Boyfriend Beats Up On Father, My Son.
By Darkwing
@Darkwing (21583)
July 29, 2008 1:51pm CST
On Sunday, my Son and Daughter-In-Law were going to my nephew's wedding reception. As is usual, on these family occasions, they were taking the two girls with them... in fact, my Daughter-In-Law always insists that they all go on family occasions. So, my Son signed off saying he was going to get ready, as they were leaving at 6.15 so as to arrive at the venue for 6.30 p.m.
My eldest Granddaughter, who is sixteen and left school this year, wants to join the police force in a few years time. Well, she has been seeing this fifteen-year-old boy, who is apparently quite possessive of her, and is not from a good background. Apparently his mother drinks, and so does his stepfather, and she also dabbles in drugs. The boy is a thief and has a record as long as your arm, so my Son and Daughter-In-Law never allowed him into the house. When Sarah is out with us on a family gathering, she's always itching to get back to him, and texting him on her mobile phone. Her parents have often told her of their concern, but as is always with kids of that age... she thinks she's grown up and able to make up her own mind who she's friends with. They've always encouraged her other friends and boyfriends to come around, but they put their foot down with this one.
Well, as usual, Sarah was griping about going to the reception, but Diane insisted that she went. So, they all got ready and were about to go out of the house when there came a knock at the door. My Son opened it, and the boyfriend lunged at him, and attacked him, punching him in the face initially. I'm not sure what happened after that, but my Son didn't retaliate owing to the boy's age and the likelihood of an assault charge. Whatever, he ended up with a swollen face, and swellings on the top of the head which sounds as though the boot was put in. I didn't ask, as my Son was in a bit of shock. The Daughter-In-Law and younger Granddaugher went off to the reception, not wanting to let the family down, whilst my Son called the police. The police arrested the boy, telling Sarah that if she continued to see him, she had absolutely no chance of getting into the force. They also told my Son that if he came anywhere near again, to phone 999 immediately, and without question.
That over, my Granddaughter called a friend to come around, which she did. My Son went to watch some TV and rest for a while, and it was only the next day I learned that my Granddaugher had gone to stay with this friend for a couple of days. I was surprised to say the least because I feared she might try to see this lad again whilst not staying at home under the protection of her family. Meanwhile, my nephew had jokingly offered to send a couple of heavies round. I put the quash on that straight away, even if he was joking, because I don't hold with using violence to combat violence.
So what I would like to ask is, how would you have dealt with this? Naturally, I'm afraid that if this kid can beat the Father up in front of the Granddaughter, then what will he do to her if he snaps, as he did on this occasion? To tell the truth I'm pretty scared for her. All my Son could come up with was "If you continue to see him, you're out of the house." She's only sixteen and that's probably not an issue for her, but I know where she'd be better off.
What would you do? Would you take out an injunction against the boy coming anywhere near your daughter, or would you let her take advice from her friends? What are your views of the whole situation, please?
16 people like this
37 responses
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
29 Jul 08
That boy needs to go to jail.
He is not immune from the law because of his age.
He needs to be taught a lesson.
I should say, that young man.
Cause he is a young man and not a child
anymore.
In the US teens are coddled and pampered too
and often end up committing horrific crimes
like rape and murder cause they think they can
get away with it.
This is a serious matter.
Please suggest that the boy be arrested.
If he is physically abusive to your Son, then he
is more likely abusive to your granddaughter!
Violence is learned at home. You don't want your loved
ones around dangerous people!
Best of luck with the situation.
My heart and sympathies go out to you and your Son and his
family in this sad situation.
4 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
1 Aug 08
He's not immune, but as a young offender under the age of eighteen, he can't be sent to the normal jail. We have young offenders' detention centres, which are similar I guess but not quite the same as the hardship of being in a jail.
He was in court today, and we're waiting to hear what happened, but for my daughter-in-law's sake, I hope he's detained, because she's scared stiff about what he might do next. I'll update with that in another discussion as soon as I know anything.
I think my granddaugher has come to realise now that she's in a bad relationship, so that's maybe a good thing. My son's eyes are still a bit black, but he's feeling much better, so let's just hope now that justice is done.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my friend. xx
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
29 Jul 08
Wow that is scary. I've never been in that situation before. I would hope that your granddaughter would be turned off by this guy after he beat up her dad. It was smart thinking by your son not to fight back. Although I'm sure it would be considered self defense. I can't believe that he attacked him like that. It's so sad that kids aren't raised to respect adults anymore. I took a lot of verbal abuse from my exboyfriends mother for awhile and never said I would back because that was how I was raised. Finally I lost it and i yelled back at her. She never bothered me again. But it felt weird for me because I was raised to be respectful and never talk back to adults. Hopefully your granddaughter will choose her career as a police officer over this boy.
4 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
29 Jul 08
Yes, I hope she will too and I think she's been raised better than to stick with this boy after what's happened. I'm just fearful that if she does, she will suffer the same abuse, perhaps more than once. She doesn't deserve that.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
29 Jul 08
well WE had that sor of same situation but the boy didnt hit any one I just told my daughter if she tried to see him again I would shoot him. Needless to say she never met or went out with him again. Good thing to he turned out to be a bum like we knew he would and probably is in jail now.
3 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
30 Jul 08
If this boy shows up, call the police right away and swear out an order of protection against him. Your son and daughter-in-law cannot kick their daughter out of the house. She will immediately run to this father beater, and that would not be beneficial. And if the police are the ones that keep this creep away, he might not have to know that you had the injunction against him. He is way too dangerous to be around. If he beats up on your son, there is a good chance that he will beat up on your granddaughter. That is how wife beaters start up.
3 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Aug 08
That is rather sad. I hope she straightens out. It is hard to learn things the hard way. I went through that myself. You wind up then taking advice from everyone else to compensate for it. It seems that you cannot trust your own judgment and from then things go from bad to worse. So I hope that she learns to differentiate between what she can do and what advice to follow before too late.
@littleowl (7157)
•
30 Jul 08
Hi Darkwing in that situation I would get an injunction out on the boy for both of us the house and meanwhile have him done on GBH or ABH..That I did for an ex boyfriend of mine it is a serious offense and he should face the consequences of his actions..somehow or another I would get some sense into my daughters head but the one thing I wouldn't do is turn her out of home as it happened to me and I became a very rebellious hurt young teen it would happen to your son's daughter too as she wouldn't feel safe wanted or needed anymore so would find the type of people she would do and that could be the wrong type-I am so sorry to hear about this terrible situation of your son it must be also so worrying for yourself...rest assured it will turn out right my dear friend blessed be littleowl
3 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
1 Aug 08
It seems most of that was resolved on the night my friend. The police, on seeing my son, slammed an injunction order on the lad immediately, which is why they told him to phone 999 if they ever saw him closeby. He appeared in court today, charged with the assault, and we're waiting to hear the outcome. I spoke to my daughter-in-law on IM yesterday, and she's on tenderhooks because she wants to see him in a detention centre, because if he's not detained, she feels there may be recurrences.
As for my granddaugher, she was allowed her best friend round, as she was apparently upset and shocked at what had happened. She was then given permission to go stay with her friend for one night, and when she came home was much better, apparently. It seems her friend and her parents combined have helped her to see that she's in a bad relationship with this guy, and that she's best out of it.
Brightest Blessings, my friend, and thank you for your contribution. xx
@littleowl (7157)
•
1 Aug 08
Bravo..it sounds now that all things will work for the best-Blessed Be littleowl
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Jul 08
Yes If she were my daughter she would go noplace
near this guy, he is bad news. Your son should have sworn
out an injunction himself against that boy right away and
in stead of telling her she is out of the house if she sees
him, tell her she will not see him as there ia an order against him seeing her at all or being within 100 feet of her.She is
still a minor so she should be reminded of that at once.
Surely she can now see for herself the kid is a bad idea.
I suppose being told not to makes him seem exciting, what fools a young girl can be. so sad.
3 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
1 Aug 08
I think reality and the seriousness of this incident has hit home, my friend. My granddaughter was scared out of her wits by what happened, and what my son said about her being out was words said in the heat of the moment, and now forgotten. Apparently, the police slammed an injunction on him as soon as they saw my son which is why he was told to dial 999 if ever he saw the lad closeby. 999 is our emergency service call, for police, fire, ambulance. She was allowed to call her best friend around that evening and to go and stay just one night with her, which I think may have helped because it showed that the parents trust her to do what is right. She came back the next day much better for having talked with her friend, and seems to have seen the light as far as this relationship was concerned.
The lad was in court today, and we're hoping to find out what the verdict was, but my daughter-in-law is a bit worried that if he isn't sent to a detention centre, something more might happen. I'm going to visit on Sunday, and will keep all up to date on the verdict and my granddaughter's feelings in a new discussion, just as soon as we hear anything.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my friend. x
@weemam (13372)
•
29 Jul 08
i would have a family meeting and get her to sit down and listen to everyone and give her opinion too , I think I would ask her what she wanted to do with her life and tell her what will happen if she stays with him , If only her Mum and dad were to talk to her she might not listen , I would take out an injunction against him , It would be nice to for you to remind her that you were her age once and you understand her feelings for this boy too , sometimes our grandchilden forget we were young once too , I would tell her t that if he could hurt her father like that what would stop him someday hurting her , This is only my opinion pal and not everyone might agree , I know what it is to have and love granddaughters so I was just trying to put myself in your shoes xx
@Darkwing (21583)
•
1 Aug 08
Thank you both for your valuable input on this. It's not that the parents don't sit down and talk to her but you know what it's like when they get to school-leaving age... they think they know everything, and they think they're grown up. Well, I believe this incident scared her enough for her to know she's in a bad relationship. She was allowed to call her best friend round, and consequently to go stay one night with her, and when she came home, she was much better about the whole situation.
My daughter-in-law is on tenderhooks because the lad went to court today, and she's afraid that if he doesn't get put into a detention centre, he might cause further problems. I told her my main concern was for the granddaughter at the moment, but she said she'll be ok, so I think they must have sorted something out between them. I hope so anyway. I'll probably be going up to see them on Sunday, and then they're off for a short break in my sister's caravan, in Camber Sands, so they can get away from it all for a few days at least.
I'll keep you up to date on what happened at court, if we get to hear anything. Brightest Blessings and thank you both for your contributions. xx
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
30 Jul 08
Weeman, I think you are right. I have a granddaughter who is 18 1/2, about to start college. She's had boyfriends that haven't done her right, not mean, just not being true to her. But she could not understand why her Mother didn't want her to see certain boys. They don't realize that adults have been there, done that, and are wanting to keep their children from getting hurt. My granddaughter has told me several times that "MOM just don't understand." I tell her that yes, Mom understands because she's been hurt more than once (even by 2 husbands! - she's raised 4 kids single for the past 9 years), and she doesn't want her daughter to be hurt like she's been. My granddaughter is maturing more and more every day and she's now working. I think she's beginning to see things more like her Mom and I do now and she's able to open her mouth and talk to these guys. Before, she'd just take whatever they dished out and be there when they came back. She's not that easy anymore, thank goodness.
1 person likes this
@addysmum (1225)
• Canada
29 Jul 08
I am so sorry to here this. I am sending my prayers and thoughts to you and your family. The unfortunate thing is as a teen girl your grand daughter is not thinking beyond her own image, and friends; she doesn't see yet what this events has done to her family and the continued effects. Giving her a ultimatum like that may be enough to drive her out, it is the reason my husband left home at 16. This situation is a hard one for everyone. I would want to beat the boy, I would want to have him put in jail, I would do everything in my power to keep him from my family. this will take a long time to resolve itself if your grand daughter can't see what this has done to her dad and drop this kid fast.
2 people like this
@addysmum (1225)
• Canada
29 Jul 08
You know, the more I think about this the more I feel strongly about a few things. It is very, very sad when someone being assaulted won't defend himself for fear of being charged. Teenager or not your son should not have felt like he had to take this beating in his own home. Even though many great teachers and master throughout time have taught to turn the other cheek I strongly feel that if you are being beaten you have the right to protect yourself and your family. Hit me once and I will smile, hit me twice and I will pray for you, try to beat me down and I will kick some butt. I really hope this kid gets some jail time for this.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
4 Aug 08
I'm writing an update shortly on this, but I think he did the right thing in the circumstances, although it must have been very difficult. I've seen his injuries... both eyes were blackened both below the eye, and above the eyebrow, and the bridge of his nose is scarred where it was cut. The swellings on the top of his head have gone down and the part over his eyebrows yellowing now, but he still has some blackened areas underneath his eyes. I don't know whether I could have held back from hitting the lad.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
29 Jul 08
I agree. I think he gave her the ultimatum in anger, and perhaps should have waited before he spoke. Nevertheless, I hope that between the police, my Son and her friend, she will realise that he's not all she sees. He's putting up a front and I fear for her.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my friend. x
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
29 Jul 08
Darkwing I was really shocked to read this
I do hope that your Son is ok, in my case I know my Daughter would have gone for the Lad herself, but not every Girl is like Mel
I am also surprised that your Granddaughter went to stay with a Friend and not her Dad
I personally would fear for my Daughter as he seems the type to beat her if she finishes it with im, yes I would take action and get an Injunction out on him, but will that stop him?
I really hope he stays away from your Family and nothing else happens
I am so sorry this has happened, if you need me call ok
Love you and a big Hug to you xxxxxx
@Darkwing (21583)
•
29 Jul 08
She may well have gone for him herself, and I think she wanted to go to her friends perhaps, because she felt bad about him hurting her Father, not because she was mad at her Father for getting him arrested. The lad's only fifteen anyway, and I doubt they can hold him for long. That's mainly what worries me. Yes, he does seem the type to "lose it" and beat anybody who angers him just a tad, and I think you're right in that he ought to take out an injunction against him going near his daughtr.
I think he will have to stay away, or my Son has license to dial 999, from the police. He won't hesitate, so it won't benefit the boy, but I'd be very cautious about letting the little one play out with her friends, as she often does; it's such a shame.
I'll be ok my friend, but yes, if in dire straits, I will call. Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution. xxx
2 people like this
@34momma (13882)
• United States
29 Jul 08
wow i am sorry to hear that. if your granddaughter thinks it's a good idea to see this boy after he beat up her dad, she is crazy! this is one of those situations that is a hard one. i would take out a protection order for him to stay away from her and the whole family plus house and any place of business. I would let her know if being with him is more important then the safety of your family then you would have to go.
@marciascott (25529)
• United States
30 Jul 08
Sounds like the Boy don't have any kind of respect for her father, And Your Granddaughter should leave him alone.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
29 Jul 08
He did actually say that to her, even if in the heat of the moment. He was hurting badly, and angry toboot. I'm just hoping her friend, who has been her friend all her life, will have the sense to advise her well. She'll take more notice of her, I'm sure.
As for the injunction order... yes, I think I agree with you. There's no telling what this boy will do next. It's a pity he's so young that the police can't throw the book at him. He apparently has a very long criminal record, even at that age.
Brightest Blessings, and thank you for your conribution.
@craftcatcher (3699)
• United States
29 Jul 08
Oh good grief Dark! What an awful thing to happen on such a happy day.
I don't believe in violence either, as a rule. But I grew up in a neighborhood where if you didn't fight to protect yourself you didn't go outside your house. So it's just automatic for me to fight back. I will not tolerate an attack on me, my family or my friends. I'm afraid that bully boy would be in the hospital right now having my boot surgically removed from his backside. I'd feel bad about it later.... maybe 
Your Granddaughter needs a wake up call and fast. Unfortunately at her age it may or may not do any good. Sixteen yr olds know everything about life from the beginning of the Universe to 2 seconds ago. Anyone over 20 is old and stupid and couldn't possibly understand anything.
Has anyone talked about doing an intervention between her the entire family? Get her alone with no friends around and everyone in the family has their say... one at a time without interuption. Here's where your future is heading, here's what it can be. We love you. What's it gonna be. Sometimes "tough love" works.
If worse comes to worse you can always take your nephew up on his offer.... just kidding hon.. hugs to you my friend. I sure hope everything works out.
Your Granddaughter needs a wake up call and fast. Unfortunately at her age it may or may not do any good. Sixteen yr olds know everything about life from the beginning of the Universe to 2 seconds ago. Anyone over 20 is old and stupid and couldn't possibly understand anything.
Has anyone talked about doing an intervention between her the entire family? Get her alone with no friends around and everyone in the family has their say... one at a time without interuption. Here's where your future is heading, here's what it can be. We love you. What's it gonna be. Sometimes "tough love" works.
If worse comes to worse you can always take your nephew up on his offer.... just kidding hon.. hugs to you my friend. I sure hope everything works out.3 people like this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
29 Jul 08
Hi Darkwing, Oh this really is an awful situation and as a mother of a teenage daughter and one that was in her teens not so long ago I can appreciate the concern and worry of everyone over this, unfortunately, the more your grandaughter is told not to see this boy the more she is going to want to see him and at the same time risk herself being used as a punch bag from him and also her future career, but what to do I really don't know. In the UK if your son tries to ground her and keep her in she can leave and he can't stop her but if something happens to her everyone will say why didn't the parents stop her, crazy laws they have here eh as even at 16 they are still children but can have children. If she is staying at a friends she is more than likely seeing him still too. No point in taking an injunction out if your grand daughter still wants to see him would be a complete waste of time. I just pray that she comes to her senses soon and changes direction away from him. Sorry I couldn't give any suggestions but my thoughts are with you all on this one. Hugs. Ellie :D
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
29 Jul 08
Yes, I agree that teenagers are very difficult, especially when they've finished school. They think they're so grown up and able to sort their own lives out, and where do most of them end up when trying to do so. The laws are crazy... in my day, you couldn't leave home before your eighteenth birthday without being dragged back. What changed things? They're all for putting up the minimum age of smoking, and you can't vote until you're eighteen, but you can leave home and nothing said.
I'm at a loss my friend, but appreciate your sentiments and thoughts. Brightest Blessings. xxx
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
29 Jul 08
I'll prayer that she does see some sense and go home and kick the lad into touch eh, she has her whole life ahead of her and she doesn't need to spend one more moment of her time on this waster. The minute she does not wan to be with him, then I would get an injunction stopping him from coming near. Hugs. Ellie :D xx
1 person likes this
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
29 Jul 08
Nice picture, but why does the ex have a black eye?
Anyway, I think your granddaughter's allegiance should be toward her father. Boyfriends come and go, but her father is forever.
Why did the boyfriend just attack your son like that? Seems he has issues that needs to be addressed, and yes, there is a possibility that he would put his hands on her, with such violence in him.
But young girls in love do not want to hear anything. If she does continue to see him, would your son really put her out? Too bad she can not see the reality.
It is so hard to deal with young people, when you try to tell them the right thing to do, the seem to rebel.
I wish your family well, and hope that the young lady gets her act together, and do not ruin her life with losers.
@Darkwing (21583)
•
29 Jul 08
I can't remember why he had the black eye now. She probably whacked him one!!! lol. No, joking aside, I really can't remember. It was a while ago, now.
He attacked my Son like that because he is possessive of my Granddaughter and she was told she had to go to the wedding reception rather than see him. My Daughter-In-Law is very strict about family gatherings. I hope she comes to realise, if only by talking to her friend, that her Father should be considered above the boyfriend. She has some fairly sensible friends, so fingers crossed. Sometimes they listen more to their friends than their parents.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my friend.
1 person likes this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
29 Jul 08
Hi DarkWing,
I am very sorry to hear about this incident with your family,and yes I would be very scared for your granddaughter that she is going out with this no good boy but I am surprised to hear that her parents allowed to go and stay with her friends after the incident and yes she could have easily gone to see the boy, I wouldn't trust her friends either. Looks like she is a handful and needs a lot of talking to, before its too late for her as she wants to join the police force. I really hope she will come to her senses soon.
Bright Blessings
Tamara
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
29 Jul 08
No, you've read her wrong, my friend. She's not normally a handful, but she does have this "fault" of trying to help those who can't help themselves. She has a whole bunch of sensible friends who have been with her since her third birthday, and I'm hoping they can talk her round. She may not be in touch with the boy at all, or she may even have had a few angry words to say to him because he beat up her father, but I'm worried about her well-being rather than anything else. This is one dangerous lad"
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution. x
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
29 Jul 08
Hi DarkWing,
So sorry I got the wrong end of the stick as usual, if your granddaughter is trying help this boy maybe he is beyond her help especially after hitting her dad and her friends will help her out as well but she needs to stay away from this lad.
Bright Blessings
Tamara
1 person likes this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
2 Aug 08
I believe I would take a injunction out on him and press charges are far as I could.
Your son is right - if she keeps up with someone like him she'll never get on a police force.
I hope that her friends - if they are true friends they would - be telling her the same things. This guy is trouble. And not the normal teenage trouble either.
That is crazy! He could have easily done that to her! And how much can he respect her if he does that to her FATHER?
I pray these issues go away quietly for you all.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
2 Aug 08
Even worse, he went to court yesterday for his hearing, and it was postponed until October 1st, owing to a legal argument?*?*? There is an injunction order on him not to go anywhere near the family home or my Son, Daughter-In-Law or little Granddaugher, but he's allowed to contact this Granddaughter which seems a little strange to me since he hit her on Saturday because she told him she was going to my Mum's birthday barbecue. He's obviously using menacing behaviour towards her to make her go see him. I don't know what to think any more.
Brightest Blessings, and thank you for your contribution, my friend.
1 person likes this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
2 Aug 08
Oh! And I agree -- violence against violence usually doesn't solve anything but just creates more problems.
1 person likes this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
3 Aug 08
What?! That's crazy!!!! What is the court thinking??
1 person likes this
@chertsy (3798)
• United States
30 Jul 08
I give your son a lot of credit for having control and not hitting the idiot kid. He handled the situation a lot better than I would have. I already plan on doing this when my girls start dating. I'm going to give their boyfriends a good understanding, lay a hand on my girls and you might as well have your plot paid for. I don't care if the guys comes from a good home or not, hurt my daughter's and you will wish you lived in 5 states away by the time I get done with you. I will give my daughter's a good understanding, if I don't feel the guy they begin dating is good for them, they better tell the guy, or I will. If they still go against my back, then they will have their dad to deal with, and he's military. My girls can take advice from anyone, it's how they use that's important.
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
1 Aug 08
Yes, I think he was very sensible not to retaliate, the law being the way it is. It must have taken quite a bit of restraint not to hit back.
Believe me, my granddaughter's been through all that with her parents, about this guy. They didn't like him from the beginning, but having just left school, she thinks she's adult and knows everything. Thankfully, she'll be going to college soon and then on to university, so she'll be away for most of the time. I just hope he doesn't try to follow. She's fine now... she's spent a bit of time with her best friend, and together with her advice and her parents', I think she's seen what a bad relationship she was in, and it won't go any further. Time will tell.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my friend.
1 person likes this
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
29 Jul 08
Yup, scary ineed. have never been in a situation lik ethat, but i definetly know the feel.wE just cant say, the age is so and we let it goisnt it. I hope ur granddaughter really sees the truth and faces the fact, without misunderstanding. If i were in her position, i would have smacked him bk, for doing that to my father, leave alone getting bk with him, ...So also when she wants to get into being a police, she cant have a bf, who is so very voilent. Any ways, i just hope things fall in place, and evrything could, once she realises that what she was after is nothing.
2 people like this
@kayrod2 (1304)
• Australia
5 Aug 08
what a terrible situation, darkwing. i have only just read this, as i read your follow on and needed to come back here and see what has happened. I do hope your son is ok now. he did the right thing by not retaliating, but i dont know if i could hold back. At 16, kids seem to think they know everything and are the best judge of things. of course, we know better. when i was that age i thought i was invincible, and parents knew nothing. i made some friends that werent that desirable, and got in trouble. but there wasnt violence involved. and i dont think i would of put up with my dad getting hit. but mine involved getting into trouble with the law. i sorted myself out luckily. and i learnt from that experience. my 16 year old daughter has a lovely boyfriend, but her last one wasnt. he was possesive of her, and verbally abused her. but it didnt matter what i said. i just had to be there for her. she worked out that he was no good, but it took a little while. but he never hit her, even though he did threaten to after they split up.
i dont think an injunction would work. it could push her further away and towards him. i dont know how well they work over there either. they seem to not be that good here. people dont seem to take any notice of them.
it is a really tough situation to be in, and i feel for your family. i would just try to encourage your granddaughter to stay away, even though she probably wont listen. it isnt any use trying to forbid her, cause they will just sneak out, and go against the ruling.
i do hope it all works out. she has so much going for her, and he will only drag her down. best wishes and take care
xxxx
@marciascott (25529)
• United States
6 Aug 08
Your Grandaughter is to good for him, maybe she will wake up one day, I think she is going through a frase right now. she will realize sooner or later that he is not good for her. I hope it is real soon!
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
29 Sep 08
Yes, Marcie... my granddaughter was too good for him. I have been and taken her out of that place, and she's now happily registered at sixth form college, as per my new discussion. She has passed her entrance exams and will be visiting New York in April with some friends and lecturers from the college. She's so excited. It's all over now bar the court hearing which is this Wednesday, 1st October.
Brightest Blessings, my friend. Sorry I've been so long coming back to you. x
@Darkwing (21583)
•
5 Aug 08
Yes, I agree... I'm proud of my son for not fighting back, especially now I've seen his injuries. He's a lot better in himself but you can tell he's sad about the whole situation. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife when Sarah's there, whereas he always used to laugh and joke about with her. It breaks my heart. Still, she did make a point of giving him a big hug before she left on Sunday, but I suspect it was only cupboard love! You know what daughters are like... you have your own! If she really cared that much, she would stop seeing the boyfriend because of what he did to her father, if not because he hit her, as well!
I'm afraid, as with you in your younger days, she's not listening, and my Daughter-in-Law is now of the opinion that they've done what they can, so now it's time to sit back and let her learn life's lessons from her own mistakes. I only hope she doesn't suffer too much in the learning.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my dear friend. xx
@cupid74 (11388)
• Pakistan
30 Jul 08
Hmmm
really bad situation and i am not sure what to say
and unfortunately i cant comment on this as i have never been in that sort of culture and society. I am from Pakistan and concept of b/f. g/f, staying togather without marriage is not encouraged
Wish u all the best that u get such a solution that as family they stay happy and togather
Take care
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
1 Aug 08
It's not really a matter of culture so much as the way the guy is. However, I think she's come to a sensible conclusion now and is of the opinion that it was a bad relationship with somebody she can't trust, since he hit her father.
Brightest Blessings my friend, and thank you for your contribution.
@gunsgirl (23)
• United States
30 Jul 08
Well first off, she does not know what is best for her because she is still a minor.
I would definitely get a restraining order on this guy.
The father was right not to retaliate, but sounds like the kid needs some serious help.
I would take my daughter to some type of program where they counsel girls who have been in an abusive relationship.
Maybe seeing what it can do to one's life would be enough to scare her and she won't ever contact him again.
Good Luck
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
1 Aug 08
Welcome to Mylot, my friend. I hope you enjoy the site as much as we do, and I wish you every success.
I really do think she's decided now, through shock of the incident, talking with her best friend, her parents and the police, to end this relationship. She realises that he's a bad lot... he didn't physically abuse her, ever. If anything, he was besotted with her, but that's not a good thing either, because he was emotionally demanding of her and probably abused her mentally. He was in court today and we're waiting to hear of news, which is not yet forthcoming.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for making your response to my discussion one of your first contributions to Mylot.
