Would you tell you friend what is being said?
By mands61123
@mands61123 (2098)
August 9, 2008 8:07pm CST
My friend (i'll call her Frankie) who i went to school with has just messaged me saying that a co worker is friends with another friend (who we'll call missy) of mine who we both went to school with. Apparently her co worker has told her that this girl (missy) has been saying things about her, she said she has heard stories before and as she knows i have spoken to her recently and am still in touch with her. Although she (frankie) doesn't want to put me in the middle she knows i will tell her the truth and she just wants to know if anything has been said.
Unfortunately i had recently tried to set up a reunion for all us girls from school and Missy had said she wasn't coming if Frankie was because she used to steal from her mums purse and started to go into stuff. I stopped her and said we're 27 people make mistakes what happened in the past is your twos business if you can't make it thats what i'll tell her. Which i did.
Unfortunately now she has asked me if anythings been said. Now If i'm honest i will not lie ad this has gotten me into trouble in the past as if i'm directly asked i#ll tell the truth whether people like it or not. I don't really want to be in the middle of this but i have to respond to her and Frankie is going through a rough time at the moment (shes just split up with her husband) and it seems really childish and out of character for my other friend (missy)to do. I'm just stuck in the middle and don't want to offend anyone really has anyone any advise?
4 responses
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
10 Aug 08
Hello mands6,
For a start stop playing piggy in the middle, they are not children and should just talk to each other and sort things out, the longer it carrys on it will fester so they will have face other and talk it out and settle it once and for all. That is what I'll do get then togther and stay out of it.
Tamarafireheart.
2 people like this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
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11 Sep 08
Hi mands6,
Thank you very much for giving me best response on your discussion, you cheered me up, thanks.
Tamara
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@mands61123 (2098)
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10 Aug 08
thanks tamara yeh i think thats good advise both you and shooie have said leave them to it as have my other friends. My problem is i'm to damn truthful if she'd have asked me in front off her i'd have just blurted it out cos i tend to just say it like it is. Have found in the past though that then theres resentment towards me for being the messanger as such and even when i make it clear i don't want to be involved in gossip, secrets etc girls will be girls. Have tried to move away from it and my core group of friends think this situation is silly. thanks for taking the time to post appreciate it
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@shooie (4984)
• United States
10 Aug 08
Well hun you hit the nail on the head. The past is the past. 27 means time to grow up or move on no? Just tell the one if she doesn't want to be there and can't let the past go then so be it if she wants to be childish. As for telling the other one you don't have to lie to frankie just tell her you are not getting in the middle you are friends with both and you aren't going to say what each of them say. So leave you out of the middle and they can deal with their on childish behavior. So no I would not tell her what missy is saying because missy told you as a friend. It's no ones fault she is going through a divorce so that should come into play at all. Just tell her you do not nor will you betray either of them to each other.
@mands61123 (2098)
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10 Aug 08
well we already had the get together and i just said she couldn't make it. Yeh thats what i mean if i say anything i feel like i'm picking sides but at the same time i absolutley detest lying (its a thing for me) I think i'll just say i don't know anything about it hun sorry maybe you should ring her and sort it out ahh sugar then she'll ask for her number oh this is crap why do i always get dragged into stuff. Sometimes i wish i had less friends as this is a common occurence and i haven't the energy
@shooie (4984)
• United States
10 Aug 08
Ya I hate lying and hate being lied to as well. Since I moved I really don't have a lot a friends so I don't have to deal with it anymore. My friends are mainly the in-laws so I don't have to worry about that kind of stuff. I do have a couple of friends but they know better than to try it...lol am blunt and will tell em to grow up.
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@mands61123 (2098)
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10 Aug 08
yeh my two closest friends are saying the same think sod em it's their business just say no haven't heard anything don't listen to the bulls**t so you'll have to ask her yourself. Bit harsh but it is like being back at primary school i thought they'd have grown out of it by now thanks for your help shooie much appreciated.
@onlinetomakemoney (605)
• Australia
6 Sep 08
Honesty is always the best policy. I would just sit down with both friends and say look. I don't like being in the middle but here I am. If you don't want me to tell you the truth than don't tell me or get me involved.
I would think that if they were truly your friends they will respect your honesty far more than they will respect you if lie and be decietfull
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@mands61123 (2098)
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6 Sep 08
Thanks for that i agree with you honesty is the best policy i hate to lie i just told them i wasn't interested in being involved and they should sort it out etween them nothing has been mentioned since.
@ellie333 (21016)
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11 Aug 08
Hi Mands, Difficult one this and to be quite honest Missy does seem to be acting childish (even though you say it is out of character) Frankie has alledgy taken money from Missys mum purses, is there any proof of this and like you say many many years ago. I am like you if someone asks me a direct question I will answer for example when younger my mum would ask who was at the youth club and I would tell her every name except the one of the guy she didn't want to hear but if she asked me was Michael at the youth club I would have to answer yes. I would say to Frankie yes she has been saying stuff but rather than getting involved I thinbk you should confront her and ask her yourself, that way neither of them can acuse you of gossiping eh! Put the ball in their court so to speak. Good luck with this one and you enjoy the reunion no matter what is going on with others yeah. Huggles, Bubbles, Dancing Queen, Ellie :D LOL.
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@mands61123 (2098)
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11 Aug 08
thanks hun i messaged her back basically saying nothing of that content had been said to me that i know of other stuff being said but as she knows people often don't gossip to me because they know i will put them straight. That we're 27 and whatever happened at school was a million years ago and no one should give a shite. My advise is to tell her co worker that it's complete bull chin up and move on. If she wanted to confront Missy i would give her the number but if i'm honest it seemed out of character and i have a feeling its people trying to shitstare. I said i didn't want to get involved that i am friends with both and at the end of the day her friends and people closest to her knew what was and wasn't true and the opinion of others above and beyond that were of no relevance to her. If she needed to talk she knows where i am, chin up shrug it off and ignore it. They'll be talking about someoe else next week
