Malicious or Unintentional. Which is worse?
By ConnieBGood
@ConnieBGood (17)
United States
August 10, 2008 9:09pm CST
Suppose somwone set out to deliberatley destroy you and then later truly regrets what they have done and sincerely apologizes.
Now suppose someone does the same thing without meaning too, saying they were only doing what they felt was best for you. Even though you point out what it has done to you and how wrong they were they feel they did nothing wrong. They are sorry you were hurt but feel they didn't do anything wrong. They were only doing what they felt was best for you so have no real regrets except for the fact you "took it the wrong way."
Now the results are the same in both cases. Your world is destroyed. You no longer feel the same about yourself and your self-confidence is gone.
Which scenario could you recover from the best? The one where you were made to feel stupid and incompetent on purpose and apologized to you or the one where they BELIEVED you were stupid, incompetent, and couldn't make good decisions on your on so felt they had nothing to apologize for?
4 responses
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
I would recover from the former one better, if someone deliberately destroyed my image and later on repented for the same and apologised too rather than the later where even an apology is also not asked for. I am pretty sure about myself and my character and my nature, so if someone is going to spread malicious rumours about me, I know I am not going to be much effected by it. It becomes difficult to carry on life, if we keep thinking, what others think about us.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
13 Aug 08
We appear to be thinking on the same lines. Thanks for your comments.
1 person likes this
@ConnieBGood (17)
• United States
12 Aug 08
I agree with you about the former one is better. I USE to feel like you did and if it wasn't my son who did this it wouldn't be a problem. It's hard to realize who you thought you were in your sons' eyes was not true. I could care less what others think about me but my own son....well that hurts. Thank you for your time.
1 person likes this
@linyesusanna (15)
• China
11 Aug 08
what happened has happened! Someone may say is it easier said than done. YES! But all the time I am doing our best to broaden my horizon, dealing thing basesd on the all-round way.
IF possible , I do forgive both the gyus who did the things as you mentioned above.
@ConnieBGood (17)
• United States
11 Aug 08
I have no problem forgiving. What no one has answered yet is my question. Which is worse and which is the easiest to get over? Thank you for taking the time to respond.
@ConnieBGood (17)
• United States
12 Aug 08
I think you are right. You can forgive in both cases. But I believe that when someone realizes what they have done is wrong and are sorry makes it easier to forget as well as forgive and your self-esteem is restored.
@linyesusanna (15)
• China
12 Aug 08
if it is a must to choose from the two cases, to my point of view, I prefer forgiving those who did harm to me but felt regret later. those guys need to be forgiven! what about your opinion?
1 person likes this
@Adoniah (7513)
• United States
11 Aug 08
The best thing to do is form a thicker skin and learn to ignore all idiots sincere or otherwise or you will never survive this world! People who "do what they feel what is best for you" are not your friends if what they do hurts you!
Life is too short to spend time being devastated by idiots. Get over it and on with the good things in life. Put on some good music invite some "real friends' over and learn to live with it.
It won't be easy at first, but you will get better at it with time. We all do!
Shalom~Adoniah
@ConnieBGood (17)
• United States
11 Aug 08
Getting a thicker skin and ignoring it is hard to do when it is your son. In all of my 60 some years no one or anything has got under my skin for very long. I was always a strong, confident woman before. I know you are right about time helping. Thank you for your advise.
1 person likes this
@Adoniah (7513)
• United States
11 Aug 08
Sorry I did not go to your site and check your age. I thought you might be a young person I should have been more repectful. I have a daughter who is not at all respectfull to me. It started years ago, but I have gotten better at accepting her rudeness. It is not an excuse on her part it is just a reason.
I know why she does it. It is an explanation but not an excuse on her part. Forgive me. I hope things get better for you.
Shalom~Adoniah
@angusthethird (515)
• United States
11 Aug 08
To me they are the same.
The first involves a willful act by a person who gets pleasure from bringing others down. Of course such an individual would not be among my friends ever again. I could forgive them, without letting them get too close again. As it stands, I am not a trusting person by nature. You go behind my back and do something so spiteful--we could be friendly, but not friends again.
If you did it unintentionally, I could forgive you, but I would know you are a person who does not think before he/she acts. I don't want to be around such a person much anymore, because you are a person who means well, but drama always seems to follow. Such a person could not be a trusted employee, friend, spouse, or whatever. Can I forgive that person. Yes. Would I ever let them close to me again? No.
@ConnieBGood (17)
• United States
11 Aug 08
Yes I can forgive and do. After all I love him but I don't like him very much. Since it is a family situation it is a hard problem for both of us. Thank you for showing an interest.
