become a mediator
feeling dumb
mediation for marriage
my life
relationship issues
work it out in counseling
I feel so stupid!
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
United States
July 22, 2008 6:58pm CST
Maybe I'm just tired, but today my emotions
are running away from me, without just cause.
Awhile ago, hubby was in the kitchen
making himself a peanut butter sandwich.
We were talking.
And for some dumb reason I thought he'd made
one for me too.
I mean, why not! Right?
Wrongo!
I guess it's OK for me to prepare food for him,
but when it comes to slapping a little PB &J on bread
for me, he can't even be bothered.
How hard would it have been to make an extra half
sandwich for me?
The guy gets gourmet meals everyday, prepared
by me. And he can't repay with a sandwich?
I was standing right there, waiting for a sandwich!
He says I shouldn't be mad at him.
But still no sandwich.
Am I being unrealistic?
Should a boyfriend/husband reciprocate on food preparation.
If they are already making a sandwich,
would it be too much effort for them to make one more?
What do you think?
14 people like this
40 responses
@ayessa (1583)
• Philippines
23 Jul 08
I understand you there. I even feel that way at times but those were just some rare situations between me and my husband. Though when it does happens I always end up shouting at him and telling him how selfish he can get. LOL But I was able to cool down I sometimes realize that it was my fault also cause I did not ask for some but I think even if not asked they should do it to us to show they care for us. Right?
4 people like this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Those are my thought, exactly!
I never have to ask him if he's hungry
cause I know he's hungry.
I just know it!
Or, I would simply assume he's hungry and prepare food.
Maybe he's just being a guy.
You know how guys are.
4 people like this
@greysfreak (1384)
• United States
23 Jul 08
I am so sorry to hear that he couldn't even bother to make you a simple sandwich! Especially with all the cooking you do for him! I mean, how hard is it to smear some stuff on a piece of bread? LOL I totally agree with you, he should want to do nice little things like this. I can't speak from experience, but I can speak from common sense! If I were you I'd be a bit upset over this! Did you talk to him and ask him what was so wrong that he couldn't do something nice for you while he was making himself sandwiches? Was he is a bad mood or something? Just some thoughts. hehe Anyway, I hope things are better, maybe he is just tired and moody, I don't have a boyfriend/husband, but I know how my dad gets when he is tired or in a bad mood.. men can be so hurtful when they want to be. 
Anyway, hope you have a good night.
@greysfreak (1384)
• United States
23 Jul 08
aww.. well, I'm so happy to hear that you guys got it all settled. It's never fun to fight! And it's always great hearing from you too, and I like your discussions, because you write about important things! 
1 person likes this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Thanks for your comments!
Yeah, I'm feeling better now.
We got it sorted out.
It was just a misunderstanding.
Turns out he was really tired.
He doesn't drink coffee or tea anymore
for health reasons and gets really worn down
easily. Just tired, I guess.
I'd be forgetful without my caffiene, so I guess
the same thing is true about him.
I think he's going to bed for a nap.
He keeps a weird schedule anyway.
A nap would do some good for him!
Thanks for your comments.
Always nice to talk with you.
2 people like this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Thanks for saying so!
I love your discussions too.
You have a very unique and beautiful perspective.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160905)
• United States
23 Jul 08
My husband is just the opposite. He always overfeeds me. He loves preparing special things for me, for us.He just does not practice portion control.
3 people like this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
23 Jul 08
That's sweet! Mine used to feed me too
before the baby came along. I guess he's
wrapped up in other stuff now.
I just took over the care taker role and he let
it go.
1 person likes this
@minnie_98214 (10557)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Well I say you have every right to be upset. My hubby if he didnt ask me if i wanted one would have turned around and made me one without even thinking. Or at least shared his with me. I mean really how hard is a sandwich. I say you cook yourself dinner next time and dont offer him any.
3 people like this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Burn, baby, burn! Wow! That's some comeback.
Might have to try that.
Yeah, I think he would mope around for a few
hours until he got the idea.
3 people like this
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
23 Jul 08
No I'd probably feel pretty bad angry too especially if I'm the one that makes the other person meals all the time or asks them if they're hungry or want something extra to eat. I mean it would only take a few extra seconds to make another sandwich.
3 people like this
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
23 Jul 08
I feel like they just don't think sometimes. They get onto what they want and thats as far as their thought process goes and then when you're angry they can't figure out what they did wrong.
1 person likes this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Yeah, it was kind of insensitive considering I was
standing there. Not like I was in the other room.
I'm over it now, though.
Thanks for your comments.
3 people like this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Like my Aunty told me a few days ago "men are stupid" LOL I'm just quoting what she said haha. Sometimes they just don't think about others but themselves. I'm not saying all men are like that, all I'm saying is that my husband gets like that too.
1 person likes this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
23 Jul 08
He's forgetful sometimes.
But other than that he's a sweetie!
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7808)
• Philippines
23 Jul 08
Well, maybe he gotten used to getting things from you and expected that you can make one yourself when he'd done with his. Did you ask while he was making his own?
Sometimes, and not intentionally, things that we do often turn into habits and our mind takes it as a routine.
You say that your hubby gets gourmet meals everyday from you.. if its really everyday, I think he already gotten used to the habit and wouldn't cross his mind to make a kind gesture of preparing a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich for you.
But, now that he has the idea, he'd probably have to keep that in mind when you catch him again at the kitchen...
@ratyz5 (7808)
• Philippines
23 Jul 08
Hey, as you've said that it's different in every family, it might also be different for each guy if they would care enough to ask if you need something while he's preparing a meal, just didn't cross his mind since he was too caught up with what he was doing or, intentionally not granting that kind gesture of concern.
Well, of course you two can work that out now that you two have discussed about it 
1 person likes this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Yeah, I think you're right.
He is just used to the idea of me taking
care of him.
Though awhile back, me and him talked about it.
And we agreed that we would take care of each
other when it came to food and meals.
For instance, I make the big meals and he makes
snacks and asks me if I needed anything.
I thought we were still working on that assumption.
Our schedule used to be way crazy, so we rarely had
meals together. That's why we made the pact.
Every family works differently. And that was working for us
for awhile.
Now that he is home more, I want everyone to have real
meals together.
But a little thought on his part would be super nice!
And it would make my day. Is that too much to ask of a guy?
2 people like this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
23 Jul 08
He's usually pretty considerate.
I don't think it even crossed his mind.
Though for the life of me, I was sure he'd
mentioned something about making a snack for "us"
and not just him.
Simple misunderstanding I'm sure.
I'll talk to him about the food issue later
or just get some ready to eat snacks for the fridge
like yogurt or something so I don't even have to
feel bad if he doesn't prepare something for me.
Thanks for your comments.
Have a beautiful evening.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
23 Jul 08
He should've at least asked. Geeze, is it that hard for him to at least ask and had you said yes, would it have been too hard for him to make another one for you too? Hubby and I do that for one another all the time because it's called consideration for one another.
2 people like this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Thank you! Thats the word for it.
Considerate!
I'm considerate of him.
I make provisions for him constantly.
And now that he is not working so much
and he does have time to be at the house,
I want him to offer the same consideration.
It's not like we haven't spoken to each
other about this before.
He has selective memory when it comes to
his stomach.
1 person likes this
@mummybec (685)
• Australia
23 Jul 08
I would have been angry too if my hubby didnt make one for me.... or at least offer to make one! My hubby is pretty good though and does help with the cooking sometimes especially through my pregnancies as I had a lot of troubles with cooking smells and morning sickness that he needed to help :) It was great!!
3 people like this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
23 Jul 08
That's super! About your hubby helping
during the pregnancies.
Mine was pretty good about not letting me lift
anything heavy or move anything.
He didn't want me to miscarry.
But I was pretty self sufficient most of the time.
I guess I spoiled him with all my self sufficieny.
He just assumes I've got it covered and can help myself!
Yet, he is constantly asking why I never eat real meals!
Hello! I'm spending my days preparing food
for him and watching out for his needs. And taking care of our
child over top of the rest of the household duties.
When do I have time to eat? Ironic!
I mean come on! It's not as if we are room mates.
Married people do these little considerate things
for each other, right? It's not every man for himself.
We're a family.
That's what I do for him. Just want a little consideration
back in my direction.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Jul 08
beauty queen sometimes I think men are just plain thick
headed and arenot thinking about you at all. no it
would have been just as easy for him to have made one for
you also as it would have for you to do that for him.I think
I would tell nmu thick head just what you told us and say
now slap a sandwich together for me or else buddy.thats my take
on the situation.
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
23 Jul 08
I think I will, Hatley!
Thanks for the advice.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Did he know you wanted one? Sounds like a bit of miscommunication. I don't think you should be mad if he didn't know you wanted one. If you asked for one and he said no, then you could be upset.
But he should also be polite now and then and ask if you want something. When my husband goes to the kitchen he usually asks if I want anything, or he will tell me that he is going to make himself food and ask if I want one as well.
1 person likes this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
23 Jul 08
That's very polite of him to do!
My guy doesn't ever ask.
But he automatically expects that I'm
going to prepare food for him.
Sounds a bit unequal.
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
23 Jul 08
I guess I'd stop preparing food for him unless he asks for it.
1 person likes this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
23 Jul 08
Hi beautyqueen26,
Well they have at least ask if you wanted one as well, men I got one like that at home, I run around hime making food for him all the long and when does anything like making a coffee, thats right he makes one for himself and not for me sometime have to shout at him for being selfish, and my friend husband pamper my friend she had found a treasure.
Tamara
3 people like this
@angelia286 (2029)
• Singapore
23 Jul 08
It sounds like a severe case of insensitivity on your husband's part. Some guys are like that. They are just so insensitive to the point whereby they can't catch subtle hints. Unless we were to point out specifically what we want to them, chances are they won't even notice that they are being insensitive.
Lol, usually what I do is I will tell my boyfriend what I like and what I want specifically, so I have no problems on this part. Perhapes you can point out to your husband (don't nag or criticise), something to the effect of - I would really love it if you could make me a sandwich the next time you make one for yourself.
Try this! It would really work wonders! =)
Update on what happened?
1 person likes this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
23 Jul 08
That's a really good technique.
Wish I'd thought of it, yesterday!
Actually here's the update.
He took a nap and later when he woke up,
he went to the kitchen and started making
egg sandwiches.
Actually, he said, "I'm making eggs, do you want some?"
I didn't even ask, he offered. I was so happy!
I couldn't have been more pleased.
That's the sensitive guy I know!
I guess he was just tired.
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
23 Jul 08
You are not clear here..
Have you asked him to make one sandwich for you as well?
Some guys are like that they ARE careless..and that doesn't mean that they don't love you any more.
It is just they are a bit careless about such manners.
They just forget to ask if some one else is hungry as well.
I am sure if you asked him he would have made one for you too!!
And don't take it as a "repay".
Think about it as sharing the work!!!
A true love never asks for any repay..
And yes you shouldn't be mad at him unless you haven't "asked" him to make one for you too..
Try not to let such little things come in your way my dear..
be happy!!
:)
@chrislotz (8137)
• Canada
12 Sep 08
I think that maybe you are being too hard on him. Maybe if you asked him to make you one too, he would have. But men can not read our minds and without asking they just don't know what we want. I used to be like you and think that my husband should have asked me if I wanted one, but I learned in time, that men don;t work that way. So when you want something you need to ask for it, because he just dosen't know.
@my_january (967)
• Philippines
23 Jul 08
Had this already happened before? If this is the first time that it happened, you can let this one pass by. I think your husband is that hungry that he was not able to mind preparing another sandwich for you, or he is not that really sensitive on those kind of stuff. I guess what you felt is an initial reaction a person would feel because their expectation was not met at all. You can talk about it with him, say what you need to say and then let's wish everything to come smooth in the following days that he'll make sandwiches- one for you and one for him.
1 person likes this
@grammasnook (1871)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Okay this does not happen to often but both my husband and myself read this post. (hubby not being a computer person but happened to be reading this post over my shoulder) This goes both ways. Automatically if my hubby was making a sandwich he would ask if I wanted one. If I seen him making a sandwich I would say I was hungry too and he would make me one. If you do not express you want one he isn't going to read your mind, and shame on hubby for not offering. It does sound like it was only a snack though and not a meal and maybe your interesting coversation preoccupied him 
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Did you tell him you wanted one, or ask him to make you one? I would have said, I'd like one of those, too. My guess is he would have made it for you. Perhaps there was just something lost in the communication between you.
My husband will go to fix him something and he'll ask me if I want it,too. Or, he'll ask me if I want something from the kitchen when he goes to get something. Lots of times he will be getting something he knows I don't want and I don't expect him to bring me anything. But if I ask him, he will get me anything I want.
