Should a parent be able to tell a child what to do with their life?

All parents want this for their children. I already have dreams for mine. My oldest who is very athletic will be a famous athlete. My younger boys are all very interested in cars, so one will be a race car driver, the other two will work at their own car factory creating new cars that will be more economic, and of course cool looking. My daughter... well I really haven't decided for her. She has so many options because she is so smart and intersted in everything. She really doesn't have a preference right now like my boys do, she just likes everything. Perhaps she will be the president of the USA. Those are just my dreams. Right now I don't really push them much. My oldest gets average scores, although I know he can do better. Now and then I explain how important college is, and how important getting a good career is so that he can have a quality life. They all know it's very important to me that they go to college, as I want them to be better than I am. But I know when the time comes I will just have to let them make their own choices. What I want for them won't matter anymore. It is their life and they have to live it for themselves. All I can do is encourage them to take the correct path by explaining how difficult life could be if they choose not to take that path, and hope they choose wisely.

You should only interfere up to a point. If you think she's making a wrong decision, discuss it with her and present your case. If she doesn't listen, so be it. I was pushed very hard when I was growing up (college at 15). I have made a point of actually talking with my kids, but I let them screw up . They always knew my point of view, and felt like crap when they went their own way and failed.

Honestly, all that you can do, is to stand beside her and be supportive no matter what. That way maybe eventually she will start leaning more towards coming to you for advice or coming to you for suggestions. If you keep trying to PUSH her towards the life you want for her, she will pull or push away. Good Luck!

Since the time my older son was a baby, I would always tell him to do the best he can...and never settle for less because it's not important. I've never pressurised him or told him to have a certain goal that he works towards. But I also told him it's okay to make mistakes and it doesn't make us any less if we have to try again. I think in your case, you can guide your daughter to give her full effort in whatever she does. I'm sure I would have run the other way even if I was told my parents' ambitions for me. But at the same time I now feel a little guidance (without being pushy) would have been nice. What you can do...is maybe talk to her about different options (when the time comes) and what it involves to get into the particular professions. You can actually start when she is young and just discuss what you think about life and how YOU think goals should be set. Soon, she will be talking about how she sees life. That will also give you an insight on how her mind works and what profession might be suitable for her. You can only guide your daughter by giving your inputs and talking to her about your experiences and how you see things. I feel as a parent, you should also be giving your daughter the freedom to make her own choices reasonably. Instead of focussing on WHAT she is going to be....help her to make the right choice based on what she thinks is important in life. If the lines of communication are open from the time she is very young, she will voice what she thinks and more importantly, hear what your views are. NEVER tell her 'this is what I want for you' or 'this is what I feel is the right choice for you'. Let her form her own opinions after she has heard you out. I'm sure she will make a wise choice if you start this young.

Being parents and having vast experience in life it is only right that we guide our children in their future career path but at the same time need not be forceful in deciding for them what to take up as their career. As much as we like to see our children success in future it is not for us to decide for them that they should be somebody in any professional field. I have from the start instilled in my children to study hard and told them that no one can ever rob them of the knowledge they have acquired and that knowledge is the key to bright future. luckily my non stop motivation has proven success as both my sons are in the right career path, one is a geophycist and one a banker.

Hi BeautyQueen, I don't have my own kids yet but let me tell you my Dad's experience: I know my Dad wants the best for me. I've always been an obedient daughter and I always wanted to please my parents. Dad was hard to please, he wanted the best and I gave all my best for him. I graduated valedictorian in high school and CumLaude in college because Dad forced me to the edge. Dad chose my course for me. I would have wanted to become a doctor or a lawyer, but Dad wants an engineer. He reasoned I'm so good in Math, I must not waste that. I followed Dad. I see nothing wrong then. I came to like Engineering, I even graduated top of my class, right? But now, looking back, I realized I rally wanted to become a doctor or a lawyer and I started thinking that I'm not doing my best in my Dad's chosen field and that I've wasted 5 years in Engineering. Shucks! Well, Dad also picked a husband for me. He has good intentions. The guy was nice at the onset. Though I don't want to get married then, he's got reasons and he was blind for other reasons. He believed he's doing me a favor, he wants the best for me. I never wanted to disobey my Dad so I got married. Only to find out that I married a monster and we separated a year after the wedding. Dad can't get over the guilt. He can't even talk to me right now. i reassured him over and over that it wasn't his fault. Yup, he somewhat forced the issue but I agreed, I'm to be blame as well. He wouldn't budge, we grew apart and it hurts like hell. I love my Dad so much and I cried when my Mom told me Dad said he's a failure as a father. Until now, Dad's not talking to me... I think you should think a thousand times before doing anything concerning your child's future. I think you should also talk to your child about your plans, talk about options, the pros and the cons. Ask your child about her plans as well and together, analyze the pros and the cons as well. I'm sure you want the best for your child, my Dad wanted that too. But if things start to go bad, you must be ready as well. Every child needs their parents' guidelines, I believe in that. Just don't decide for them, ok? God bless you always... Thanks for a great discussion.

I would share my own experiences in my life with her.. If you lets say didn't finish HS, explain you wish you had so you wouldn't be struggling financially today. That may give her the incentive to push herself so she can go to a good university to get that high paying career you so want her to have.

It's great that you take such a vested interest in your daughters future.I can never seem to do anything right by mine,no matter what i decide my folks make me feel bad about it.it's important to positively incourage your child as much as possible.My daughter says she wants to be a doctor too but I would love her no matter what she decides to do as long she happy doing it.

Hi friend, Its true that parents should have responsibility in build up their child's career.As parents we should guide our children to grow up in good directions.If i become a parents,i will surely tell them what is good and what is wrong and also support them in reaching their goal.Even though they grow big,we have to advice them because how much they grow,they are always younger than us. Have a nice day.

you should make friends with her,for friends it is easy to accept your suggestions,besides you should give her the chance to experience the things ,when someone have do it youself,so that she will know what she should do ,and maybe you can do better.

hi beauty queen shes going to have her own ideas and her own skills as she matures so you cannot pick out doctor or lawyer or indian chief, you have to be flexible as she may want to be an airline pilot, or a woman engineer or a nurse, or any number of things, you can be supportive but in the long run she will have to make her own choice. otherwise she will rebell and all the coaxing in the world will not make her be something she does not like even if you do. It is her that will be training for whatever not you, do not try to live your own wishes through your daughter. just be there for her as she matures.

hmmm wanting her to be a doctor or lawyer? seems like thats what you want and not her.. End of the day its her life.. She needs to go towards something that she likes and has talent in.. my eldest daughter at start wanted to be a vet becuase she loves animals, but all her talent and the way she is as in personality, she was more suited towards art.. so thinking what muy daughter be happy doing, what she also be good at. i gave her the pros and cons... Knowing trying to become a vet would be too much pressure, also she wouldn't be able to handle a animal being put down.. As for art, its more chilled and something i know she would be happy doing and succeed. She made the right choice and choose graphic designing at college, she is very happy in what she is doing and didnt feel forced or pressured.. You have to think what is best for your daughter, not what is best for you.. first thing is knowing where her talent is, and go from there..

Jus don interrupt ur son/daughter in wat they chose to do or make them to involve in wat u feel rite for them..Let them go by their own way...make them learn the failures and come out of it by themselves... The one who make their child learn and experience wat failure is obviously is the best!!

There are no easy answers to this question. I am going through this with a 22 yr old daughter, a 22 yr old stepson, a 18 yr old stepdaughter and a 18 yr old daughter. They have all taken different paths and some are further down the path then others. Lecturing doesn't work and you can't push too hard or they will up and leave. You have to have a middle ground where if they are living with you they have independence but also live by the rules of the house and contribute to the family (helping out around the house). A couple of the kids thought they could do better on their own and were soon back in the house as soon as they realized how expensive it is to live on their own. Trust your kid and trust your parenting skills. They may take a detour along the way but they will get it sooner or later. When they do get it and come back and tell you that they now understand it is a great feeling. One of the toughest times in life is when your kids grow up and you have to let them go a little bit. They will always need you and you will always be there. I found a little bit of freedom is all they want and they don't go too far.

I think it was too early for me to know what nor how will I help her in choosing a career path since she's just 8 months old. But at this early stage I am trying to mold her to be a good person and I am starting to teach her the lessons of life that was taught to me by my parents. From the simplest thing like when she needs to stop eating nor playing I know those were just simple things but I believe that little nor simple things also affects the attitude of a person so its better to start training her to be good so that when she grow old she will know what was right and wrong and she can finally decide for what's best for her.

Hehehe.. ok, let me give you some pointers. Keep in mind that *I* was also (still am) a very strong willed, spunky individual who will not be pushed into anything against my will. I was the same as a child, teen, and young adult, I was going to do things my way or I wouldn't do them. I don't think this is bad, I was never one to bend or wilt to peer pressure, if my friends wanted me to do something, they had to have some sort of proof of WHY I should care to get involved, and if it was bad, they usually wouldn't convince me. I didn't like getting in trouble. Even now you have to be able to explain something to me. If there's no reasonable explanation, I'm not buying it. I don't do anything just because somebody says to. I do not think that a parent should be able to tell a child what to do with their life. I say this because I would NEVER accept such a thing happening to me. I mean I do think that a parent can suggest things that a child enjoys or is interested in, or give them opportunities to DO things they enjoy or are interested in, in an effort to help them structure their free time and learn and grow, and I also think it's very important to believe in their dreams even if their dreams are 180 from yours. I want my kids to be HAPPY and successful, which means I care more that they are happy, than that they are educated, have the perfect career, lots of money, etc. Those things ARE some things that make some people happy, but happiness is not measured the same for all individuals. It IS important to have certain skills and knowledge, but it doesn't mean that everybody needs to go to 4 years of university and 2 years of post graduate school. I didn't do that. I don't even have some big deal illustrious career... well, not one that earns six figures. I do think that being a mommy is a pretty illustrious career though. When I was small (like my daughter), I wanted to be all sorts of things! A vet, an astronaut, a hair stylist, a flight attendant, a jockey. I also wanted to be a mommy and have my own husband and my own babies. I did very well in school, I'm a bit of a smarty pants. This does not mean that I EVER enjoyed traditional schooling. Just because you're smart or good at something does not EQUAL enjoyment. I received honor roll marks most of my school years. I still could not WAIT until school was no longer mandatory, which for me meant graduation from high school. My whole family, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, older cousins etc constantly argued with me and fought with me about my post-school plans, which for ME included getting a decent(er) job so I could put aside money to buy a car and MOVE OUT and have my own apartment. I did not want to dive headlong back into MORE SCHOOL and have to keep living at home! I could only afford part of school (and then supplement with loans) or I could afford to move out and get my own apartment. I faced a lot of issues and animosity from my family because of my choice, which was not to keep going to school. Despite this, every new job I got gave me better pay and better benefits, and I did fine. I realize now that I really do want my kids to go to college, but now as opposed to then, almost every employer requires degrees. When I was 18, this was not true. I do know that all I can do it try to make it look interesting and appealing so they WANT to. I do not want to try to tell them they HAVE to, because then it will become a fight and they won't and I have been there so I can't blame them. What I have learned too is that even if you want the best for somebody else, that is no guarantee that what YOU consider best is the same as what THEY consider best. I am not career motivated or driven, even though I was good at my last job. I am happy at home with my kids. My sister has kids too now but she works, she would be miserable without a job. Anyway, be careful that you do not choose for your daughter unless that's REALLY what she wants. Don't worry, she will choose her path and be happy.

Well as parents we only want the best of our children. We have to train them in the right way so that they will not go astray. However, we should train them in the love and admonition of the Lord. We are to rule with authority but never as dictators. Dictatorship is not for parents it is only for Hitler and we are not Hitler. We are the guiding light of our children here on earth. We must first implant in their heart the fear of God so that they will know that there is a supreme being who rules over all of us and that all our actions should be in subjection to Him. Also be a good example to your children. If you tell them not to do this and that bad things then you yourself must not also be doing those things. In deciding for their future, you should see their inclinations, their passions and what they want for themselves. Help them to mold their God given talents and abilities and whatever is their desire you have to weigh the pros and cons. For as long as your child's choice of career will not bring him into destruction then support him all the way. You can't dictate on your child. They have their own minds and as they grow the more they become independent in their thinking. You cannot just suppress their desire, the more you dictate on them, the more they will develop a rebellious heart. You can always suggest but let them decide on themselves. Above all always pray for your children so that they will have wisdom to known what is right and what is wrong.

Perhaps we may show them all the "important doors" and hope they would choose to enter the right one. The "right one" it seems is something only the child can choose. I'll show the child most of the ways a life can get messed up :) Cheers :)

You can provide her opportunities to pursue her interests; you can love her and support her. You can accept her for who she is. Becoming a doctor or lawyer may offer the financial means to have a "nice" lifestyle, but it can be a miserable life if that isn't where one's heart is.

i wouldnt necessarily tell my children what to do with their lives...but i will try to steer them into choosing wisely. i want them to pursue post secondary education in fields where there is no shortage of jobs. i just don't want them to struggle as i've struggled.