rude but also disrespectful. I also would have explained to the niece that if she ever wanted to be welcomed back she better learn to control her kids. These are not small things that were done. They had total disregard for your co-workers house. A dirty diaper left on the floor. That is pure laziness. How hard is it to pick up the diaper and throw it away. I would not have let the niece leave without saying something about it.
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
24 Jul 08
I'm glad you'd be able to handle the situation by voicing your opinion as well as the terms in your house. You're definitely entitled to run your house how you want and invite whomever you choose. If they don't meet your requirements, they can stay out of your house. (LOL) Seriously, though. They should've been more considerate. If the niece acts like that at a family member's house, she'd probably be too much of an embarassment to take anywhere else, to put it bluntly! It's a shame she couldn't do better than that for only a few hours at her aunt's house. Her poor aunt (my coworker) just didn't have the heart to say anything. I'm glad you would've been able to speak your mind! I'd love to be a fly on the wall that day. (LOL) Thanks, Sunshine. 
@twilight_75 (479)
•
21 Jul 08
how completly unexceptable!! if someone came into my home and i would care who their were, and did that or allowed their children to treat my home that way i think i'd have said a few choice words. I'd be polite to start but if i was ignored i would tell them to leave. It about respect for others peoples property. I must admit i do have friends that can be a bit like that, but i deal with it by telling their kids where the bin is etc lol
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Hi, Twilight. That's a great place to start, by telling the kids where everything is. It's a kind way to show them you're the boss of the house, but yet that they're welcome there as long as they abide by your rules. Great response because you're right...it's not so much about children who aren't properly disciplined as much as it's about a friend or family member and their propery. It's just like smashing into someone's car or something along those lines. If you let your own children ruin someone's carpet, it's the same difference...except that there wouldn't be car insurance to kick in and pay for it. (LOL) I like how you'd take this situation one step at a time, by first being kind and gentle about it and going from there. With your tactics, I'd certainly hope they wouldn't be rude and ignore you or disregard what you said. I think you have wonderful ideas and thanks so much for sharing!
@marketing07 (6266)
• South Korea
21 Jul 08
hi jj,yes i experienced this kind of situation specially if i have guest at home and have kids, that kind of things are ordinary if you have a visitors with small kids..but visitors must be considerate also.
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
23 Jul 08
I guess if you're going to have young kids over, behavior like this is common and should be expected. The thing that bothers me about this situation is about how rude the niece (the kids' mother) was! I don't think that behavior is acceptable or necessary from an adult, but I guess that's just out of either her laziness or ignorance. What a shame. Thanks for your response, Marketing.
@SViswan (12051)
• India
23 Jul 08
I personally do not like confrontations...but if it was at my place, I would correct the kids gently....and if they were too young to understand, I would involve them in the cleaning process too (I do it with my 20 month old...so why not a relative's child?)
If it was relative, I would talk to them about how the kids can be helped to respect other's property and maybe give some tips about how I went about it with my kids.
With an acquaintance, I would watch to see if they would be offended before I said something. If so, I'd let it go and clean up after they left.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
27 Jul 08
You're right, it really all depends on if the people are family or just friends. You'd hate to offend someone who's a first-time visitor in your home. A parent can't always predict how the kids will act at someone else's house. I'm sure any visitor you have would appreciate your patience with their children before sending them away for bad behavior. Last time I checked, you also work with kids...am I right? So perhaps you know better how to be more patient with them and to evaluate the situation before doing anything drastic. That's the best way to go about it. The kids need to know what's expected of them before they're asked not to come over anymore. If they aren't given an explanation, then they'll have no idea what they did and have no opportunity to change it. I think the kids and the niece would deserve an explanation if and before they're asked not to come over again. I'd hate for it to come to that, though. Thanks for your great ideas. I think the situation would turn out great after someone like you were to handle it! Take care, my friend.
@embattledsparkle (1072)
• United States
21 Jul 08
That's terrible! I don't know how I would talk to them about it but she definately needs to say something if it happens again. I think that next time, she should make sure the kids eat their snack sitting on a rug or something outside and not inside (if it's during the summer). I can't image ever being so rude...especially to family.
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
23 Jul 08
If it's that embarassing with just family, think how degrading it'd be in front of other people! Wow, I wouldn't want to take my kids anywhere if they were like that. However, something tells me this niece doesn't seem to care what her family things of her disgusting and unhealthy habits. Having the children eat over a rug when the weather is unfavorable is a good idea; otherwise, I would've had them eat outside too. Great suggestion for the kids. They'd learn to make a mess out there, and the house wouldn't have to be cleaned every time there was company. I can't imagine being this rude either. I become embarassed enough when my dog misbehaves! (LOL) To think someone would let their own children become like this...it boggles my mind. Thanks for your feedback!
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
25 Jul 08
I have never experienced such rudeness. Even when my sons bought their friends over who were strangers to me, they were polite and cleaned up after themselves. I can never understand how someone could act like pigs in someone else's house. I would have made sure the kids cleaned everything up and I would tell their mother that they will not be allowed to come to my house until she teaches them some better manners.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
27 Jul 08
I'm glad to learn that you had a positive experience with your sons and their friends. Obviously, the kids' parents taught them well so that they weren't an embarassment when they went to a friend's house. I'm glad for them, but surely hope my coworker and niece get everything figured out. They need to know what's going on, especially the inconsiderate niece. You have to wonder what she was thinking or if she was thinking at all. What a shame and embarassment. I think you have the right ideas about this situation, though. Thanks for your response!
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
6 Apr 10
Hi, JJ4Ever. I would have told my niece about this. She would have never leaved me house without hearing what I had to say to her. I would tell her that she needs to clean up behind herself and her kids much better. Some people just don't understand that a clean person does not like a nasty house. Nasty people can't interpret that the easy way. You have to constantly throw hints so that they can get where you are coming from. Her niece should have cleaned behind her kids because she knows that her aunt does not keep her house messy like that.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
6 Apr 10
You're exactly right. It's hard for a messy person to learn to keep their place clean, and for a clean person to have their place messy. I'm a neat person, so I would never want to go back to being messy. I don't think it would be fair to me to have someone come in and make my place messy just because they are a messy person. On the other hand, it would be wonderful for someone who is messy to learn to be neat and tidy, don't you think? Thanks for your response!
@Elixiress (3878)
•
22 Jul 08
If she is not a fan confrontation then the only thing that she can do is not invite them around again, especially when she is not there to clean up after them. I however am a great fan of confrontation if I think something will be gained from it. I don't start arguments of the sake of it, but if I think something could be gained like from this situation in which her niece could come and offer to help clean up or not do it again in the future.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
27 Jul 08
It's inevitable that something must be done whether my coworker invites them over (or allows them to do so) again or not. Either she can avoid them or discuss the situation with her niece. Something should be done if she wants to have more free time in not having to clean up after the kids. A person shouldn't have to do that when the kids' mother was right there unwilling to do anything about the mess her kids were making. How embarassing. The niece should've known better. I'm happy to know that you definitely would've taken care of the situation right then and there. Thanks for sharing!
@hellcowboy (7374)
• United States
25 Jul 08
I think that is terrible the way your coworkers niece let her kids basically get away with anything,and I am not one for confrontation either I have never really experienced anything quite like that,but I do not know if I could have let her get by with that crap,If it were me I would have asked my niece to clean up her kids mess and throw the dirty diapers away,and if I got pissed off enough I might even tell my niece to get out,and I think the permanent solution would be to tell the niece not to come back until she learned how to control her children,and respect other peoples houses.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
27 Jul 08
That's a great solution. In a nutshell, the kids shouldn't be allowed to come over until their mother learns to discipline them and until they learn to behave better. That's what it's really all about. I think that's what it all comes down to. Thanks, HC!
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
29 Jul 08
As always, HC, you're too kind! No wonder you have great rating and so many points! (LOL) You're exactly right in your comment. The mother as well as the kids BOTH need to be disciplined and taught how to handle going over to other people's houses. When someone is a guest in a home, they ought to be on their best behavior. That's definitely NOT what happened here, so I think the whole family has a good lesson to learn through this. Thanks for your thoughts and ideas. They're wonderful, as usual.
1 person likes this
@hellcowboy (7374)
• United States
28 Jul 08
I am glad that you agree with my solution,and I think it would solve the problem completely,and the mother definitely needs to discipline them and they need to learn how to behave,and you are more than welcome my friend,I enjoy responding to all your quality filled discussions,have a great day,good luck in your life,and Happy Posting.
1 person likes this
@faln_angel1205 (1192)
• United States
22 Jul 08
I dont know the ages of the children that made the mess, but regardless if the mom couldnt make the kids clean up then the mom should have. Its a disgrace that the kids have laerned such behavior but the bigger disgrace is that the mother, who is definitely old enough to know better, didnt even clean up and left it for you. The only permanent solution is to not allow them there, but being family i know thats not gonna happen...so i would definitely have said something to the mother, i have had similar things happen in my home and though im not a neat freak, when kids leave my home i expect it to end up the way it was when they got here, if their parents are here with them, then we all pitch in to clean it up before they leave, if its them and im in charge, they pick up and i will help...but no way would they get out of the home without helping clean up.
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
27 Jul 08
I like your methods. You don't have to be a "neat freak" to be considerate when you're over at someone else's house. I like how you always leave a place the way you found it if not better. That's a great motto to have and one you can pass along to your kids. The niece definitely is old enough (and has had kids long enough) to know better. She should've been the one cleaning the house rather than making her aunt do the work when it was her kids' (and ultimately her) fault. A parent should always be responsible for the kids and what they do. As an example, my dog ran off against my will and left a nice "present" in the neighbor's flowerbed. Wow, it was embarassing, but after apologizing, I cleaned up the mess since it was my dog's fault. No way would I have left the stuff there for them to clean up when it wasn't their fault in the first place. They didn't seem to mind since I was considerate...they didn't have to do any work, and their bed was in the same state after I left as it had been before the dog got to it. (I'm still in the process of training him - lol.) Same goes for this girl and her kids. She ought to try harder, follow through, and do a better job teaching them. Thanks for your ideas.
@swetashah (345)
• United States
6 Apr 10
You got tell your co - worker, and tell her niece stop the children making the mess of the house, and she also need to take a little responsibilities of her own, and took her mess with her when she is leaving the house. Your co - worker need to be honest, and don't be afraid because she is a relative.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
22 Jul 08
This is very Rude, and discusting to say the least. There is no way I would ever want these people back over to my place even if they were related. If they are that way when visiting someone, can you imagine what their place might look like? Also when the kids have no discipline, etc. they will be nothing but trouble for her and everyone else as they get older as well.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
27 Jul 08
Their house probably is in ruins the way they treat her aunt's (my coworker's) house. Of course, now that I think of it, her niece may live with her mom still, so that must be awful having a sloppy daughter like that. I don't think the mom (my coworker's sister) wouldn't mind it so much as she probably didn't teach her daughter any better than that and probably does the same things herself. Good response. Thanks.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
22 Jul 08
Eep. I don't know that I would have been able to say anything. I probably wouldn't be available the next time they wanted to come over though.
Or, at the very least, I would point out that food is only to be eaten in the kitchen or at the dining room table. In our family, that's a pretty basic rule for children, so it wouldn't be an issue if I told the kids this - any of the adults in our family would.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
27 Jul 08
You're a lot like me. I hate the conflict and confrontation of it all. I'd still probably talk to my family member in this case, but I'd hate to have to do so. However, I'd avoid having them over to completely avoid the situation in the first place. You'd think most kids would be trained to eat in the kitchen, but apparently the niece wasn't raised the right way either. Her kids are a reflection of how her own mother raised her. I'd be very embarassed if I were her!
@Mitraa (3184)
• India
22 Jul 08
Such situations are there all around the world in al most all the counries! But one thing I may say that women are the basis of a nicely built up family. So they must always be educated to handle such odd things in day to day life! Thanks.
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
27 Jul 08
A woman is the person who holds the house in place. If she's disorganized, then the entire family is the same. You probably remember the quote, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." If the mom isn't with it, no one else will be because the household will be a failure. The "mom" (niece) in this scenario, in my opinion, still has a lot to learn about raising a family. Good thing her kids are still young.
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
22 Jul 08
Completely RUDE!!!! well, if it happens to me and my house, I would tell my relative to please put the dirty things on the right place. Will not be completely silent of what the kids are doing. I should teach them the right way how to put things in the right place because kids could be taught. Maybe they are not use to that in their house. Just imagine? after changing the dirty diapers she doesn't throw it in the right place? this goes to show that she is not training her kids also how to maintain cleanliness. Kids are not given proper example of how to be orderly. It's a shame to the mothers who are like that. I tis embarrassing if they would go to other people/s house.
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
27 Jul 08
Unfortunately, I doubt the niece was embarassed. She's probably so used to doing things like this and her kids doing things like this that is doesn't even phase her. That's why it's a shame. Her mom didn't raise her right, so how can she train her kids right? It's unexpected to happen anytime soon, but I surely hope this situation is resolved properly so that the niece and her kids learn and valuable and profitable lesson. Thanks for your input.
@risris24 (712)
• United States
22 Jul 08
When my brother comes over to my parents house my parents have already discussed with them that there are certain rules which when we were kids we also followed. By no means are they ridiculous rules or even strict it is just a matter of respect and discipline. These children need to learn proper behavior when being in public and the best way is to start in their own home. My brother tells the kids that if they are not allowed to do it at home then by no means are they allowed to do it in anyone else's home, but that doesn't always hold true since different households have different rules. When they are over we constantly tell them there is no eating outside of the kitchen and they must sit at the table when eating to avoid exactly what happened at your coworkers house. That is just one example but these are not permanent solutions since afterall they are still children and they have to be reminded. But the fact that a grown adult and a mother would not bother to throw out a dirty diaper that is just disrespectful and unacceptable. Confrontation is something to be avoided but a discussion is something that I would suggest she have with her neice if she ever plans on returning.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
27 Jul 08
Hi, Risris! Thanks for your excellent and detailed response. You're right about children needing repetition in learning what is acceptable in public and even at their own house. The niece obviously either didn't discipline her kids at all or did follow through on what she was attempted to teach them. I like how you said that the aunt didn't necessarily have to confront her niece, but she could have a discussion with her. The niece is the younger woman, so my suggestion would be that she should listen to her aunt, which is the older and more experienced of the two. I like how you added your real-life situation with how your brother raises his children. It sounds like he's doing a great job, and his kids know exactly what's expected of them. That's the best way to have it. Thanks again!
@RhythmWalker1 (825)
• United States
22 Jul 08
Why doesn't your friend talk to her niece about teaching those kids to snack
in the kitchen and the mess would not have been so bad? That's a good rule of thumb to follow, I think. Spills and crumbs on a kitchen floor are easy to deal with.
My home is not child proof and few people visit me that have children. But,
when they do I tell the parents immediately that kids aren't allowed in certain
areas. That may sound harsh but I do take pride in what I have worked so hard to
have.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
27 Jul 08
It's your house so you have all the say in the world as to how people and their children will behave and where they should go at your house. I don't think it's harsh at all. I know because I'm picky with my place too. I spend hours cleaning and scrubbing floors, etc. No one will come in to mess it up just because they're not disciplined by their parents. I don't think that's fair or civilized at all. The reason my coworker doesn't talk to her niece about this is because she's not very good with confrontation. She doesn't like to create conflict, but yet she'll sit and watch her niece's kids ruin her place. I don't like confrontation, but this situation would push me over the edge and I'd definitely say something. They could only push me so far before I'd eventually say something. I wouldn't let anyone like that ruin my house just because they wanted to come over and swim in my pool. Thanks for participating, RW.
