A letter Instead of Fighting...

I like the idea of writing especially for some one like me who does not express my self too well and tend to hold problems in and the blow up at my spouse

I think it is a great idea to write letter. I think it will help communication problems alot. Yes I understand u.

Writing is a good tool, but you shouldn't rely on that. You should be able to tell him things - in an non confrontation manner - and not argue about them. They key is how you word your sentences - without blame and pointing fingers.

My husband and I are in marriage couseling right now. It is our safe place. Because of the cost of the counsling we are only going every other week. The weeks that we don't go we are still having our "session" we have been going to the park and sitting on a bench and talking. During that time we are in our "safe place". Our safe place is a place we can talk with out judgement, harsh words, loud words, or getting mad at each other for FEELINGS. If he FEELS like you talk to your friends more then him - that shouldn't make you mad it should make you realize he is FEELING and thats a good thing. (that was just an example) We did the letter thing and it didn't really work for us. I hope that it does for you. Good luck and find a "safe place"

Writing letters sounds great. If your husband is like me, I have trouble communicating what I want to say, its hard for me to tell my feelings, but if I could write them down, I could say everything I wanted to say. I'm very emotional too, so my husband always says he don't like talking to me if we're arguing because I just start crying, like I said its hard for me to talk. So I think the writing letters deal is good one, if my husband don't think its silly.

yes, it is very important to comunicate with each other in the couple,and it also the some withe orther people.and i hope veery in life can have more comunication insteand of fight or silent.right?

I think it is a great idea. You should continue to do it as long as it works for you two. It helps my husband and I to do something similar. I write out the things that are eating at me and what I think would make it better, then we can sit down and go over the list together. My husband is a very linear, logical thinker and tends to want to fix things. I am much more emotional and creative and it helps me to just unload everything all at once whenever I have problems. My emotions, especially when I am just letting them go, tend to shut my husband down and we can't see eye to eye on anything. I end up feeling like he is trying to fix ME instead of our problems. When we begin to go over the list together, we both feel like we are dealing with things they way we need to. Even if I get emotional, as long as we are dealing with one thing at a time, my husband can stay engaged and not feel like he needs to fix everything. Marriage is a dance that a couple choreographs together. It gets tough at times, but you can't ever stop dancing. I think you and your husband are dancing very well.

Writing a letter is a good way to open up a discussion about many things, this way a person has a chance to say whats on thier mind and the feelings they have without being interuppted, and it gives the other person a chance to think about it before just jumping in and saying a bunch of stuff that later on can't be taken back. A letter leads to a real heart to heart talk sometimes, and that can be a good thing.

That is great your husband thought ahead in plan by writing you a letter instead of picking a fight. I think this is a much better way of doing things. I think mre people should do it this way. I wish I had the guys that I once were seeing at different tims do this. I am better at jotting down my thought on paper than I am actually faceing the person in all actualality. I do hope this help the communicatio between the both of you alot more.

I'd done the letter thing alot in relationships. When I'm angry I just can't seem to find the right words. I get so upset I don't say the right thing and end up in a shouting match that solves nothing. So, if I'm really upset I'll write it all out and hand it to them to read while I calm down in the next room. Its much more effective for me and I can get it all "said" without the shouting match.

Communication is important in all aspects, but when one is talking the other one has to listen and understand, sometimes written communication is better because you have more time to think about it and express yourself in a better way, keep it up!

yes its a great idea to write a letter it is a good way on communicating everything without arguments ....and its good to response back with the letter and its a brilliant idea ..

I think yes writing a letter make all your feelings go out.i experiece that,When my husband and me got misunderstood each other and i dont like to talk.I make letter for him because in letter you can say all your feelings.Not when you are shoting or fighting not good coz it hard to control the feelings when you are angry.Anyway my husband and i never do yelling each other.I like my husband coz when we fighting he never yel at me he just go out then come back in an hour and talk to me

yes, this is good way to communicate bcoz different feeling come when u read what he has written n saying u politely in his letter to u. great

Everyone has different methods for communicating. I'm glad that you and your husand found one that works or you. My husband knows hat he can tell me anything AS LONG AS HE TELS ME CALMLY, and that I can tell him anything calmly. I can no communicate with someone when their voice is raised.

Hi pixie, [i]That's great...I know in most cases, we can express well when we are writing it and we can also reflect while writing instead of talking and fighting right away, there are words that we can utter which we really don't mean after! I am also like that, when I have some comment about our relationship and when I feel bad, I will email my husband and he will also reply,,,We find it very healthy that we can talk it thoroughly without me walking out during the argument![/i]

Yes, it is a good way to start comunicating, opening and soon you will feel comfortable enough to open up face to face without all the fighting and poison that sometime we say for the people we love the most. I know when I need to melt the man I love on downpoints in our relationship I am sending him email or sms messages 'cause it is easy for me not to be interruped in the middle by any remark.. and just say what I feel with no fear. it seems like you have a good husband and a lot of love between you two. goodluck. p.s - the picture of the letter you placed here isn't a love letter..I think. you can see their that it's an exchange of letters between zigmund froid and his daughter anna or a patient he had named anna.

Obviously the fact that you are here indicates that writing is one way that you are capable of communicating in this manner. If you are writing you have the opportunity to respond or tell someone what you are thinking from a calmer state of mind and without anger. You have the opportunity of thinking about what you want to say and if it comes out wrong you have the opportunity to retract or re-phrase the comment. But sometimes in the heat of the moment we can say hurtful things and once its said you can't take it back. Even when you apologize, the other person still remembers what you have said in anger. That is why sometimes people feel that verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse, because shortly after the hit the pain goes away, but what a person says to you verbally always twirls in your head. You have to find the best way that will work for you and your husband. It would be pretty alarming to me if already you have communication problems of this magnitude that you are fussing and fighting so early in your marriage. Hopefully you can find something that works really fast.

Writing a letter is ok, but communication needs to be in person, because letters can be misinterpreted. Letters do not express the in-person effect of sincerity, emotion and the personal human factor. Letters are OK for a start, but relationships really do take actual communication. This is of course is based on that the two people are in the same house. I prefer speaking with my other by phone or in-person over an email or handwritten letter....doesnt matter what it is about, good or bad.

Communication is always going to be a problem. Its how you can accept the problem and "work" around it that makes the difference. A letter is a great method, especially if the next conversation is going to be a fight no matter what. Some times it's not what the conversation is about it's just the way one person is feeling at the moment that can set things off, and some non interactive communication is just the thing. I guess an email could work just as well but it lacks the personal touch that pen and paper deliver. I've been having similar problems in my marriage lately and our family Doc recommended a book. It might be worth a read. Just check Amazon for "Love and Respect"