do you think its right to change for the "other"

I think that it's okay to try to change bad habits, especially if they bother your partner, but I don't think it's possible to change your character so, if someone is a cheat or tells lies, that person is probably not going to be able to change. A lot of women in particular run into this problem. They meet a man and he has some serious character flaws but they believe that they can change him with their love. It doesn't work.

I think its okay to change if the change is for the better.. But if the change is just to be liked, I dont like it..

I strongly believe that change is good and inevitable, its bound to happen. We cannot force it though. There's a time for everything and that includes change. Personally, I don't force other people to change. I mean, if it's like how you said it, like they're doing something really bad and I want to transform them into good guys, I sure am gonna do my best to try to change them. But if I only wanted change so that the person will complement with my style, or so that we'll have the same ways of doing things, I'd rather not force the person into it. I'm sure it will only create havoc as we are altogether different and unique. i respect a person's individuality. Sure, it would be cool to have the same likes and dislikes with your significant other, but if the differences are not harmful at all and that forcing him to change will only destroy the relationship, I'd rather accept him for what he is. Thanks for a great discussion.. God bless...

Change can be both a good thing and a bad thing and whether it is for themself or another makes no difference as long as they are keeping themselves themselves if you get what I mean. If someone is at a bad place in their life, shopping themselves into debt etc and then someone says "I will not longer be your friend unless you change" and they start managing their finances and shopping less, how can this be a bad thing?

for me, my opinion on this is NO, i will not change for the others, i will change for myself not for the others. people will love us or accept us for who we are not for what they wanted to be. maybe i will change my bad habits for my bf, but i will not change my attitude, coz he already accepts me for who i am.. hehehe..

I think you adapt more to the person the more you spend time with a person. You pick up there habits without knowing it. You end up waiching the shows they like, listening to the music they do etc. I just think its part of the relationship.

i think its true taht many people change to make the partner happy with them. i had not been any relation so there is no point of changing for someone. but i think if the change is for good, then always welcome.

I have been weeding through all the thoughts that come to me and I think a good example of what would be a wrong way to try and change for someone is this. Let's say someone is the quiet type of person who doesn't like to socialize much and is not an active person at all but they like someone so much that they go along with the idea they love to be living a really active life style. They pretend they like to ski in the winter, mountain climb or hiking through out the year, hanging out with friends on weekends all because they want that person to be with them. I think eventually if they are in the relationship long enough they won't be able to keep up with the act and eventually will stop doing these things. It would probably be a slow process of withdrawal of doing these things with their partner and then the day comes when the partner says but you use to like all these things and you say will not really I just did them because you liked it. The sad thing is that usually this truth comes out after someone is already married and the one partner feels betrayed and this creates a really sad environment. It many cases this results in an unhappy marriage. People should just be honest with themselves so they can in turn be honest with others.

I think it is okay to change for the better. I mean it is different it is changing your core being, but giving up bad habits such as drinking, smoking, cursing etc then yes. I know my husband doesnt drink and every once in a while I like to just get drunk. I try to limit these to just a once or twice a year now on special occasions b/c he doesnt like it. It is not being controlling it is just that it really is stupid. So why would I want to do it? But your right sometimes it can not be good and if it is for that reason then I say don't do it.

yes i think it right to change a person if that person needs the change... Like my last relationship the guy need to change big time cause he was very controlling and abusive.. Now training and changing aretwo different things... Training a guy is a different thing that changing him..

You can change your behaviors without changing who you are. Relationships are all about compromise, but they are also about being yourself. I think that it is ok to change some things, but you should never change in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes people tell their partner to change and sometimes they may seem kinda bossy, they are probably just trying to help you do better. For example, I've been trying to get my boyfriend to stop smoking. I'm not trying to be bossy, I just want him to be healthy. But other times, the person is trying to completely change everything about you and that's no good. I think that it is very important to talk about these kinds of things. If you feel like a person is trying to change you too much or they are asking you to give up something that is important to you, you need to talk to them about it. Ask them why they want you to do it and tell them how it makes you feel. So anyways, I think that it is alright to change for the other, but there is a limit.

i believe it is easy for the youngth, they are passionate and have not realize the world completely in their way. When people are over 30, it is difficult for them to change a lot. They have rich experiance and little thing can affect them greatly.

If the change is for the best then change can be good as long as it is going to help but people in what they are trying to accomplish.

That is a problem always troubled me,i will always thought about this problem. Tell the truth i really want others to change their bed habit for me ,but when others to ask me to do it i find it's really hard to finish.but i think it's necessary for a peolpple to change his bad habits ,it can make others like you more,on that way you will live better with your partner

I think for good is a good thing but sometimes its for bad and that should'nt be done. And have a great yu too!

The questions that we should ask ourselves would be "Are we going to change for the better? And if so, are we ready to leave the old person we are?" CHANGE should not be treated as an enemy, it's a life force and it's inevitable. When we engage into a relationship, a change should always be welcomed as a force that could make both person grow and mature. When the examples that you have mentioned are stopped or measures have been done by the person who has that annoying behavior; the idea of determining whether he or she made that decision right is the quality of how that person made that decision. When a person decides to take action on that decision, there should be an affirmation that he or she is doing it for the better- the examples that you have cited is more beneficial to that person who has that unaccepted behavior when he or she realizes that the behavior needs to be changed. There should be a commitment to do the necessary ways to make his or her plans work and if the expected result does not manifest, a person should be ready to re-evaluate the kind of decision that had transpired. On the other hand, we cannot force others to make life changes according to our standards (it's confrontational when we nag or face our men, it won't work.). We can motivate others to Change using non-confrontational approaches because there are some people that really needs life-coaching. Yet, what's been embedded as Character is really difficult to address because a person may not be open-minded to consider the benefits of such decision. And if so, are we ready to live in with that kind of relationship and are we ready to accept that kind of person he or she is? If we respect individual differences, how long can we handle their behavior? We can not not communicate.

i think it is a good idea but i am not so sure