How difficult it is to be a good friend?
By brisk123
@brisk123 (2823)
India
August 6, 2008 6:07am CST
Sometimes in our lives we get stuck in situations because of our close friends.What would you prefer to do if you find out that your close friend is going towards wrong path?What if you know that his/her choices in life is wrong?Would it be easy to confront her or very difficult?How would you handle it?or you will just keep quiet thinking this will ruin your friendship at the end?
2 people like this
5 responses
@highlyclever (1111)
• United States
6 Aug 08
The situation is difficult. Sometimes people withhold good advice from their close friends. They fear how their friends will react. Sometimes the right advice is given to a close friend, but the friend rejects the advice and the advisor. Other times, the friends appreciate your willingness to say the hard thing, in spite of what it may cost you personally.
Your question is philosophical: Which is of more value, your friend or your friendship?
How I would handle the situation would depend upon the friend. Does this friend value what I have to say in every situation - good or bad? Do I need to be more covert (and less direct) in my advice, phrasing my confrontation in such a way that my friend arrives at a similar conclusion on his own?
@highlyclever (1111)
• United States
7 Aug 08
As I said before, the situation is difficult. Sometimes you can have the best advice in the world, and others will not listen to you. The challenge is not only to have the best advice in the world; the challenge is also to find ways to deliver that advice so that others hear and take it into consideration.
Sometimes there are ways to "soften the blow" of good advice (which runs contrary to what a person wants to hear) by saying first: "I would not say this, except that you are my good friend. I care about you. I want the best for you. Otherwise, I would keep quiet and say nothing."
Ultimately, you cannot control how the other person will receive your advice. You're very welcome for my thoughts. Best wishes on your situation!
@brisk123 (2823)
• India
7 Aug 08
I know it is difficult because I had been through this situation before and it was sad my friend didn't listen to what I said/advice that time,though she regrets now,what is gone,you cannot bring them back.It happens many times with many people.One may feel they are doing the right thing,and the other might object because the other person can foresee what one is unable to.But,some people take it the other way round.This creates misunderstanding between two people.We should never forget that our good friends are also our well wishers,whenever they object something we should not overlook them and my friend,I thank you for sharing your thoughts here with us.
1 person likes this
@angelia286 (2029)
• Singapore
6 Aug 08
Well, I had been in those situations before, and 1 of them happened just recently! It would all really depends on the closeness of those friends with me.
For those who I considered as my 'normal' friends, I would usually not bother. But, if those friends who are going towards the wrong path are my close friends or even my cousins, I would confront them about it, and advice them that what they are doing is actually wrong.
I know that if I were to keep quiet, afraid that voicing out my concerns would ruin the friendship, in the end, when something really happened, I would be the one getting all the blame for not telling them about it in the first place.
My friends and I have a very open policy towards friendship. That is to say, we would not hesitate to berate the people within our clique if we find that what he/she is doing is wrong. If they choose not to listen and continue to do what they are doing, we would have no choice but to just let them be. However, we would caution them and drop them hints along the way that we just don't approve of their actions, but we would still be there for them should anything goes wrong.
Of course, some of these caution did fell on deaf ears, and we did have friends falling out with me just because I was concerned for them. The friendship was ruined no doubt, but at long last, once they realised their action were wrong, they would usually come back and apologise again.
This was what happened 4 years ago. And 2 years later, that friend of mine did came back and apologised to us for what happened and mentioned that he knew that he was in the wrong.
Sometimes, all people need is just a hard knock in order to learn.
@brisk123 (2823)
• India
6 Aug 08
well,it is good he realized his mistake at the end and you are also right in saying that sometimes some people need is just a hard knock,then only they admit their mistakes and repent for the wrong.It is often difficult when the other person fails to see why you are being so protective towards him/her.They make wrong choices and cry later.Even I do at times make wrong judgements/decisions but my friend is there to correct me.I always don't agree with them but I try to see from their point of view too.Sometimes things which they can see and are aware of, I may not be and jump to conclusions and regret later.I trust my friends.
@manojjonam10 (350)
• India
8 Aug 08
it is really hard to make a good friend, because we cannot know who is like us, so its hard to make friends, its just trial and error methods
@MaggieJiang20 (134)
• China
6 Aug 08
My last choice is to keep silent.I think if he or she is really your good friend,you would offer your hand in any condition.So,if you think you are right,just stick to it and persuade your close friend.If necessary,you can criticize him.Your friend will forgive you.
@brisk123 (2823)
• India
6 Aug 08
Yes, even I often do that with my friend.I will try to make her see reasons and persuade her if am 100% sure she is on the wrong foot.If she still insists then what can I say, I just keep quiet but still make an effort to convince her to do things right.I don't criticize but I try to make her see and understand the consequences.It also depends on the gravity of the situation.
@lchiat (1070)
• Malaysia
6 Aug 08
Hi... For me to become a good friend is very easy.... I have quite a number of good friends. but i only have a best friend. For me he is my brother already. We know each other for around 13 years. The most important thing to become a good friend is trust!!! If you trust someone and he or she willing to trust you then will be a very good friend easily. So i think want to have a good friend is very easy... Happy Myloting!!!
