I need some advice about a stupid thing I've done
By deb8er
@deb8er (49)
August 8, 2008 10:04am CST
I have done something really silly and now I regret it but don't know what to do about it. About 18 months ago I was attacked by a gang of teenage boys and left with lots of scars on my face and, until recently, in a wheelchair. I have had a good deal of surgery, and I am looking better than I did, but I am still ashamed of the way I look. A few months ago I realised how much I could use the internet to help me make friends (obviously I can't get out much) and I have been using this website and others to chat with people. This is the delemma: one of the sites I use has really friendly people and a place where you can upload pictures. There is no pressure to do so and I still don't know why I did what I did, but I put some pictures on of my older sister and people there thought they were of me and I didn't tell them taht they weren't. When chatting one day with someone on the site they asked how old I am and I told them (not thinking about how much older than me my sister is) and the person questioned my age. This got me to realise that I had been foolish to lie in such a way and now I have taken her pictures off the site. I want to know if I should 'come clean' and tell this person that those pictures were not me? Or should I carry on and let them think that I just look older (or may be think I am older than I am) and leave it at that?
I know this doesn't sound like much, but they have all been so friendly there that I really don't like to keep this lie going but I don't want any one to see how ugly I really am. Please help me decide what to do.
4 people like this
17 responses
I think what rocker21 means here is that you should continue with the lies and leave them to find out for themselves and take a negetive decision about it all.
@belindabentley (223)
• United States
9 Aug 08
It the internet and no ones business whos picture is up, but on the other hand it could be cool to tell them the truth, dont have to put a PICTURE up to tell the truth.
2 people like this
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
• India
8 Aug 08
If beauty is everything, why are the lives of so many beautiful models and actresses such a mess? It is the beauty within that fetches friends and love, not your looks. So quit being so hard on yourself. Stop telling yourself that you are ugly and accept and love yourself as you are.
Yes, you did do a stupid thing. But it would be a lovely idea to come clean. People do appreciate honesty, you know. And those who don't appreciate your gesture, you can just ignore.
Cheers and I wish you lots of luck.
2 people like this
@deb8er (49)
•
8 Aug 08
Thank you for your reply and I agree with you in my heart but the reality is harder to take when you have to live with the reactions of people aound when they look at you. I will come clean and, as I said to the last poster, I hope they understand as much as you all seem to here.
@wolfewatcher (191)
• Canada
8 Aug 08
i'm sure if these people hae become your friend and you've told them about what happened they will want to see the real you. for people you hae not told about what happened you could do what that one person said, put in a caption saying about being attacked and going thru surgery trying to fix things.
2 people like this
@edgyk8inmomma (2157)
• United States
8 Aug 08
This is a sticky situation. At least you understand and can see where you made a mistake. If it were me, I would come clean. And explain to the person/people the situation the same way you explained it here. If they are true and honest legit friends they will understand. DOn't be too hard on yourself, you've already gone through a lot.
One thing I must say. You need to come to love yourself for who you are on the inside, and show that true beauty to the people you know and meet. Otherwise you will go through this life hiding behind your computer screen and lies will come more natural. From your post, I don't think that is what you want from this life.
Peace and blessings!
2 people like this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
9 Aug 08
Well as far as I am concerned the truth shall set you free! A TRUE friend will accept you for who you are; regardless of how you may currently feel about yourself. And making people believe that you are something that you are not will not allow you to learn accept that you ae NOT ugly or unworthy of respect and friendship. Be yourself and share your experiences; in turn this will help you to heal your heart and mind. Who you are is far more than how you look! Let people know and appreciate the REAL you. Given what you have been through I am sure that thse online friends will understand. And if they don't? Then who needs them as friends?
1 person likes this
@alpha7 (1910)
• France
8 Aug 08
Deb8er,how old are you? I am asking this question because you said that you put your elder sister's photo on a particular site and someone questioned it when you told him your age,what for?
I mean at 84yrs. you can have any look,older or younger than your real age anyway,unless if the 84 that i am seeing on your profile stands for your date of birth!
Don't bother yourself about what anybody will say,infact many of the people here are not using their real identities nor their real pictures that they claimed that are there's anyway. Don't worry, just upload your real photo. to replace your sister's! Someone will ask you questions later and this is when you will now tell them why and what happened!
I wish you the best in chosing the best option!
1 person likes this
Thanks and i wish you success.
@trishasantos (1297)
• Philippines
9 Aug 08
I think you better tell them the truth. One person's beauty is not based of what people see, its what is inside you. Do you tell them that it was you who is in the picture? People are not perfect they do some mistakes to. Tell them how you feel, if they are indeed nice and friendly they can accept it. Tell the whole story why you have to put the pic of your sister. Lying will never do you anything good. And you are not just lying to them, you are lying to your self too.
@deb8er (49)
•
9 Aug 08
You are right and i have told them the truth now and I haven't had any response at all. Maybe it takes some time to absorb the truth that someone you thought you knew would lie to you and maybe they feel they can't trust me any more. I know that I don't deserve their trust and friendship now.
@trishasantos (1297)
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
thats okay.. as the saying goes, "no man is an island"... oh btw in such experiences you will know who are your true friends.. you will find friends but it will take time but you will find them maybe just not now...
1 person likes this
@familyguy (17)
• United States
9 Aug 08
The internet gives us all a sense of anonymity. Most of the people you are interacting with probably aren't who they say they are. That's one of the attractions to online socialization. It allows for everyone to be more than they think they are in reality. The main thing is that you don't take the cyber world too seriously. Don't hide behind a computer screen, it's okay to socialize over the internet, but get back out there! As many have said, It's who you are on the inside that matters. It's also how you carry yourself that will determine how far you go. If you hold your head up, and not let shallow people bring you down, you will find that there are alot of good people out there who's friendship you will appreciate more. Restore you self-confidence, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it comes from within! I've seen ugly people who were beautiful, and beautiful people who were ugly. Don't let what happened to you ruin your life. If people don't like you for who you are, they are the ugly ones!
@medicguy (307)
• Pakistan
9 Aug 08
You shouldn't have problem to make your final call. For you to enjoy a honest relationship and friendship, first rule and the most important of them is to be truthful no matter what. As you have yourself mentioned that those people there are quite friendly, then I don't see any reason for you to lie to them.
You say you're problem according to you is that you feel "ugly" . Well let me tell you something, if people won't like you for the way you are and look, then they aren't really friendly to you, are they? See a true friendship only exist if both the parties like one another for what they are and not what they expect them to be. Otherwise, I think such a friendship won't last long.
My final words to you, come clean and be honest. Don't lie because at the end, there's always regret and resentment for those who are not straightforward. Thank you for reading this.
@deb8er (49)
•
12 Aug 08
You are right, of course, and I have come clean and, although it hasn't been mentioned at all the other person is carrying on as if I hadn't told them. That was hard to take at first, but I realise now that they have read it and decided it didn't make any difference. Thank you for your reply.
@NATHALIE27 (61)
• Philippines
9 Aug 08
hi, I think what you must do is tell the truth. You will feel better and gain more friends. don't lie just because you don't want them to see your true identity. Just always be yourself ok!I also want to be your friend if it is ok with you!!.Remember the truth will set you free. Always take care.
@deb8er (49)
•
9 Aug 08
I have told the truth now, but the person in question has been on line at the same time as me four times and each time did not take the opportunity to acknowledge me, nor have they replied to my message. I now feel worse than I did and have half started to wish that I had not told them.
@rae777 (110)
•
9 Aug 08
I am assuming you told them the reason for the lie when I say this: if they don't understand after what you have been through then they never were a true friend. True friends forgive and are there for you. So just continue to go on making friends with others.
1 person likes this
@izhuce13 (158)
• China
9 Aug 08
sorry to hear you encounter! i think you can read more book instead of makeing from the website.you know book is the best friend of human.is we willing to, they will always by our side.the meaning od common borage is courage!behappy!life have to be go on!best wishes to you!
1 person likes this
@chadmwright (9)
• United States
9 Aug 08
I think coming clean was the best idea and if they have a problem with the mistae then maybe they were not so friendly after all I plan on posting a picture of yself on here I just haven't gotten around to it yet.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
9 Aug 08
i can say, no matter what you look like after what happen to you. you should still love yourself. and if someone don't want to be your friends anyhow its their lost not your's.
i learn along time ago, and i am old. i was the fat kid with a speech problme in school, as well a learning disablty. so i got made fun of alot. even still today i get made fun of.
but i did some dumb things, worst then you. i got into bad things. but love yourself. hae faith things will work out.
and i hope those guys got locked up, and they put them under the jail.. i wish i was there i would have shown them what old school thug is..
god bless you
@Arkie69 (2156)
• United States
9 Aug 08
Deb,
You will never go wrong by telling the truth. Anyone that is worth you calling them a friend will understand. You post a picture of yourself and show them why you did what you did. You will never loose a true friend by telling the truth. God thinks you are beautiful and what anyone else thinks is unimportant.
@girlie_techie12 (48)
• Philippines
9 Aug 08
hey! uhmm..
Dont be afraid to tell the truth, there you'll know if they are really "FRIENDS".
Remember this, "It is better to be hate by others because your are true to them, than loving or liking you because of pretensions... and Hey! No one is ugly... I'll make friends with you even if you have scars... What matters most is that, you have a clean heart...
1 person likes this
