What was it?

Ouch cobra honey, I'm so sorry your going through this pain. The worst part is not knowing why. Ending a friendship with closure is one thing but no closure just hurts. I lost my best friend in high school that way, we were as close as sisters for years and suddenly one day she wouldn't talk to me. Then actively cruel to me almost to the point of picking a fight. She started hanging around with a girl who I knew for a fact didn't like me. They would whisper to each other glancing over at me then laugh. I had no clue what could possibly have happened to cause such cruelty. About 6 years later I ran into her at the mall and we started talking. I was still very hurt after all those years but I thought it would be immature to hold a grudge for that long. She actually brought the subject up of what had happened back in high school. She apologized and cried explaining that the girl she had been hanging around with, while being so cruel to me, had started a horrible rumor about my friend and then blamed me for it! My friend only found out about it after graduation when the truth finally came out. She felt so terrible for not trusting in me that she couldn't muster the courage to face me. So it was 6 yrs and a accidental meeting before I got my closure. By that time it was much too late for any reconciliation. Too much hurt for too long. I honestly hope that you get an answer very soon. My only suggestion would be to call them one last time, even if you only get the answering machine and tell them something like, "I would be happy to apologize for anything I did wrong but I have to know first what you think I did. Please don't ruin a good friendship because of a rumor, a misunderstanding or an out and out lie someone told you. At least have the courtesy to allow me to defend myself." If something like that doesn't at least get you an answer of some sort then I'm afraid you may not get your closure... or like my situation, not for a very long time. If they were ever good friends then they should at least hear you out. I wish you the best of luck with this situation hon, I'll be sending good thoughts your way.

Cobra, I don't understand people who claim to be such good friends and yet for no known reason they do something like that. I know you miss them but they sound like cowards to me. Otherwise why wouldn't they at least tell you why? Do you live close by? If so, then go over and confront them. If they don't live close by then email or send a letter. Tell them nothing can be resolved unless they are willing to talk to you. Tell them that their actions are cowardly. It may make them angry enough to at least confront you and get it out in the open. Good luck sweetie. I hope everything works out. leenie

Well, what you do is move on. I heard some lyrics to a song recently that said something like "people come and go, that's life, but it's alright". There's nothing that you can do to make them be your friends, again. And, if you could why would you want to force them. They have obviously made up their minds. The thing that I don't get is that you gave them the perfect opportunity to air their grievances by calling them and they, like children, won't respond. I would at least talk you up on your invitation to talk about it, which I think is very big of you, even if I still decided not to befriend you. I know that you would like to just know what you did. Maybe you could ask a friend that you guys have in common, such as the one you ran into the other day. But, other than that you just have to go on with the other important things in your life. You'll think about them from time to time, but it will become less and less painful as the days go by. You'll find other interests to fill the void.

Hello cobrateacher, All I can come with is someone been badmouthing about you to them and they believe them what ever it was supposed to be. I don't think it was fair to just ignore you like that without an explanation, they are not worth it so just get on with your life and stop worrying, they may just come round. Tamarafireheart.

I had a really good friend for several years - about 20 years. For some dumb reason she quit talking to me. I asked our other friend what the deal was, and the response was, "You know the answer." And that was it. I was clueless. In this time of break up, I heard that she was getting married. That really hurt. Our other friend told me that she was going to be her maid of honor in her wedding. I was able to hold it together, but as soon as I got in my car to head home that evening, I had to pull over and cried my head off. What did I do that was so wrong?!?!?!? Up to this point it had been over a year sense we last spoke. I was really hurt. One day I received a phone call from our other friend. She told me that I need to call Jess. The one who quit talking to me. She wanted to talk to me. I'm thinking that she can't call me, she has to send someone else to do the job? Well, I puffed up and I called her. She wanted to know if I would like to come to her wedding. I had mixed emotions. Like in manic mode. I told her I'd love to. I went to her batchelorette party, she came to my daughters 2nd birthday party that same day. I got the invite to her wedding and I went to her wedding. It still really hurt watching her wedding from the back of the church. I still to this day don't know the problem was. Then about 4 years after this. I had gotten married, etc. She quit talking to me again. Once again I was clueless. During this time, I had a baby, and I had wished that she was there to meet her, etc. I wanted to share the joys with her. Finally after about a year, she called me. She told me she was sorry. I asked her what the deal was, and I wasn't going to accept her friendship back until she told me. She told me that she didn't like my husband. She was scared what I'd do if she told me that. I told her all the time how much I didn't like her husband. I reminded her of this. Ok fine, Well here we are about 2 years later, and we aren't speaking again. I don't know why. I don't really care. I can't trust her, and I never will. If we do become friends again, it'll be a very shallow friendship. I'm sorry I got windy on you. What I would suggest, is too let her come to you and have her explain the situation. But, if you can, try really hard to move on, and things will work out. It may take several years for the wounds to heal, but humans do heal. I'm sorry about your loss of your friend. I've been down that very road. If your friend does it once, she'll do it again. Thank you.

don;t you hate it when women do that? my GF broke up with me a dozen times, and every time i asked why, she said" you already know"....and the truth is, i never knew. after 15 years of friendship, it is really immature to just break the friendship this way. the least they could have done was have a nice little chat with you. the best u can do now is leave messages on their answering machines, send them a few e-mails and SMS....then you will just have to wait.......i am sure things will get sorted out

hi cobra teacher wow this is really a toughie. Sounds like they have really broken up your friendship; and Ithink its really rather cowardly of both of them not to tell you what the h it is all about.I am thinking that they aren't very good friends to treat you like this.Evidenly someone has told them something thats soured the relationship and they chose to belive that. I can just imagine how hurt you must feel and I think they are fine weather friends to do this to you. this is a kids thing, the cold shoulder, most adults dont do this to each other.I think you are going to have to move on, and hopefully find some new best friends who will stick to you in any kind of weather. best of luck to you. cobra

I would give them one more call and if I got the anwering machine I would just say that it's OK if they don't want to talk to you, but if they could please just write you a letter to tell you what you did wrong so you can at least have a chance to defend yourself or tell them if they call you they can leave a message on the machine and you promise that you will not pick it up. If they choose to igore you and do not respond then I am afraid that it is time to move on. They don't sound like very good friends anyways, who needs friends that would treat someone like that?

Bless your heart. My best friend in high school got mad at me for some unknown reason just before our graduation. The summer before - 1969 - we spent days camped out on her floor watching the moon landing. We triple dated - with her step-sister and my boyfriend's two best friends. We went to youth group together on Sunday nights. Then suddenly she was mad about something and never would say why. I found her over 25 years later and asked her what made her so angry in our senior year...and she couldn't remember. We realized that we had wasted all those years and couldn't get them back. If I were you, I'd probably send your friends their favorite flowers with a card, asking forgiveness for whatever they think you've done. Hopefully, they'll come around and let you know what you've done...or supposedly have done.

My thinking on that is that its maybe a little beter to have people you know rather than have close friends,im not saying that you shouldnt have good friends,but there is always a possibility that in getting too close that there will be hurt at some point.Life is life,and sadly people are only humans,and we just cant all get on well all of the time.

Hi , I am sorry you went through that , and if she was once your friend, and a true one she should of talked to you . I have lost a few friends over the years , and even one who claimed to be one . She always used to come in and out of my life , and the last time she just stopped coming , ya know , and no reason .

Intimate friend may take it certain that you should care more about him. But there will be something happen around that distract you attention. When he find that you are not as considerate as he expect, gap will be widden. Perhaps she cherish your friendship too much and she should have believed you and omited tiny understandings.