Do you agree with the statement........

Hi Deepak, Unfortunately I can find this discussion now only and I felt it is interesting that is why I am replying. First let me ask some questions to you. Does it mean that you controlled by your mother and now controlling by wife. I don't think so. In one of your discussion I have read that you are the first one in the next generation, so there is no chance of any control on you (lol) secondly by reading your responses and the way of dealing with friends (both gender)I can't event think that you are controlled by your wife. (lol). From my personal experience I don't even dare to imagine that I can control my husband and there are no chances with sons also (I agree there are exceptions in sons case). You may interpret the same it as a failure of me (that I don't mind) but I don't think so and I believe that I can give my opinion or guidelines but no controlling because I know it is not possible practically.

I'm so sorry for coming in so late. Yes, I agree with this statement. But I think, it is about 90% of the time, man is controlled by women but for 10% of time, when he is away from home and is either studying or working somewhere, where women are not around, he may be his own boss.

I don't agree with the usage of the word "control".A mother takes care of her child because she loves her baby.She wishes to have a good future for him.So inorder to make him a good boy his mother,as usual may impose reasonable restrictions on him to avert him from bad ways.The term control in your discussion gives the impression of domination.The relation between a husband and wife should be that of mutual respect and love and not a domination or control of one over the other.Even if it is taken in the domination parlance there are an umpteen number of families wherein the wives live like slaves.As for the control by daughters in the Indian context daughters are given marriage and they live in their husband's house.I don't think they will get enough time to reign in their fathers.I have heard that "Behind every man's success there is a woman".

Deepak!You start very good discussions and I looked at a few of yours to respond. This attracted my attention. .Do you know, in our regional language[tamil]--there is a proverb[because women are supposed to be the docile(of course all ancient stories)helpless creatures always seeking the protection of their menfolk] that a woman is always under the control of a man -first by her father, then by her husband and finally by the son .Here you seem to be saying the opposite thing. This stand ,I guess, is that of the middle-aged modern man[my husband included] and I have also found that these men who talk a lot like this-meaning my husband and he himself agrees] can never be controlled.. I hate this word ‘control’ within the family.My experience is that if someone tries hard to control another person ,be it partner, child or parent, there is a big wrench in relationship.We believe in non-invasion of personal space and are fairly independent , and would never intrude or control.But, as I already pointed out to you,I belong to the old school and so I normally have no problems following my husband's wish.He neither controls me nor can I try.My husband and I would listen to whatever my son says.There is no question ofa daughter but I guess my husband would have willingly listened to a daughter if she were there because he gives predominance to his child's wish. Desire to control would definitely be recipe for disaster in a relationship. I also agree that if the space is given it would be taken by women, because women by nature are survivors and smart.[This is said by the males of my house and research has proven it and I am not saying this to promote my ilk or pat our own backs.]

I do agree with your statement. Well, a women add spice to a man's life. If there is no woman there is no men. Our existance makes a mans life better and interesting to live. Do I sound like a FCP (same as Male C...Pig)? Jokes Apart.. I would like to say that I don't think women are control freaks. We don't control mostly.. we influence.

Controlled may not be the appropriate word for it. When you love someone you don't control or be controlled. You usually do things because you want to. it is a joy for you to be "controlled" by them in such a way that you feell happy for this. No one should ever be controlled. Actions should be governed by the genuine love that a man have for his mother, wife and daughter. It is just a matter of perspective. Your reaction will depend a lot on your perception. But I know what you mean. When you love the women in your life, you won't be feeling controlled, you'll be doing it because you love them. All the best.

hmmm...I'm not sure if that is true or maybe most of the men I've been associated with (father, uncles,friend, husband) are the minority who do not fall in that category. In fact, I find that most men (especially Indian ones)are taught early on that they cannot be controlled by anyone and they need to have a mind of their own. My father's actions are definitely not controlled by my mother, his mother or me. And the same is applicable to the ladies of the family too. We discuss opinions and take a decision based on practicality. I don't think anyone can be controlled by anyone else...and if that's the case, it's not right.

Deepak I do not really agree to this. Had it been that, a lot of relationships would have been saved. No, I am not talking about men being the only reason of separations but certainly MCPs are there fighting their stands..lol... And of course, I would like to clarify certain things. Like listening to stuffs over shopping, food..etc. do not necessarily tell that the man being controlled by the woman. We should not confuse LOVE with CONTROLLING as well. Love can do wonders, isn't it! And many times men are just being wise by handing themselves over to the ladies. In this way they save a lot of brawls, I tell you. In my view, only a selected few men are there who could be 'controlled' in the true sense by the women and most men are in charge of themselves. Thanks.

Hi deepak.......The word control does not sound very right to me here. There are different kind of men in this world. If your statement about controlling was right then we would not say "this is men's world." Men are more strong and more dominating, and who will know this better than we Indians. If man allows his mother, wife or daughter to handle him, it is just because he cares for them and don't want to hurt their feelings. Also same with wife as he loves his wife and also since she gives her children and fulfills his life with happiness and gives meaning to his lonely life, he appreciates her and allows her to control her. But the fact is that Man if really wants,....can make is place right at the top and can control all females and this is happening in many families even today. Man is the head of the family and all have to follow his rules, whether they like it or not. Deepak you remember, you had started a discussion few months ago abut your friend whose father wanted her to get married to bold man.....who she did not like and had no choice but to agree.......so now you understand what exactly I mean. All men are not same. Lucky are those women who have decent men around whom they can control and really unfortunate are those women who are suffering hell in hands of men.......Have a nice day.

Hi dpk262006! Oh this is kinda complicated my friend. haha..I grew up in a family where my mother does not have a controlling nature. She has always respected our own individuality and have always been encouraging us to go out of our shells. She have disagreed with my father from time to time yet the disagreement is done with respect and always been discussed in gentle words. because of my mother, my father will always see the two sides of the coin. And when he still is firm with what he wants to do, my mother will respect his decision but my father will always respect that my mother does not conform to it. My mother wouldn't control my father and my father would not control her just the same. I think they respect each others' minds and hearts that they always see each others' point of view although they do not conform to the others' own ideas. I guess, because of that I don't control my husband. My husband on the other hand grew with a mother that has a very controlling nature. He is a very controlling man himself. He tried so hard not to control me as he can see that I am not to be controlled nor will I control him. Through the years, we have struggled to retain our own individuality and we both learned to compromise, to meet halfway and later on, we learn to accept each others' individuality. I wouldn't want my husband's spirit to die inside and I want it to soar free and high and I wish the same thing be accorded to me by my husband. I want us to live fully and not just exist for each others' demands and wants. Just my two cents dear friend. Take care always..God Bless!

In what way would you mean control? Emotionally or financially? I have been a daughter, wife and a mother and I dont think I was controlling anyone and would not like controlling either. And I do not like the idea of the men or women being controlled.

Hey i have heard of this statement the other way round.. A girls life is first controlled by her father, then her husband and then her sons.... I dont know which one of these is true... I think it depends on the individual...and his family... I feel nobody should control anybody.. Each should have his own wish and will to live..

i agree to a certain degree.. i would like to think that the word "control" is way too serious for this subject just because that seems to emasculate part of him but at the same time i do believe that behind every great man is a great woman and there are quite a few momma's boys so i think for some its true.. i have never heard of this saying though so i find it quite interesting.. and as far as daughter i find it rarer now a days to find a "daddy little girl" since it seems that some fathers dont pay attention to their daughters anymore

On the other side (say I am a radical feminist) I would be angered by the statement. It seems to me that the statement is saying that the role of the woman is to take care of men. Ok so you used the word control but take a look closely and you'll know what I mean. Ok now back to my old self. No it's not true. And I don't believe it. How about the father who took care of the mother that took care the son? or how about the man who have a share of his sperm cell to conceive the child? or how about the brother who took care of her sibling sisters? I am saying this because I maybe a full time mother for my kids but my husband is the one providing us food, money and security.

I only agree with the part about mothers controlling their children (girls included). A man who is controlled by his wife is letting her do so. There are a few men who would rather take the easy road and not take responsibility and act like a man. These men can be taken over by their spouse. Some men would rather let their wives take over everything than to take responsibility for the family.So, if they are controlled it is their own fault. No one can be controlled if he doesn't want to be. As for daughters, I have never seen a daughter control her father.

Dpk, I'm not sure I fully agree with this. Yes, there are certain times in our lives it may be true, but more than often not. The mother and son is a unique relationship. Yes, there will be a control factor here till the mother is convinced that we are able to stand on our own. After that it's our own shall I say low self esteem and lack of self confidence which determines this. When it comes to our relationships the real measure of us has nothing to do with control, but is love respect and compassion, which may be misinterpretted as control. It's only our insecurities which can lead to the issue of control. Atleast this is what I've learnt from my personal experiences.

Hmmmm Hi friend.... For me in your statement I think I'm favorable in mother but in wife and daughter it depends. If the man wants to be control by his wife it depends on him as long as he knows what he's doing and if it is the right for him to do, why he must be controlled by his wife.... and also for his daughter. I think no man is to control by a woman if the man is not allowing his woman to be controlled by her.

Hello dkp. Wow you have a started a very controversial and I can say an intelligent discussion. Well your thoughts remind me of one of my favorite books. You can check it out if you want so you can gain insight about the matter. The novel is written by John Irving and the title is, The World According to Garp. It is about a guy named T.S. Garp whose whole life is controlled by the women in his life. It is really an extraordinary book and is quite feminist I think. The surprising thing is that it was written by a male so I guess your theory is quite correct. Women rules! But don’t get me wrong... I still prefer gender equality.

I can agree with you to some extent, but it is not the case all the time. Like can we controll our teenage sons? a more mature husband? . In my case I feared my father a lot, later on met with a very dominating husband( eventhough my husband says that I am more dominating!! it all depends on who is the decisive factor in family). I don't see in future my kids would ever listen to me , so there is no question of contolling them, can give them free advice if they are willing to listen to me!!! I think what a mother does is purely out of love ,but as wives we tend to get over protective of our husbands. if we are submissive in nature we tend to be a good listener and let ourselves controlled by wives, else you will be in a controlling position. same with kids , love blinds us and we dance to their tunes.

Really, I don't think controlled is the appropriate words to describe it. It is better to call it influenced by the women in their lives. It rings a truth in it.