I need advice
By chloe_insky
@chloe_insky (10)
Saudi Arabia
August 11, 2008 10:30am CST
I don't know what to do. And I need SOMEONE, ANYBODY's advice on how to deal with this problem I have.
See, here 's the things. My dad and I are pretty close. He works in Singapore and I fly to see him at least once a year. On my trip last year, he told me he liked this woman (my parents are separated). I said that was good...until I found out the woman was MARRIED.
My dad lives in an apartment that's pretty big. It's got five rooms and he's the only on living there.So to cut on the cost, he rents out the other rooms. The other 2 rooms are rented out by his friends. There are two large main bedrooms, One belongs to my dad. The other large master bedroom he rented out to the woman and her family.
When I learned of this I told my dad that what he was doing was not very wise. He said it was harmless, they had a mutual understanding. There wasn't anything serious about it. He liked her and she liked him.
That was a year ago.
When I came back for my annual visit this year I was surprised to hear all sorts of things from the other two renters in the apartment, my dad's buddies.
That my dad's spending for the woman, and at times, her family. Like when they go out to eat, he pays. When the family (the woman,her husband and her kid) goes out,he plays driver, despite the fact that they've got a car of their own. That when the woman needs something (money, cell phone load, and even a bag for her kid) she goes to my dad for it! Even confiscating my dad's extra mobile because a lady (single may I add) who like him was calling him up.
When I confronted my dad about this, he said that those we're "gifts". When I asked him about his mobile, he said that she was being jealous. From my dad, I also learned that it was true, he was driving around the woman and her family, but he said it was only to be close to her. (Couldn't they have been close together and taken her husband's car?) I asked if he spent for her family. He fessed up, even saying that one time when he bought a shirt, the husband bought one as well - he just gave it to the cashier along with my dad's purchases, without permission or anything!
I told my dad I didn't like what he was doing. That it was dangerous. He said he and the woman we're hiding it well. Then I learn that all they're friends know, they just don't want to say anything for fear that it would cause trouble! Yikes! One of my dad's friends even told me that it was all up to me since I was the only one who could reason with my dad.
Moreover, we are not a wealthy family. In truth, we are trying to save up to buy a home in our country to that when my dad retires after 4 years, he can stay there. But his spending for an entirely new family on top of the one he is already supporting puts a damper on it all.
So far, I have seen the woman's attitude first hand and I can't say that she's a catch. I gave her the benefit of the doubt at first, since my dad seemed happy. But then I noticed that she was not all that nice. She would boss around my dad or her husband when she wanted something done at home. Even when her husband was close by, she would flirt with my father (did she want to be caught?) She does not like to cook, clean or iron. She has a short temper from what I've observed. As far as mothering skills go...Let's just say that she is attractive for her age.
When I asked my dad about the whole situation (ie. where do you think this will end up?) He said that he LOVES her and she loves him as well. Then I asked, and the husband? My dad said that they've talked about it and she is going to divorce her husband, he just has to wait.
Yet, when I talked to her last year about their relationship she said that she loves her husband. Maybe things have changed this past year. I dont know. I dont know if I should confront the lady to stop. Or ask her how far she intends to go with this.
I've heard my dad's side, and the side of those observers...maybe its time I ask the woman's side as well.
It just hurts so see that my hero isn't all that good :( Oh well, we are but human after all. Yet after coming from a broken family, I can't believe my dad would want to ruin another family as well for his own pleasures.
It also hurts to see how far down my dad would stoop for a woman that is not worthy of him.
What should I do?
2 responses
@4my1nonly (352)
• Philippines
23 Aug 08
hi chloe, i think your father was getting abuse with that kind of woman and with his husband, i think they just fooling around or your father just being tricked with them, there's a kind of situation here in our country..a husband knows what his wife doing, knowing that his wife is having an affair with someone and they doing it just to solve there financial problems....in my own opinion, if i we're you cause I'm a frank person and i don't want to see my family being stepped by others..you already ask your father right?,i should talk to that woman,and tell her what I've feel.
try again talking to your father and told him what you've seen or what you feel...
@chloe_insky (10)
• Saudi Arabia
29 Aug 08
thank you for the advice my1. That's what I've been thinking about for the past weeks. But I'm too much of a coward to confront the woman. I'm afraid that my father would get mad at me if I did that.
But your explanation about the situation is how I feel as well. That the husband knows, but is just allowing it because of financial reasons.
@chloe_insky (10)
• Saudi Arabia
16 Aug 08
Thank you.
I have that feeling as well.
Oh yeah, update!
I learned this from my uncle.
My Dad was on leave, and for reasons that I really dont know WHY, he left his ATM with the woman.
This was learned because when my uncle was driving the woman and her kid when my dad was on vacation (with her husband in tow of course.and once again, they were driving around in my dad's car- while he was on vacation! ;P) her kid pointed at my Dad's bank branch and said, "mom, thats where we got money yesterday right?". Her husband then asked, "We dont have an account in that branch",she replies by saying "Oh, I just tried to withdraw. Just wanted to check if I could withdraw a 100". Then the kid, innocent as he is in their discussion says "But you withdrew a lot more! You had so much money! Right, like almost a thousand!" So the husband asks, "What is he talking about". She says he was mistaken, it just came out in loose change.
Then my uncle, who knew about theyre relationship at that time, asked her straight out. That's my brother's branch right? She says yes. And THEN she goes and says, "He left it to me so that if any of you needed money, I could just withdraw it."
My uncle IS NOT dense. But he pretended to be anyway. Needless to say, when my dad got back from vacation, my uncle did not confront him. He said he'd wait for my dad to just "come to his senses".
But here's the thing that ticked me off. When on vacation, my dad called up my uncle because he got short on cash while he was away. My uncle didn't ask for the money from the woman. You know why?
My dad called up my uncle, still, while on vacation and told him to give 200 worh of credits to the lady to buy a phone card because "she didn't have any money"- what???
