Give the boy a break!!
By gemini_rose
@gemini_rose (16264)
July 27, 2008 5:01pm CST
Some of you know that I have an older son who is 16 and that before he left school he had some trouble with bullying. Well, we got through that and he has now left school and things calmed down. He has been working for my Mum and he is also trying to gain an apprenticeship with a garage and he goes there faithfully every day in the hope that he gets offered something.
Failing that, he will be starting college in September, so apart from one or two issues he has been having a great time, how it should be at his age. Well, yesterday my son went into a shop in his lunch break from work and while he was in there a girl asked him for his phone number which he gave to her and they started to text each other, he told my Mum, who in turn text me straight away! But I waited for him to tell me and he did when he came in from work.
I asked him about her, whats she like, whats her name etc etc and whats her age, he said she was 14, now me personally I am not overly fussed about age he is only 16 so it is only two years difference but I did say to him that I knew it was early days but that if things developed then he had to remember that she is underage if the relationship was to progress. We chatted about it and that was that. Or so I thought.
Next thing, Mum texts this morning, Your Dads worried about Matts new girlfriend with her only being 14, he is worried he might get into trouble. I said "Mum, I have had a chat with him, he understands and besides he has only known her a day" She says "well I have had a word with him, and another girl at work has had a word with him and your dads had a word with him, its a shame we dont know any policemen so that they could have a word with him" They have not even met up with each other yet either.
I thought "for goodness sake, hes known her for two minutes and the whole of the people he works with have had chats with him about being careful". The poor lad never seems to get any peace, this is the first girlfriend he has had, and I think that they are underestimating him, he is immature for his age but he is far from stupid and he has never had THAT sort of relationship ever. I just think that everyone is over reacting.
I would really love your thoughts on this, is everyone over reacting or are they right to make such a big fuss about it?
Is there anything wrong in a 16 year old seeing a 14 year old?
5 people like this
20 responses
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
28 Jul 08
I say let them be. All your (loving) family is doing is bringing more attention to the situation than is needed. I think they may be doing more harm than good. It seems like you have an open relationship with your son. Let them be kids for a while!
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
31 Jul 08
It sounds to me like you're doing a great job - keep up the good work!
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
2 Aug 08
Thanks for BR. I hope everything works out for you and your son :)
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
30 Jul 08
I know, it is my Dad more than anyone I really dont know what is up with him! But it is doing more harm than good, my boy went to see this girl last night and I could tell by the look on his face that he likes her. I asked him about her and talked to him, keeping the lines of communication open and trying to be a part of it. He knows I am here for him and I do not want him shutting me out because of other family members. What annoys me is that up until he left school it was all "he is just a kid" now all of a sudden he should grow up. Poor lad cannot win! History repeating itself because this is what I got at his age and consequences of that were I ended up in heaps of trouble and pregnant!!
1 person likes this
@Elixiress (3878)
•
28 Jul 08
I do not have a problem with it, because as you say it is only two years. If he was 30 and she was 28 then there would be no problem, no one would batter an eyelid. As long as it does not turn into a physical relationship then there are no laws being broken or anything. As you have told him this and he understands, I do not see a problem. They are not even really dating at this point in my eyes, they seem more like friends and friends tend not to jump into bed with each other two days after meeting.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
28 Jul 08
Thanx and I totally agree with you, if she was 16 and he was 18 no one would bat an eyelid. I think it is just the age 14, apparently though she is nearly 15 as my son stressed to me, he phoned me this afternoon and I think that it has been bothering him that everyone is going on about it.
1 person likes this
@Elixiress (3878)
•
28 Jul 08
I can imagine it must be annoying him. I doubt the relationship will last long with everyone's pressure.
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
28 Jul 08
Hi gemini,
That would be nice for me for him to have a girfriend, I know for some reason it will help him or both of them like enhancing their inter personal relationship and broaden their mind about life..
Giving him constant reminder is a plus too since we know that teens needs guidance a lot..We want them to enjoy life freely but as long as they know their limitations!
Great to know that there are many people who cares for him and I am sure he will handle his life perfectly with your support!
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
30 Jul 08
yea, let's just hope for that! Are you excited for him? I mean, some parents are jealous!
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
1 Aug 08
Jealous? Nah never jealous its fantastic for him!
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
28 Jul 08
Hi Gemini_rose, Everyone is overeacting big time on this one. One of my own daughters went out with a guy who was sixteen when she was fourteen, they just went to the local youth club or stayed in with me. Ok they kissed but my daughter wasn't stupod either so there was no way it was going to go past first base at that age. Like you say he hasn't even met up with her yet. As his mother yes you had the chat but as for everyone else, back off and let the boy be or he'll be that terrified or even holding her hand when he does get to meet her that it will be doomed before it starts. You have obviously considered the fact that he is 16 and she is 14 and I am sure he will too. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
28 Jul 08
Thanx ellie, these are my thoughts exactly on the subject. I think he is sensible enough to consider everything and I just do not think he is like that anyway, that is not the thoughts that go through his mind at all.
@dhalev78 (104)
• Philippines
28 Jul 08
There's nothing wrong for a 16yr. old boy seeing a 14 year old girl, because i believe that they just wanted to be friends, knowing that at their age they still didn't understand the true meaning of love, that love needs too much sacrifices. Having a companion really helps a lot, specially when this companion of yours really makes you happy,what they only need now is a guidance, make them understand that there's a time for everything. They can enjoy each other's company but still they don't have to give up the need to finish their studies, because it's the only thing in life that no one can ever steal it from you, your own knowledge,wisdom and your bachelor's degree. these are the weapons you need to face the reality of life. knowledge which can give you solutions to any problem your facing with, wisdom so that you put the solutions in actions. and your bachelor's degree to make your dreams achievable.
1 person likes this
@mrtech (50)
• Canada
30 Jul 08
When I was 14 I went out with a 16-year old girl...
Interestingly enough, she was the least mature of us.
Age difference doesn't matter too much, even at that age.
But keep the limit at two years.
You can't have your 17-year old son dating a 14 year old girl...
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
31 Jul 08
She will be 15 soon, before he is 17, so not too bad but I know what you are saying.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
28 Jul 08
I know, and I also know that girls mature quicker. The girl and my son are probably about the same ages in their heads. Obviously if the relationship looks to get serious, then I may start to worry a bit more.
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
29 Jul 08
Well, the first thought that comes to mind is that as long as s*ex doesn't enter the equation, then he is alright. I don't want to get too far into that though, like you said he has only known the girl for a day, and has had everyone else jumping on his case, he doesn't need some lady on the internet doing the same thing!!! But seriously, that two years difference is nothing really. Girls mature faster than boys, so they are generally on the same level with the two year difference. I would just keep a close eye on it, hopefully he will come and tell you if he does decide to have s*ex with her; and if that happens I would have a long talk with him then. Including the fact that if he continues it past when he is 18, he is in line for statutory rape if someone wished to report it. Then again I don't know, in some places the law does allow for a small difference in age. But like I said, just keep the lines of communication open, and monitor from afar. From what you have said, he seems like a good boy, and not bound for any trouble as of yet.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
29 Jul 08
Well this is what my thoughts are, my main worry is that with so many people going on at him it is going to push him towards her whether he wants to or not. I had a word with my Dad yesterday and told him not to keep going on. I know that the more people tell my son not too, the more he will I was exactly the same as a youngster.
@saivenkaat802003 (4823)
• India
28 Jul 08
Hi Gemini,
Its the extra bit of concern that your Mum had, on him makes them to worry.. From what i read, i don't think that your son have any kind of different thoughts in his mind at that moment..
And you did the good thing Gemini, by chatting with your son..very frankly..and this would have given you a good chance to read his mind.
May be i may just have an eye on him.. and i feel that texting to her does no harm..
@dragonfly242 (1060)
• Bahamas
28 Jul 08
Hi gemini!
I think everyone should just chill, and give the kid a break.
After all they're just texting each other, it's not like they're planning on running away and getting married.
I dont believe there's anything wrong with them seeing each other.
I think Matt is pretty level headed for his age, so everyone should just step back and allow him to enjoy this experience.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
30 Jul 08
He is more intelligent than people give him credit for, but this is because he comes across as daft. I see the intelligence in him, he is impulsive but not daft.
@tessah (6617)
• United States
28 Jul 08
pahlease.. this girl wouldnt even be categorized as a "girlfriend" yet and everyones got him committing statutory rape. its rediculous!! there isnt anything wrong with a 16 year old hooking up with a 14 year old.. and people ought lay off him. (not for nuthing but its prolly this sort of hounding on his back that makes him act out sometimes.. just a thought) i was 12 when i had my very first boyfriend.. holding hands, cuddling, first kiss and alla that. he was 19. granted he dumped me for a 15 year thatd put out LOL but thats neither here nor there. id have another chit cha with yer son and let him know you support him.. and tell him to not listen to the others and their condemnations. let this relationship.. if it even turns into one.. runs its natural course. hes 16, he SHOULD have a girlfriend by now.. they need to just let him be.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
30 Jul 08
I know tessah, I have chatted to him and told him to pay no attention to them and he knows that I support him.
@blackmantra_x (2732)
• Philippines
28 Jul 08
good day... I think the word trust before judgment is in order. Yes, i think that's the exact word give him break and while they are pre-judging his character why not wait and observe? Give him a chance to experience what normal teenagers experiences.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
28 Jul 08
Yes I agree with you, he should be allowed to be able to trust his own judgement. It is like they are all just thinking of the worst.
@metschica25 (5399)
• United States
28 Jul 08
Hello
I am sorry that everyone is making such a big deal out of this . It is only a 2 years age difference , and what ever people are worrying about could happen if they were the same age . I hope everything works out , and that he can have some one in his life that could make him happier , or make a differnce .
I am sorry that everyone is making such a big deal out of this . It is only a 2 years age difference , and what ever people are worrying about could happen if they were the same age . I hope everything works out , and that he can have some one in his life that could make him happier , or make a differnce .
@liltunergirl (467)
• Canada
28 Jul 08
I don't feel there is anything wrong with a 2 year gap. However, for his first relationship, maybe it would be good for him to try to date someone his own age? But if these two really like each other, let them try it out. you've warned him, and everyone in the world has warned him. If he still decides to do it then he will learn the hard way.
I hope your son makes the right choices (which I'm sure he will) and everyone should just leave him alone.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
28 Jul 08
It is hard, people are only concerned about him, I am his Mum and I dont want people getting on at him, I can see their points and I can see his too. It has only been a day since they met so I think it is just a case of keeping an eye on it all.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
9 Aug 08
I hope he realises that everyone is looking out for him but at his age he just might get jack of everyone hassling him. Let him know you are on his side and know he will be sensible. Try and get everyone else to back off and mind their own business.
Meantime, as soon as you can, have him invite the young lady round so that the friendship is in the open in front of the family. I think they are too young to be on their own...given their raging hormones and all. Include her in the family...that way you can get to know her and keep your finger on the pulse of things as well.
@enola1692 (3323)
• United States
28 Jul 08
I agree with you give the kid a break no there is nothing wrong with him dating a 14 year old just tell everyone back off an give him a break
@irishidid (8687)
• United States
28 Jul 08
I don't see anything wrong with it. It isn't like he's all that much older. I'd worry if he was 21 and seeing a 14 year old, but not at 16.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
27 Jul 08
I am sure that you have raised him to know right from wrong and I believe you've made it seem that he is a very nice boy who listens to his momma. So is everyone overreacting? Yes, just a bit. You've talked to him and your parents have, I think that it is enough and it should be left well enough alone. Besides he is going to college soon, and he may never talk to her after that.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
31 Jul 08
Thanx, I think he will be OK, she might turn out to be the love of his life, but I would rather he decided for himself instead of being pushed into it by people interfering!
@irisangelica (16)
• Puerto Rico
28 Jul 08
This is a very difficult age. The human system is getting prepared for another stage . You need a professional to deal with this. The one that understand human behave.So get advice as soon as possible .
