Should I keep the silence?

Philippines
July 25, 2008 9:33pm CST
Sometimes, it's better to stay silent than to let it all out on a person who doesn't seem to be listening or is ignoring you. It feels heavy, keeping it all in when you fervently want to tell the person how much he means to you. How you keep dreaming about him every night and wanting to keep dreaming until you can no longer feel the pain of knowing that no matter what you do... you just can't have him. Sad, isn't it, when you value a person but that person doesn't want you to. Doesn't want to hear it. Doesn't want to accept it. And all you can do is listen to yourself humming the tune of sorrow and pain while that person considers someone else's voice as his own soundtrack. Shutup Leave me alone. I have my own drama, ok? I don't have to pretend I'm all tough and pride-fanatic. I can stoop so low that you won't even see a dot. I can be a sickening martyr who doesn't give a sht about being stepped on. People do not really know me. All they know is I'm some chick who doesn't worry much and is strong and dignified enough to survive any difficult circumstances. Yeah, yeah, I kind of look like that, I can also say that while staring at my own reflection. But guess what? My appearance doesn't say everything! What? My story? Yes, I'm in love. Or at least I think I am. I've grown the habit of dreaming about this person for ages. Thinking about the memories we had, or at least I had with him, make me smile and cry at the same time. Smile because my childhood years have been memorably sweet because of him. Cry because I get to always miss him so badly since he's now far away. Sure, we communicate once in a while, but it's always the same: casual and distant. It's always been him. Yes, I've acquainted myself with other guys - but then they all pass... and my memory of him returns, bugging me every night and some time of the day. Roll your eyes, but I've tried, alright? I've tried forgetting about him, letting myself focus on other more important things. But what's the use? I'm in love. Or at least I think I am. And all I can do is keep it all in and stay silent. He doesn't want to hear it. Don't get me wrong. I love hanging out with my friends, babbling senselessly about our crushes and men. Gossiping about the people we admire and hate. Nail polish and fashion... We've dreamed about getting into nice relationships and then talk about how we become so moony about them. There are a lot of things which distract me from thinking about the only person whom I want to have a relationship with. But at the end of the day, I hear my heart beating only for that person. Great. And I'm still keeping my silence. He doesn't want to accept it. Hahaha_3 I'm tired of thinking about him. But not tired enough to still think about him. I'm tired of loving him. But not tired enough to still love him everyday. I'm tired of closing my heart to others who are better than him. But not tired enough to be so discontented about what they can't make me feel. I'm tired of getting my heart broken over and over again. But not tired enough to let him break it over and over. again. Yes? I know. My heart still revolves around him. I don't understand it, but he's all I can think of whenever I think of love. What do you think? Should I keep the silence? Or telling him will help me?
1 response
@subha12 (18441)
• India
26 Jul 08
i can understand your situation. its painful as I think.you love that person. you are dying for him but i guess he has no idea about it. also i am not sure whether he feels the same way or not. you can do one thing. just convety your feelings any way. see how he reacts.otherwise it will be untild ever
1 person likes this
• Philippines
31 Jul 08
Thanks a lot for the response. I wonder what will happen if I tell him everything. More so, if it will change anything... *sigh*