Marriage or live-in???
By karjyo
@karjyo (830)
India
August 1, 2008 7:24am CST
There are many benefits of having a live-in relationship- your partner does not take you for granted, if the relationship goes sour then one can easily leave his/ her partner without the hassles of a divorce........But still i feel that the institution of marriage is better- It give you more security, children automatically get the ancestral property of parents and moreover it is more acceptable in India......What do you feel? Which is better- marriage or live-in? Are you single/ married or are you in a live in relationship?
19 people like this
57 responses
@latriciajones (846)
• United States
2 Aug 08
i am in a live in relationship with 2 children. it is okay but i myself prefer being married becuase in a marriage if things go bad you have to atleast try to make it work before calling it quits because you dont want to feel like you just had this big ceremony infront of your entire family and friends for nothing. but in a relationship there is no security like someone said because you could just easily say it is over and then you be split up by the next day and possibly never see that person again. but then in other cases what if you dont want to have to deal with someone after it is over and you may have to atleast until the divorce is final.
2 people like this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
2 Aug 08
I've been married...trust me that it doesn't mean that the guy will be faithful or try to work it out. what your post tells me is that YOU would try to work it out if you were married but then, I suspect you'd try to work it out even if you were just living with the guy. Any relationship whether married or not is all in what the 2 people make it. It isn't the marriage cert that makes it work it is the people involved. I have seen couples live for years together without the benefit of marriage and be happy and also others married miserably. if you can't make your relationship work without marriage then you surely are not going to make it work with it. Getting married will not salvage a relationship.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
2 Aug 08
Hi karjyo, I live in Canada and the benefits are the same here if you are married or live in what we call a common law relationship. As you say, if a couple decides to break off the relationship, there is not the hassle of a divorce. I think the decision has to be left to each couple to decide for themselves. I am married and prefer it that way, but I do not judge another for the decision they make, frankly I don't think it is any of my business. That would be true even if it was one of my own children, and I would not treat them any differently if they chose to live common law. Blessings.
2 people like this
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
2 Aug 08
Marriage has many advantages not the least of which are legal rights. It also gives the children legitimacy. I believe that if you want to raise a family then you should give up a few of the perks of single-hood. Cheers!!
@Linda4ualways (2282)
• United States
1 Aug 08
I am a single person and I am in a relationship however we don't live together. You say that with live-in boyfriend, if the relationship were to go sour than it would be easy for the guy to leave................not so fast there karjyo! It depends on how long the two have been living together. I know here in the United States that have what you call "Common Law" marriages and that is when two people have lived together for a certain amount of years together ( I believe 5-7 years). So if a couple has been living together for a that amount of time, the man or woman (whichever is supposed to leave) can make it very difficult for the other person.
I would rather be married than live together anyway. Take care and God Bless!
I would rather be married than live together anyway. Take care and God Bless!1 person likes this
@sk66rc (4250)
• United States
2 Aug 08
Actually, that's not true in every case... http://www.nolo.com/article.cfm/objectId/709FAEE4-ABEA-4E17-BA34836388313A3C/catID/3C3AF4CE-DB9E-48C4-8DFCFE2E47C91747/118/304/145/FAQ/... Common law marriage is only recognized in few states... And even in some states that will recognize the common law marriages, after the certain dates, it doesn't count... For example, out of 50 states & 1 district in U.S, only 15 following states & one district will recognize the common law marriages... Alabama, Colorado, District of Columbia, Georgia, Idaho, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, New Hampshire, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas & Utah... (And for the sake of this discussion, I will refer to district of Columbia as a state from here on) Out of those 16 states, 5 states have conditions attached to them... In Georgia, they will recognize common law marriage if it was created before 01/01/1997... After that, you're not legally married no matter how long you've been living together... In Idaho, they will recognize common law marriage if it was created before 10/01/1996... Again, after that date, they won't recognize, legally, common law marriage no matter how long you've been living together... In New Hampshire, they will only recognize the common law marriage on inheritance dispute, or inheritance cases only... Other wise, you're not legally married no matter how long you've been living together... In Ohio, you're only recognized to be legally married if common law marriage was established before 10/10/1991... If you've been living together in Ohio for 15 years since that day, you're not legally married... And the latest, in Pennsylvania, if you've been living together since 01/01/2005, you'll never be legally married no matter how long from that point you live together...
@shintongs23 (537)
• Philippines
2 Aug 08
I prefer both. I believe in long term engagement or living-in together before marriage. It is a trial and error process wherein you have the opportunity to know the person well since you are living in one house together. I have been in relationships before but it is still different when you are living in one one together because you will know the worst part or character of your partner. Then, if you are really sure of the relationship, then marriage is the better option. I don;t want to say I am single because I have flings but they are not serious so maybe I am still single. 
1 person likes this
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
2 Aug 08
I agree. You should get to know the person before you make such a commitment, but I think that you definitely need to commit to them if you are going to stay with that person long-term.
@msz_bubblez (13)
• Canada
1 Aug 08
As a brown..i honestly have to go with marriage..live in can honestly ruin a womens life(if you know what i mean) especially if the guy isn't as trut worthy as he looks
1 person likes this
@sunita64 (6469)
• India
1 Aug 08
Well marriage provides you respectibility in society however bad your relationship with your spouse may be. Live in couple in our country are not respected as society is not mature enough to accept it. Both the types face problems, in marriage you are taken for granted while in live in there is no security and once this breaks you might feel that you have been used.
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Hi karjyo,
Personally, I prefer to be married!
ALthough, I have few friends who are successful having a love-in partner but most of them turns to be wed after few years of living together!
1 person likes this
@lisaradgirl (404)
• United States
1 Aug 08
I live with my boyfriend right now but I was married in the past. I like both situations for different reasons and I don't like them for different reasons. But I don't like being single either. I guess I am just hard to please, LOL :)
1 person likes this
@kenchiprincess (5296)
• Philippines
1 Aug 08
i'll go for marriage for there is security and commitment when you marry as compared to living in together...
1 person likes this
@sk66rc (4250)
• United States
1 Aug 08
My girl friend has been living with me & my daughter for past 4 years... When we are out in public, there are times we refer to each other as husband & wife, even though we never had a formal wedding... We even considered going to justice of peace & getting married... We already act as being married so I don't think it would make any difference in weather we have our "formal wedding ceremony" or not... My daughter already considers * accepts my girl friend as own mother... My girl friend & I talked about this on few occations & we don't feel the need for the formal wedding anytime soon... She knows how I feel about the commitment weather we're married on paper or not...
1 person likes this
@castclau (3)
• Canada
1 Aug 08
I am currently involved in a relationship that has gotten serious pretty fast. We talk about different situations about co-habitating and marriage. We both agree that our education and our careers are very important to us but as well as being able to share our lives and having children. I also see the situation of my older sibling whom is engaged with his friend of 2 years and girlfriend of only 5 months and see that they cohabitate but in the home of her parents. He does pay rent and has his things in our home but he does not sleep here. In that situation I realize that they are just trying to "feel" what living together is about before plunging in all together. Another situation I can definately put in perspective is that of my cousin. He has been involved with his girlfriend for several years now and have been living together for about 3 years or a bit more. The laws in Ontario makes them a "Common Law Marriage" which means that they have been living for over three years in the same home without separating therefore it is considered like a marriage. The only thing with the whole "common law marriage" is that since it isn't like a normal marriage that everything is divided in half but though not everything would be divided equally, the courts will look at the situation and decide what belongs to who. I personally find that living together prior to getting marriage is essential to know who the person you are with is. Some people do it the "right way"(not saying there is a wrong way of doing things, but the way people see things) and get married and THEN move in together but things just dont wory out.
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
1 Aug 08
I have been married but got divorced and I have had two live in relationships so I can compare these experiences. Marriage gave me security and comfort but the hassle and upset of a divorce. Living together didn't give me any security or commitment. However splitting up was easier because we were not married. At the moment I have gone back to being single and think that this is better than a being in a live in relationship. A good marriage that works well is fantastic but a bad marriage that doesn't work well can be stressful.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
1 Aug 08
I don't vote for living in.. I am married and it has a great difference when you are just living in and when you ae legally married. If you are just lived-in.. either of the partners have no right of each other, I mean legally, what ever the other partner will do the other one can not legally pursue him/her. There's no security in here. The kids also would be insecure, in school and wherever they go. They are not legal kids but illegitimate. It would be hard for them..
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
1 Aug 08
I was married once, for over 20 years. It ended in divorce about 10 years ago. My current partner and I have been together for 8 years, and we have no plans on getting married. We both had nasty divorces, and neither of us wishes to risk it again. Too many marriages end in divorce these days, which makes me wonder why we bother getting married at all?
1 person likes this
@chenmeiyi (972)
• China
1 Aug 08
i am still single and i have no rich experience at that.
it is really worth thinking.
love needs "wear and tear" and trials and error.
@shav9292 (928)
• India
1 Aug 08
i think being married or just falling in love is a commitment and you should not take it for granted.there will always be small fights between the couples, marriage is a bond where it restricts them to go apart.its not like you fight today for a silly reason and tomorrow you walk away just like that.
if you are not ready for a commitment don't bother to start a relationship.
1 person likes this
@gabbana (1815)
• China
1 Aug 08
I prefer marriage ! If co-inhabit is only served for future marriage, to see if two people can learn to love and care about the other, then the motivation is good, and the two peosons should move on this co-effortly. But i often hear people say they have lived-in for many years but haven't got married. then in this case, i don't think they will get married. and the truth is : most of them break up after years of living together because they don't have any lawful papers to restrain them.
