Would you hold your child back?

Baby,I think that in some cases it depends on how bad the child is doing in school,if the child is just a little behind in one subject or something then I think you should have the child continue on,but get a tutor or someone else to help the child where they are having trouble,but if the child is failing miserably,and is having trouble understanding something in the grade they are in,that they should be held back,so they can learn but they need to learn in the grade they are in,and I think that if you send them on to the next grade in a situation like that it will only end up hurting the child in the long run,I love you.

I had this come up with my son when he was in first grade. He went to kindergarten and the first half of first grade in a city school that basically did not teach the kids squat. He started at a different school the second half of first grade and he was way behind where he should have been. I got him a tutor and he still did not pass, but he went to summer school and the school sent out a reading tutor once a week all summer and he took a reading test right before school started and just squeeked his way into second grade. His grades in second grade were mostly A's and B's when the year before it was C's and D's.

I would think to hold a child back would be if they are extremly failing such as d's or f's. C's can be improved and is just average. but if the child is failing in all subjects or most of them; they should be held back and have to repeat them to do better. A child just doesn't receive these grades they earn them and if they are not trying hard enough then they will fail and should have to do it over til they can improve. If the child is struggling because of something, then yes, they need a tutor to improve them.. but that should be established by the quarter of school comes around not by the end of the year. becasue by then if no one is noticing the failing child then that is not only the parents but the teachers fault for not being very involved with the student.

I've done this twice now. My oldest had major issues with doing homework in the first grade. Our school goes from no homework in kidergarten to homework every night in first. She did fine in school, but homework was a struggle. I'd spend hours at the table with her for things that should have taken 10 to 15 minutes. She also struggled with math so I opted for her to repeat. I figured we could do it then and get through the problems or possibly be struggling long term. She is now going into the 5th grade and I have no regrets. It gave her a boost and she learned her lesson about homework. No problems since and she an A and B student. Now I've got another one repeating first. She passed but she sruggled with reading and ended the year with a 72. Her math average was a 97. Not everyone agrees with it, but I feel it's whats best for my kids. Yes, I probably could have gotten a tutor, but I decided against it for now. They already don't get home until 4p.m. We then have an hour for homework before we start dinner at 5p.m. If they had a tutor they wouldn't have any time in the day to just be a kid. Maybe in high school, but not now.

i rather hire a tutor for my child and teach him/her whenever i have extra time :) holding back a year, for me, is not a solution.

Thats a really hard question. But I think you would just need to be really honest with yourself about where your child is. I think the fact that the question is out there is evident that there is a problem. In my particular case I would have been monitoring the situation all year and would have already had a tutor. So that may not be the answer. I would continue with the tutoring during the summer and assess him prior to the start of school. If he still needs to repeat I would hold him back. I don't think that I would serve him any justice by passing him on if he is not ready. I think I stand a better chance of dealing with the social stigma of the repeat than him not being prepared academically. My son is 9 and has done well in school up to this point. He does go to a private school. As part of his tuition tutoring is available to him at no additional cost. Since he started school I have always made him go, even though his grades did not reflect that he needed it. I did have to literally fight for him to be able to go as they said that he didn't need it. I basically told them that no matter the level that he tested at he could still be challenged and that has helped us a lot. He also reads 45-60 minutes per day Monday thru Friday, outside of his homework. Personally I think that reading is the key to them exceling in most other subjects. He tested at 7th grade reading level and he is going to 4th. All other subjects are at least 2 grade levels above his current grade.

no i wont let my child skip a year, i may change the school she goes to. she may not be with good friends or something. if that is not possible i will make sure to teach her and to talk to her teachers to find out what is really wrong. we also need to motivate our children, tell them that we will buy the thing she likes if she gets good grades, i mean it might inspire them.

Hi SomeCowgirl, If I have a child who is a slow learner, I will be helping him each day by spending time to tutor and guide him in his lessons,projects and assignment..I have to monitor his study hour as a follow up of the motivation done by the teachers at school..I have to do this from the very start so to avoid some regrets in the future, like doing only some help when it is at the last part of his high school or whatever level he is in! Kids who have academic performances as this really needs attention and supervision by parents! But, if that is really the case, Summer classes as well as tutorial session are both needed so there will be no repetition of the course/subject, it might discouraged the kid feeling behind of his batch where remedies can be done!

No, I would not hold a child back because it has long term effects. I know because one of the teachers in my kindergarten told my parents that she thought it would be best to hold me back a year before I started first grade. They were stupid enough to listen to her and I spent years questioning my own intelligence and ability because I thought my parents believed I wasn't smart enough or able enough to handle first grade. I was a grown woman before I managed to convince myself that they were the stupid ones, not me. I think the tutor idea is great! It could be done in private without humiliating the child. Sylvan Learning Centers are supposed to be good and could help you find the right help. You also may want to look into the possibility that there may be more to it than trouble with the subject. In my situation, my grades did later slip but not because of my ability but because my father began verbally, emotionally and physically abusing me when I was eight and I was more concerned about surviving from one day to the next than my grades. Make sure no one is bullying the child and make sure there are no emotional issues involved. Now, don't let on what you are contemplating because some children are bright enough to manipulate the situation for attention. You need to be wise and caring all at the same time. I hope that helps...

I personally feel that it depends on the severity of the child decline in school. Recieving a C average is not failing and the child should not be held back for that, but getting a tutor should be considered. I think that if the child is failing completely, the parent should hold their child back. Then the parent should try to figure out exactly what is happening, whether the child has problems with communication, or test taking. All avenues should be considered. Even if the child is going to be held back, the parent should still get the child tutoring. That way the child can have a jump start on the next school year, and it will help to build the childs confidence level.

cowgirl- I'm impressed you're preparing yourself for motherhood. Our children's educations are one of a million areas where moms can make mistakes. The more knowledge, the better. My son's schoolteacher advised holding him back in kindergarten. He started school right at the cutoff age for entry. Some of his classmates were close to one year older. His IQ tests were off the chart, but the teacher thought he was emotionally immature. You know how moms make mistakes? I did. I listened to the school's recommendations and I held him back. It didn't help his grades, it hurt his self=confidence. The next year, the school stopped advising parents to hold back their children. Everyone commented with some excellent ideas and I think when the time comes, you'll be not only SomeCowgirl, but SomeWonderfulmom.

I think whether or not a child should be held back depends upon the child. Some children are very concerned about social issues, even in the early grades. Today, I think some kids don't make good grades not because they don't understand but because they are bored. The schools want the kids to be cookie-cutter imitations of each other and don't allow for the fact that children learn in different ways and at different paces. I think schools were more prepared for that when I was in school (back in the dinosaur age). Back then, for instance, we had 5 different reading groups in each grade and 3 different math groups. And before anyone says that would not be possible in today's bigger classrooms...when I was in elementary school there were 3 classes of my grade, each with 50 kids in them. We were definitely "baby boomers." The only reason big classes don't work today is because the children don't have respect for themselves, for each other or for the teachers and other authority figures in the schools.

I personally can't see anything wrong with holding a child back, even if they are not failing and have a C average. It could be in the child's best interest and the parents who might decide to do this for their child must believe somewhere in their hearts that that is what they need to do. I believe that a parent does things out of love and just want the best for them. I have not come across a decision like this in my own life, but I do have a young son not of elementary school age yet. I think I will cross that bridge when I get there.