New Marriage and stephchildren
By chrisroets
@chrisroets (28)
South Africa
July 22, 2008 4:54am CST
Hi, Guys.
My wife passed away suddenley in 2003 and my daughter was three at that stage.
I am happily married again since 2006 ,but I am struggling to get Harmony between
my wife and daughter. any suggestions?
4 responses
@anawar (2404)
• United States
22 Jul 08
There are two major issues that married couples disagree about. #1 is money and #2 is children.
I've read all the comments and see you have worked through your problem.
I offer one more aspect to your relationship issues. You and your wife have to find a common ground on how you will correct your daughter's behaviour.
If your little girl senses a conflict between you and your wife, she will be confused and the bond you are trying to form will be more of a challenge.
A general rule of thumb. Kids hear everything. You may think your daughter can't hear you, but don't assume that. Don't let your your daughter hear when you and your wife discuss private matters, such as how to raise a child.
Harmony will come to your family because you care enough and have enough love for everyone in your life. Your positive attitude will spread all around you, filling the hearts of people who appear in your life with hope and an inner calm.
@chrisroets (28)
• South Africa
22 Jul 08
Well , Your response gives me renewed hope and i thank you for that.
I will certainly remember your wise words that Kids hear everything.
Have a wonderful day
@chrisroets (28)
• South Africa
22 Jul 08
Thank you,
Hey don't misunderstand me.I am not feeling sorry for myself and I understand that
there is a lot of couples going through this as well.My Wife sometimes feel that I
do more damage than good by trying to play mediator between them and she is probably right.
@lightningd (1039)
• United States
22 Jul 08
You are just going to have to let things flow. Your daughter was very young when her mother passed. At three, she wasn't really aware of what he mother dying meant. Now that she's getting older, she's most likely experiencing emotions that she's not sure what to do with. Realization that she's different from her classmates, ect, because she knows this other woman isn't her birth mom, as well as she's becomming a young lady.
She may also be feeling some jealousy towards the new wife, as she's getting more of your attention. Even if your last wife had not passed, and you were dealing with a divorce situation, you would still be dealing with some of these issues I assure you!
Just reassure your daughter that you love her very much, and hopefully your new wife does the same. Don't try to force the issue, just go with the flow.
At some point you may want to look into counseling for your daughter however, because as she grows older, she's going to have questions about her mother and you'll be better served if she's able to cope with it in an open manner.
@chrisroets (28)
• South Africa
22 Jul 08
Thank you for that.I do sense that there is some jealousy and from
time to time I would sense a purposeful non commital behaviour from
my Daughter. However when i question her about these issues she admits that
she loves and adores her new mom very much.I sense from both parties that
there is a feeling of being left out.I do however disagree that there is a resemblance to a divorce situation.In a sense it should be easier as the
other party can no longer influence the child.Not that I say that is a good thing
but it is just a fact.We have taken Amor for counciling and she is actualy
adapting very well.It does however but alot of strain on the Marriage and I
sometimes feel that I should splitt my love and that is very hard to do.My Wife
feels that I do not always support her when it comes to discipline and I do not agree as I am trying to establish a happy medium.
@relundad (2310)
• United States
22 Jul 08
Time is probally gonna be the best cure in this situation. There is no doubt that the bond between a biological mother and a child is not easily duplicated. Most of it is probally that the child now feels that she has less of your time and affection. If your new wife is willing to make this work she could re-assure the little girl that she is still daddy's little girl and that there is no need to feel threatened by her. They could do things with just the two of them so the kid doesn't always feel like she is fighting for your attention, as well they will build a relationship between the two of them. The kid will soon figure out that she still have the best of both worlds with Mommy and Daddy.
Good Luck