Chinese Wedding
By angelia286
@angelia286 (2029)
Singapore
July 27, 2008 11:53am CST
About 5 months ago, I attended my boyfriend's sister wedding back in Malaysia and to my surprise, the traditional ceremonial chinese culture is still strong over in Malaysia.
They still practiced the custom of the bridegroom not supposing to meet the bride one day before the wedding dinner. And during the night, the bride would have to pray to the god to ask for a smooth road for their marriage. (As seen in the picture below).
It was all new to me as majority of Singaporeans practice the Western marriage, where the custom below is not really practiced here.
What about you? What is your custom for a wedding that is associated with your race and culture? Share it =)
2 people like this
5 responses
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
7 Sep 08
Maybe u are too westernized.. hehe ^_^ IN fact most singaporeans, especially the more elderly ple, do still follow all these chinese cultures ^_^ They are more superstitious and they will ratehr believe in it than to have something going wrong on the actual big day ^_^
As far as i know, not seeing the bride one day b4 the wedding is still very common, and the reason for our generation now, is for, last day to being a bachaloer and they will be out celebrating with frenz.. lol =D
Even the 3 combing of hair, it's still being praticed, but for the praying to god, i'm not too sure about that as i hvae not seen it b4.. hehe ^_^
BUt when it comes to your turn for marriage, u will know.. BUt i think most likely your wedding will be in a church, and not having a chinese traditional wedding dinner ^_^ haha
2 people like this
@angelia286 (2029)
• Singapore
15 Sep 08
Lol, I don't think I am too westernised la. It's more of a generation thing. You are part of my generation, so I am very sure you know what I am talking about! 
I'm aware of a few customs of the Chinese for their weddings, but what I was aware of was the praying to the sky god for their blessings for a smooth and blissful life ahead. In Singapore, the custom of not seeing the bride one day before the wedding is still very common, and is not only practiced by the Chinese, but also the Malays and Indians! But, many youngsters still flunked this customs by sneaking out and meeting up secretly! (as with the case of my older cousin's wedding!)
The elderly people belongs to the other generation, where superstitions and not science ruled their lives. They are quite fixed in their mindsets and it's no surprise that they follow all the Chinese cultures and insist that their children go through the customary Chinese wedding too before they are even considered to be married.
Hehe, I am not aware of the combing of the hair. Is there even such a thing for marriages? Lol, and I thought that the combing of the hair is for those who are going for a life of chasity. What does the combing of the hair symbolise anyway?
Anyway, for me, I won't even hold my marriage in a church nor will I go for a Chinese traditional dinner if I can help it! To me, I just want a fuss free wedding where a signing of the wedding papers at the ROM will suffice. I sure don't want the winning face situation of holding a big wedding dinner just to ensure that my family does not lose face. I never did get the need for a chinese dinner, neither do I see the need to announce my wedding to the entire world. Afterall, a marriage is between two people and not to the whole world! Well, that's my twisted mind at work once again! ^o^ Lol.
What about you? What will be your ideal form of marriage?
I'm aware of a few customs of the Chinese for their weddings, but what I was aware of was the praying to the sky god for their blessings for a smooth and blissful life ahead. In Singapore, the custom of not seeing the bride one day before the wedding is still very common, and is not only practiced by the Chinese, but also the Malays and Indians! But, many youngsters still flunked this customs by sneaking out and meeting up secretly! (as with the case of my older cousin's wedding!)
The elderly people belongs to the other generation, where superstitions and not science ruled their lives. They are quite fixed in their mindsets and it's no surprise that they follow all the Chinese cultures and insist that their children go through the customary Chinese wedding too before they are even considered to be married.
Hehe, I am not aware of the combing of the hair. Is there even such a thing for marriages? Lol, and I thought that the combing of the hair is for those who are going for a life of chasity. What does the combing of the hair symbolise anyway?
Anyway, for me, I won't even hold my marriage in a church nor will I go for a Chinese traditional dinner if I can help it! To me, I just want a fuss free wedding where a signing of the wedding papers at the ROM will suffice. I sure don't want the winning face situation of holding a big wedding dinner just to ensure that my family does not lose face. I never did get the need for a chinese dinner, neither do I see the need to announce my wedding to the entire world. Afterall, a marriage is between two people and not to the whole world! Well, that's my twisted mind at work once again! ^o^ Lol.
What about you? What will be your ideal form of marriage?1 person likes this
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
16 Sep 08
haha.. Even for your or my generation, most of my frenz will still have a wedding dinner at least, because of what their parents wanted.. haha 
Yeah, the not seeing of bride superstition is still very much pratised, but it's not as strict like in the past, whereby the bride is to strictly stay at home and cant even go out, for fear they might meet their husband in secret.. lol =D But now, some parents wun really care, and pretend to just close one eye.. haha
Haha.. Not 'su qi' la, for those 'ma jie' rite?? lol =D Right now in these time and day, i dun think we will be able to find anymore of them.. haha =D But in wedding, there's still the combing ceremony, done by the mother.. hehe ^_^
Everytime she combs thru the hair once, the mom will say,
Yi su, bai tou xie lao (1st comb, be together always)
Er su, er sun man tang (2nd comb, full of kids and grandchildren)
San su, yong jie tong xin ( But i dunno if this is correct) hehe
U won't be able to miss this part if u are gonna get married in the future as this is being done at home on the night b4 your wedding.. lol But will your parents agree to what u wanna do?? U are a bride after all, and most gals will want an unforgetable wedding too.. hehe ^_^
maybe i will hold a wedding dinner, depending on my spouse, and if not, we will go for honeymoon straight away ^_^
Yeah, the not seeing of bride superstition is still very much pratised, but it's not as strict like in the past, whereby the bride is to strictly stay at home and cant even go out, for fear they might meet their husband in secret.. lol =D But now, some parents wun really care, and pretend to just close one eye.. haha
Haha.. Not 'su qi' la, for those 'ma jie' rite?? lol =D Right now in these time and day, i dun think we will be able to find anymore of them.. haha =D But in wedding, there's still the combing ceremony, done by the mother.. hehe ^_^
Everytime she combs thru the hair once, the mom will say,
Yi su, bai tou xie lao (1st comb, be together always)
Er su, er sun man tang (2nd comb, full of kids and grandchildren)
San su, yong jie tong xin ( But i dunno if this is correct) hehe
U won't be able to miss this part if u are gonna get married in the future as this is being done at home on the night b4 your wedding.. lol But will your parents agree to what u wanna do?? U are a bride after all, and most gals will want an unforgetable wedding too.. hehe ^_^
maybe i will hold a wedding dinner, depending on my spouse, and if not, we will go for honeymoon straight away ^_^1 person likes this
@angelia286 (2029)
• Singapore
21 Sep 08
Yeah! Yeah! Those are for the 'ma jies' I thought. There are still some of them around here as shown in one of the Singapore's documentary, and I had always thought that the combing of hair is for them. But hearing from what you had just said, it kind of rings a bell in me. I had seen that on one of the Taiwanese show before about the combing of the hair and it's all the nice words for a blessed marriage life together! How could I have forgotten that! Lol.
Nowadays, most of the younger generation practice all the customs of the Chinese for the wedding ceremony out of respect for the older generation. But then I doubt that many follow the customs just because they want to. (unlike the past). Lol, you can just see so many of them bending the rules if they could, and the parents would usually just close an eye to it. 
For me, my mum don't really bother much about customs. Lol, she even told my boyfriend that 'no money got no money de marriage', we can just have a simple buffet in place of a wedding dinner. She has this conception that the money placed into organising a wedding dinner could be put to better use, like a better honeymoon, or buying a house together. She does not want any one of us to be debt just because we want to get married. That's the cool part about my mum. Lol, she might belong to the generation of the 60s but her thinking is very modern, and she always encourage us to be independent!
I think I would be able to escape the customs if I want to on my mother's side, but on my boyfriend's side, well, that is another story altogether. Lol, they are so traditional and conservative that sometimes I think I am still living in 1960s Singapore whenever I dropped by in Malaysia for a visit. 
How could I have forgotten that! Lol.
Nowadays, most of the younger generation practice all the customs of the Chinese for the wedding ceremony out of respect for the older generation. But then I doubt that many follow the customs just because they want to. (unlike the past). Lol, you can just see so many of them bending the rules if they could, and the parents would usually just close an eye to it.
For me, my mum don't really bother much about customs. Lol, she even told my boyfriend that 'no money got no money de marriage', we can just have a simple buffet in place of a wedding dinner. She has this conception that the money placed into organising a wedding dinner could be put to better use, like a better honeymoon, or buying a house together. She does not want any one of us to be debt just because we want to get married. That's the cool part about my mum. Lol, she might belong to the generation of the 60s but her thinking is very modern, and she always encourage us to be independent!
I think I would be able to escape the customs if I want to on my mother's side, but on my boyfriend's side, well, that is another story altogether. Lol, they are so traditional and conservative that sometimes I think I am still living in 1960s Singapore whenever I dropped by in Malaysia for a visit. 1 person likes this
@jenny1220 (152)
• China
21 Sep 08
Really?Up to now,I haven't known much about the traditional ceremonial Chinese Wedding.Although I am Chinese.(Shy lol)
It seems very amusing.
Good luck.;)
1 person likes this
@angelia286 (2029)
• Singapore
21 Sep 08
Lol, I am not too sure if the 'praying' to the gods for a blessed marriage life ahead is supposed to be part of the Chinese customs as that was the first time I was seeing it (And that I think is only practiced in Malaysia)? I sure didn't see that sort of things happening in Singapore before. =D
So, how do people in China get married? Haha and I thought that you all should be more aware of such customs than us as our forefathers brought these customs with them from China to Nanyang?
1 person likes this
@balasri (26537)
• India
1 Nov 08
Every wedding here is followed by the custom and ritual here.
While various regional steps are followed by different sects of Hindus across India, the following 13 steps form the core of a Vedic wedding ceremony:Vara Satkaarah - Reception of the bridegroom and his kinsmen at the entrance gate of the wedding hall where the officiating priest chants a few mantras and the bride's mother blesses the groom with rice and trefoil and applies tilak of vermilion and turmeric powder.
Madhuparka Ceremony - Reception of the bridegroom at the altar and bestowing of presents by the bride's father.
Kanya Dan - The bride's father gives away his daughter to the groom amidst the chanting of sacred mantras.
Vivah-Homa - The sacred fire ceremony ascertaining that all auspicious undertakings are begun in an atmosphere of purity and spirituality.
Pani-Grahan - The groom takes the right hand of the bride in his left hand and accepts her as his lawfully wedded wife.
Pratigna-Karan - The couple walk round the fire, the bride leading, and take solemn vows of loyalty, steadfast love and life-long fidelity to each other.
Shila Arohan - The mother of the bride assists her to step onto a stone slab and counsels her to prepare herself for a new life.
Laja-Homah - Puffed rice offered as oblations into the sacred fire by the bride while keeping the palms of her hands over those of the groom.
Parikrama or Pradakshina or Mangal Fera - The couple circles the sacred fire seven times. This aspect of the ceremony legalizes the marriage according to the Hindu Marriage Act as well custom.
Saptapadi - Marriage knot symbolized by tying one end of the groom's scarf with the bride's dress. Then they take seven steps representing nourishment, strength, prosperity, happiness, progeny, long life and harmony and understanding, respectively.
Abhishek - Sprinkling of water, meditating on the sun and the pole star.
Anna Praashan - The couple make food offerings into the fire then feed a morsel of food to each other expressing mutual love and affection.
Aashirvadah - Benediction by the elders.
@angelia286 (2029)
• Singapore
9 Nov 08
Thanks for sharing the wedding customs of the HIndus. but how is this related to my post??
@angelia286 (2029)
• Singapore
10 Nov 08
Oh~ Sorry that was my mistake! No hard feelings okay?
Thanks for sharing the ceremonial customs of an Hindu marriage! That is a long and detailed post, and I sure have learn a few things from it. There is so much difference in the different cultures around the globe that it is totally amazing sometimes to learn that different religions and races celebrate the same occasion differently from yourself.
Take care and happy mylotting!!1 person likes this
@germany_fan (511)
• Malaysia
9 Nov 08
i love to see chinese weeding because i love to see chinese ladies wearing cheongsam.. they look very sexy and beautiful
@angelia286 (2029)
• Singapore
10 Nov 08
They do look elegant in the traditional cheongsam don't they? The sad thing is that with modernisation, not many Chinese women practice that tradition any longer. Majority of the Chinese would prefer wedding dresses that are quite similar to those that are worn by our Western counterparts. 
That is why a lot of people are also saying that the Chinese are losing their cultures bit by bit due to the Western influence.
Well, thanks for your response! And happy mylotting to you!! Take care!!
That is why a lot of people are also saying that the Chinese are losing their cultures bit by bit due to the Western influence.
Well, thanks for your response! And happy mylotting to you!! Take care!!1 person likes this
@cornyman (1128)
• Germany
27 Jan 09
Hello angelia,
very interesting discussion with your friend kun (ok, sometimes little bit off topic at the end ).
My wife is also Chinese Malaysian, so there was also a Chinese wedding on the way for me and her. She told me that there could be this special wedding day when i can't see her the night before (or had to sleep with her dad in a room and her mom would sleep in our room 
). In the end we didn't do it because we prolonged our marriage date month by month until we married on 30.12.2008.
But the most scary thing for me was that she told me that the husband has to do some games which are set up by the women. You have to win the games or give the correct answers to their questions otherwise you can't see the bride (i forgot the most already, she told me this in June). As she is pregnant, we didn't have to do this game, i guess because this is usually made by the friends??
We did one thing inside the family. That's the tea ceremony. Giving tea to the relatives and getting the red money packs (Ang Pau?) or jewelery from grandma.
We also had wedding meals after the marriage, lunch was with the friends (10) of her mother, and dinner was with the friends (5) of her father. I think we will have another invitation with her friends when she goes back studying to KL in May or June.
In Germany we destroy usually one day before the wedding white plates, cups and bowls (old and cheap ones, not porcelain- haha).
During the wedding meal the bride is hijacked by two friends and then the groom has do dance one dance with a sweeper. After this dance he can go searching the bride in the nearby restaurants or pubs (they go there drinking and the groom has to pay the bill in the end).
Sometimes it can take hours until he find her and seldom it happens that the bride will cheat on the groom with one of the friends.
Ok, so far from my experience with marriage in Malaysia and Germany!
Wish you a happy day and let us know when your wedding is :-)!
).
My wife is also Chinese Malaysian, so there was also a Chinese wedding on the way for me and her. She told me that there could be this special wedding day when i can't see her the night before (or had to sleep with her dad in a room and her mom would sleep in our room ). In the end we didn't do it because we prolonged our marriage date month by month until we married on 30.12.2008.
But the most scary thing for me was that she told me that the husband has to do some games which are set up by the women. You have to win the games or give the correct answers to their questions otherwise you can't see the bride (i forgot the most already, she told me this in June). As she is pregnant, we didn't have to do this game, i guess because this is usually made by the friends??
We did one thing inside the family. That's the tea ceremony. Giving tea to the relatives and getting the red money packs (Ang Pau?) or jewelery from grandma.
We also had wedding meals after the marriage, lunch was with the friends (10) of her mother, and dinner was with the friends (5) of her father. I think we will have another invitation with her friends when she goes back studying to KL in May or June.
In Germany we destroy usually one day before the wedding white plates, cups and bowls (old and cheap ones, not porcelain- haha).
During the wedding meal the bride is hijacked by two friends and then the groom has do dance one dance with a sweeper. After this dance he can go searching the bride in the nearby restaurants or pubs (they go there drinking and the groom has to pay the bill in the end).
Sometimes it can take hours until he find her and seldom it happens that the bride will cheat on the groom with one of the friends.
Ok, so far from my experience with marriage in Malaysia and Germany!
Wish you a happy day and let us know when your wedding is :-)!