My sons girlfriend left him after 5 years and now wants to come back.....

It is difficult. when you really love somebody. you are willing to take a whole lot of bad things from them. Love will cover a lot of annoyances that are very obvious for the people around them, but not too them. My advice: dont take her back. he will only get hurt over and over again. She will do this for the rest of her life to him. He will have to either learn how to live with it, or decide not to live with it at all. that is going to be a hard decision. I hope you can find the strength in yourself to be there for him, without going to the: I told you so. situations. But I think you can. you sound like that kind of mom that takes care. lend him an ear and see where it goes. but perhaps they should not get married... yet.

Oh my god, that girl is a joke, I won't even call her a woman. He deserves A LOT better than that. Please convince him that she is not worth it, because if she will walk out now, she will walk out then! Your son and her will just become another divorce statistic, which is not what he needs. If they do get married, make sure they sign a prenuptial agreement! I am sure she thirsts for more than $400 a month, so she would take whatever she could drain out of him in a divorce court. Please please please let him shy away from her, I really feel bad for him to have to go through that. He should just find a modest woman who wouldn't spend all his money on a wedding and this and that. She does not deserve him! I wish you guys the best of luck, without her in your lives!

Well.. I know he is your son and you don't want to see him hurt, but you might just want to stay out of it. You probably only know half of the story as it is. People will have relationship problems and sometimes people need a break and maybe she needed a break and maybe the break did both of them some good. I feel if she really isn't meant for your son, then time will tell. Oonly he can make that choice. If he loves her, well, then he loves her. He might like her controling type... he likes something about her if he took her back... If I was your son, I would taKe her/him back if I truly loved that person. But if it was a game she kept playing, then I would have to say goodbye. A person can only take so much and head games isn't something anyone should waste their time on. Good luck to you and your son!

I thought at first she wanted him to have some get up and go until I saw the part about her getting disability and still be able to get out and dance. That really infuriated me. If she just got annoyed at him watching football, then I could understand, but the fact that she is just going out when if she has a disability, she would be going to physiotherapy or have doctor's appointments or going to the free clinic makes me think that she just is making excuses. He should have nothing to do with her. If she were truly disabled, she would be unable to dance.

It sounds like to me that this girl is a user and that your son would be much better off without her. Why should he have to work all those hours and yet she does nothing. It sounds as though she is with him because he allows her to do nothing. I would suggest that he run and make sure that she never comes back home! If my daughter was a little older we could set up a blind date as she seems to always end up with guys that are jerks and don't want to work either. She has worked for 3 1/2 years at the same job and works hard and I just can't believe that she can't find someone who would do the same.

She needs to wake up and smell the pheremones, or she needs to get out. Your son obviously loves this woman, and I know that you must be torn apart because you don't know whether to tell him to end it or not. It needs to be ended, she'll only cause him hurt. He'll find another girl a lot better then this joke (I liked what the first responder said about her being a joke). She doesn't even deserve to be on disability the way you described. People like her give women a bad name! Good Luck to you and your son and I wish you both the best in whatever decision he makes! Have a wonderful day!

I think your son should feel lucky that this very unwifely wife has left-she gets $400 on disabilities and spends her nights dancing? That wasnt a wife at all-let the young man should make a fresh search and must start the search now!

I would let her go because she is just going to do this to him again. She is too controlling, to manipulative, and she is a user. If she does not get what she wants, she will act like a spoiled two-year-old and throw a tantrum. Your son should not have to put up with that. I would not. I do not demand anything of my boyfriend that I know that he cannot give to me. I will never ask him for a big, fancy wedding. If we were to get married it would be private and probably in Las Vegas since we only live four hours away from there. It would be very cheap, also, none of us really get along with our families, so it works out just fine. I do not like clubs, I never have, unless kareoke is involved. I am a book worm and a writer, I love to write and read a lot. My boyfriend, well, right now he is very young (he is 19 and I am 23), so he will not be ready for marriage for another 5 or 10 years yet. I am the one who does most of the working in our relationship.

Hello Ctry, I'm sorry for your son's angst. Based on what you have shared in this and other discussions, he seems like a heck of a nice man. If I were in his position, I would buy a case of Kleenex, and move on. Life is way too short to voluntarily subject ourselves to unnecessary turmoil and stress. He's not too old to find a more suitable, more mature life partner. He seems like a good 'catch', and your right, he is a physically attractive man (based on photos). So, I have no doubt that he could do better. You've said that you try to stay out of their personal affairs, which is probably difficult though very wise! Yet, maybe you could just share with him the results of this unscientific poll. That would allow you to honor your position to not directly interfere (sorta' anyway), and might give him the extra 'shot in the arm' that could help him get through the process of healing his broken heart. From my perspective, I cannot imagine spending my life with a person who does not have enough respect for me to refrain from toying with my heart. True love is not about games, or ego-satisfying tactics -- it's about joining hearts and lives with a real partner. It just seems to me that although he sounds like he is ready to be a life partner, that she is not. It's difficult to make these kinds of assessments about people that we've never met, but based on the very clear visual that you have provided, and your solid reputation of clarity, it's difficult to imagine that we all don't really feel for your son, and wish him much greater tranquility than what has been offered to him. Whatever the outcome, I wish you all the very best, Ctry!

If he is having second thoughts about taking her back then that says something. If he doesn't want to go through it again, then why not just take a longer break and see how he feels later. She's the one that has walked out on him and if he's happy just being on his own for a while, then he should take that time to do so and she should respect his decision if he decides to. Sounds like she's trying to have her cake and eat it too on the account of your son. To just up and walk out without an explanation is terrible, especially since they have been together for 5 years. I would probably take the time out on my own and go from there.

This sounds interesting. But the problem is, will it be okay? Or things has changed now? It is really up to your son and his ex. If they really wanted to start anew, they may. Anyways, it is their lives. But if they both think, it will no longer work out. Stp giving it another chance. But move on separately.

If this wasn't the first time it definatly won't be the last. Your son needs to move on and get a women that will treat him with love respect and dignity. I can honestly say this women is not a women. I don't even know what you would call her as that is cruel to just up and walk out on the man your planning to get married to. If she is going out everyday with her girlfriends and going out dancing I'm sorry to say I doubt that you have a disability that is preventing you from working. There are plenty of jobs out there. She can get off her butt and go do something. It also sounds that your son is putting everything in this relationship including the finances and that is not right. She has to bring something to the table as well. Tell your son to move on and be happy with someone who will appreciate him.

It sounds like she's young and immature. It also sounds as if she wants someone to take care of her. If I were your son and really did want this to work out, I would insist on counseling. I would also scrap any huge wedding plans. It makes no sense for people to go into debt for a wedding. If they do get married, it should be something they can easily afford. I would insist that she find something that she can do with her disability. (And I would caution her that if she's getting money from the US government for a disability, but goes out dancing, she could have that taken away.) People don't usually get better after getting married. They get worse. We all do. We let our hair down and the real person shines through. If he's concerned now.....

Well i am not really sure but your son is smart enough to know what he wants so he should just take some time to think this out.

This is a decision that he has to make. As observers, we see her for what she is. She is flighty and wants things her way. The fact that she spends so much time away from the home and out with friends is a sure sign that she is not mature enough to enter a serious relationship. For her to expect your son to provide a wedding that is beyond their financial capabilities is shallow. A mature person would accept reality and live within their means. If they are really in love then they should give it more time and see how things are in a year or two. If they really love each other then the love will grow stronger. If she doesn't want to wait and wants everything now then this marriage is doomed from the start.

your son will be making the bigest mistake of his life if he marries to her and I say this whole heartedly marriage is not about what one person wants its about pleasing each other and loving each other not some thing you decide it is not analitical it is emotional and either you love or not and she want some one to use you son needs to get some one who deserves him and who he deserves to have because he sounds like a good person no one should be bossed around she is lazy and thats why she wants some one who will help support her for the rest of her life he should dump her let her know that he does not need her then she will start begging him to come back because she knows that she needs him and he does not need her and if she cannot compromise as far as finances are concern he needs to reconsider this relationship

This is a tough question..It sounds like maybe your sons girlfriend is NOT ready to settle down..I think since she has pulled this stunt that now he has got a taste of her & how she acts,if he does not break up with her ,then he should at least put the wedding off for at least another year or so to see how she is going to act,if this is not satisfactory with her then i would let her walk...Your son sounds like a really nice guy & she could mistreat him if he marries her..I would stay quite about talking with him about her,because sometimes that makes them want that person more,if you know what i mean,(BUT) i would suggest to him that if he decides to stay with her to call that wedding off & really be careful to see how she will react...If she is not willing to wait ,then she is NOT in love with your son...To tell you the truth ,she scares me a little.....Its always better to wait than to marry & be miserable & have a failed marriage behind you..I think your son needs to think with his head on this issue and not with his heart....

There really is no good advice in these sorts of situations. In my opinion, she does not sound as if she is ready to settle down at all. Thing is, if you tell your son this, it won't do any good. He really needs to think it thru for himself and for all those that love him to support him in whatever decision he makes. The final decision has to be his and you have to tell him your opinion and at the same time let him know that you have his back and wish him the best in whatever he chooses to do. If he does not ask for your opinion ...don't offer it. sometimes these sort of things do work themselves out and often they don't. If he makes a wrong choice, he will learn much from it.

I don't think the situation is really in your hands but in your sons. If your son is willing to listen you (most wouldn't when it is the matter of heart) but if he does listen to you,then you should advice him to let her go away because this is not the act of a person who would be a sincere life partner... we all know how a nice relationship would work.. both of the sites should sacriface something from themselves and for their partner. I see that your son is the one who always sacrifaces from his life but she is not doing the same. If a marriage happens between this couple I think that wouldn't be a balanced one and the girl would heavily dominate it which could make your son unhappy in the future. And also, I think the age difference is important. Her maturity is not yet near your son. She might look mature enough phsyically but it looks she has a lot to experience to reach that level. She just doesn't know how to behave to her partner and how to become a good partner for him, just thinks she deserves satisfaction in many fields and strongly believes only presence of her is enough to satisfy your son. You're talking about 5 years. That kind of a relationship is not a toy and shouldn't be played with. If she can do that, she might do some similar things in marriage and that would be scary, and I just can't think of how she would care for her children. Let her go away... When he meets someone who really loves him, he will be much happier. He will feel being loved. She will also try to make her even happier, she will also sacrifice some stuff from her life, she will know how to live with less if he's with her.. I think these values are really important because we can't really know what would happen in our life. What if an accident happens and your son gets disabled in his advancing years? I think this girl would leave again and would "think" about coming back forever!

Sounds my like my ex boyfriend whom I havent heard from for like 3 years and wants me back haha I totally blocked all his emails the past is the past and can stay there