interference

Perhaps the qeustion should be how much familial interference do you allow to put a strain on a relationship? I say this because I have known many that end up divorced because they moved right next to thier in laws and dealt with them every day. I won't say that this scenario can't work, I'm just saying I ain't seen it work. Sometimes it's a matter of setting boundaries and not just with in laws. We expect our spouse to take our side and stand up for us. It's their family. We get mad at the spouse because they don't support our feelings. The parents get mad at them when they do say something and it's the oh, you don't love me as much as them. We allow it go on till it reaches a point of explosion. We try so hard to please we don't create those boundaries. How are people supposed to know we have them if we don't even create them until the war has started. Don't worry, I'm not letting the spouses off the hook. You know your family. I'm sure they've done things to upset you at some point and you have offended them at some point. You know what to say and how to present a point to improve things. So their is another person in the picture. It's still boils down to the same thing, communication. Validate the feelings. Explain that it is alright to disagree sometimes, but we don't have to tear one another down. You want respect, your spouse wants respect, and your family wants respect. Don't sell your wants and needs short to apease everyone. Remind them of the same. Okay, off the soap box. I haven't always agreed with everything my in laws have said. I stand up for myself but not simply to be argumentative. My father in law is a prejudicail, opinionated, and judgemental person. When caught doing the things he belittles others for, he claims it's different when he does it. I'm not going to change him. He thinks he is right. I don't have to agree and I don't have to sit quietly in the corner till I am alone and then cry my eyes out to my husband. I can walk away, open my mouth and speak for myself, or I can just sit there and take it. I have done all of these things. It doesn't change him. He has his good points. I have my strengths and weaknesses. He can aggravate me till I am in tears and he can make my laugh till I can't breathe. Why, cause he is a person. The biggest thing I learned long ago is there is a time to stand up and a time to just let it be. If it is something that happens again and again and again, do something about it. It it is something that most likely will never happen again, let it go. Yes, relationships, and that is what this is, are hard. But you have as much responsibility in that relationship as everyone else. Okay, I'll be quiet now.

Family can break a relationship because they dont understand the actual workings of that particular relationship. They understand you or your partner but not fully how the two of you interact with each other. What seems like a big deal to a family member might be a trivial matter to the couple but family often and wrongly try to make people take sides, the them or us scenario, once this comes in to play it undermines both partners and marks the beginning of the end. It is usually the relationship that loses regardless of the views of the couple involved.