She talks about her husband as if he were useless...
By dolce_vita78
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
Philippines
August 8, 2008 8:55pm CST
I work with this person who, ever since she got married can't stop talking about her husband as if he were useless. Earlier, her husband was working in another city. They would only get the chance to be together during weekends. Her husband used to work as a driver and technician in one of the biggest Toyota stores in our region. My colleague would often talk about how low his salary is and that she has to really work hard if she wanted to give their son (they have two kids now) a good future. When she was pregnant with her second child, we would often tell her to take a leave as she often did not feel well. But this would just lead to her talking about how hard it is if she would just depend on her husband's salary which according to her is not even 50% of what she is earning. Blah blah blah! Just last year, her husband lost his job and to date is still unemployed. And of course, things got worst. She would now talk about her husband being unemployed and that life is not that easy and things are getting expensive. Blah blah blah! I asked if the husband is looking for a job and she said yes but he is not that lucky and so he can't find one. Blah blah blah! I feel so sorry for her husband. I just wish she would not talk this much about her husband...
9 people like this
32 responses
@nanciem (1105)
• United States
9 Aug 08
Ok something is definately wrong with the person; she is looking for some kind of sympathy, she is not happy or she is ashamed; and by her telling EVERYONE about her situation, and putting her husband down, is her way of coping with this; in her mind. She sounds embarrassed, I am not so sure she truly feels this way, she is trying to "agree" with ficticious thoughts of others that SHE herself has created.
So basically what I am trying to say is she is tryng to put down her husband before someone else does, just like laugh at yourself before someone else does (so you don't get hurt) I think that is what she is doing. I know it is wrong, and I feel bad for the Hubby, but I think that is what she is doing.
I myself, would NEVER be ashamed I love my hubby, working or not, he works dayum hard, makes more or less than I do does not matter. Some people just handle things differently.
Good post! Have a grat Day!
2 people like this
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
10 Aug 08
Very well said... Thank you for your opinion nanciem.
I hope one day she realizes that there is no reason for her to put her husband down and would love him and respect him.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13730)
• Philippines
9 Aug 08
Some people can be like that... they find it very comfortable to trash the people who are very close to them... i guess that is her only way of venting out her frustrations in life...
I even know of some who doesn't stop trashing their parents... and i would just listen to them... nod my head... but not make any comment... since that would only fuel their anger towards their parents...
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
10 Aug 08
Yes, it came to a point when I would just nod my head and not make any comment as she never really listens to whatever I (or other people) would say.
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
9 Aug 08
[i]Hi dolce,
Yea..Talking a lot about the problem will not help them solve it..She better stop complaining and just support her husband in this time by his comfort words and encouragement!
ANyway, there are really people who are nagging by nature...It might not be healthy but I am sure people around her are also bored listening to her and comforting her![/i]
2 people like this
@alori61 (344)
• United States
9 Aug 08
I know a woman like this. She is married to one of the hardest working men I've ever met. I've seen him work 10-15 hour days 7 days a week, but they never have any money. When she works she complains about him all the time, but she won't pay the household bills because she says he had them before he married her so he should pay them now. She talks alot about how much educations she has and how smart she is but she can't keep a job more then a few weeks.
People like that make me so mad, nothing is ever good enough for them. She probably thinks people feel sorry for her that she has to work so hard little does she know people think she's a fool.
2 people like this
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
10 Aug 08
You are right. She probably thinks that we pity her for her situation or that we feel sorry that she has to work extra hard because of what she tells about her husband. We actually don't. We feel sorry for her husband and yeah, we think that she is a fool. Thanks for sharing!
1 person likes this
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
9 Aug 08
Well what your friend should do is supporting her husband, not intimidating or underestimating him just like that, try to support him is agood way to change their destiny one day, just trust it, and don't forget to pray, coz God will show them the way to get out from their trouble if they asking for it from Him, hopes everything will be ok for them ...
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
9 Aug 08
This woman needs to stop complaining. My hsband works in another country, nowhere near me, and I only get to see him every few months (he's coming tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and I can't say enough good hings about him. I love him so much. This lady should be happy that she gets to see him EVERY WEEKED, or maybe she wishes she only saw him every 3 months, in whih case she should not have married him!
1 person likes this
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
10 Aug 08
I agree with you, she should be thankful at the very least that she gets to see him every weekend during the time her husband was still employed. Others see their husband after months or years of being deployed somewhere else. One of our colleagues told her once that she should not have married him in the first place because she already knew what job he has and how much he was earning before they even got married.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
19 Aug 08
What a very negative person. I, too, feel sorry for her husband. Is she aware of how you feel when she continually relates these stories of her personal life.
Perhaps you could suggest that if she was more supportive of her husband things might be better for them. She is his wife, she should help him to be the best he can be instead of putting him down all the time.
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
10 Aug 08
I can only imagine how her husband would react once he learns about what she has been telling all of us in the workplace...
@nic_knick (739)
• China
9 Aug 08
Okay, the woman you are working with is married, and I think marriage built on the mutual trust of both the husband and the wife. I have just written artile today saying that men and women should learn to respect and honor each other, though sometimes we do make some mistakes, but we can get over this as long as we learn to communicate better with our other half, so I think it is really unnecessary to gossip or talking behind one's back by saying that he or she is really useless in front of somebody else. What if her husband knows it, if he knows his wife is saying something behind his back, how will her husband react then? I think the woman is paying too little attention to her husband, which is certainly not right, if I were you, I would have given the woman some advice, she is nearly a loser.
Have a good day.
1 person likes this
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
10 Aug 08
Well, I tried my best talking some sense into her but it seems not to work. She still keeps putting down her husband. There was even a time when I already told her what our other colleagues feel about what she keeps doing. She doesn't seem to care. She still delivers her "litany" over and over. I think I'd bring a duct tape next time. 
1 person likes this
@greenglitterturtle (2750)
• United States
9 Aug 08
hi dolce...she needs to appreciate him and look at the good in him. it's a shame when people don't see the good in others. it is a crime.
1 person likes this
@shinymood (405)
• China
9 Aug 08
It reminds me of a story written by a famous writer in our country. A woman lost her child because the kid was killed by a tiger. She complained and cried her story to the villagers. Everyone showed sympathy and comforted her. She told the same story again the next day. Some listened and said nice words to console her, some pretended that they were listening. She told the same story again and again. No one listened. Her story becomes annoying and telling the story doesn't help her in anyway. She ended up breaking her nerves and became crazy.
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
10 Aug 08
Wow! Nice story. I hope I would be able to read that story. Thanks for sharing and yes, it is very similar to what is now happening to my colleague. It seems that no one is interested in her stories anymore.
@danimalhite (141)
• United States
9 Aug 08
Yeah maybe you should remind her that she is the one that married him. I totally understand what you are saying.
I think the old saying goes you made the bed now you have to sleep in it. Some people forget we all have our own problems. Yeah it's tough to see close friends go through hard times. She should be supporting her husband. Help him find a job. Should ask her if she married him for his money. When she says no tell her shut up.
1 person likes this
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
10 Aug 08
I don't even understand why she keeps complaining when in the first place, she knew what his job is and how much he earns monthly even before they tied the knot... Thanks for sharing!
@IInsanity (290)
• Malaysia
9 Aug 08
maybe she is just trying to find a way to vent her anger? you should tell her to stop complaining to others and start dealing with the problem. why is she so angry and talks about her husband that way? there must be a reason.
good luck and happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
10 Aug 08
it is obvious that there is no love existing between her and her husband. if love is still there, even if life's difficult, she would not talk that way about her husband. life isn't always a bed of roses all the time. there are times when we suffer and there are times we rejoice. it's just a matter of letting the love alive no matter what.
@nic_knick (739)
• China
10 Aug 08
top discussion yesterday, and still top disucssion today. good luck
have a good day
@austere (2812)
• Philippines
15 Aug 08
well, i am not married yet, but i think what she is doing is absolutely not good.. she is being unfair to her husband and she keeps on whining about her situation, when she has so much to be thankful about.. with the attitude that she is showing, she cant seem to be happy and contented about her life, and she doesn’t know how to appreciate small blessing.. she should give herself and her husband a little respect, what she is doing is really unfair and she is setting bad examples to her children, maybe she don’t say those things infront of her kids, but the attitude that she is showing is contagious! She should learn the word decency and respect!
Cant she imagine if her husband will leave her and have to raise her kids alone?? There are people in more complicated situation than she is..
with the attitude that she is showing, she cant seem to be happy and contented about her life, and she doesn’t know how to appreciate small blessing.. she should give herself and her husband a little respect, what she is doing is really unfair and she is setting bad examples to her children, maybe she don’t say those things infront of her kids, but the attitude that she is showing is contagious! She should learn the word decency and respect! Cant she imagine if her husband will leave her and have to raise her kids alone?? There are people in more complicated situation than she is..
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
Hi dolce_vita! I guess, this tell you more what kind of person your co-worker is. I don't think that it is right for her to just disrespect her husband and whatever her problems with her husband, she has to keep it to herself and within their family as it is a family affair. I am sad for her husband and I pity him that he has found a woman that demeans his persona instead of encouraging him and giving him hope.
Take care always..God Bless!
@msedge (4011)
• United States
14 Aug 08
She must be having a hard time budgetting her salary thats why she just express out what she feels to make her feel better.Thats what usually happens when funds for the family is not enough,one who has no job always the one to be blame.Couples should work together for the family.It's hard for the wife, specially when she need to work for her family,that supposedly she's the one who's at home taking care of their kids.
@trisha_nava82 (1379)
• United States
9 Aug 08
Wow, for her just to sit there and talk about her husband like that, makes you wonder if she just married him for his money. I am married and even during the time my husband was unemployed due to a layoff his company is going to mexico, I did not talk about him like that.
