Do you care what time your spouse talks on the phone?
By krayzietam
@krayzietam (832)
United States
August 9, 2008 12:31pm CST
Okay so I have a concern but I don't know if I am blowing it out of proportion. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and we love each other. There have been no instances of cheating or anything like that. The only downfall is we are in a long distance relationship most of the time because I go to school a couple hundred miles away. That is just a synopsis of our relationship.
He works at night (11pm-7am) so he is on a total different schedule than I am. There have been some instances where he talks on the phone to this girl (his friend) at like 2 or 3 in the morning. (She works at night too) I am not okay with that. I just dont understand why he has to talk to her at those times. What can you possibly discuss? I know he isnt that type of person but it still gets under my skin. They don't have long discussions or anything like that and its just a check in here and there. So its not like they are talking about much and he doesn't go and see her or anything like that. I trust him but I don't trust her. I just find it disrespectful on both parties. I have talked to him about it and we have reached the conclusion that he shouldn't talk to her at those times but he doesn't think it is a big deal because he sleeps in the day and is up at night.
I just want to know do you think I have blown the situation out of proportion or do I have a right to feel this way? 
1 person likes this
5 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
12 Aug 08
They both work at night and therefore finding a time during the day to call would be difficult. Your bf might stay up until ten whereas this friend of his may stay up only until 8 AM. I can understand where you may be jealous and where you might find it hard to trust girls as most of them can be a bit on the cheating side. I think the best thing for you to do is to talk to him some more, as it appears you've already conversed with him. Let him know WHY you feel that way and that you do trust HIM just not HER.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
12 Aug 08
It's easy to over react sometimes, especially with good intentions. I overreacted once and thought my fiance's mother did not like me, but when I told my fiance he made me feel 200 x better! I hope the same for you!
@krayzietam (832)
• United States
12 Aug 08
Thank you for your response. I will definitely do that. I am also trying to not let it get to me for it seems that everyone thinks that there is nothing wrong with it. I suppose I am just over reacting.
@fcangel9 (51)
• United States
9 Aug 08
I can see what you are saying, but everyone has a point about them both working nights. I wouldnt put too much trust into any person, I would probably feel the same way you do. I personally dont like my husband talking to any female, unless its family because i know that how feelings grow or whatever... maybe i have just been burned too many times lol
1 person likes this
@krayzietam (832)
• United States
10 Aug 08
Lol I definitely understand where you are coming from. I have been burned before also. I just don't want what happened in the past to mess up the present and the future and I suppose that is what is happening here.
@fcangel9 (51)
• United States
10 Aug 08
the only thing you can do is sit and watch, if things start to escalate to more than phone calls then you should be concerned... it may be an innocent friendship, just keep your eyes and ears open, you have to give him some trust, just make sure that if you give him an inch he doesnt take a mile.
1 person likes this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
10 Aug 08
I really do not see what the big deal is at all. Nor do I understand what you mean by "What can you possibly discuss". Just because it's "late" means there's nothing respectable to talk about? I just don't understand that.
I think you're more concerned that he's talking to another woman, not that he's talking on the phone. Maybe you need to assess your relationship and your jealousy and focus on the actual problem, not try to mask it with an absurd complaint.
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
10 Aug 08
I'm sorry, but I stick by that you're just worried something might happen, not because of the act of talking on the phone. If their schedules are reversed from typical "day/night" schedules, then their am is your pm and vice versa. Thereby if they're talking at 1am, it's no different from you talking at 1pm.
I think you're more concerned that he's talking to a questionable girl. If he were talking to a guy friend or a relative in the same time frame on the same basis, would you still be freaked out?
1 person likes this
@krayzietam (832)
• United States
10 Aug 08
I'd have to disagree because I know what I am feeling and I'm not "masking it with an absurd complaint." From all of my experiences that I have seen, when people are on the phone at that time, nothing good ever comes from it. Therefore, that is what I am going off of and you honestly can't fault me for that. Maybe you have another perpective to bring and I respect that. It makes me reevaluate the situation at hand. Thank you for your response.
@poohgal (6845)
• Singapore
12 Aug 08
Your reaction is perfectly justified. That is the kind of reaction most girls would give. However, your reaction might make your boyfriend feel that you do not trust him.
It's weird when you say you trust your boyfriend but you do not trust the girl. To me, it seems like you do not trust both.
If you really trust your boyfriend, you wouldn't care what the girl does. The girl can flirt all she wants and your boyfriend (if he's faithful to you 100%) would not be tempted at all.
Here, you are assuming that the girl is trying to flirt with your boyfriend. In reality, it might not be the case. It might just be a genuine friendship between a girl and a boy.
1 person likes this
@krayzietam (832)
• United States
12 Aug 08
That is true. I will just see where things go. Thanks for your response.
@Wizzywig (7847)
•
9 Aug 08
If they are both working nights, I would think it makes perfect sense to phone at that sort of time since, presumably they will both be catching up on their sleep during the day and 2 or 3 in the morning would be the equivalent of daytime workers talking in the afternoon.
1 person likes this
@krayzietam (832)
• United States
9 Aug 08
Okay. Thank you for your response. I suppose that makes perfect sense. I am just not used to it and they were kind of talking before I came along and I am not sure what her motive is so I guess that is the real issue that I have.
